Thursday, April 29, 2010

Scheduling

I was finally able to get Cade in to see a counselor next week. There are some pros and cons. I wasn't thrilled it took me three days to get a hold of anyone there. I was on hold forever and every time it was over ten minutes I left a message. I left a lot of messages. On the plus side he doesn't have to wait weeks for an open slot. So, that evened out for me. Another con was that his regular counselor is leaving for the summer. Even if Cade was still seeing him regularly Cade would have been shifted to a new person. Cade is going to see a lady named Rose on Monday. I asked him if he was ok with that and he was sad to not see his old guy but he was still enthusiastic to go. When your ten year old is looking forward to therapy you know things aren't good. He remembers the lady his dad I was were seeing and is kind of curious what it will be like to talk to a woman. I think he will be fine. This coming weekend is a dad weekend but Cade is still not wanting to go. He also is refusing to call again. I understand how he feels since the last call went so very bad. I hope I can get him to send an email instead. That way they are still communicating and everything will be documented. I have brought emailing up to Cade and told him how keep the doors open to talk is a good thing but if he was feeling scared about seeing his dad alone or over there and calling, there is always letters, email, talking face to face in a public setting and in therapy. So we got the therapy route on track now and I think he will write and email tonight. I feel better knowing he has an appointment on Monday. As for this weekend, even if he was seeing his dad without any issues he would have been staying home since we have company coming he hasn't seen in months. I want to make sure I do everything in my power to support Cade in seeing his dad. Therapy, encouraging him to communicate and being open and honest. What I can't do is force him to go if he is scared and do the talking for him/them. I also can't make Sean apologize or give Cade what he wants from his dad. It's a crossroads I guess.


I emailed Sean yesterday asking him if he could pick up Sofie early on Friday because I am doing some driving on the mainland and didn't know if I would be back by the 5:30 normal pick up time. I can afford to be late myself because there is a late boat on Fridays now that the spring schedule is up and can take that late boat home if I need to. I wanted to be fair to him if I was late since it would be my responsibility to get her there on time. He said he couldn't do it. (Gasp!) So, I told him I would call if I was going to be late. I am not going to hurry for him though. I was just shocked he answered the same day. I think the real reason he did though wasn't because of Sofie because he asked me about the dental bill I emailed him a week ago. He asked me if I really paid them the last time I went. Ha. Trying to squirm his way out of paying me is what is going on. So, I replied with an itemized amount for the whole year of 2009. I subtracted the $200 yearly upfront costs I have to pay according to the court order and included the other amounts he was behind in. He asked for it. I also told him I was attaching that email to the one I sent before to DHHS. No response since. I will have to mail those emails and a copy of the bill next week.

I have a few chapters to read today for class tonight. I really don't want to go, I'm feeling a little burnt out but we have Saturday off this week, that will help.

It's getting time for the summer island people to trickle in. I have houses to start cleaning and I have no idea when I am going to fine the time...*sigh*

I woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine. It's a new thing to be woken up with one. After I took my medicine I moved to another bed. Cade and Sofie had taken over mine. I fell back to sleep and was out like a rock. I woke up for the first time in two weeks without a headache and felt great. I had forgotten what is was like to wake up "normal". I hope I sleep like that (minus the headache) again tonight.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Plans for the Day

I survived the test. It was brutal. I did well on the multiple choice but the essay and fill in the blanks? Crap shoot. I passed I am sure but ...*sigh* Now, we have three chapters to read by Thursday and a completed workbook for homework grade. It will be mostly practical from here on in. I am not very confident in that yet.


I am working today. It's an early release day for the schools so Will is home and he will be taking over watching the little boy while I go to a PTC meeting. I have to get the ledger ready so we can plan some stuff. I will bring Sofie with me but both of them would be a nightmare. It is scheduled for his nap time and I don't want to mess that up..:)

Work day tomorrow and probably Friday until 4pm when I bring Sofie in for a dad weekend. I am not sure what Cade will do yet.

Woke with a headache again today. Not too bad though thankfully. Got to go balance the books.

Where is my tax return....:( ?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

More Opera Pics




To the Opera

Sofie loves to dress up and yesterday was no exception. Velvet dress and flowered head band she was excited for the school field trip. Cade was too but was still feeling tired from coughing. I brought medicine with us so he would be ok for the whole day. Sofie's dress choice was also good for her rash, keeping it covered from the sun. It wasn't hot yesterday except in the auditorium so she took her top coat off there. Even with the extra protection the rash got worse on her face, hands and arms again. I used her prescription cream on her arms and it helped immensely. Steroids. Wonderful. I hate to use it but it was much worse than the pics from yesterday. I want to scream at Sean for being so clueless. He never emailed me last night about it like I asked. Just before we went out the door to catch the water taxi he sent a one line email. No hellos or anything. I honestly doubt he even noticed her rash. He said he "thinks" it might be a "heat thing" and that it was only on her "hands most of the weekend". I can tell you it wasn't there Friday at 6pm. How he didn't see it on her exposed arms and face on Sunday is inexplicable. I'm on my own. Asking him was useless. She can thank him for the nice birthday present while she scratches away.


On the water taxi Sofie told the driver she was the pink panther and that pink was her favorite color. Then all the island schools met up and had lunch at a pizza place. After that it was off to the charters buses and we were on our way. Sofie was disappointed we weren't taking the train again or on the way to Boston again but got over it when we saw some cows. She was great for the performance but a little wiggly. She asked a lot of questions about what we were seeing but it was kind of hard to hear over the singers. Cade just liked it all.

I have my mid-term today so I had better get started reviewing. I could study at all yesterday or Sunday. Wish me luck.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Rash





48 hours. That's all it took for Sofie to come home filthy and covered in a rash. I emailed to see if this was heat induced or contact we'll see if Sean responds. I wish the pics were clearer. It doesn't seem as bad with these pics. She's getting scrubbed in a few minutes.



Happy Birthday!







Mood Picker Upper

So the other day, Friday, I was at the doctor's office with Cade and Sofie and a new receptionist was there with the one we knew. The one we knew made a comment on how much Cade had grown and that he was almost as tall as his mom (that's me..:) ) The new lady was surprised I was his mom and said she thought I was only 2o. Heh..nice huh? There's more, on the way home on the ferry that afternoon. I was sitting with Cade, Will, the boy a babysit and his mom. The little guy was acting up with his mom and squirming and whining so I picked him up to take him the the back for some air and give him mom a break. We were stopping at an island and a couple was getting off and the man asked me if I was sitting with my brothers. HA! I was confused at first then figured out they meant Will and Cade. I told them no there were my boys and they were shocked and asked me how old I was. You could tell they were shocked or they wouldn't have asked. I told them I was 36 and the guy said he thought I was 18! Double HA!. Then he asked me if Aiden (I was holding him) was mine too. Thank God no. :) On Thursday at the firehouse the guys were making fun of my instructor since he is the youngest one there at 23 when the others are all over 40. I joked that yeah he was a baby. I got a glare from him but who cares. It was funny. Then he said to one of the guys while poking me with a piece of toast to guess how old I was. The guy looked at me and said, "Uh, about your age? 23? 24?" I told him how old I was and he laughed. Now my little baby comment made more sense. He said I had a baby face too. Nice huh? Is this going to be a problem for me if I start dating? *snicker*

Not a random pic. This is inside the new fire boat for the islands. I rode back on this on Thursday from my day riding the ambulance in town. It was my first time on the this fire boat and I have to say it is impressive. Decked out and larger than the older one (which is also used) that I rode on before. I rode the old one three times. Once when I was in labor with Sofie, after I had Sofie when I had pregnancy related kidney stones (never had them before or since) and with my dad after he had surgery and came to stay with me while he got better. Connor also rode on it once for a cut knee. He turned out to only need stitches thankfully. We had a doctor on island who said he should be checked at the hospital just in case he had damaged his patella.


As for my day. I was on the 6am ferry and got picked up by our instructor at 7:30. I got there and changed into a fire station sweatshirt so people knew I wasn't some crazy person hanging out at rescue scenes and then was shown the station. I felt like I was back in grade school taking a tour. I suppose I should have felt more adult about it but it was very very cool. I met the instructors partner for the day who lives on another of the island and we had a lot to chat about concerning island politics. He showed me the ambulance and how they do their check and got to see where everything was and how to use some of the equipment. One machine in there costs $22,000! Insane. The base it clipped to alone was over $1000. Sad to say though it was a slow day. Sad for me, good for the general public...:) I did get two calls though. One was a cardiac call which was mostly a bad headache due to high blood pressure, high sugars and stress caused by a firing pacemaker that scared the patient. That was before lunch. After lunch there was a call about a woman who had stabbed herself in the abdomen. You should have seen the atmosphere change with the guys. They were hyped and ready for anything. The call was in a sketchy part of town and the police were on the way. We waited for them to secure the scene and had to walk up 7 flights of stairs. Huff..Huff. In the end it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The patient was bleeding a little but it was really more behavioral. I learned a lot though. The patient wanted to change before we left since she was covered in blood and we couldn't leave her alone and one of the cops wanted me to stay with her since I was the only female there but my instructor stood in front of me so the cop couldn't even see me anymore (did I mention he is huge? As in very tall. His partner calls him Gulliver) he told the cop I was a student and didn't want me in that position. Kudo points for him. She looked like she was going to run after we got her outside but it all turned out well. She was cut all over though and really needed to go to trauma. I need to have five contacts in order to get my license so I will most likely have to go another day. I don't mind. I just have to worry about sitter issues. It was a long day because after that I had class until 9pm. The instructor has it worse though because he went back in town for duty the rest of the night.

Saturday we had a 9am-4pm hands on day learning how to use the oxygen tanks, insert airway tubes though the nose and mouth, bleeding control, splinting, traction, back brace for car crashes and long board practice. It really helps to do things by hand. Our midterm is Tuesday and I will have little time to study. Right now I am baking Sofie's birthday cake. I have wrapped her presents already and am cleaning the house which hasn't had my personal touch in days. The boys have helped but they leave a lot of mess behind. It took me forever to fold laundry last night after class. I was pooped. All I could manage after class was the laundry and dinner.

I got to drive the ambulance on the island again yesterday. After class everyone just disappeared and so I was left alone to clean the hall and take out the trash. The ambulance was outside and I called Will to see if he wanted to walk down and check it out before someone came to get it. I just finished cleaning when Will showed up and Bobby (our resident Mr. fix it, also in the class) came by to take the ambulance. I asked him if I could show it to Will and we showed him the inside. Then Bobby asked me if I wanted to drive it home. Yippie! So I did and even backed it up to turn it around. Narrow dirt roads, big vehicle, kinda scary. I did it though and Will rode in the back. I thanked Bobby and he brought it to the fire barn. Will said he was glad his first ambulance ride was so painless. Ha.

Tomorrow, is our school trip to the opera to see The Barber of Seville. I think Sofie will like it. I showed her the Bugs Bunny version to prep her...:) We are all very excited for her to come home today and open her presents. I can't believe she is 4 already. I also can't wait for the day to come when the kids birthdays don't make me feel sad. I always loved them and looked forward to them and loved to reminisce about them being born. Now I feel bad about it and even ashamed. This is something I should be feeling so much love for with their father. Instead I feel as if the memories are tainted by his presence. Someday, this pain will go away. I hope.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Seriously?

I went on my ambulance ride on Thursday which is of course much earlier than my original date of May 16th. I will post about that experience later.


Today. This is a dad weekend and as usual it didn't go well. Cade still was refusing to go without an apology from his dad. So, I did my usual thing and emailed Sean what ferry we were going back home on so he could meet us and informed him of Cade's reluctance and that he should give Cade a call before we left the house to go to town. Cade had wanted to stay home and rest but Thursday night when I got home from my class he was crying and holding his right ear. I gave him some medicine and a warm pad and he was able to finally get some sleep. I called the doctor in the morning and told them about the ear, it was still hurting him Friday morning just not as bad, I wanted to rule out an ear infection. He is still slightly congested from the whole eye/fever thing he had last week, you can hear it in his nose when he talks. Cade had to come to town with us because he was taken right in for an appointment. Will wanted to come to look for a composter and a larger pot for one of his plants.

Sean called back which was a feat in itself and I was glad he made the effort. Cade talked to him in my room away from his brothers but I was there because I was combing out Sofie's hair on my bed which we always do after her bath time. I said nothing but could hear everything and Cade was really upset. I have to say that he was amazing when he was expressing himself. You could tell he had been thinking about this a long time and most likely had rehearsed some of what he said which says a lot about knowing how his dad would answer. In the end Sean refused to apologize. He keeps asking Cade the same kinds of questions that Cade answered in his email to his dad earlier. I don't know about Cade but to me it seems that Sean doesn't believe his answers and wants to grill Cade to answer that way Sean wants. Cade was in tears and said, "Dad, why do you have to be like this? All you have to do is say your sorry and mean it and I'll come." Sean insisted that they couldn't talk over the phone and Cade should come there to have this discussion. Cade said if his dad wanted to talk in person then they could meet early at the bay lines. Sean refused. Cade said if they talked at his dad's house that Kathryn would get involved and butt in giving Cade a lecture and telling dad how to punish him. Sean told him it was ok for her to be there for their talk because it was a household issue. Cade got angry and said it wasn't a household issue and it was none of Kathryn's business. This was between Cade and his dad and no one else. He didn't feel comfortable being there and he knew there was no way his dad would protect him from her and keep things between the two of them. Then Sean tried the tactic of asking Cade if the real reason he didn't want to come was her. Cade made it clear the reason he didn't want to come was because Sean hurt him deeply and that he felt betrayed. He felt his father didn't trust him and he wanted an apology. He didn't want this brushed under the rug like it never happened which dad tends to do when they argue. Cade just didn't want to talk in front of Kathryn about the issue but this could all be resolved right now if his dad would just say he was sorry. Cade must have asked him at least ten times but Sean never did it. Then Cade got a very scared look on his face and said, "This isn't working. I need to hang up now. We can talk again later." He hung up and then he wailed. Not cried but wailed then hugged me and cried. I asked him what was wrong and he said his dad told him if he didn't come that his dad said he would fight for custody of him for him to live there. I couldn't believe Sean could sink so low as to threaten his child like that. I rubbed Cade's back and told him to not worry about it and not think about it. I told him his dad was just frustrated and upset and to remember that sometimes when dad gets upset he says and does things that are over the top. That is just how his dad is and to not take it to heart. Something like custody is between parents. Then I told him how proud I was he was able to be so open and honest with his dad. I told him I knew that he had a hard time opening up to his dad and the fact he did that was really a good thing. Cade told me his dad said that his brothers and I were egging him on not to come see him. I said, "Connor too?" Cade nodded. I just reminded Cade that Connor visited last weekend. Dad was just saying that to make himself feel better about Cade not coming. Why would someone who just visited tell you not to come? Cade knows the truth and to just focus on that and to try and not let his dad's words get to him. Cade hasn't been to therapy in a while since he was doing so well but I asked Cade if because if this issue if he would like to go back and he said he would. So Monday morning I will have to see if I can make an appointment.

We went to town. Cade's ear is red and irritated but not infected so he was taught a massage trick to force fluid build up to flow away and we need to keep and eye on it that it doesn't get worse. It's just a lingering thing from his virus. Cade went with Will to the boat while I waited inside the bay lines for Sean to pick up Sofie. She hadn't wanted to go either and was crying and having a fit. What to do? I probably shouldn't have but I told that maybe her dad would have some birthday presents for her. That did the trick and she was willing to go. Sean of course missed the, "I don't wanna go!" and I'm sure thinks she was happy to see him. Speaking of Sofie I forgot to mention Sean also told Cade it was his fault that dad didn't see Sofie a few weekends ago. The weekend Sean threw her coat at me and walked out telling me to take them home. He said she saw Cade not want to go and got upset too. Cade said to him, "I never told you not to take Sofie. I was the one who didn't want to go." The real deal was Sofie was the one who was upset first. She didn't want to go and was crying so I handed Sean her coat since she refused to wear it (if you don't put your coat on you don't have to go right?) and took her to the side to calm her down. It was while I was doing that Cade told Sean he didn't want to go. So Cade had NOTHING to do with Sofie being upset. Sean blaming Cade? Really? Ridiculous. Anyway, Sean asked if Cade was coming and I said nope. Then I told him Sofie hadn't had dinner yet and focused on her needs. Connor had gone into town to see a friend and came up to us. Sofie said bye to him and he gave her a kiss then without a word showed his dad a cd he just got. Sean said, "Nice." and Connor turned around and walked off. Oh yeah, great relationship. Sean and Sofie left and I went to catch the boat. Cade was wiggling because he was itchy from the haircut we managed to squeeze in that day as well. He asked if his dad wondered where he was and I told him his dad had asked and when I said Cade wasn't coming he said ok. Cade asked me if that was all his dad had said, I think he was still worried his dad would threaten me. I just smiled and nodded at him and he relaxed. I checked my emails and so far nothing from him. I guess I will have to wait and see if he follows through on the threat. I am not worrying about it though like I would have in the past. My only concern is paying for a lawyer if I need one. I have no doubts on how it would turn out in court.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Again I am too angry to speak to my son. It's best not to until I can swallow the hurt and anger in order to speak to him calmly. Not to mention I have to think if I should speak to him at all and how.


I woke this morning with another migraine. Well, it woke me up and I took some medicine and crashed again. Then it was time to wake up since Sofie was awake but the pain was still there so I took some more medicine and since it is school vacation week (yippie!) I asked Will to get her breakfast and make sure she got dressed while I let the medicine take effect. I can not remember a recent time I have had to take two pills to make it go away. I was out for about another hour when I had to pee and the pain was tolerable so I figured I had better get up and make sure the kids were getting themselves together and not laying in a pile of their own filth. How they manage to create a mess in mere minutes just astounds me. Anyway, on the way to the bathroom I hear Connor and Cade talking about their dad. Cade said he didn't want to go visit his dad. Connor demanded to know why. Cade told him about the whole money issue from beginning to end and finishes saying, "Until he apologizes I'm not going." Connor then said Cade was exaggerating things and that Connor also doubted him! Then Connor went on to say, "Mom is twisting dad's words." Cade got angry and told him how dad was the one who flat out accused him of stealing then told him not to come on a visit. He told Connor I wasn't involved at all in that. Connor told him that Sofie and Cade were missing visits because of me and I was being unfair. Cade began raising his voice and told him dad had twice given up a chance to see them by his own choice not mom's. Then he asked Connor if he remembered when Connor was sick last and how Sofie and Cade also were sick. Connor said he remembered. Cade said that he stayed home, Sofie too because of that. Outside of those times he and Sofie haven't missed any visits. If dad was feeling so bad about not seeing them then why did he tell mom to "just take them home." Connor told Cade that was just what I had told him and dad wouldn't say that. Cade growled at him then said, "I was THERE. He said it in front of my face! Mom never told me anything." Then Cade went on about the money issue again and told Connor I had never told Cade that dad was accusing him of stealing. Their dad said so himself at the baylines. On top of that dad had questions for him he sent by email and how was mom able to twist that? It was written down. Then Cade said another reason he didn't want to go was because he knew when he gets there Kathryn will lecture him for at least an hour asking him why didn't he come and why did he do this or didn't do that. He just didn't want to deal with her when "frankly it's none of her business but between me and dad but dad will just let her shout and rag on me and do nothing to protect me from her mouth." Connor then agreed that that "would be annoying" but Cade was probably exaggerating how long the talk would be. Cade blew a fuse and said it wouldn't be a talk but a lecture from her and it didn't matter if it was a minute or 20 hours she had no right to say anything to him about it. Cade came downstairs not long after that. I didn't interrupt them and I have no guilt about eavesdropping. I was beside myself at Connor. One weekend with his dad and his mind is brainwashed. How could he lose faith in me so much as to think I would twist his fathers words around? After how much I tell them about honesty? Not to mention there is so much I just don't even talk about with them since it isn't appropriate. If Connor has an issue with me "twisting" things then why doesn't he tell me? He saw how easy it was for him to see his dad this weekend when they both got their acts together. He should see I am also not keeping him from his father. Anyway, I haven't talked to him. I did talk with Cade though. I told him I overheard a few things and if he was ok. He said he was. I asked him if anything Connor said hurt his feelings. He said he was hurt Connor doubted him but he felt that it wasn't really Connor talking. He said, "Connor just opened his mouth and dad came out. He will be himself again after a few days." I am not as optimistic. Another thing worrying me is Connor told Cade he was going to sell the playstation because he needs money. He is money obsessed lately. I already mentioned how he sold his xbox for money. The thing with the playstation is that does not belong to him. Is he going to try to start selling stuff that doesn't belong to him like his father? Are we going to start looking for dvd's and games or whatever and find them missing? Connor was going on and on yesterday about how he needs money and how he was going to look for work today and asked if he could babysit the boy I take care of. I told him he could since this would get him some money and free me up to go to the grocery store, do the spring cleaning and study for my midterm this Thursday. The store thing has to be on Tuesday because I can get the food shipped cheaper and I don't have to do the packing. I also need to get Cade's haircut. So he agreed he would call the mom when she gets home tonight around 7pm and see if and when she needs him. Ok, done deal right? Not with Connor. So a few minutes ago he comes in and tells me he is going to call his aunt and he has plans to see his dad (news to me) and then see his aunt tomorrow. I asked him about work. He said he can do it wed., thurs. and friday. I told him he needs to talk to the mom first and find out when she needs him then plan his free time besides I was planning on doing the food shopping tomorrow and he needs to be here to babysit the little boy. He said, "It's vacation. You mean to tell me I can't see my dad?" I sighed seeing where this was going. I told him he told me he made a commitment to work since he said he needed money so badly and because if that I made plans. I told him he had asked me if he could see his dad "sometime" over vacation but never told me anything specific. I was ok with that but in real life if you want to work and need money then you find out when you can work and plan around that. If he wants to work fine. If not, also fine. If he doesn't though I don't want to hear another word about him needing money, wanting money, asking to borrow money or find him selling anything that does not belong to him. I also did not want to hear one word from him about how we need food or why are we out of milk if I have to miss out on shopping day in order to work. I am sick and tired of hearing it. He said he hated this and how this always happens. He just wouldn't go because I was mad at him then he left. His all or nothing attitude. I am so glad he did. Is that bad of me? I still haven't talked to him about other things. I will call the mom myself tonight and see if and when I can work. I will go from there. If I have to miss shopping to work then so be it. It would be nice to get more milk but I have dry and I have no problem with what we have until next week. *sigh*

ok, now I have whiplash. Connor just came back and apologized. He said he was going to meet the boat to talk to the mom and that he was sorry he got so upset with me. Work should come first and if he had to work tomorrow he was sure once he had a schedule he work something out with his aunt and his dad. "It isn't like dad hasn't told me he couldn't see me because he had to work before. He will just have to accept I have work to do too. If we can work something out great. If not I'm sure I can see my friends or something."

!

So, I think I am just going to go pass out now.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Rate your Teacher


I found a website the other day by chance and "she" was on it. It was a rating from her students about her teaching abilities. Thought I would share, to be fair there were six good ones. They said they thought she was cool. The negative comments far outnumbered the good ones these were just a few of the funniest.


The stupidest teacher at DHS!!!!!!!

I don't think I learned anything in her class. Ugh. It didn't seem like she cared about her students at all.

Biased and confusing. She has prewritten expectations that she won't tell you. Extra help isn't helpful. 1 of the worst teachers. I didn't learn anything from her.

Probably the worst teacher I have had. She seems to know the material well, but doesn't let students put forth their own ideas. Plays favorites far too heavily.

One of the worst experiences of my four years. Very hard to get a handle on her expectations. Prepackaged grading rubrics. Forget extra help.

Her grading is insanely biased and subjective. She picks favourites and has pre determined expectations that she wont tell you. Every assignment is a shot in the dark. Know the material, can't teach.

Plays a lot of favorites as already said. Sees teaching as more of a socializing activity and lunch break than as her job to do well. Teaching approach adds up to "go do work".

I hate her and her class. She doesn't like kids or teaching. She needs to find a new career.

I'm mad. I am a hair raised, nail extended, spitting cat mad.


Connor just came home from his visit with his dad. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am over reacting. In due consideration for that I am biting my tongue and saying nothing to Connor about something I really want to scream about. He showed me stuff he had picked up over the weekend. He borrowed a dvd. Purchased two new used cd's and borrowed a book. He said, "I have a self selected novel to read for school." He showed it to me. Self selected my ass. The book is his fathers and is by the author Yukio Mishima. I am not going to go in depth about this author but I instead put a link below for anyone not familiar with him to read. If Sean had given this to Will to read would I be so upset? No. Will is mentally stable. Connor? Well, he has issues. Let me say this, the writing is amazing. Beautiful prose. Intense ideas. I am against censorship so I would not say the books shouldn't be read. On the contrary, they instill many emotions and debate. Do I care about the author homosexual leanings? Nope. I could care less. Here is my problem. The author as a person and in his works dwells deeply on the "beauty of death". One should die young and beautiful. A preoccupation with the body as perfection before age makes it ugly. In his real life he killed himself committing seppuku (ritual disembowelment). He had hoped to write prose in his own blood but was unable to yet was still alive. His second tried to cut his head off but was not able to fully decapitate him so the third was finally able to complete the deed. The reality of death was not as nice as the romanticised version Mishima expected I am sure. There is the rub. I don't really want my 15 year old son who has once before told me he wished to no longer exist in the world to read something that glorifies and romanticises death.

I know Connor did not pick this book out for himself. I know his father gave it to him. Sean admires and raves about Mishima's work. Again, let me say that I also find his works moving and find much of it beautiful and challenging. I am an adult with no inclinations of wanting to kill myself and never have felt that way. With Connor's tendency to latch on to ideas and just tunnel vision them to the point of "how wonderful this is and if you don't like it you suck or are stupid". It worries me immensely. Sean is the same exact way. I looked at the book and handed it back and shook my head. Connor then tried to tell me everyone in Japan thought the way he did back then. He died in 1970 for goodness sake. Not to mention, what a blanket statement and I knew it was his fathers ideas pouring out of his mouth and not Connor's own thoughts. Regurgitated BS, and Sean wants to be a history teacher? I knew about the author before Sean did. I had frank discussions with him about his works many times and found Seans admiration almost disturbing. Do you give a suicidal girl Sylvia Plath and tell her to have fun? No. So don't go and give Connor Mishima. Bottom line here is knowing your own child. This is not good for him but I can think of other kids his age I would recommend it to. I can also think of other kids his age I would not recommend them to. Book to fit the person. If Sean wants to be death obsessed so be it. I would rather by child wasn't.

I will have to sit with Connor and discuss this with him but not tonight. I so wanted to talk about homosexuality, bushido, suicide, body image and internal verses external beauty this week. When the easiest topic to discuss is sex then you know your in for a bad day.




I would really like feedback for this. Email or post. Anything.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Slippery Slope

Sometimes, sometimes I am well aware of my own selfishness that most likely does not fall into the realm of "think of the kids" first.


Sofie was watching tv and a commercial came on about Chuck E Cheese. God. I hate that place. I didn't like it as a child and I despise it more now. We took the kids there a few times because they begged and it was right there at the time. The place is viciously expensive. Now, I could say I will never take Sofie there even though she would like to because it's too expensive. True enough. Great excuse to say to her face. But really? Really, I also have bad memories associated with the place. Sean took Cade there with the girl before he left a few times. The movies too, on my dime I might add. Now I know he was testing the waters to see if they would get along and fulfill any crap fantasy he had of a happy blended family where I simply didn't exist other than to do his bidding and child care so he could bleep around. What Sean forgot was I had raised all the kids to be polite and to swallow a lot of grief when it came to entertaining kids younger than themselves. After all, they wouldn't have to deal with them for long and could suck it up for an afternoon or so. Defend yourself if attacked obviously other than that smile and nod. So Sean thought Cade got along great with her. She adored Cade. That was never in question. Cade thought she was a loud and spoiled brat but he got to go places like that rip off pizza joint with a rat for a mascot (who thought that was a good idea?) so he did what he had to. If he got a movie out of it then cool right? I just get so bitter and angry thinking about that place. My son was used and I feel dirty. So, even if it would make Sofie happy to go there I just won't do it. Selfish of me? Yes. I just can't feel sorry for it.

Next weekend is Sofie's birthday. I wish I could make a cake like this for her but my skill is not quite that good. I think I will try something special but I'm not sure what yet. Next weekend is a Sean one so I won't see her until 4pm. That should give me plenty of time to make something nice. I am not sure if Cade is going in not yet. We'll see.


Speaking of "him" I have noticed that his attention with the kids or interest level is dependent on his moods. I mean, what stage his depression is in. Now that he is no longer here it is becoming easier to see where on the spectrum he is based on his contact with them. When he was here he could hide it a little better. After all it wasn't like he didn't answer them if they talked to him directly. He might not have said much or been nasty when he was feeling bad but he answered. Even in one day he could be distant in the evening but real hands on in the morning so it seemed to even out. The stages would be something like this: somewhere deep inside I think he was feeling bad about his behavior and would seemingly suddenly be full of attention and energy and in a lot of ways over did it on doing things with them. Making up for lost time maybe? The thing is, you can't act like a creep to someone and have them grovel at your feet in thanks now that you are doing your best parent routine. This is that hard part because it takes a thick skin and a strong spine to be patient with hurt kids who rebuff your efforts. Besides the physical problem going in the brain for all this, at least for "him" there are some very cut and dry self esteem issues going on. "I'm not worthy" and "I will never amount to anything" and "I know I am as bad a dad as mine was" thing going on in his mind. Therapy would help with that but as I have said in the past he refuses to take that route. SO, he can't handle the rejection or even halfhearted participation very well. He actually expects devoted praise for his efforts and nothing short of that is acceptable. Then, he gets angry and lashes out at them, followed by hurt. He shuts himself off from them and cries and looks for validation. He finds whoever he can to tell him he is doing everything right and at least he is trying with hugs and kisses, poor you, poor you. I did this for him for a very long time. I finally had to say this is all well and good but this cycle isn't working for you or the kids. You need to try something else. He got very angry with me and if there is any blame to be passed in why he stopped loving me and found someone else than I guess I can pin this on me. I wanted him to feel better about himself as a person and parent and I wanted the kids to have a better father and I just couldn't enable this any more. I admitted I didn't know what to do but I would be supportive in helping him find one. He isn't me and shouldn't parent exactly like me. He didn't really want my support. He wanted someone to tell him what he was doing was ok. It wasn't and I couldn't honestly tell him that. So he found someone who would. Then the next phase would be the blaming. He would blame others for his failure. His alcoholic father who raised him to feel worthless. Who did not give him an example of what a good father could be. Now he blames me as well. I make the kids hate him, spread lies about him. I have no doubt either that even if he isn't voicing it he is thinking it that there is blame there toward his new wife. If it weren't for her he would still have his kids love. She's at fault for making him love her more than his kids. I am also sure he blames the kids. He has said so to my face so no questions there. He gets angry again then decides he won't do anything until they do first because it's all their fault anyway so they need to be the one to apologize. Time passes and I am not sure what the trigger is but he feels bad again. Maybe he is finally able to think clearly and is somewhat stable and he starts the cycle again by trying to be a good parent again. I think he is going into that phase again. He called Connor out of the blue last night and invited him over for the weekend. Sean hasn't spoken to any of the kids for a month, Connor hasn't had real contact since February. Connor agreed and I told Connor he had to call me tonight so I knew he had been picked up safely or I would be coming to get him personally even if I had to go to his dad's front door and legally I could have the police with me. I am not screwing around anymore with the rules. So, we'll see. Then this morning Sean emailed me about Connor (gasp! he followed the agreement) and then asked if Cade and Sofie were coming over this weekend. Had we "confirmed" this was happening? We had even discussed it so there obviously was no confirmation. I simply said I was aware of Connor's visit and he had to call me so I knew he was picked up safely. That this was my scheduled weekend with the kids so they would be staying here. I have learned a few things over time and pointing out the whole, "what the hell are you talking about?" stuff just pisses him off so I just state the order and leave it at that. I then told him how the kids were doing health wise. I didn't have to. Maybe I was screwing the guilt knife in his chest a little now that I recognize the pattern and knew it would hurt him. Am I evil? Maybe a little. Is it info he shouldn't know about? No. Keeping it from him would be protecting him and I am done with that. Cade has the fever now and pink eye. Will is just getting over a fever. I told him of the doctor's visit and what prescription Cade was using. Short but informative. I have yet to get a response. I wonder that even if Sean was to go back on his meds what kind of changes would there be? Kids can handle a lot. They don't need perfect parents but consistent ones. Even that can be worked around when effort is clearly seen. Sean has a long way to go and just having them over for a visit once and while isn't enough to even be called effort.
I need to check on Cade now...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Whoot!

I took my test that I missed last Thursday last night and got 100%. Of course the teacher said he expected more out me from now on. Like that's going to happen. Things are just getting harder and harder. The test before that I only got an 84% and that was after I pointed out I had gotten some things right that were marked wrong. Scary thing is it was one of the highest grades in the class for that test. It was killer. We all had talked about how we were doing and I am doing ok for participation. I did miss one class and most of another to be with Sofie but he was ok with it. My quiz average is 94%. Not bad. Thursday we have another huge section test, about 100 questions. Then the following week we get tested on 30 chapters of stuff. The dreaded midterm. 150 questions of knuckle gripping terror. Now we are sliding into more practical work. Hands on stuff which is where I am most scared of. I will need a LOT of practice. I told him I am sliding into being a visual/hands on learner and he said most adults are. What do you know? Maybe that's why I remember what I read so well?


I am kind of out of it right now. I woke up with a migraine and had to take my medicine. It kicks the pains butt but now I am floating. I can function but sunlight kills me. Migraines = vampire. I took my meds early because I have to take Cade in on the noon boat to see the doctor about his eye. If I had been able to speak to his doctor she would have just prescribed his medicated eye drops and Connor could have picked them up, the end. Some times the people you have to go through at the office don't get you live on an island. He either has bacterial or viral conjunctivitis. If it's bacterial then he needs the drops, viral he has to wait it out but what can having the drops hurt? At least he would be getting some relief. I also have to go to the dollar store and get a gift for Cade's friend Olivia. She is turning 10 tomorrow. Thankfully we are not missing out on the health fair because it was canceled. Cade didn't care really as long as he can make it to the opera. It's kind of nice to see he is excited for that.

Will still has a fever but it's low grade. He is tired but functional. He would have gone to school but it is against school policy so he offered to watch Sofie this afternoon. I took him up on it since I can have a chance to get more done in town this way. I have to hit two banks (not to rob) for PTC and myself plus the doctor and the birthday stuff. I only have 4 hours to do it all. That seems like a lot of time but trust me it isn't.

I read an article this morning about identity theft and I was thinking back how I haven't had any problems what so ever in that area for quite some time. It was only shortly after Sean left and that first year or so as I was changing passwords and accounts to things Sean wouldn't know that this was happening to me. If I had any doubts before that he was the one responsible for charging things to my credit cards and stuff I don't have them now. Why would I doubt in the first place? I am still doubting a lot of the time about things. I just have to be hit in the head a lot I guess. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I am really glad I did so well on my test because when I got there I was exhausted and my head hurt. I had been crying quite a bit in little jags all day. I still have those days. I still feel angry and hurt sometimes about what Sean has done to me and the kids. Yesterday was one of those days. I have a friend who was cheated on recently and I know it brought all that stuff up. She is trying to rebuild her marriage and I have been supportive. What made me cry was something she shared he had written to her about this and all I could hear was Sean's voice. Him saying the exact same things. I wanted to tell her her husband was full of grief for himself not her or their child. That he was a lying rat bastard. I didn't. Her life, her choices. My issues, my problem, not hers.

I have stuff to do before I go so..I will try and study more in town..wish me luck.

Monday, April 12, 2010


I'm starving today for some reason. It's only 11am and I am eating a sandwich. I did only have a bowl of cereal for breakfast but I didn't eat much yesterday. I just wasn't hungry. My appetite has mood swings I guess...:)


This morning was nerve wracking. Maybe it's my nerves making me hungry? Today Cade is going in town for his shadow day at middle school. He was up at 5am with his brothers and he had prepared the night before by picking out his clothes and packing a lunch. I made sure his cell was charged and had minutes in case he missed the bus or something. I don't think he will because he is going to be with another girl from the island Mayzie who is in 6th grade at the school he is going to. He will be following her all day to all her classes and meeting teachers. Just experiencing a day as a 6th grader. I was still an elementary student when I was in sixth grade. Things seem to move faster these days. I am sure he will be exhausted by the time he gets home at 4pm. It seems like it is happening too fast. He was a baby such a short time ago. Life is going by faster than I am ready for since Sean left.

Will and Connor won't be home until 7pm today. Almost all of Will's grade is in North Carolina now building houses for the week. They left yesterday. It's called junior journey but Will refused to go. About 5 other kids did too for various reasons. I had wanted Will to have the experience of going but I also thought his reasons weren't just laziness. Each student had to pay $500 to go. There was a lot of fund raising for students who couldn't afford it (like us for example). Will didn't want to pay that but that wasn't his main reason. He kept advocating that the students not waste thousands of dollars to go elsewhere. He said the funds raised and the volunteer time should be used in our own communities. He felt it was wasteful. So he is going to be building a bridge near their school with the other students and a teacher. Will thought it was ironic that all the kids staying behind were almost all the kids who had building experience to begin with. He said traveling was great and he understood the whole plan the teachers had of wanting the students to bond but since the school as a whole focuses on being a part of the community with student internships and blood drives and stuff it seemed almost counter productive to the main goal. I tried to tell him the experience of going "abroad" was a good foundation for college but when his mind is set it's pretty much over. He did have valid points though. It is good to see he can stick to his morals and advocate for himself. So, he is doing that today then more internship stuff after school. He really loved it and is going to continue with his "boss" when the internship is over. He is just getting extra credit now. As for Connor, he is staying after for extra support. He hopes to get everything he is missing for work done by the end of tomorrow so he can do the film intensive on Wednesday. No school work but learning how to use cameras, computers and all that fancy equipment. Will loved it and Connor is excited about it too. Poor Cade will have to get up at 5am on Wednesday too. We are taking the morning boat to go to a health fair at another school in town. Sofie and I are going too. I don't have to work that day so going is great for Sofie in getting used to field trips. We are going to the opera on the 27th as well. She will be 4 then....:) She is very excited for her birthday and is asking for nearly everything she sees. It funny.

I am working today and I pray to all things holy he doesn't puke. He had the same thing Sofie did but with a lower fever but more throwing up. It also seems to be shorter in duration. He is sleeping now. I hope he sleep a long time and feels more cheery. I think he is fine illness wise but is just tired from recovering from it. His poor mom wasn't able to work because of Sofie being sick then him.

I need to carve out some study time today....ack.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Rumors afoot

Sofie in her cowgirl get up. She also has a pink sheriff star and a little pink and white plastic pistol. Is it politically correct? No, but she is so darn cute chasing her brothers with it. I took this on Easter. It was such a warm and nice day.


Speaking of Sofie she is finally fever free. I talked with the mom of the boy I babysit and he has a fever now. Not as high as Sofie's but he is just sitting around I guess. Which for him is a huge deal. He makes Sofie look like a sloth with his energy and she is no slouch. I don't know now if I will be working Monday or Tuesday. I know I won't Wednesday - Sunday because she is going to visit her father who is getting a hip replacement. I did finally get paid though yesterday so I will have $400 to deposit when I go to town next. Which leads me into the area of money. I did my taxes which was good and bad. I think in the next couple of months I am going to have to find a free lawyer and see if I can get the divorce amended. I can do that now a year has passed. Hard to believe it's only been a year and a half. Anyway, tax wise I didn't get as much back since Will turned 17 I only got child credit for one. Sean and I each have two of the kids for dependents. I have Will and Cade. I don't know if I can do it but he gets four kids to claim with all the money that comes with that and I have one. Doesn't seem quite fair considering they don't live with him. Also, I still have no idea if he paid the taxes or not. When I filed nothing was taken so I should be getting the full amount even though it's slightly less than last year because of me losing Will. I did get some extras which almost balanced it out so I was ok with it. Still, it hurts going from $4500 returns to $1600 ones. There are other things I would like to see changed as well. Like my $1 a year alimony and the visitations. Cade is unwilling to go and it should reflect that although not take it away. I also don't think Sean should be allowed to be able to be involved in medical decisions but that might be pushing it. I have evidence for his behavior about that though. I sent him a email/letter today about the dental bill I was never reimbursed for for $465. He has a month then it's off to DHHS. I should have done it sooner but I didn't want to deal with him. I would rather be poor than have to listen to him whine. Sad of me I know. I'm done with it now though. I waited seven months for him to pay it. I knew he had to wait for the insurance to pay him anyway. I get it or I don't. If I don't it just gets added to what he owes through DHHS. My hands will be clean. I was a little bummed getting all my stuff together for the taxes and I was mumbling about how little I would be getting and Cade must have heard me because he said his dad was in debt. It had nothing to do with the taxes but I guess it must have triggered something in his mind about money. I intelligently went, "huh?" and he said that the girl there had told him the last time he was there ( which was about a month ago now) that she heard that Sean was $3000 in debt. Well. I damn well know he is in deeper than that to me alone much less his school loans, car loan, personal loans, money he took from Will, etc. Cade thought the idea his dad was in debt was pretty funny. I didn't say anything but the fact Cade was hearing this from the girl says a lot. The "wife" was telling Cade how horrible I am and how I talk about money. I do, just not Sean related money. More like, I can't afford for you to take 20 minutes showers and no you can't have those clothes from the mall. They both must be talking about money in front of her too. Guess they are evil too. The fact they are fighting about money (which is fabulous!) shows he is still doing all the things he was doing before just not hiding it as well. Kind of hard when he HAS to pay DHHS or lose his license. He can't just blow them off and skip payments. He short changes what he owes until the debt gets too high and they go after him again but at least he pays a chunk now. I have no doubt, no doubt if he isn't cheating on her by now he will be soon. Ditching the kids for weeks at time and cutting off pretty much all contact is another sign things are not bliss. I think I forgot to say the kids were supposed to be with him this weekend but he said he couldn't see them. He didn't give any reason. He isn't obligated to tell ME anything but what to I tell them kids? Cade was thrilled. Sofie is just confused. She was still feeling sick and had puffy eyes and she asked me if when she felt better if she was going to see dad. I told her she would in a couple of weeks and I was sure she would feel better by then. She said, "A couple of weeks?" I told her yes and she burst out crying saying, "He is too busy to see me." I know when she does go see him he is gone half the time doing other things and Cade said they tell Sofie when she asks to go with him that "Dad is busy right now but he will be back soon." So. She is hurting about it now. I wonder when she stops feeling hurt and gets mad, then jaded? She shouldn't have to feel this way.

Guess I had better study. I have a test to make up.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

So tired

Day three of the fever saga. I called the doctor and if she still has a fever in the morning I can just bring her in. They think from what I have told them that Sofie has a nasty virus that when her fever spikes causes her joint pain in her ankles and knees. Wonderful. Sofie was able to eat and drink today without throwing up which is good but the fever is just hanging on. So I was trying to think of a way to again balance every ones needs for tomorrow. No work obviously. Cade has school until 11am then they are supposed to have swim class then go to see Sean. Cade still doesn't want to go and was going to write his dad an email today telling him until he got an apology he wasn't willing to visit. I had to figure out how was I going to get Cade to swim if at all if Sofie was at the doctor and...my brain started to fry. A lot of the problems were solved when I got an email from Sean telling me he "couldn't" take the kids this weekend, maybe next weekend. Well, Cade was relieved. Next weekend is their normal time here at home so Sean is flat out of luck for two more weekends. It will be five weekends in a row the kids will be home with me. I am beginning to wonder if Sean is weaning them out of his life. I am going to bed now. Sofie was up quite a few times last night which meant, so was I...:)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Again?

Yesterday was a super busy day. As I was waking up yesterday I heard Sofie moaning. That usually means her knees or ankles are hurting. It is mostly a night time thing and I still consider it night time if the sun isn't up yet. I asked her if she was feeling ok since we had to get ready to take the 6am boat into town for groceries. She said her tummy hurt then she jumped up and ran to the bathroom to throw up. She didn't the first time but did the second time. I checked her temp and it was 99.8. So, no town for her. I HAD to go. We had nothing left and no medicine for her. I gave her the second to last dose and there was one more left. What to do? I finally asked Connor to stay with her since no one else was available. I hate it when I have to do that but what can you do? I went shopping and called home after I got to town and she was sleeping in just her undies and hadn't thrown up again. Good. I got three shopping carts full of food but by the time I was done checking out it was 10 minutes to boat time. I wasn't going to make it. I had to wait 4 hours and 45 minutes until the next one. I went to another grocery store and got another banana box full of food, then went to the dollar store to look for birthday gifts for Sofie. I filled another box with stuff from there and stuff I cleaned out of my van. I had the time so I cleaned it. The goodwill store that I would go to in the same plaza was gone. Not closed...gone. Sign and all. I know where there are two others but that was my favorite and most convenient one to go to. I had class that night and so I stopped at a restaurant to study quietly and have a snack. All I had that day was a glass of milk and I needed to eat something. I called home again and Sofie had a fever of 102. I was very upset. I asked Connor if he had given her the medicine when I had told him to he said no. I wanted to strangle him over the phone. I had him give it to her and cool her off with a cool damp cloth. I told him when she napped again to make sure the downstairs freezer was cleaned and plugged in for food. I needed to plug it into a different outlet with an extension cord because I am still without power in parts of the basement and my room. I got home with the 19 boxes full of food at 4pm and got to work unloading. My class was at 6pm and I had blisters on my pinky toes from my sneakers. I haven't worn them since last summer. Sofie was sleeping again and did Connor fix the freezer? Of course not. Will wasn't home and wouldn't be until the 7pm boat so Cade helped, Connor did what he should have hours ago and I tried to get everything put away. Sofie woke up around 5:15pm. We had been unloading and putting away for 45 minutes by then. She was in good spirits but didn't want to leave bed. Her fever was down to 99 and I gave her another dose. I decided to just go and take my test and come home. I had been away from her long enough. By the time I left at 5:45 there was still food to put away. I left it to the boys and told them to do the dishes as well. When I got home the food was away but dishes never got done. I am still mad about that. During the night her fever came back to 101 and she threw up two more times. I am wiped today. I called to not babysit today. No need for Aiden to get sick too. We'll see about tomorrow. I have another class and another test tomorrow as well. I know I got at least one wrong, two I think and who knows after that. I will try and study today. Again, we'll see. The house it a mess too. Sofie has napped twice today already and the fever keeps going up and down. I am glad I have everything she needs here. She isn't dehydrated yet so I hope I can prevent that. Now that we have all this food I am too tired to make anything...*heh* It's a half day today for school. Cade will be home in a few minutes.


Should I email Sean and let him know how Sofie is doing? I feel like I should but then again...I feel like I shouldn't either.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Connor came home yesterday and told me he also had forgotten about Easter being this Sunday. We laughed about it and I told him how I had found out. Then he saw the note from the "Easter bunny" saying there were 16 well hidden eggs just for him. He laughed and Sofie said, "There's one in the toilet!" He didn't even question her and checked and found the egg inside the tank. He needed a lot of help but got them all in the end.


He got $60 from his grandparents for clothes and his aunt is going to take him shopping Wednesday after school. They tried Sunday but everything was of course closed. He was able to go to church. His aunt goes to a different one than her parents so he checked it out. He was in a fairly good mood even though he said he never saw his dad. For the best I suppose. There were a couple of kids out here who used to live here but moved in town who were visiting their grandparents so he hung out with them Sunday afternoon. Over all a nice a day.

It should come as no surprise "dad" did not call. No one cared but me.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

*whew*

I think I pulled it off. If anyone was following my tweets yesterday then you already know I totally forgot it was going to be Easter today. I was so dead set in my mind it was NEXT weekend I just spaced it. I was IM with Will yesterday (he was in town at a friends house) and I told him I wanted to go shopping today and he asked me if the stores would be open because it was going to be Easter. I told him it was next weekend and he sent me a link (I don't have a calendar at home) and I totally freaked. I had nothing prepared. I had thought I was ahead of the game and had planned on getting my candy and stuff today and I had already ordered a movie since "the bunny" brings a disney movie every year. I had plans on hitting goodwill and the dollar store for little do dads to fill the basket out. Well, so much for that idea. We have no food again and I checked all the stores online and by phone, all closed so I am home today. No Easter dinner here. I did have a friend who brought me milk and eggs yesterday I had asked for since they were in town. Thankfully she had bought white eggs so we dyed half of them last night. I asked Will since he was in town already to try and grab some chocolate bunnies and jellybeans which he did. I went upstairs in the crawlspace and dug out the Easter box and around 10pm Will and I hid eggs. I had a bunch or plastic ones so we used those. Connor had asked to visit with his aunts and grandparents so I said not realizing until after he left on the boat it was going to be Easter. I bet he knew the toad. Anyway, I had some leftover things i the Easter box I used and the basket looked ok. In one egg I left a note saying due to technical difficulties the basket was not able to be fully completed at this time. When the rest of the items were available a single eggs would be left on the table and the hunt to the missing basket items could commence. Cade thought that was hilarious and is looking forward to further hunting this week. Last night the kids like the color of the dyes so much they decided to use it in their hair. It was kind of green looking but now Sofie had two pink streaks, Will had pink ends and Cade is all pink. Just like their eggs. It was pretty cute. Sofie said, "I am being very patient!" as she waited for her hair to color. After they were all done hunting they decided to take some plastic eggs and candy and hide some for Connor. They made it real hard since he is older. They had fun with it too. Cade said the Easter bunny must have a blast hiding all the eggs. They even put one in a ziplock bag and put it in the back of the toilet. I hope Connor enjoys himself. I had a few old carrots left and we left them out for "the bunny". The kids had fun and are happy with their hair and haul so I guess I managed to make it work. As for church the island one is closed for the winter and I hadn't gotten my act together to go in town so we are staying home this year. I feel kind of bad about it but there isn't anything I can do about it now. As for "Easter dinner" we are baking homemade bread and made egg salad out of the dyed eggs. It was fun to make and I am sure will be more fun to eat. Now if only the bread was done already! Thank goodness I made a big breakfast of pancakes and bacon to tide us over...:)


Still no word from Sean. I have no idea what he's thinking. Is he mad? Sad? Could he care less? I guess I'll find out next week?

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