Our Island Family Life

So, a quick check in. I have been terrible keeping this updated. I am very tired. Not really stressed because I am not thinking very much. I am too busy to think and that is good and bad. I will crash eventually.

Work. I am now running the post office on our island. Scary as heck. I am the only one working there so if things gets screwed up it's all on me. I have been training my butt off to learn stuff. I have been there about a year and a half now but never knew how to do most of what needs to be done. My first week is done. I have no back up until October at the earliest so it's going to be six days a week for a while. I am also still doing the library so when I get off of work on Saturdays I go there and my lunch breaks three days a week. So, about 49 hours a week. It is an adjustment for everyone. I had been able to take jobs where I was working from home or could take Sofie with me before so she isn't very pleased with the new arrangement. I don't blame her. She is ok with it overall though since it's summer and she has lots of things to do. She rides her bike with Cade everywhere and there are lots of activities on the island to do. Will is taking drivers ed finally so that will be a help when he is done. Connor is lobstering when he isn't in town for doctor's visits. He had more blood tests done to check his thyroid and is going to therapy weekly again. He bought and agenda to keep track of thing and it is exactly what he needs (yea therapist) Now, we'll see if Connor uses it.

Sean has pissed the boys off again. He does a family hike every year and didn't invite them. Cade is going but his uncle was the one who told him about it. I thought Sean had but I was wrong. Then Sean asked me if he could take Sofie to Disney World. That brought up a whole lot of issues. One, he didn't ask the boys. Two, just before he left he was talking about taking our whole family there for Christmas instead of presents when he knew we didn't have any money. The rest of us didn't be he did. The idea that he is taking his new family instead made them mad. They aren't jealous of Sofie at all and have no problem with the idea of her going. Since Cade has talked to his dad recently because if the hike thing Sean has updated his request to include Cade for Disney World. Cade doesn't want to go. That is giving me some stress. Sean is being sketchy about his job situation. I just chalk it up to his bipolar issues and I am not going to deal with it. His problem not mine. The bad relations with the kids, again, not my problem right now. I have to deal with getting Connor his dental stuff done before he loses insurance in January, get a tutor for him to make up his stuff from his last little break down, get stuff in writing from his school that he will be a senior after he turns 18 in January so I can still get child support for him. Keep an eye on Cade so he doesn't do something stupid again. Make sure Sofie doesn't try and cut her hair (again) by herself, deal with my new job, try and figure out how we will survive with a loss of food stamps, figure out the island car situation (I don't have one), get my in town car fixed (called AAA for a tow and found out they didn't do it but filled the air in my tire instead), and how to do everything in my house that needs to be done on one day off. Oh, and let's not forget I have to go to the hospital in October for a minor thing done. More on that another time.

I have to run now. A full day in town. No rest for the wanna be wicked.

I should have known it was only a matter of time. I wonder if it is the change of seasons or what but summer seems to raise the bar on crazy behavior. I probably shouldn't say crazy, not politically correct and everything. I certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either but since I feel pretty crazy myself right now I and too bone tired to even try to care that much. I think the caregivers of those who have a mood disorder of whatever flavor sometimes just feel numb about it all. So, that said, what are the current mental issues of the month?

Sean: Picking. He is trying to test my boundaries again to see what he can get away with. Insults and insinuations. Making comments reminding me of how poor I am and how well off he is, how much smarter he is because he has a degree now and I don't, implying I am a bad mother and not up to the challenge of handling our children's education, etcetera, etcetera. Memory Loss, whole conversations apparently never happened. Forgetting to bathe our daughter, what clothes belong to her and even her correct age. This stuff with him happens in waves. A month or two of crazy behavior then a month or two of stable if jackassery behavior. You really have to look to tell them apart. I can tell by looking at him when he is in a bad cycle. It helps.
All of this bothers me less than...

Connor: We finally had the doctor's visit we have been anxious for for several weeks. I was really getting worried when he complained of chronic back pain and exhaustion as well as wanting to smack his head into the wall. The final diagnosis for him is ADHD with underlying symptoms of depression and anxiety. I won't bother to go into all the gory details but one good thing was that Connor was completely honest with the doctor. At least I knew he was serious about getting some real help even though one thing he said upset me. I think more than that I thought he had told me everything already and some of it was bad enough. Not to mention Sean was breathing down our necks about it but Connor was adamant his dad was out of the picture for the treatment. He was afraid his dad would try and block it again knowing this appointment would most likely mean medication. In the end we got the diagnosis and Connor is now taking some medication. A two week trial with a follow up appointment. I am to check Connor's blood pressure to be on the safe side and monitor any changes. The doctor who saw him recommended a therapist (PHD) while we were there so we would have therapy in conjunction with meds management. I was thrilled when I saw who he recommended. It was my old therapist who I had to stop seeing because he left the area a few years ago. He was the best guy I had ever had and I cried when he left. Apparently he is back in the city and I am even now waiting for a call back for him to see Connor. I feel confident he will be a good fit for Connor, even better than for myself. I am optimistic but it is tiring to have to go through this all again. Connor did crash though after having such a great school year. He still was supposed to go to summer school to catch up on some things he had missed during periods of his down time. He missed the last week of school and the summer school because of this. This week we have to call his school counselor with the latest diagnoses and figure out how we can get him caught up. Most likely with some kind of tutor. Good thing I am going to be having a full time job soon. Not good that I won't be able to take a day off for at least 2 months maybe more. After July 31st Connor with have to go to appointments alone. I can do a skype meeting with the therapist to check in or call. The whole month of August I won't even a lunch break. My lunch break will be me at my library job. Anyway, we do the meds or two weeks and see if things improve. Hopefully if the issues are just ADHD the therapy and meds will alleviate the depression and anxiety. If not then we go from there.

Something to look forward to.

Well, before I get into the stuff that makes me want to cry and stick my head in the sand at the same time, let's mention the good stuff. Sofie had her end of year ceremony and it was great. She got an award for art and music. The kids did a play of the three little pigs. It was very cute. Sofie was one of the pigs hence the pink dress she wore to the party. I added some pictures of the party and of Cade and Sofie's fishing efforts they did today. They had a blast and so far summer break is going well. Sofie did get a slight burn yesterday. They always forget about reapplying the sunblock. Cade is fine. Will is fine. Connor.....

...is flat out nuts. I don't know if he was just crashing from all his efforts recently or what but he just kind of stopped. Everything and slept, or played video games to make him self, as he put it, "stop thinking". He created and downward spiral where he was angry with himself for not doing anything but not being able to do anything and the circle continued. He even took a book and started smacking his head with it over and over. I had tried calling his doctor for a week with no response. Connor missed his last week of school. Finally I got a call back and the doctor is consulting with his pdoc on which meds will be best. This is it. What I have been trying to avoid but he is not going to succeed or stay on track and stable without it. He feels so desperate he is almost out of his head waiting for some medication. I tried very very hard to stay calm and listen to his raving about. Surprising that didn't bother me too much. What got to me though was when he began to try and tell me how I should be parenting Cade and Sofie. He thought I should, "calm down" when I reminded Cade he was still banned from all electronics due to something he did last week. Cade was fighting with Connor about the xbox when he shouldn't have been since he wasn't allowed to use it anyway. I didn't yell but I did point and was firm. Cade wasn't upset with me at all but was still bugged about being banned. Connor felt I had ruined the whole atmosphere of the day by being angry. He was trying to have a nice morning and I was bringing everyone down over something stupid. I was stupid and Cade was stupid. I could just see his attitude of being superior to all of us lowly beings. He is so evolved. Not the simple teenager who knows everything stuff either. I just had enough and said my peace to him. I didn't yell but I did spill my guts. Then I left. I had to work after all. Work to pay for the clothes I bought him. I took Sofie with me rather than have her brothers babysit. Will was working too but even if he was I just didn't want her near Connor right then. I cried and felt a whole lot better. Now we just have to wait for his appointment. Just knowing he has one and that he is getting some medication has calmed him enough where he has been able to go back to work. I can only hope things will get better.

Sofie is going to be a flower girl for her aunt's wedding. I still need to get her some tights but she has her dress and is terribly excited.

Probably the last trip I will have in a long time. I wouldn't call it a vacation since traveling for a week with  a large group of children is the farthest thing from relaxing as you can get. I really wanted a leash for Sofie. Although she listens well and stayed by my side for the most part, it was just so crowded. I was a nervous wreak. Apparently, every school group for 100 miles thought it was a good idea to visit almost all the same places as our school group did. I don't think in all the years I have been visiting the Museum of Science or the Aquarium have I seen so many people. We also went to Plimouth Plantation, Mayflower 2,   Quincy Market, walked the Freedom Trail and about half a dozen other things. This wasn't just our school either. It was our TLC Outer Islands group of other one room school house island schools. It was a lot of fun though and Sofie had a great time. Cade was beyond jealous to not be able to go. I had to agree it would have been nice for him to go. The other island schools go to 8th grade and Cade has friends from these schools he would have loved to have seen. This fall the schools will be coming out to our island for our yearly get together so he will have to wait until then. There were some really funny moments. We went to play lazer tag and I wasn't sure Sofie would be big enough to play. We went for it anyway and she got put on the team opposite from me and I was again nervous but I just took a deep breath and let go. There was three rounds to the game. One of her teachers was on Sofie's team and she said that the first round Sofie hung back and "guarded" the tower and basicly got used to the dark and glowing lights and her how to fire her lazer gun. Second round though Sofie became a commando. She took off after another of her teachers who was on my team when he tried to get her tower. He ran and she ran him down firing the whole time and actually hitting the target on his back. Who knew she had the skill? In the third round she teamed with two older kids and they attacked the tower I was guarding and she lured me out all cute like then attacked me. I ran and we circled an obstacle but she stopped and I would up running around and right into her and she fired and got me. Strategy. Planned strategy. I was shocked. She showed me no mercy and giggled the whole time. Another funny thing was how she interacted with all the older kids. It's something I have never really seen anywhere than with island schools. The smaller kids are never shy or intimidated with the older kids and ask for help freely. The older kids never turn the little ones away either. They could always just sniff at the youngers and ignore them but they never do and include them in everything. On our last night we had a pool party and Sofie kept diving in the pool which was a first for her and she was very proud. I had told her how brave she was and she was thrilled. All the kids did a dive at the same time at the very end and as they all got out she went over to one of the 8th grade boys and patted his hand and told him how brave he was to dive in. He just laughed and smiled at her and thanked her for noticing. It was very sweet. Here are some pics of the trip...:)

Will took this picture of a hummingbird at one of our feeders. Taking pictures is one of his hobbies and he has recently joined Instacanvas to show off his work. If you want to check out his pictures go here. If you are ever in the mood for some wall art you can even buy one of his pictures there framed and everything. Will of course always looks for yet another way to earn money. He gets a percentage of everything he sells.

As for me, the job front is getting a little scary. Good and bad of course. Our postmaster is retiring so I will be taking over the office for better or for worse. Short term will be hard with no back up to help out and a six days a week schedule. Then of course we are on the list for reduced hours so we will have to see how that goes. The pay isn't all that great and there will be no perks at all but any money is better than no money. It will be hard because of the kids. Sofie especially.

Stress levels are high. I want to have one day to hide from everything. I haven't had a car for several months now. First I didn't have the money to get it fixed and now I can't get it in to be fixed due to complications. My head hurts just thinking about it.

Connor auditioned to get into a school for music courses and got in. He is thrilled. His school work load will increase next year but he is finally working towards a future goal so I will keep my fingers crossed.

Cade is still dealing with the whole bully issue. We are working on ways to keep the kid away from him. The kid had alcohol in his backpack last week. Maybe he will get suspended and Cade will have a break.

Sofie goes on her first visit with her dad in a month tomorrow. Let the emotional fall out begin.

Here is the link for Will's pictures again: http://instacanv.as/captain_phoenix