Our Island Family Life

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Sun has Emerged

0 comments Posted by perphila at 5:49 PM

Nearly two solid weeks of rain. Then, overcast with streaks of sunlight. I am not complaining much. I like cloudy days. It is getting warmer though and I have never been crazy about the heat. I think it should always be around 68 degrees. The kids think I am a freak.

Anyway, I have been super busy with school work. I really struggled last semester having other things going on. So far so good this time even though the pace is going to pick up. Next week is going to be a whirlwind. Will has his graduation and his stitches removed from having his wisdom teeth pulled last week. Connor has therapy which is back to happening weekly again, Sofie has a field trip, I have two classes and homework, I am doing a full day at the post office and babysitting. Speaking of which I am picking up a new one. The newest island baby one day a week until around September. I am excited about that one. I have an excuse to slow down a bit in order to take care of him. He is 3 months now. Sofie will be very excited too. I was also wrangled into Will's part time business, more on that in another post. So, I am nervous about all the work but happy too.

What I am worried about is the situation with Cade and his dad. Cade didn't see his dad again this weekend. I did have company he didn't want to miss and if he had been seeing his dad regularly he would have stayed home this weekend anyway which he always does when they come, which isn't often, which is why he stays in the first place. He hasn't seen his dad in over a month now. He plans on not going back either. At least this week he called. I told him he had to call or he had to go. If he thinks he is responsible enough not to go then he has to be responsible enough to talk to his dad and tell him why and have some kind of communication. The problem was he called and his dad didn't answer the phone. Sean never does when they call. He screens and calls back. That made Cade angrier and he left a message explaining his reasons and hung up. His dad called back but Cade said, "If it's ok for him to not pick up when I call then it's ok for me not to answer him either." I wasn't home when Sean called because I was on the boat bringing Sofie in but Cade told me when I called home to make sure he had called his dad. Sean said nothing when he picked up Sofie but I could tell he was pissed. I had just agreed to a weekend switch via email for next month and I doubt he wanted to affect that by yelling at me but it was obvious he was mad. Mad at Cade but found me the easier target. I try not to let those things bother me anymore but they do somewhat.

Will just made strawberry ice cream. Three days after surgery and he grilled and made ice cream. Ahhh to be young again...:) Gotta go eat this before it melts.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Wet Week

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:18 AM

It's been a while since I last posted. Time is flying by. It's supposed to rain all week. I hope that doesn't make my sniffles worse. I think I may have some kind of allergy thing going on. Who knows?

Anyway, I have been treading water as usual. I was able to get a few babysitting hours last week which was nice. Sofie had two days off because the older students had to take an overnight trip to the state capital for a field trip with other outer island students. That time was nice.

Connor is doing somewhat better. He is doing his school work again although not as much as I would prefer but something is better than nothing. Of course he is working for money less so he still has balance issues.

Will is getting ready for prom next Saturday. I didn't think he would go but he broke down and decided to go for it since it will be a masquerade.

Cade on the other hand seems to be doing fine except for in once area. His dad. He came home the weekend before last (friday) on the ferry as Sofie and I were going to get on in order to go for the visit. Cade usually comes home on the ferry to hang out with his friends and drop off his stuff then he rides back in. As soon as he got off the boat he said he had a bad day and wasn't going to go see his dad. He was near tears and adamant. Time was an issue since I couldn't take time out to talk him "down". Sofie and I would miss the boat otherwise. So I told him he could stay but to call his dad right away and work something out. If that meant him coming to town on the 7pm ferry or Saturday. I left otherwise Sofie wouldn't be going either. I can't take that 7pm ferry because there wouldn't be another one for me to come home on. I told Sean what happened when we got there and he said Cade hadn't called him. I was irritated of course since I was put into the hot seat. Sean said he would call Cade. I got home and Cade still hadn't talked to his dad. Fine. Not my problem any more. In the end Cade never went. This weekend Cade had Friday off from school due to a celebration thing his school does. I had to go in early on the noon boat for groceries and supplies so I told him he could just come in on the 4pm ferry like we usually do. I had Sofie with me and Will came along as well. He also didn't have school since it was a senior play practice day with which he isn't involved. We had to get some stuff for his new part time job (more on that later) and browse for pants for his prom outfit. I got to the bay lines to drop Sofie off and Cade wasn't there. Will called him on his phone and Cade said he had "missed" the boat. Maybe he did, maybe he missed it on purpose. Most likely on purpose. I told him he needed to call his dad. When Sean got there I told him what happened because, yet again, Cade hadn't called him. Sean said he would call. I asked him if he wanted me to call Cade right there but Sean said I didn't have to. I knew Cade would just not answer the phone if Sean called but he would answer if I did and I could just give Sean the phone. Nope. Didn't happen. Fine. All weekend he has been jumping when the phone rings afraid it's his dad. Something is going on but I am not sure what. It could be after the last incident with Kathryn (the yelling and shoving) he is afraid or has simply had enough. He isn't talking even though I have been probing every now and then. He did say he was feeling guilty about Sofie being there alone. He really feels like she is all alone there. He felt she is going to be angry with him. So, I am not sure what the next move should be with this issue.

My next school semester starts next week. I have to register tomorrow.

I have to contact DHHS. Sean got a subbing job at the end of April which should last hopefully until June. Lord knows he won't tell them.

I need a cup of tea for my sore throat and a good movie.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Faux Potluck

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:06 AM

Quite out of it today. We went to a dinner at the hall last night which wasn't what I expected. It was supposed to be a potluck so I made a beef stew and cookies. Turns out the plan had been changed to a pasta dinner so no one had to bring anything. I was the only one who didn't know. More food for me so, oh well. The kids had fun. Even Connor was running around playing tag with the little kids. However, Cade, Sofie and Connor woke up with slight colds this morning. I am feeling tired myself. Not sure why exactly. Sofie has a bit of a cough so she is in bed. Connor and Cade are toughing it out. Will stayed in town yesterday so he missed out on all the cake but he also missed out on all the germs...:)

There is a nip to the air today. Why does that make me want to take a nap?

Monday, May 2, 2011

More B-Day Pics

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:15 AM

Don't be Fooled

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:05 AM

I know it looks like Sofie has a lot of presents for her birthday but I really just make it look like that for her. The plastic thing in the front of the picture is a marble run the "Easter Bunny" put in their basket this year. Worth the purchase. ALL of them play with it. Do you know how hard it is to find something all of them will play with when their ages are from 18 to 5? Every single day one of them rebuilds it. It's a little harder for Sofie to do but she benefits from learning about gravity and she also directs them on how to build it. What I like is that they don't tell her if her idea won't work. They just help her build it and when the marble doesn't work they tell her it was a good try so she learns herself. Anyway, I got most of her presents from goodwill. Some are from her brothers which they paid for themselves from their own jobs. A few are from other people. Still, looks impressive doesn't it? :) She made her birthday crown at school.

I am still getting headaches now and then. I am not sure if they are connected to my little hospital trip on Monday. These are really headaches that don't encompass my entire left side of my head down to my neck like before. Not my usual migraines either. In fact I haven't had one of those in months. I used to have the whole shebang, one side of the forehead, spots, nausea, light and noise sensitive, smells too bothered me. However, this "thing" isn't like that. It hits suddenly and hard but as the week has gone by with less frequency. I still have some of the heavy duty pain meds left over. What has been working for me is to stop whatever I am doing, sit, take some ibuprofen and some deep breaths. After half an hour or so it goes away. Thankfully I have been home to be able to do that. I worked Saturday at the post office and I had one hit but I took the medicine and sat down and did some reading. There is always reading I have to do for the job. It's all required too. Good thing I am a fast reader. Anyway, I am hopeful this will pass soon enough.

Sine I have been "resting" this week I have been able to do a lot of things around the house and yard. It has been real nice and rather relaxing. Sofie has become a real gung ho garden freak. She weeds like a mad person. So far no actual plant has been damaged with her enthusiasm. I will take some pics soon of what we have planted so far. I didn't do anything really since Sean left. Another part of who I am that kind of got lost because of his illness and actions. I have worked so hard trying to get by financially in the summer my feet went numb, so gardening or anything else was just not on my to do list. Nothing outside was on my list at all. I am trying to do more things for me and hope for the best. Since Sofie is excited about it, it is a motivator. Will as well seems to be able to grow anything so we have stuff all over the house.

So far we have planted or in various stages of growth:

green peppers

cayenne peppers

jalapeno peppers

ancho chilies

thai peppers

basil (Sofie's)

parsley

chives (outside)

oregano

rhubarb (outside)

hanging hot peppers (outside)

apple tree

aloe

banana plant (from Costa Rica)

roma tomatoes

garlic

marigolds (outside)

iris (outside)

johnny jump ups (outside)

lemon tree

mint

blackberries(outside)

ginger

Planned to plant this week:

cantaloupe

potatoes

Future:

strawberries

morning glories

I still have to get a few more supplies but I can get most at goodwill for a great price. Who knew?

I spent most of Friday cleaning our grill. Will was thrilled and he cooked on it yesterday. Nothing I clean stays that way for a full 24 hours I swear. Still, he is good at it and made pork ribs (a gift from one of the people I clean for), and two types of chicken. One marinated in peanut sauce and the other an italian rub. I made macaroni salad and a plain salad to go with it. Nothing fancy. Leftovers are great.

Connor went to spend the night with a friend on Saturday and agreed to see his dad for a few hours on Sunday. Connor refused to go to his house and refused to discuss Kathryn. He told his dad the only way for them to see each other would be to get together for lunch or in town for a few hours once and a while and as long as his dad didn't do something stupid. Connor wants to be able to have access to leave if he needs to based on his dad's behavior. I am glad Connor is willing to see him but it is also good he is setting his boundaries. Now, this may seem odd since he is the child and Sean is the parent but looking at it from the stand point of Sean's illness (untreated illness) it makes sense. Now if Sean was seeing a medical professional and on his proper meds it would be a different game but that just isn't how it is. I would love to be able to do this with the younger kids but I can't. Sean seemed excited to see him and was all praise for Connor. I expressed to Connor that I am sure his dad was happy to see him and to just keep in mind that Connor is a very non confrontational type of personality while his dad is the type to be excited and quick to compliment and schmooze to manipulate. Just take stuff as it comes, be happy with it but go heavy with the salt on all those "compliments and adoration's". Be happy that his dad seems happy and leave it at that. Don't count on anything that will lead to heartbreaking disappointment. Also, keep your wallet hidden and don't fall for tricks like, "I just need to stop by the house for a second." If his dad wants to do that then fine let him. Connor can wait elsewhere since it's the only way he can reaffirm his boundaries. I feel bad like me saying these things is putting his dad in a bad light. I have to keep reminding myself this isn't a normal situation. If Sean was taking care of himself there could be more freedoms. Yet with this illness you have to have limits and stick to them or get walked all over. Maybe, if Sean learns them now and all of us can be firm, it will foster better relationships in the long run. That is my hope anyway.

Sidenote: It seems "the mean witch" is in therapy for herself. I guess there have been others who have told her she has "anger issues" and "control issues" and isn't being a very good stepmother. Let's hope this helps to put an end to the verbal abuse she gives the kids and the tendency towards the physical abuse as well. Funny how she is now going and Sean still refuses. I know I knew I had to go in order to cope with his illness and how it was affecting me. I wonder if that is also a factor for her as well? Not enough days in the week for the amount of therapy she needs.

Friday, April 29, 2011

More Costa Rica Pics

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:21 AM

Time to establish emergency protocol...

2 comments Posted by perphila at 9:50 AM

What a week. Sofie's birthday went well. She had fun helping to make her cake. We had a late dinner so we could include Cade. He got home around 7 pm. We did the cake thing and a few presents before we ate. Around 7:30 I got a fast a furious headache. Not like a migraine. Not like a sinus thing. Not a annoying frontal pain in the butt. Oh no. When I say head, I mean practically my whole head. It was from the bottom of my ear and jaw all the way up to the top of my head. It felt just like the pain I had last October when it turned out to be a bad tooth that needed a root canal. The difference was my teeth felt fine. No swelling. Nothing. Anyway, I took a couple of ibuprofen and hoped that would work. It didn't. I took more half an hour later and by this time I had directed the kids to clean up the table and put the food away. I went to bed, making sure Sofie was changed but within another half hour I was ready to scream. Will warmed a heating pad, I tried cold, I took Tylenol, I tried darkness, then walking. I knew it was a nerve that was really trying to get some attention. Finally after throwing up from the pain I called for help to go to the ER. Since it was already 10 pm I couldn't take a ferry so I had to go by fire boat. Which meant calling 911 and the island ambulance. I was so mortified. In pain no doubt but I would have preferred to just have gotten a simple ride. Anyway, seven EMT's showed up. It was distracting and rather amusing, well, I was as amused as I could be under the circumstances. I was so out of it I was just reciting all the information they needed in a daze before they even asked. One of them laughed and said I would have to be put down as the first responder instead of them. A few went out on the deck and I joked (when speech was possible) that I should have thought of providing snacks and drinks. My blood pressure was high ( for me, I usually run a little low) but I am sure that was in response to the pain. Will stayed with Cade and Sofie. Will and Connor both were up with me which was thoughtful. I asked Will if he was excited to be 18 and the adult in charge. He smiled grimly at me. Connor went to the hospital with me. He was quite excited about the trip so at least one of us had a good time. It was exhausting though. I couldn't sleep from the pain anyway. In the end I was told to wait a few days and see if the pain improves because it was either a nerve thing from teeth (which I doubted) or an infection of the lymph node. Lucky me. Anyway, I was given something for the pain to get on top of it which I was grateful for. It still hurts but I don't have any swelling, which is a good sign and the pain is lessening as the days go by. Nothing some ibuprofen can't take care of. The whole thing does make me very sleepy though. I feel pretty good for a while then I suddenly get very sleepy and the head throbs. Tuesday was a wash since I didn't get home until 6:30 am and I had been awake since 5 am the day before. I slept half the day, woke for a while then went back to sleep. Wednesday I had to go into town for several appointments so I popped in to follow up with my doctor. Will has his surgery to have his wisdom teeth pulled for next month. Connor had a therapy session. It didn't quite go the way he wanted which was fine with me. I like it when other people tell him the same things I do, since who listens to me? Yesterday I did chores in between short 5-10 minute naps. You would think someone had punched me in the head or something. It sure feels like it.