Our Island Family Life: xmas

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Some xmas day pics

1 comments Posted by perphila at 11:24 AM

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Let it Snow

0 comments Posted by perphila at 2:12 PM

It snowed today and we are recovering from xmas. Our day started late of course and Sofie was a mess when she got home. Her hair was a disaster and she has exhausted. We had to wait to open presents a while longer until she was able to calm down. She was crying and didn't know what she wanted. Once she was settled a bit we did the present thing. Will got me some tea from a new store. It cost him $25. It was amazing. He brewed a batch for all of us and it was very relaxing. Cade got me a necklace from the school store. He really worked hard earning the money to get presents for all of us. I forgot to mention that when I dropped the kids off Sean gave me some presents for Will and Connor. He never called Will on his birthday. I guess he thought this would make up for it. Will opened his two gifts when I got home. Each of them got two things. So either Will got one birthday, one xmas gift or two xmas gifts and Connor got two xmas gifts. Either way Will got less. Will got a used cd and a gift card. Connor opened one present and saved the other for xmas day. He got a used book. Now, I don't have a problem with used gifts. When you have little money it's very practical. I got all the kids stuff from Goodwill and the dollar store myself. The boys were a bit, I dunno what the right word for it is. They knew full well Sean was buying jewelry and brand new or expensive things for his new family so it was like he was giving them leftovers. It was insulting. What was worse was what Sean gave Connor for his other gift. We laughed about it when he opened it and made jokes but I'm sure he was hurt deep down. Know what it was? It was Connor's hard drive for his xbox. The hard drive his dad used Connor's store points for and earned himself. Sean didn't get Connor anything. He just wrapped something Connor had bought himself. Something Connor didn't even ask his dad to pick up for him or had given him permission to use his points for without Connor being there. So, in the end all he got from his dad for xmas was one used book. How sad is that? Cade said the girl had a whole table full of gifts. Him and Sofie combined had about half of that. It isn't the amount of gifts that bothers the boys. They were very happy with what they got here even though it wasn't much and nothing expensive. It was the fact the things I got fit who they are. They were thoughtful. What bothered them was seeing a physical, outward display from their dad of how much he favors the new family. It really hurts them and I have no xmas spirit for Sean. I would love to see the kids pain physically manifest on Sean. He would be covered in blood. ho. ho. ho. Yes, I am a terrible person. I am feeling very protective mom right now so ...whatever.

So, you won't believe this. I found the present. I felt SO stupid. We all had a good laugh over it. The kids saw me looking furiously for it and I was feeling pretty low. My memory must be going down the tubes. Guess where it was? Guess!

I had already wrapped it and had it under the tree! Yep. Duh! So Cade opened it and there it was. I shouted, "That's where it was!" I won't be living this down for a long time...if ever.

To top this "wonderful" xmas, after dinner but before we had cleared the table I got up to use the bathroom and I heard a thump. Sofie had bumped her head on the table. She was crying and carrying on. I scooped her up and brought her to my bed to comfort her and check her head. I asked Will to get the ice pad from the freezer and on his was back I heard Connor and Cade start shouting and Will whipped past my door to the bathroom. Connor came rushing in and said Will got sick. Sure enough Will was puking in the bathroom and Sofie was screaming in my ear. They had to do this at the same time didn't they? Luckily everyone was still in a good and helpful mood. Connor cleaned the mess in the dining room and Cade got the ice pad for Sofie. Will was only sick twice but he missed the toilet and got it in the sick which of course got plugged. I spent my xmas evening doing laundry and unclogging the sink. Despite all that we had a good day. Even though I cried, even though the kids were kind of a wreak either physically or emotionally. We made the best of it and I am hoping New Years will be even more fun. At least we don't have to deal with Sean....see better already!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

0 comments Posted by perphila at 6:37 AM

So, I think I may be slightly psychic. My day yesterday had a few more bumps. Sean was late getting the kids. I called him twice but he didn't answer the phone. I called the first time because we were early so he could come earlier if he wanted. I left a message. The second time because he was late. I didn't bother leaving a message the second time. While we were waiting Sofie was talking about Sean and using his name. Cade said that his dad was starting to get bugged by her doing that and asked him who at home was telling her to call him by his name. Cade said no one was. We aren't. Sean thinks we coach her into calling him Sean and his wife mean witch. We don't. I told Cade not to worry about it. Then I told him how I used to call my dad by his first name for a while too. I was pretty young. Under seven anyway. I heard everyone else call him that so I did too. Didn't seem weird to me at all. Then my grandma got mad which made me want to do it more. :) Anyway, I outgrew it. I think if Sofie outgrows this phase it will depend on Sean. If he acts like a real dad then that's what she will call him. As I said, she is trying to find out what her family is right now. Observing other families and comparing. She tells people out here a lot that she doesn't have a dad. Wait and see I guess. Then Cade said, "Merry Christmas to me I get to sleep on the floor." I kind of laughed then said, "What?" Then he told me how her parents were coming over for Christmas and he got kicked out of his bed so they could sleep there. I asked him why he didn't just sleep on the couch. He said he asked to but then the little girl cried and said if he did that Santa wouldn't come. So he gets some blankets and the floor. I guess my feeling on that is if you have beds or a couch or something for your kids and they chose to sleep on the floor. So be it. Goodness knows mine have done that. To have something available for them and forcing them to sleep on the floor. That I am not ok with. Still, there is nothing I can do about it.

Part 2

I wrote the first part of this before I was supposed to leave to get the kids. I went down to the boat and no boat. I called the bay lines and they changed the holiday schedule. Normally on a weekday we have to leave at 6:10am and 7:45 weekends and holidays. Now holidays are noon time. I cried the whole walk home. Now I wouldn't be able to meet the kids at 10am and bring them back. I have tried calling Sean for over and hour now to tell him I can't be there and that he will need to bring them back. He isn't answering his phone. I have left two messages as well. I know he might be opening presents and stuff but that's no reason not to answer. What if one of the boys were calling? This is kind of a emergency thing here and I have no way of letting him know. I want to cry all over again. Merry Christmas right?

I made myself a cup of tea and I am just going to try and chill.

So anyway, on my previous stuff. Sean was late picking the kids up yesterday. I had things to do in town and because he was late that made me late to catch the next boat home. I almost made it too. I was right there at the gate when they closed the boat doors and pulled away. *sigh* So I was pretty mad. It was just because I was SO close. If he had been on time I would have made it with time to spare. So, suck it up what can I do? I didn't want to walk all the way back to the garage with my bags and stuff so I thought I would grab something to eat. That would kill some of the 3 hours I had to wait for the next boat. The place I go to that I can afford and not walk forever was closed. Arrgghh. I had, had it. I went back to the bay lines and sat. If I had a book with me I would have been thrilled. Three hours of me time and a book. I didn't have one and the nearest book store was a little walk, which again would have been fine if I didn't have three heavy bags with me to lug. I wonder if the bay lines would consider installing lockers like a bus station? If you have to pay for them they might make a little profit for them. I was really wishing they had some right then. I had my laptop but no cord. I was saving it for the boat so I could write. I didn't want to kill my battery. I dug through Sofie's bag and found Cade's game boy and played that for a while. A couple of Will and Connor's friends were there and they saw me and came over and we took turns playing. I was getting pretty into the game so I must have looked funny because they were laughing at me. The game makes you move the game boy all over the place and I was walking around trying to get out of the sun to see better. So my little shouts of yes! and what! no! must have been a riot. Another friend of theirs showed up with a brand spanking new drivers license and they took off. I wished them well and hoped they didn't get killed. I called people and killed minutes. I read every free paper I could find. Usually people I know are around and we chat but since it was Christmas eve there wasn't anyone around. I did run into a lady who is friends with Sean's parents. She was going with a friend to another island on a different boat schedule than me so we only got to talk for about 10 minutes. She asked me how I was doing. She knows the deal. I asked her is she wanted me to say I was fine or be honest. She said honest. I said I was ok under the circumstances and filled her in on Sean not paying the child support and not speaking to Will and other things. She was very upset and disappointed in him when he left us and started his affair. She has known him his whole life. She no longer hugs him when she sees him and doesn't speak with him anymore. She was very sad to hear he was still being so hurtful and asked that we get together sometime. That was nice.

Sean just called back. He was very clip and sounded irritated with me. He said he would bring them home at 4pm. That is 4 hours later than I expected. I didn't get mad but asked him why he wasn't bringing them on the time that was planned for today. He said he had company this morning and it wouldn't be "cool" for him to take off for three hours. I told him I understood he had company but these were his kids and they need to take his first priority. What does Cade want to do? He was expecting to come home by noon time. Sean said he would be fine and that he had stuff to keep him occupied. I said I was sure he did but that wasn't answering my question or addressing Sean's priorities which should be his children and not his company. He said in my email the other day I had said the 4pm boat would be ok if he brought them so......

I replied I was explaining options that were available to us in the email. Not that is was ok and I asked him in the email what would be workable for both if us. He didn't answer my email so he had no right to use that as an excuse. This was also before we agreed on this boat and told our kids what was happening. Now that they have expectations we both should do what we can to keep them. Granted the boat schedule was outside both of our control and I have no control to be able to be there to get them. The only person between us to keep the trust with the kids was him. He just said he would be in of the 4pm boat. This makes me so....I dunno. If he had called me earlier I could have gotten a water taxi to come get me and then I could have brought the kids back on the 10am. It would have cost me a whole lot more money but then I would have done what I could to get them home on time. Will said he would even pay for the taxi for us. Isn't he sweet? I didn't want to use this option if he was going to bring them himself on the 10am boat. So, because he didn't answer the phone he cut me out of another option. Connor is jumping at the bit to open his presents but was cool with the idea of waiting until noon. Now he has to wait until 4pm. I suppose he doesn't really have to wait but he promised Cade he would and he isn't going back on his word like Sean did to Cade last year. When I came back from the dock this morning he asked me what was going on and I told him. Well, he was getting more frustrated than I was that his dad wasn't answering his phone. I finally told him to go play his xbox (lol, who would have thought I would say that!) and that I would let him know as soon as I knew. After the call, Connor came down the stairs and I told him 4pm. He asked me why his dad wasn't taking the 10am boat. I told him his dad had company and the 2:45 was easier for him. Connor just shook his head. He said, "Company? Doesn't he know Cade wants to come home?" I just shrugged. "Sucks to be Cade." was all he said and he went back upstairs. So, the award for pissing your kids off at Christmas time for the third year in a row is...Sean! I told Connor he could call his dad and ask him to bring his brother and sister home if he was so upset but he said he wasn't going to bother. His dad was going to do what he wanted anyway. He isn't even going to call him to wish him a Merry Christmas. It wasn't like Sean asked to speak to Will or Connor when he called earlier. He could have asked to wish them a Merry Christmas while he was on the line. Nope. Connor called him the year before last and Sean didn't want to talk with him about what Connor wanted to and said, "It's Christmas, do we need to talk about this today?" Connor told him it shouldn't matter what day it is when he needs to talk with his dad. Sean kept repeating, it's Christmas, it's Christmas over and over until finally Connor said, "Yes, it's Christmas and if I hadn't called you would you have called me?" I guess the question took Sean off guard because he didn't answer and Connor said, "See? You wouldn't have. So stop saying it's Christmas because it really doesn't mean anything to you anyway."

You know what's even more stupid than that? Me. I actually apologized to him at the end of the conversation about not being able to be there and that the earliest I could leave here would be noon. No matter which of us got the kids the earliest they could be here is 4pm now anyway. I was trying to keep things civil I think by doing that but still....it is his duty by court order to be bring them back anyway. I am too nice sometimes. I tried.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Bad Day Coming?

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:33 AM

The door to my tv stand fell off. My Peanuts Christmas video snapped. The present is still missing. Sean didn't email back about how the kids are supposed to come home tomorrow. My cheese for my salad tomorrow went bad. I have no books to read for the boat ride. Ack.

Positives...positives. Well, I had a nice shower. Oh, but something is wrong with the water pressure or the shower head. I don't know which. Ok. I can't think of anything else good at the moment. I can only hope the rest of the day goes ok. I will try and stay focused. That will help. I had better get ready. Maybe I will do something in town for the hour I have to kill after I drop off the kids and before the boat leaves. It isn't much time when you have to walk.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Another great gift for our daughters

2 comments Posted by perphila at 5:35 PM

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Did I say I was working?

1 comments Posted by perphila at 9:27 AM

Work for today was cancelled again. Her car was fixed and they took the train down to pick it up today. So it's a wash. Tomorrow isn't happening because they are doing their xmas shopping instead.

Cade has tomorrow off school so I figured I might go in town with the kids as well. I have to shop for food anyway, also Cade has therapy. I will hit the dollar store and pick up one present a piece for the kids. I got Connor a new backpack at wal-mart last week. Both straps on his broke so I just gave it to him. He knows it's his present. It was a needed item, nothing fun but he seemed to be pretty happy with it. I got stocking stuffers last week from the dollar store when I got the presents for the xmas party. I got some food cards to the grocery store so I think I will use them to get something non food related there. I have food stamps for food and I always make it stretch because I don't always get food from the major food store.

One place I go to about once every two months is a warehouse place. I don't go often because I have to take the highway to get there and it takes a huge chunk of my time. Anyway, it has some past date stuff that is still really good and stuff that wasn't selling for whatever reason at a major chain store. I can get 5 bags of food for $20. What's even better for me now is I can use the food stamps there too. I used to shop there anyway pre food stamp days so I don't feel like crap having to shop there. Just savvy. There is another place I go that has meats and veggies and stuff you can't get at the warehouse place. I also go to the day old bread outlets. I love my freezer. It takes a whole day to do this hop and shop deal but I save money in the long run. I pick a day or schedule a day to do it doesn't get in the way of work or appointments. I like the fact people give me food cards because it shows they care and it's not really just for me I know but the kids as well. I would prefer a card to wal-mart or something like that though. People seem to forget about the fact that you can't get things like toilet paper, diapers, laundry soap, toothpaste and stuff like that with food stamps. You know what else is odd? You can't get hot food with them either. *shrug*

Maybe there should be a program for that kind of stuff? There are places I go to as well for food like food banks but I would be better off to pay things like rent, oil and electricity if I had help for that. Even when Sofie was little and we were in this program for women and infants that gave us coupons for milk, formula, and things like that it never included diapers and wipes. I just think it's a little weird.

I had some free yarn and made a hat. I really stink at it but I finished it and donated it for the homeless. I try and give back, especially since I have had to take so much the past two years. I also got the kids to spend a dollar a piece for a new toy at the dollar store and we donated those as well to toys for tots. We have done that every year since the boys were small. No matter how hard up we are some people are worse than us. We have done a lot more in the past but since my own kids are getting dollar store stuff there isn't much to be said about it I guess. I am feeling good about it though. Cade did do some shopping at goodwill and got some nice things for Sofie and his brothers.

We will be separated for xmas eve and that hurts more than anything. It will be my first time ever away from Cade and Sofie. I really find myself crossing that line and hating Sean for it. Hate is a strong word and I don't like using it especially on a holiday. I will be selfish and say I wish the kids were all together for the holiday. Sean is the one who chose to leave so he should have to wait to see them is my opinion. Is it really better for the kids to see him and be torn apart just to satisfy his needs? I admit I am feeling selfish too and want them here but at least I am trying to think of them too. To wake up on Christmas morning in their own beds where they spend most of their time. With all their family (except their dad of course but that's his choice) around them. Just something else to have to get used to and adapt. It's bad enough knowing Will is most likely not going to be around for many more xmas's with us. I would like for Sofie to maybe have a memory or two of all her brothers around her. I remember when I was 4. Maybe she will too. I am sure this is a big cause of my funk lately.

I have to get Will a birthday present. He is going to be 17! When did that happen? I am making him a cake so that is one present. I try and keep his birthday totally separate from Christmas as possible. It's his day and I know it can get annoying to see it doubled up with xmas presents. I also don't give him less on Christmas because he got some presents only two days before. I have no idea what to get this time. *sigh*