Our Island Family Life

So, Connor is still being a jerk. I made him an appointment for yesterday. He went then complained to me how it was a waste of time and ignored everyone. He has therapy on Wednesday and a pdoc appt the following Monday. Not soon enough. All I can say is, a line has been crossed in his behavior and I am just about done. I haven't once raised my voice or gotten mad at him but he insists I am an angry person. I wish I was. It might feel better than tired and sad.

Christmas was a disaster.

Sean decided he wasn't going to bring Sofie back at all. He had plans he said. Long story short it became an email battle. He got quite vicious. I finally told him he needed to do the right thing by all the kids and bring Sofie home. The boys promised their sister they would wait for her and wanted to be with her for Xmas.

His response?

"Why should I do the right thing for a family that doesn't give a shit about me?"

It's all about him isn't it?

Then Will had enough and called him. He had to leave a message since Sean doesn't answer his phone ( something he accused me of during this diatribe) and let him have it. This further enraged his dad who then asked me how I could "let" Will say such things to him. I informed him his son is a 20 year old adult and if has issues with him to take it up with Will. I don't "let" Will do or not do anything at this point.

In the end he sent her home but put our 6 year old daughter on the ferry ALONE. She was the only one on board except for the captain and deckhands. I can not believe he could endanger her like that.

To top things off the next day Connor went downhill. I am this close to taking him to the hospital. I have been there done that with his dad.

I want to cry.

Oh, the holidays.

Well, Merry Christmas.

This has been the first year since my ex's bipolar crisis led to his leaving our family that I have tried to do more. I got a real tree instead of a 10 inch fake one. I did some Xmas cards. I am even doing a Xmas dinner. I haven't done these things in four years.

I was trying so hard I forgot how every Xmas Sean does something to hurt the kids or cause trouble. I got complacent. I should have been aware based on past history but also because Connor has been struggling for a while now with his depression. He is on new meds and so far the results are not good. He is putting real effort in but I know it is hard for him. His dad on the other hand feels down and crappy so everyone else should feel that way too apparently. He has been arguing with me since Thanksgiving. Before that we had discussed how we were handling the visits for the holidays and made a schedule. He gave up a weekend for Sofie to attend the island Xmas party and I gave up one so he could make that up with her. Co-parenting at it's best. That was before Thanksgiving and before his mood set in. Now he is trying to argue about visits. I am pretty upset since we had an agreement in place ahead of time to avoid such conflicts. I was up until midnight last night dealing with him until I told him I was done and had to sleep because I had to work today.

It isn't just me either. He is all over Cade on Facebook telling him how Cade has been playing with his Dad's emotions and how mean he is being to him. Then he went off on Cade's school work. This was because when I dropped Sofie off yesterday he was expecting Cade even though Cade never told him he was coming. Cade responded that it was his brother's birthday and he wanted to be there with Will and give him his present. His dad said that didn't matter. Sean again never contacted Will for his birthday. Cade told him that birthdays did matter and he hadn't forgotten his dad never got him anything for his birthday in September or thrown him a party like he had promised. Thankfully Cade knew not to really expect his dad to follow through on his party promise but it still stung I am sure.

I am tired and stressed and I still don't know if Sofie is coming home today or not. She is supposed to be with her dad tonight and most of tomorrow. He was supposed to bring her back on Xmas day and I was going to have dinner ready when she got home and then we would open presents. Now Sean wants to bring her back today and have me bring her in tomorrow. My one day off. I told him no. I brought her in yesterday based on our original plans. I am not doing it twice. It's a mess. The boys would be livid if I had to cancel our dinner and plans because of their dad.

I know Sean is just causing trouble to make himself feel better. Does't really help me though. Poor Cade. I am just so tired and trying hard not to let this spoil our holiday. I am willing to give him the vacation. Him spending more time with her isn't an issue but he can come get her. I have put myself out enough to mentally needy people this week.