Our Island Family Life: October 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Party

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:17 AM

Thursday, October 29, 2009

More good and bad

1 comments Posted by perphila at 11:35 AM

I found out today that my friends father passed away. I mentioned it before that he had found out he had cancer only about a month ago. He could have gone into the hospital for some blood transfusions that would have kept him around a little longer but he chose to go home. His whole family was there. So many people passing away.

For some good news, Sean actually called Cade last night. Cade had set a time for himself that if his dad hadn't called by 5pm he would call him. Sean called around 4:30. He told Cade he could stay. Cade then told him about what he was doing for the school newspaper. Sean had no idea that Cade is the editor. Sad. Anyway, after Cade hung up he seemed pleased. He did say though he was wondering about something. I said I would try and give him an answer. He said that his dad told him, "I am giving you permission to stay on the island." What Cade was wondering about was how his dad phrased things. Two things, one the I am giving you permission part bothered him because it seemed like too much. I asked him, "Too much?" Cade then said it was like his dad was trying to act like he was in control of the situation. Things only happen because Sean wills it. It didn't have to be stated but to do it anyway was kind of in your face and you should be grateful and thankful to me for being so wonderful. Like Sean was granting him a huge gift. The thoughtfulness of the act of letting Cade stay was spoiled a bit by the high handedness of the delivery. The second thing that bothered him was the way his dad said he could stay on the island. I didn't think anything of it but Cade noted how clearly his dad didn't say it was ok that he stayed with mom or did he say he could stay home. Cade said it was like dad didn't want it to seem like he was giving me (mom) anything and refusing to call this place Cade's home. I told him I hadn't thought about it that way. I said that maybe his dad feels uncomfortable talking about me and said what he did without thinking. As for the home thing, I told Cade that dad was in a different place than Cade in how he thinks about certain things. For dad, this place is no longer his home and as far as he is concerned he thinks of his new home as Cade's home. I told him he either has to give his dad more time or if it bothers him enough to just tell his dad how he feels right now. I told him I understood that he feels as if this is home and I know he doesn't even call the other place dads home but Kathryn's house. That is ok. Maybe somewhere down the line those feelings will change. If it does it will just happen without much notice and things will just be what they will be. I do know but didn't say that home is where you feel loved and safe. There just isn't enough emotional supports there for Cade right now and the tension is too high for it to be comfortable enough to have the moniker of home for Cade. What I noticed in all this was how Cade is perceiving Sean's actions with suspicion even when Sean is doing something relatively nice. Cade is searching for motives in his dad actions and is taking nothing for granted. More so than me. He sees his dad playing games of control and one up man ship pretty quickly. I guess, long term it's a good thing. It's very sad though and not good for an open, healthy relationship.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Price

1 comments Posted by perphila at 9:02 AM

My tummy was killing me this morning. I'm fine now but I was going to go to town today to get some milk, bread and eggs and didn't. I didn't know if my tummy was going to go down a route that needed to be near a bathroom or not and I just wasn't going to risk it. I am thinking of maybe going in on the noon but then I would be in town longer than I want to be with Sofie during her nap time. We would have been home on the noon boat if I had gone in. Rats. Still, it was the right choice at the time.....believe me. So I was wondering what the? Why am I all funky? What did I do differently? Nothing except one thing. I had a neighbor pop by and I offered them a drink. To be polite I had the same. It is a drink I HATE. Gin and tonic. Never again sweet lord. It's like drinking paint thinner. I had it only one other time in my life when a friend asked me to try it. I hated it then too and knew I would never order it again. I didn't even finish my glass last night. I don't normally even keep tonic water in the house either but some summer people gave me some and we don't drink it so it was a good excuse to use it. I am giving the stuff away today. So would three sips do this to me? I am not a drinker anyway so I have no clue. Also I have to add in the fact I haven't eaten much lately. I don't know why. I just haven't been hungry. I have been cooking all these big meals lately but other than tasting them along the way to make sure they come out ok I don't eat them. I have been having tea and maybe some toast w/peanut butter for breakfast and that's about it. Yesterday I baked some rolls with jam for the kids for breakfast and had two. Then I baked some banana bread. I had one piece. I made shepard's pie and tasted it as I was cooking. I drank a lot which I normally do. Then the three sips of the toxin. I was in a good mood yesterday though so I wasn't depressed or anything. It's weird. I have been busy so eating has just not been in my mind. I have to get smart and be more attentive. Even if I'm not hungry it's good to at least eat sensibly.

I was going to babysit today but didn't have to at the last minute. It's so quiet. Sofie is playing with play-doh and is watching tv. The boys are all gone. There is no wet car noises coming from Aiden. This is nice. I try and have Sofie play with play-doh as often as possible to build up her hand strength. All the boys had weak hands when they started school and it made writing hard for them. Connor was the worst. I am hoping Sofie will not have the same problem. I also have her color a lot but she had her crayons taken away for the week after she drew on the chair during the three seconds it took me to turn on the radio.

Yesterday was loud and busy. Connor missed school. His leg at his knee seized up while he was walking to the boat and went out from under him. He fell and rolled into the ditch on the side of the road. He made it home. He didn't call me either to come get him just like Will didn't last week. I had to clean him up, he was all scratched up. His leg looked fine but you could see it twitching. So we put it up and I called the doctor. They thought it might be a muscle spasm. Sean used to get them in his back and it was not a pretty sight. Connor was hurting you could see. So we got him to bed with some ibuprofen and a hot pack. The heat seemed to help more than the ice. After a few hours he felt better. He had never felt that before. It was really random. It didn't seem worth it to come into town unless the pain didn't go away. It did though and he is fine today. Now he has to stay after to make up his missed work. He was bummed. The little ones forgot how to use inside voices and it was giving me a headache. Aiden killed one of Will's pepper plants. That was bad. Cade was nervous and waiting for a call from his dad all evening. It never came. Next weekend is Halloween. It is a visit weekend. Cade wants to trick or treat with his friends here on the island. He has been really stressed about telling his dad he wanted to stay and has been acting out a bit for weeks now because of it. So, Monday night he asked me to call his dad and tell him first and then he would talk to Sean too. Cade asked me if it would be ok to offer his dad a compromise of going to see him the following weekend instead even though it would be a weekend he would normally be here. I asked him if he knew that would mean he would be seeing his dad three weekends in a row. He didn't like the idea but said he would because that's how much he wants to be here. I made the call and of course Sean didn't answer. I left a message. An hour later he called. He knew right away this was going to be about Halloween. In my message I had only said that Cade had something he wanted to discuss and that is was important and that he asked for me to talk with Sean first. I didn't beat around the bush and told him it was and that he wanted to stay here to be with his friends. Sean right away sounded frustrated. He asked me why Cade hadn't said anything to him himself that past weekend. I told Sean that this was really hard for Cade. I told him that in therapy we are working on having difficult conversations and dealing with how to handle stress. Cade asking me to talk with Sean first was an option he was using the help deflate some of that stress. I told him Cade was really stressed and upset that asking Sean to stay would make Sean angry with him or hurt Sean's feelings. Neither of which Cade wanted to do. Sean said rather abruptly that Cade was coming at that was that as far as he was concerned. He said that after this year Halloween would fall on a day where Cade wouldn't be with him for six years and that he had this same conversation with Cade that weekend and Cade knew about it. I was quiet a moment then told him that I was glad Cade was aware of that situation. It gave Cade a chance to think and make informed choice of what he wants to do and the fact remained Cade still wants to be here. I told him of Cade's offer of switching a weekend. Sean didn't sound thrilled about him being there three weekends in a row. I asked Sean if he would like some time to talk with Cade. He agreed. Before I gave Cade the phone I told him his dad was being a little abrupt but to listen first before he said anything. Cade agreed and asked me to stay. I did. It was quiet for a while and Cade again repeated most of what I had said. He told Sean he loved him and him wanting to stay wasn't about not wanting to see his dad. Cade told Sean he didn't want to get him mad or hurt him. He just wanted to stay. There was more quiet. Then I could see Cade begin to get annoyed. He told his dad he wasn't asking at the last minute. He then told him he had friends coming out he wouldn't see again until next summer. He didn't want to wait another year to go with them because they might not be here next year or they might not even be trick or treating after this year since every one is getting older. He told his dad he didn't want to trick or treat with Ragan. She wasn't his friend and he would be miserable if he had to be with her all night when he could be with people he actually likes being with. He also told his dad he could get way more candy here. The only five pieces of candy per house rule was not something he was used to. Here he could take as much as he wants. I heard Sean say that wasn't very nice. Cade laughed and asked him if he even remembered what it was like trick or treating here. Every one does it and then the people usually give them even more! Plus here people give away real food too like frozen pizzas and store coupons and stuff. I heard Sean tell Cade he would think about it. Cade asked if Sean could tell him soon because he didn't want to worry. I asked Cade if I could talk to his dad again. When I got the phone back I asked Sean if he could look for a pair of pants Cade left and he said he would. Sean said he would think about what Cade said and would call him back in a few days. I asked Sean to call back as soon a possible because the waiting was stressful for Cade and that we both needed to do as much a possible to eliminate stress from Cade because it is affecting him. He missed a day of school because of it and is quick to lose patience with others when he is under stress. Sean said he would. After words Cade was twitchy. Cade said he thought his dad was just thinking of himself. I asked him why he thought that. Cade said his dad told him he had to come other wise he (Sean) had to wait six years to go trick or treating with Cade. Cade was just struck by the idea that since when was trick or treating about the parents? Besides, in six years Cade will be 16 and would absolutely be with his friends! He said he dad wouldn't call him back anyway and if he didn't Cade just wouldn't go. I told Cade we would give his dad until Wednesday evening then we would call him again and to not even think about it again until then. I told him I was proud of him for talking with his dad, of asking me for help when he felt he needed it and for even trying to come up with a compromise. He should feel good about himself and it would be a great thing to talk to his therapist about. Cade seemed happy. So we'll see how it goes tonight.

*whew*

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'm a bad person

2 comments Posted by perphila at 3:33 PM

So, things went pretty smooth last night. I have been sending Connor to go and walk Cade and Sofie home lately from the dock. It gives him a chance to see his dad otherwise he wouldn't. It gives Sofie and Cade a chance to regroup a bit before they get home. Sofie was very happy to be back. She always screams mommy and hugs me so tight it almost hurts. I am sure Sean is grateful not to see that. Not that I am doing him any favors. She was a mess. Hear hair was a tangled mess. I doubt it was combed at all since I did it Friday. She was covered in marker and she had a rash on her face and butt. Lovely. I gave her a nice long bath and covered her in creams and medicines. It took a while to comb the knots out. While we were at it I painted her nails a nice fall brown color. She was thrilled. It still amazes me she sits still long enough for the polish to dry. Will gets very disgruntled every time she comes home like that. He was mumbling about Sean being nothing more than a glorified babysitter than a father. I just let it slide. No point in getting into an argument about it. Cade said his weekend sucked. Then he said he wasn't allowed to say that there. He did go to the tournament on Saturday and had some good pizza and unlimited glazed donuts. So much for their "organic" life humm? When Sean is alone his true colors come out. Sofie had a huge bruise on her leg. I wondered if she fell but it isn't like anyone is telling me. Cade did mention Sofie got bit again and he saw the bruise on her leg on Sunday and was wondering how it happened. I am guessing she got it on Saturday when Sean and Cade were gone for the day. I am just going to go with the fact she is three and it's not surprising she might have fallen. I was glad to see they didn't have her hair cut. I am glad I kept my mouth shut and never said a word. I am thinking I am going to have to do it myself though. She comes back looking like medusa every Sunday and it hurts her to have to get it brushed out. I go real slow but still. When she's home it's a quick and bonding thing for us that doesn't hurt. Of course I always put it up at meal times and at other times she could get stuff in it. They don't do that. I am sure more stuff will come out over the week. Joy. Oh, and I got a picture from Sofie when she got home. In crayon so I wonder why she looked like a rainbow vomited on her hands? Anyway, the picture really made me mad. I mean I was so...so..sick. It was folded up in a baggie. She was happy to give it to me and I was shocked that Sean would be kind enough to send it to me. Then I looked at it. It said, To Amy love Sofie and Ragan. I didn't even want to open it. Cade looked disgusted. He looked over my shoulder at it like a person might look at a car accident. Morbid curiosity. I looked at it because Sofie wanted me to. Inside one half was a drawing from Sofie. Stick people and scribbles. Cute..:) The other side was from the girl and it said on it, Amy Rocks! Please. She has met me once. I feel like a bad person for wanting to shred the drawing. I know..know the girl acts the way she does because of her mom. It isn't her fault. She will be 8 years old next month. I just get into very angry mom mode though when I think of her. How can I like the kid who bites and punches my daughter? Who walks in on my son when he's naked? I want to be more compassionate. I want to be more empathetic. I just can't right now. I really don't like her. I have never not liked a kid before. I have thought some were rude and mean and stuff but not outright disgust. I wonder if she made that picture for me because she wanted to? I really doubt it. Unless they are telling her how wonderful I am which would be odd considering the woman puts me down in front of Cade. Twisted.

My cold is gone. No more sniffing. I am still getting the headaches though. I hope that ends soon too.

I got paid Friday and was happy to get $250. It's a sad amount for a weeks work but it was a good haul for me.

My island car is dead again. It must hate me.

I got more food today from a summer person closing up for the season. I got eggs which I needed. I am so happy. I was thinking....I am grateful for getting eggs...is that good or sad?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Tears

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:30 AM

I really didn't have a reason to not post yesterday. My plans were all changed. I had planned on going for a drive up the coast with a friend to this big store about 3 hours away. I wanted to look at the HUGE amount of books there and maybe do some x-mas shopping. At 50 cents a book I could do really well for the kids for the holidays. It was a nasty day though. Rain and big winds. So we set the plan back a few weekends. I was really sad. I had already rescheduled work for Saturday. I was bummed and had a lot on my mind about how the drop off with the kids went on Friday. It was awful. The kids had their last day of swim lessons until the spring. Parents were able to get in the pool. I didn't go though because I was still sniffy and didn't think it would be a good idea. Afterwords I took the kids to dinner at Subway. It was a real treat since I usually get them something from the store with the food stamps. Then we went to the used book store next door and browsed a bit. You can turn in used paperbacks for credit there and I had some to turn in and I was hoping to get something to read for the boat ride home for free. I didn't find any of the books I was looking for though. I got Cade a book. Sofie had two in the car so she was set. She was busy with her toy from her kids meal anyway. Then we went to the store so I could pick up some milk for home and I got them something to drink. We were running a little behind than normal so we had to hurry up and park and pack up our bags for the walk to the baylines for the pick up. As we began walking Sofie asked if we were going home on the boat. I told her I was but she was going with Cade to see dad. She began crying in the middle of the sidewalk. She said she didn't want to go to the witch's house. I just said, "I know, I know sweetie." I tried to talk about other things to take her mind off it but she cried the whole walk. It takes us about 1o minutes. We got there right on the dot for the pick up time of 5:30. Sean was no where to be seen. I sat Sofie on a bench and wiped her nose. She kept saying she wanted to go home with mumma. I took her with me to buy a ticket and she asked if she could get a ghost ticket. Those are tickets the baylines gives to kids who want a ticket but don't have to pay yet because they are too young. She got it and cried again saying it wasn't a princess ticket. I just held her and hugged her. Cade was all twitchy because he didn't want to go either. He said his dad was going to coach a debate tournament on Saturday and Cade was going to go. He said that he wanted to go because even though he doesn't like going and thinks it's boring he would at least be away from the woman and her kids for the whole day. He said he brings his game boy and a book and parks himself in the adults lounge and is alone the whole day. His dad is in rounds so is not there except at lunch time. Cade likes that part. Still, Cade said he felt bad to go because he was worried about Sofie. He doesn't like her being left alone with Kathryn and Ragan. Especially now that the girl is biting Sofie again. He was torn and it showed. Five minutes before the boat was going to leave Sean came in. That is the last boat of the day too. If I missed it I would be stuck. I would have just taken the kids home anyway though. I told Sofie that her dad was here and she started crying all over again. Sean saw her and asked her what was wrong. She said she wanted to go home. I asked her if she wanted dad to hold her and she yelled no. She said again she wanted to go home with mumma. Sean looked annoyed and told her, "oh, come on Sofie." he didn't sound mean but ...it was. I stood her on the bench and wiped her nose again and she asked to keep the tissue. I then asked her to do me a favor. She said ok. I asked her to go with dad and find the prettiest toy there she could find and bring it home for me. Could she do that? She said she could. I then asked her if she wanted to walk or have dad carry her to the car. Neither of course. So I asked her is she wanted me to take her and she said yes. So I picked her up and began to walk outside to his car. He glared at me and asked me where I was going. Later on I figured out he thought I was leaving to go home with her but at the time I was focused on Cade and Sofie and not his inner mind workings. I kinda blinked and told him I was taking Sofie to his car. To me it was a duh moment. Obviously he hadn't been paying attention to my conversation with Sofie. I had Cade get Sofie's bag with her dinner leftovers, his new books and drink. I got her in his car. She was crying all the way. I told her I was going to let dad buckle her in. She wanted kisses. I gave her some. I told her I would look for a nice princess book for her to read when she got home and she said ok. I said bye to Cade and she was just a wreak. Sean looked at me and thanked me. I still don't think he got it though. I wonder what it will be like when they get home today? I am tired just thinking about it. Sofie wasn't having a tantrum by any means. When a three year old has a tantrum you know it. She was just so sad. I think that made me feel worse.

So, Saturday I putted around and did chores while Will and I got caught up on our tv shows. He had the day off because of the weather. He is working today though. I was able to fold the laundry, vacuum during commercials, dishes and do all the dusting and picking up. I made a nice hot chili which I wanted more than soup for the raining day. I really got a lot done. Today, I slept in a little but not much. My head still hurts in the morning. It is just sinus congestion. It goes away after I sit up a while. I am having tea and then it is back to business. I miss the kids.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Back to it

0 comments Posted by perphila at 2:12 PM

Lest we forget what started the need for this blog as my personal stress outlet..:)

Anyway, I had been thinking back on my life before the bipolar and depression and etc. and I wonder if I used up my life allowance of non stress free life. I had all the usual life stresses but in comparison to my life now I was pretty naive to say the least. I am still naive but at least I know I am now. Not as arrogant. Now that I have been able to sleep some with my cold improving I have been dreaming again. I had Sean on my mind yesterday and so he was in my dream last night. I had been thinking about him because I had emailed him about when to pick up the kids today. I usually to that on Thursdays so he knows a day ahead of time. Well, he emailed me back within half an hour. (Isn't he supposed to be at work?) and he wondered if I meant he was picking the kids up on Friday. I guess he was confused and thought I may have meant for him to get them on Thursday. If he had just taken a second to think he would know I usually email him on Thursdays about Friday pick up times. Also since he is part of the school system now he should know there isn't any school days off that would allow him to get the kids on Thursday. How would Cade get to school otherwise? Sean can't just drive him to school. Cade would have to get a 5:10am ferry from town to be able to be on time for school. I have no problem being sympathetic to maybe forgetting what day it is sometimes. Who doesn't? I just get concerned when I see the guy I knew who was on top on everything get confused, forgetful and not thinking things through. I know....KNOW...he isn't taking his meds that were prescribed for these very same memory issues. Heck, I don't even know if they would have worked or not. So, I was thinking about that off and on. I was annoyed at his email when really I shouldn't have been. It was a good thing he was at least asking. I was bugged at myself for not being more understanding. I really need to have more patience. I had very little of it yesterday and I don't know why. Sofie was getting into everything and didn't want to nap and was testing every one's boundaries. I was really losing my mind. I felt great when she did finally nap but when she got up it was the same thing all over again. She really isn't like this so I know it was more than my own nerves. Cade said she was acting like that girl and that made me angry all over again. It is out of my control. It isn't Sofie's fault she is getting two different signals of how to behave when she is with her dad. It is Sean's and mine for not being able to have one set of rules for her to learn. I have tried so many times in phone calls, face to face, email and therapy for us to have a parenting plan for the kids, yet nothing from him. Again, this is where he thinks of the other girl first. How she is raised is up to her mom. They say it's not fair for the her to see Sofie being disciplined a different way. I say why not? Maybe she would learn a thing or two. Like how not to steal. Grrr.. Anyway, I can see this will be an issue for Sofie and a long term struggle. Just what I wanted, another long term problem.

So, back to my dream, it wasn't all that bad. Mostly sad. There was an understanding there between us I miss more than anything. He was resting with me and we didn't really talk. Some people thought we were together but I said he was married. I got some dirty looks but we weren't doing anything but sitting. Then my dream morphed into a really cool scifi thing...which I enjoyed much more...:)

Cade had another bad evening Wednesday. I am glad we are focusing on how to deal with stress and how to tackle tough conversations in therapy. Of course Connor was in the middle of it all. He really didn't do anything but Cade just was snappy. It led to a talk and crying was involved. Cade did real well and even though things weren't really resolved I could see the effort Cade put in. Connor on the other hand really bugged me. I was glad to see he wasn't angry. I was worried to see him say things like he doesn't care if people are hurting him or were mad at him. He is really in denial of his feelings and it's only going to bite him in the butt. Also he has expectations of Cade being able to deal with things the way Connor does. I tried to explain to him Cade is only ten and he is doing an amazing job for his age. I know he gets frustrating and can be hurtful and that is something to work on. Cade doesn't get a free pass for things like name calling or saying shut up. Connor complained that Cade walks away too much. I tried to explain the TWO part thing we are working on in therapy about walking away when you feel like your losing control and then being able to come back to try to talk again. It is hard for adults to do. Cade is only just now beginning to work on the coming back part and he is very stressed about it. Connor just has no empathy at times. If he can't understand it or hasn't experienced it then it's stupid to him. I am not liking that in him. Having empathy for others is vital. I need to get Connor back to therapy.

I never did say how his visit with his dad went. I doubt he will go back anytime soon. His dad didn't take him anywhere or get him anything. Connor had his own money amazingly enough but his dad wouldn't even give him a ride. He also was supposed to help him with his math and he didn't do that either. They didn't talk about any kind of bonding feelings or to even catch up on stuff. They talked about music which is the only thing they have in common and Sean told Connor about how HIS life was going and what HE was doing. Connor said he was a selfish jerk. Oh well. I wanted to say I told you so but wisely kept my mouth SHUT. I didn't ask if he was going to see him again. I didn't ask anything. Then Connor got sick. I wonder how much of it was depression. He did have a fever on Wednesday. The rest of the days he was just shut off. He drank hot tea and took his medicine. It's so hard to tell. He certainly LOOKED miserable. I was sick myself so I wasn't looking as closely as I should have I suppose. I don't think it's too far of a stretch to think his getting "sick" so close after a visit with his dad is coincidence.

I read a story the other day and I thought of the kids and what they are going through with their dad. I cried. Here is a quote:

She loved her father with all of her might; yet she knew that he would continue to hurt her, and she must continue to forgive him.

That isn't any way to live.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

sniff part two

0 comments Posted by perphila at 6:31 AM

It's 6am and I feel too sick to go on the field trip today. I feel real bad Sofie didn't get to go. I really did too much yesterday. I didn't work after all. That's the bad thing about the babysitting I do, sometimes things change. So, I cleaned the house instead. I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning. I had almost a full nights sleep. I could breathe, which is always a good thing. Everything was looking nice. I started to get a sinus headache so I took some medicine and tried to work on the computers. I had some success. I did manage to get the laptop to work with the wireless. Score me! As a matter of fact I am using it now in bed with a cup to throat soothing tea, tissues, meds and chap stick. To be able to do this from bed feels like some kind of dream. A rich fantasy. It has been so long since I have used a mac that I have forgotten how to use it. How to save pictures or even open a new tab. As for my downstairs desktop only part success. It worked but wouldn't get online, not plugged in (with a really long Ethernet cable) or wireless. Now I have the wireless because of the one phone jack in the whole house that is upstairs. It makes things complicated to say the least. After some messing around with things in the control panel and checking the command prompts I got it to work with the wire. Not practical long term but it will work in a pinch. I even got it to work wireless for a little while. I have a serious IP issue that is making my brain implode. I turned everything off to make sure it would still work and I lost the wireless. Rats. I couldn't get it back. I know some of what is wrong but not how to fix it. I called my provider and they said it was a third party router so they couldn't help me and transferred me to their advanced tech guys. Ok. I am on hold for a while and finally get the tech guy. He said he could help me but it would cost me $14.99. I was beyond frustrated by then and was willing to pay. Then the hook. I had to make a 10 month at $14.99 commitment. Well, crap. So no deal. That was that. They KNEW how to help and just didn't. Cruel. So, next for the desktop...even with the non wireless I need to add a virus blocker. I have one on my other desktop and I think I can just do an add on without extra cost. I also need to figure out how the two pc's can communicate with each other so the kids can use the printer upstairs when they use the downstairs pc. I imagine that won't happen until I figure out the wireless issue because one long cord that we can trip over is enough. Until then they will have to use their pen drives. I am learning more than I want to know. *sigh*

Connor is still sick. He has to be better by tomorrow. He goes to school even if he has to drag himself there. He has a meeting with one of his teachers for the one low grade he has. The progress reports were what I expected. Thank goodness.

Will fell on the way to the boat today on the hill by the house and wound up rolling all the way to the bottom. Needless to say he missed to boat and limped home. He could have called me and I would have gotten him but he didn't think of it. Why even carry a cell? He must the the only teenager who forgets to use his cell. At least he didn't break his leg. It's pretty swollen around his knee though. He has it propped and iced. He isn't in much pain though which is good. You just never know what will happen. I could have gone on the field trip. Will could have broken his leg and no one would have been here to help him. We live one one side of the island where we are the only year round people. Unless someone went for a walk or something he would have just been there. He could of course have crawled to some one's house and and used their phone. The doors are usually unlocked. Of course their phones might be turned off for the winter...if they even had a phone. Everything is ok though. I won't dwell on what if's.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Out of control

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:22 PM

I need to work on making lists again. I was getting overwhelmed looking at them and stopped for a while. On the other side of the coin now though I am feeling overwhelmed that things are sliding a bit. I know my thinking processes are like molasses right now with my lovely head cold but I totally spaced the free flu vaccines at the hall yesterday for the kids and me. Now I will have to pay for them at the doctors. Plus a trip in town. Wonderful.

I'm still sick but getting better. No fever and no oink oink flu for me. That's the silver lining for me on feeling miserable.

More good stuff. My island car is running. I hope it lasts the winter. I got my DHHS money today! I have already spent half of it on bills. I have more bills but I am trying to stay conservative. I need to get the town car all fixed up for the winter and inspected so I am going to do that first then see what I can do. Will made more money than me again last week. I feel pretty crappy about that.

Connor did go see his dad. Again he was gleeful about trying to bleed his dad dry of funds for xbox games. Whatever. Let them have a dysfunctional relationship.

Progress report cards are coming home today. These are not the final grades just a progress thing the school sends out so kids and parents can see what needs to be worked on before the final grades are done and gives the kids a chance to fix things.Will is exceeding all his classes but one. He is smart and lets me know before the cards come if he is having trouble. He also lets me know what he is doing to fix the problem. I wish all people did that with me. Connor on the other hand is almost a mystery. He didn't tell me what he was getting but he did tell me about the one class he was behind in and what he was trying to do to fix it. I am crossing my fingers I won't get punched in the stomach when I see the progress report.

I need to go and take a rest. I didn't work today but I am tomorrow and there is a field trip on Wednesday so I need to be over this thing by then.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

sniff

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:59 PM

I really tried but I got sick anyway. Night before last my throat was sore. I was so tired I dropped into a dead sleep real early but I had to get up early for the boat yesterday. I imagine if I could have stayed home I wouldn't feel so bad now. I really should be in bed now but it's Sofie's nap time and I put her in my room where I can shut the door. It's the weekend and everyone is here so I wanted her to have some quiet. Plus, I can sit still without having to get up for her anyway. Connor and Cade cleaned up for me today. I was thankful. Will is working. I had to go into town yesterday for Cade's therapy session. It went well. I would have skipped out on swim otherwise. Since we were already in town though we did the whole enchilada. I went grocery shopping and we went to swim. I did other errands. We had to walk to the boat in the morning since the car is still out of commission but we got a ride home. Sofie was really tired. I figured I would check my mail and stuff before settling down on the couch for a while. I have a fever so I need a nap. I got an email from Sean. He finally emailed me to ask if Connor could come over tomorrow. He might be getting it. I really am not in the mood to deal with him today. I was a little miffed he implied that he hadn't seen Connor in a long time even though Connor had told him he has wanted to see him like that was MY fault. They have both set up stuff and both bailed and Sean has set up stuff in his own mind that would have never happened anyway. That is also part of the reason why I have been a stick up your butt firm witch about any plans going through me now. So he asked, I told Connor, Connor said he would go, I emailed Sean confirming the plan and said if ANYTHING should change ie, Connor changes his mind or misses the boat etc. that we would contact him right away. That's the best I can do. So we'll see how it goes. Gotta go and rest now.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Good news, Bad News

2 comments Posted by perphila at 1:29 PM

Let's start off with some good news. I got my laptop back. It's fixed and it works. Bad news, won't connect to the internet unless plugged in....now I need to figure out the problem. It means a phone call to the provider which always ends in misery...for me. Oh and I might need a new battery and/or adapter. Still cheaper than a new laptop. More good, called the DHHS hot line and the money was collected yesterday. Bad news, still not in my account even with direct deposit. Called DHHS back and was told it can take up to seven days for it to be dispersed. Good news, the mechanic came and looked at the island car yesterday...finally. Bad news, it still isn't running. Good news, it isn't the wiring. Bad news, it might be the battery after all but not sure yet. It says it's charged but it might just be too old. Good news, the guy thinks he has one at his house in town and is going to get it for me...for free. More bad news, while talking to DHHS found out they still do not have verification of Sean's job and there is not a wage attachment in place yet. So, in theory after I get this money I will be going through this process again. As it stands they are going to let him make payments to them himself. I pointed out that was why they had to do this bank attachment in the first place because he wasn't paying. I was told they are just waiting for the verification. I pointed out again they have been waiting for almost a year for one of them and since the beginning of August for the other. What does it take to get the places to answer them? I was told that they will just keep doing bank attachments every month if they have to. Riight. Because it worked so well this time. Giving Sean some points he did make a payment at the end of September all on his own outside of the attachment. That was added to the payout yesterday. I give points where they are due. Still, his numbers are very low. I guess I get to call them next week. I am thinking I am going to have to call the school myself. I really am not the kind of person with the skill set to do this kind of thing. It raises my stress levels big time. More bad news, got my credit card bill and those places I called before that I had charges from that I didn't make are still charging. They "said" I was refunded and off the records. I called one place twice. Now I am going to call the credit card company. I am so mad then tired at the same time. More phone calls. ick. Even though there is more in the bad news side I feel as if I am taking some steps forward. That may sound weird but maybe I am just feeling optimistic right now. I guess that's a good place to be...oh more good news. My new books rock! I am so happy they are so fun to read. It makes me happy and I need all I can get in the makes me happy bucket. Connor said I made him sick when I finished one book in a day. I told him he was just jealous and he laughed. He was teasing me. That was nice though. It's good to see him connecting. Speaking of that, more bad news, one guy on the island Connor is pretty close with got real sick on the boat ride home yesterday. They have EMT's on the boat and they stopped at the nearest island and met up with the fire boat that took him to the hospital. We don't know yet if he had a stroke or had an allergic reaction to some meds he had that day. (He had some teeth pulled) He is in his 70's but still works for the government and it's a real shock. Healthy guy. I will hear more today.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Trying to think clearly

1 comments Posted by perphila at 11:31 AM

Seems simple enough. Really though, the art of stepping back and thinking things through isn't all that easy. I still don't know if I should call Sean about the hair thing. Really I doubt it would achieve anything. It would probably piss him off and then it would something like, "I am her FATHER I can cut her hair if I want to. It's my RIGHT." even though he really could care less and it not even him who wants to do it. Let sleeping dogs lie I suppose. I have also been thinking about calling Cade's therapist. He was just so defeated yesterday. This morning he was sounding very sad about Halloween. He said he didn't even want to think about it. I asked him why and he said he doesn't want to tell his dad he wants to be on the island with his friends because he doesn't want his dad making him feel bad again. I asked him again that if he wasn't worried about how his dad was going to react what would he do? Where would he want to be? He said here because he gets a huge load of candy but also we have company coming for the weekend and he has some summer friends who are going to be out here for the holiday. He tries to keep in touch with them online but he's 10....it tough at that age. He doesn't want to miss out on any opportunity to hang with them. I doubt I would see him much myself even if he does stay..:) He says his dad is talking about Halloween and Cade just leaves the room. He is just overwhelmed and scared. I told him we should talk about this with his therapist on Friday and see if we can come up with another solution when it comes to having these tough conversations with his dad. Third party maybe? Does he want me there too? Would that be too uncomfortable? Does he want me to ask? What can I do, we do to ease this stress. God knows Sean isn't going to help. He hasn't even asked to come into any of Cade's therapy sessions since his started working again. Going on three months now. I asked him if he could take time off one day a month or during a lunch break or something. Never got a response. I have to think of what I can schedule that doesn't have Cade missing a lot of school. While he is having swim he is going in Friday morning. He has a half day on Fridays anyway in the afternoon. We go into town for swim lessons in the fall and spring. We can't do a session after swim because the kids meet with Sean for the weekend and by then it's too late in the day. Once swim is over then we can switch to the afternoons during what would be swim time. Maybe Sean will come then. Maybe if the therapist tells Sean he HAS to come to resolve this he might come. I should call the therapist first though before we get there so we have a topic ready to go. I worry about Cade getting depressed about everything. You would think after time he would be getting more adjusted but he really isn't. He is adjusted here at home to not having his dad around and stuff like that. The hard part is leaving here where he feels safe and listened to, to going there and getting either ignored or yelled at. Sometimes both at the same time. Yelled at by Kathryn and ignored by his dad. I have to go with my gut, I feel like something is off with him. *sigh*

With all this drama going on my head isn't where it should be. I had been thinking about Cade's winter coat and how I would be able to afford a new one. His old one needs it's zipper replaced and that's beyond my skill level. I thought I could take it to a dry cleaner or something. I heard they might fix it. I never use one so I was dreading finding a place. It would be cheaper than a new coat. Then yesterday I was finally dragging out the winter hats, boots and things and I sat down feeling like a dumb ass. I didn't need to be worrying about this at all. I had Connor's old winter coat he could use. I saved it just for this reason. It doesn't fit Connor anymore he out grew it. I felt like a real mental midget right then. Connor needs a new coat but he refuses to even consider it. He just wears layers upon layers of stuff. He is certainly warm enough so I am not going to sweat it. If he wants to look like the Michellan man so be it.

I got a call today for fuel assistance. They are booked into December and January. I am getting a full tank from the memorial fund this year so that should keep me going until the appointment. I still haven't turned the heat on yet. It's been getting cold at night but we are under the covers anyway. Will is worried about his plants. We move them at night to a smaller room and I turn in the space heater for a bit to warm the room up. I turn it off before bed. It keeps them warm for the night.

Still no money. I have to call DHHS this afternoon. I was too busy yesterday. I need a nap. I have the sniffles. I am fighting it off though. I'm not going to get sick!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Is this normal?

2 comments Posted by perphila at 4:18 PM

Will is sick. Connor missed the boat and Cade was so upset I made him stay home so he wouldn't get mad and take out on someone at school. What a day. Why was Cade so upset? He had some down time yesterday after he got off the boat by helping Will clean up the tennis court in the square, he did so much Will gave him some of the pay he got for the job and so when they got home Cade was happy to have made a few bucks. That night though things began to simmer in his mind about the weekend and he let loose. Sofie started it all, not on purpose of course, by talking about how "the beast" had bitten her (again) while they were at Steve and Terrell's house. They are the new wife's parents. Sean and her insist the kids call them grandma and grandpa. Cade would rather die. Sofie did a few times but the past few times she has seen them has called them by name. Kathryn felt that was all Cade's doing and gave him a lecture about how he was "harming Sofie's brain" by telling her to call them by their names and that Sofie should have lots of grandparents. Cade said he thought she was nuts. How many grandparents does she want them to have? He asked her how she could be an English teacher and say something like he was harming his sister's brain? That was a little too weird for him. Then he was upset at Sofie being bitten. Sofie wasn't pleased either. She has a bruise to show for it. Then Cade said that Kathryn is planning on cutting Sofie's hair on their next visit. Granted her hair is long. Every time we go out people comment on how beautiful her hair is. So long and curly. I haven't had the heart to cut it yet. I'm not going to let it grow forever. For now though she is just lovely. When I do get it cut it would be her first cut. I have saved clippings from each of the kids first haircuts because of the milestone it is and the memories. Cade was furious. I don't blame him. Will was beside himself and said if she did that he would shave Kathryn's head himself. I left the room for a few minutes. I thought I was having a panic attack. It seem so stupid to be upset over a thing like a haircut. It's more than that really though. All the other emotions wrapped up in it. The power Sean is letting that woman have on our daughter. To touch a single hair on her head makes me so angry and panic ridden at the same time. The milestone moment gone. Sean doesn't give a crap about things like that. Scrapbook moments and family pictures. I do. That would be another thing taken away by him.....by HER. After I calmed I reasoned it was just haircut and most likely it was just her mouthing off because she is "so stressed" now a days. Cade said he was in tears on Saturday and was yelled at all weekend. I am so grateful he has therapy Friday. He doesn't want to go back ever again. He missed a day of school today because of the stress. This is not good. Not good at all.

On another note, the trip to the dentist on Friday was interesting. I had heard nothing from Sean since the week before last. I emailed him Tuesday and told him I was leaving the kids with his parents on Friday and about the dentist visit. He still hasn't given me info for the dentist. When I got there I tried to give them his name and address for billing. They wouldn't let me without a call or letter from him. I explained he had said the kids had dental coverage but that he wasn't giving me the information and about the last dental visit that was supposedly covered but I had paid for myself. The lady I talked to was nice. She gave me the number of the insurance company and said she wouldn't charge me for the visit that day. She couldn't understand either why a father would do that but she has had a similar experience (go dead beat dad's every where) so she was helpful. I went back to the waiting area relieved I didn't have to pay that day and after a few minutes she called me back. She was smirking. She asked me if he had a new wife. I said yes. The lady told me that the new wife had called the day before and added the kids to HER insurance. I was shocked to say the least. Now to anyone who even might be thinking that was a nice thing for her to do...don't. Sean lied. He lied.....again. He said HE had coverage for the kids thought HIS work. He was pressured by me and got her to do it for him. HIS kids and she is the one paying the bill. She is enabling him and was suckered. I am galled to have the kids covered by her. It's pretty sick. Not to mention it makes sense why he isn't giving me any info. He either never had it (which would be another lie) or he doesn't want to give me HER policy information. I wonder if she knows he lied and she is just saving his ass. I asked the lady where the reimbursements would go. Her insurance right? I paid a huge chunk already. She said since when they submit the bill the money is supposed to go to "the responsible party" which is me on the paperwork. Not her. I hope so. Just another paper trail I have to keep track of. *sigh*

Monday, October 12, 2009

Back Home

0 comments Posted by perphila at 12:52 PM

I was gone the past few days. I came home late on Saturday and slept well. Yesterday I cleaned, cleaned, cleaned. Not that the place was a wreak but still... I got caught up on almost all my tv shows I like. It was background to the cleaning. I vacuumed during commercials. I did laundry the whole day. I even deep cleaned things like the toaster and other odd and ends. I was working on the upstairs today but I have a headache now and thought I would take a little break. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was congested. Hopefully I am not getting a cold. It's time to dig out the winter clothes. That will be a project I will start after the tylenol kicks in. In the mean time I am putting clothes away and making up beds and just putting things back in their proper places. It's been a trying week emotionally to say the very least. Tomorrow I get back to babysitting and finding out if I have the child support yet. I think this week will be quiet over all. I have one meeting on Wednesday for the PTC and the CIA. Cade has therapy on Friday so I will do my food shopping then. There is also swim for Cade and Sofie. All the kids will be home this weekend which will be nice. Hopefully the island car will be fixed this week. It just is totally dead now. I have a mechanic looking at it sometime this week and he won't charge me. Sweet. I am getting two new books to read on Tuesday. Connor should have gotten them for me on Saturday from the post office but he just brought home the yellow slip and didn't pick up the package. I know I am teetering on an emotional cusp when I found out he spaced it I was so bummed out I almost cried. I was really looking forward to relaxing and reading at least one of them this weekend. Instead I cleaned like a demon. I was on my hands and knees so much my knees were actually red and nasty by the end of the day. I "channeled" my sad feelings into OCD...:) It feels real good though to be in a clean house I must say. I need to go through paperwork this week and I really don't want to do that. I would rather wash windows or clean the toilet. Oh well. I did that already. Maybe I will take an hour to myself this afternoon before Sofie and Cade come home. They stayed and extra day with their dad because of the holiday. Connor talked with his dad about maybe coming over but never did. Connor would rather talk with his friends. I don't blame him.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Freaked

2 comments Posted by perphila at 2:54 PM

Landlord came by. He asked if anything needed to be fixed and was upset DHHS wasn't being more helpful. I am totally freaked because I am so far behind with him. We talked about what we can do about catching up. I feel like my stomach has dropped out and my chest is on fire. So, since there is nothing I can do at the moment I am not already doing to fix the problem and worrying will just send me into an anxiety attack I thought I would do a short post. I have mentioned how much I like to read and people might wonder about how I am able to read as much as I do with as little time as I have. here are some pictures that help explain. I have a really nice book clip. I can prop my book up and read while I do other brainless things. I multitask..
Cooking dinner
Brushing teeth

Doing dishes

Folding laundry

Screwed

0 comments Posted by perphila at 12:48 PM

I finally contacted a human at DHHS today. Obviously there wasn't any money in my account. I had to call back twice which didn't make me feeling like things were going to go well. I had some maybe good news but mostly bad. I am thinking if things progress the way they have been I won't be getting any money until the 15th or 16th. This is what is happening. There is no bank release form they are waiting for from Sean. I figured that. What the hold up is that they have to wait 30 days to release money to me unless Sean writes them a letter stating he isn't going to ask for a hearing. What they are trying to do isn't a monthly attachment from any employer, since they haven't all the confirmations on that yet. Instead, in order to try and get me money sooner they are attaching his bank account. Since this is affecting him the law says he has 30 days to ask for a hearing. In order to keep his licence he agreed with the case worker that he wouldn't ask for a hearing and he would write up the letter and send it to them. Once they got it they can release money to me as soon as possible and there wouldn't need to be a 30 day wait. He KNEW about this on September 15th. That is when I last heard from the case worker. That is when the deal was brokered. At the time I was talking with the specialist I didn't think clearly but now that I have had time to reflect I feel sick again at Sean's callousness. He could have sent the letter in the next day and I could have had that money by now for the dentist and other things...like rent. He then sends me an email only last Friday to say it had only "just come to his attention" that he needed to "send in a form" and he "didn't know what the hold up" was? He KNEW, he knew. He lied and stalled and increased his debt and conned his way into keeping his licence. He SHOULD have lost it until we had the money. Also, the bank attachment is a one time thing that takes what is in his account..all of it. He has given himself time to clean it out and when the attachment hits on the 15th, with or without his letter, than all I will get for the kids is whatever he has in it. Then that's it. No monthly payments. It could be only a $1000 or $2 bucks for all I know. I was so frustrated. I asked them why this wasn't done. I told them I have been trying to get this for a year now. The court order for withholding is clear. Why aren't they DOING anything. I pointed out his disability was there at the time of the divorce so there shouldn't be any excuses of his unemployment. I asked if they had verified yet his work at the school. They hadn't. More frustration. I told them that Will's principal had seen him at an inter school event and I was sure he was working. I reminded them the school had 30 days to verify his employment or they were supposed to be fined. I was told they sent the letter out to the school on August 5th. So? FINE them then. Call them. Do SOMETHING. So the guy I was talking to was pretty upset and said this was DHHS's bread and butter and should have done something about this sooner. Choir here. He sent emails to the case worker about the school verification and about the email I told him Sean sent me telling me he faxed them his letter last Friday. If he did....IF then the money would be released Tuesday to them. They then will direct deposit it to me later in the week. Because of the holiday everything is behind. By then of course it will be around the 15th anyway. Then the guy asked me what car Sean had. I told him is was a Lexus but used. He said as long as it's newer than 10 years old they can put a lien on it. Sweet. Then he asked me if he owed property. I told him he had a house in Portland but I didn't know if he was on the deed or if it was just his current wife. God I hope they added his name on it after the divorce. I know they didn't add his before then because of that. If they did then there is another lien. He said they likely hood of getting money from it was slim but it would send a clear message to Sean they are after him and keep his attention and mess with his credit. I am to call back on Tuesday anyway to see if the money has come through and check the progress. I am going to have to call every week. On the plus side I have the name of the case worker now and I can ask for her directly. Everything has to be done through her anyway. This is just totally nuts. The system is failing. I am so tired of it.

On top of that last night I was telling Sofie she was going to see her grandparents on Friday and then see dad and she was very upset. I have something for Sean's parents and they have some clothes for Sofie so I asked if I could leave Sofie and Cade with them for a little visit and have Sean pick them up from there after I left. That was fine with them. Sofie was cool with that. She just didn't want to "go the the witch's house". Sofie then said, "Ragan hurt me. Dad didn't help me." I really..I mean REALLY didn't want to ask. Cade jumped in and said "the beast" was really mean last weekend. Sofie said that she had bitten Sofie. Crunched Sofie's finger real good. Then she talked Sofie into taking her clothes off. Cade had Sofie get dressed when he saw her and rounded on the girl asking her what in the heck did she think she was doing? Cade was really mad. She did other things too but those were to two biggies that freaked me out a little. What can I do? Talking to Sean doesn't work. Telling him these things are going on is also pointless because he knows. The kids tell him. He isn't ignorant. This is just not a good environment for them. I just don't know how to help them anymore. I can't just keep them home. I would be breaking the court order by doing so and by extension the law. I know some might see it as a "well you didn't pay the child support so you don't get the kids" thing when I don't feel that way at all. I am not one of those women. I am just worried and scared. *sigh*

I emailed Sean on Tuesday telling him where the kids would be Friday. He never responded. So, hopefully the kids will have a nice visit the whole weekend with their grandparents. We'll see.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

When to take things seriously

0 comments Posted by perphila at 6:02 PM

Me: So, Connor. The first quarter closes this Friday. Are all your grades going to be good.

Connor: Yeah. All but Math.

Me: oh?

Connor: Yeah I'm not doing well.

Me: I guess you have to start staying after and get extra help like Will does.

Connor: (defensive) No. I only have two papers due and I can get them done during academic support block.

Me: Well, you do realize that if you don't pass everything you will lose the xbox for the whole next trimester.

Connor: Well, you should now I won't like that.

Me: I realize that.

Connor: I really won't like that.

Me: How you react doesn't bother me. If you don't keep your grades up you start losing privileges. It's that simple and you know that.

Connor: Well, that doesn't make any sense but whatever.

Me: (closes eyes and takes a deep breath. I was just baited with an argument. What the heck do you mean it's doesn't make sense? Huh? Whatever? grrrr.)
As long as I am clear you understand the consequences of your actions.

Connor: (leaves the room)

I have held back. He needs to fall I guess.
On another note...no money yet. *sigh*

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I will not be sad

2 comments Posted by perphila at 12:27 PM

Still, no money in my account. Trying not to get OCD about it. Really though, it can't come soon enough.

I looked up a book on amazon today that has been getting some buzz by the tweens on the boat thinking it might be something to check out for Cade and the library. I haven't been to my account there in ages since I can't afford to buy anything there anyway. I have been there looking up other things before but just not on my own account. Well, I thought to look at the saved to buy later section and I found stuff Sean had saved to buy there. This is my account with my credit card that would be used. I am sure he had forgotten all about it. He has no access to it now anyway. Still, it was a reminder that even though he had his own account that used his own credit card he was saving stuff and buying stuff on mine with me footing the bill. The stuff was saved in 2007, "the summer Sean went ape-shit" as we like to call it over here. I am sure he felt quite liberated to spend as much as he wanted as long as it wasn't his responsibility to pay anything back. I felt so dumb all over again. I wonder how many more unpleasant surprises I am going to find as the years go by? That was one of the things I hated most when he was still here.
Hearing stories from friends about things Sean did with them when I was out of town or something. It wasn't that he did those things. They weren't really bad. It was humiliating to hear from other people who assumed he had told me all this stuff before. I was so ashamed and when I would tell him how it would make me feel he would get angry and defensive about what he did. Trying to tell him it wasn't about what he did it was about him not telling me about it years ago that was hurtful never got though to him. He would just be angry and then I would feel bad. *sigh* I had hoped now that he is gone those days would be over. I am trying not to feel sad this week in general. Lot's of stuff. It certainly doesn't help that the " 1st anniversary" of the divorce is the 9th. One year and he already has the first anniversary of his new marriage coming up next month and a new baby. It's so unreal to me still. It feels so very very wrong.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Homecoming

2 comments Posted by perphila at 11:14 AM

Talk about an ego boost. Sofie came home last night and as soon as she saw me she screamed, "Mommy! Mommy, Mommy I'm home!" and she ran to me and I picked her up and she hugged me so tight I didn't know she was that strong. Then she kissed my cheek over and over. Connor was there and laughed and said, "Looks like she's happy to be home." He had a big smile on his face and we left to go to the house. Sean just stood there and said nothing.

Of course today Sofie is having some adjustment issues. She is always really whiny when she comes home. She is doing a little better now. She has her friend here and they were at each other throats for the first 10 minutes but I told him she was not in a good mood and I sent her to the couch with her blankey and a cup of milk then took him to go play. I told her when she felt better and wanted to play nice then she could join us but if she whined or was mean she would have to go back to the couch. After about half an hour she got up and has been fine ever since. *whew*

Cade went right to the fridge when he got home. He got a big glass of milk, a cheese stick and a cup of yogurt. He said to me, "Finally REAL food." I kind of laughed and said, "What no dairy products over there?" He said they did but they could only have one slice of cheese a day or one yogurt. The milk he said was nasty. Cade said they told him it wasn't healthy to have more than one slice of cheese a day. Not healthy? YET, he said his dad went and bought a bag of Oreos and kept them for himself and "the wife" but the kids weren't allowed to have any. Ate them right in front of them. How mean...:(

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The cost....

4 comments Posted by perphila at 5:22 PM

Well, Cade's home. Still waiting for Sofie. Cade said his dad didn't want to bring Sofie because he didn't want to pay for a ferry ticket for "the beast" and that the baby might spit up on the ride. Well, duh? What baby doesn't? He brought that baby out here before to see his soccer buddy. Why can't he bring her to take his children home? If you think that there are 4 weekends a month, three of them are Sundays Sean has to bring them back what would the cost be to bring them here with the extra cost of "the beast" IF you bought tickets each time and not a commuter book? It would be $86.55 a month. If you bought two commuter books which would cover the same amount of tickets plus one extra the cost is $76.40 a month. Sean does not buy the commuter books although it's cheaper. If he leaves "the beast" at home then the cost is $61.30 which is the cost of one book and two extra tickets. Cheaper than getting two books. Still, if you add in the cost of a sitter for "the beast" and baby for the time it takes for the trip that would be minimum wage times 2 which would be conservatively $45. Add that to the $61.30 then he would be paying $106.30. It is actually cheaper to bring them all. Bottom line is he needs to be on time with the drops offs and accept his responsibility to do so not only in a timely way but in the cost as well. Kids aren't cheap. He can choose to bring them all or not. Either way Cade and Sofie need to be home on time no matter how he achieves it. I have to pay the same costs for Cade and Sofie and myself. I also pay the costs for every doctor appointment and extra things plus gas for the car. I don't ask him to pay me extra for it. I need to think on this a bit without brooding. I had better eat dinner now. I made corned beef and cabbage in the crock pot. So yummy. Better than boiled for sure...:)

Grow up a little

0 comments Posted by perphila at 2:53 PM

I got a response about bringing the kids home on time. He decided to split them up. He is sending Cade (by himself) on the 2:45 boat then bringing Sofie home on the 5:45. What? First off I never send Cade on the boat alone unless I know another parent/neighbor is going to be there too to keep and eye on him. I also have a hard time with the fact that Sean and I continually butt head about separating the kids in general. Why can't they come home together? Well, he doesn't want to bring Cade and Sofie home on the regular boat because then he would have to bring the other two girls with him too. It isn't a cost issue because the younger two (the baby and Sofie) are free. Cade has a boat pass so again, no cost to Sean. He would have to pay a half fare for "the beast" and a full fare for himself which he would have to pay either way. He simply just doesn't want to take care of his own children. So I have to drive down and meet the ferry twice to pick up the kids. I will send him another email I guess about the issue but I am not sure about how to word it. I think it may be time to withhold a visit if he can not be trusted to bring them home on time as a consequence. I just dunno.