Our Island Family Life

We are supposed to be getting a big storm this weekend. I feel so tired and weak there is no way I am shoveling until I get over what ever the heck this is. I feel slightly better but still very tired. I have already taken one nap today and I know my medicine (borrowed) is making me drowsy. I can breathe a little better. I still get completely clogged for a while and that is the worst because I have a hard time swallowing. The stretches of just being normally clogged with some chances of breathing are getting longer.

Yummmm, cake. Will couldn't wait to open his present this morning and he did that before I even had the cake baked. Cade, Connor and I all pooled our money and got him a heated back massage pad you put in a chair. He was very happy. Now after a long day of hauling traps he can shower and relax his muscles. Cade and I made the cake. Lemon with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. I got letter candles (since we were out of regular ones anyway) at the dollar store that spelled out happy birthday. We took a picture of it so I will try and post that another time. Sofie really wanted to blow the candles out but Will beat her to it. It was funny. Then I asked her how old Will was and she said she didn't know. I asked her, "How old are you Sofie?"

Which is rearing it's ugly head again? The bipolar or the crappy father/ex-husband? Mixture of both is my guess.

I really tried but I got sick anyway. Night before last my throat was sore. I was so tired I dropped into a dead sleep real early but I had to get up early for the boat yesterday. I imagine if I could have stayed home I wouldn't feel so bad now. I really should be in bed now but it's Sofie's nap time and I put her in my room where I can shut the door. It's the weekend and everyone is here so I wanted her to have some quiet. Plus, I can sit still without having to get up for her anyway. Connor and Cade cleaned up for me today. I was thankful. Will is working. I had to go into town yesterday for Cade's therapy session. It went well. I would have skipped out on swim otherwise. Since we were already in town though we did the whole enchilada. I went grocery shopping and we went to swim. I did other errands. We had to walk to the boat in the morning since the car is still out of commission but we got a ride home. Sofie was really tired. I figured I would check my mail and stuff before settling down on the couch for a while. I have a fever so I need a nap. I got an email from Sean. He finally emailed me to ask if Connor could come over tomorrow. He might be getting it. I really am not in the mood to deal with him today. I was a little miffed he implied that he hadn't seen Connor in a long time even though Connor had told him he has wanted to see him like that was MY fault. They have both set up stuff and both bailed and Sean has set up stuff in his own mind that would have never happened anyway. That is also part of the reason why I have been a stick up your butt firm witch about any plans going through me now. So he asked, I told Connor, Connor said he would go, I emailed Sean confirming the plan and said if ANYTHING should change ie, Connor changes his mind or misses the boat etc. that we would contact him right away. That's the best I can do. So we'll see how it goes. Gotta go and rest now.

I got a response about bringing the kids home on time. He decided to split them up. He is sending Cade (by himself) on the 2:45 boat then bringing Sofie home on the 5:45. What? First off I never send Cade on the boat alone unless I know another parent/neighbor is going to be there too to keep and eye on him. I also have a hard time with the fact that Sean and I continually butt head about separating the kids in general. Why can't they come home together? Well, he doesn't want to bring Cade and Sofie home on the regular boat because then he would have to bring the other two girls with him too. It isn't a cost issue because the younger two (the baby and Sofie) are free. Cade has a boat pass so again, no cost to Sean. He would have to pay a half fare for "the beast" and a full fare for himself which he would have to pay either way. He simply just doesn't want to take care of his own children. So I have to drive down and meet the ferry twice to pick up the kids. I will send him another email I guess about the issue but I am not sure about how to word it. I think it may be time to withhold a visit if he can not be trusted to bring them home on time as a consequence. I just dunno.

Got an email this morning from Sean today (he sent it yesterday after I had already left for town). In it he was again asking if the kids could stay until the later boat on Sunday. I had already told him from now on it was the 4pm on school nights period. I told him that again. He made excuses about he might be able to do it but it would be difficult and after this week things would be easier. I don't care. The kids need wind down time after they see him and if they get home at 7pm and go to bed at their normal 8pm time it is just a nightmare. We'll see what happens. Of course he tried to sweeten to pot by telling me he had paid the money he owed to DHHS weeks ago and that "it had just came to his attention" that he need to sign a release form to DHHS and he didn't understand what the hold up was but that everything should be fine now and that I had $5000 coming to me. I believe that like a hole in the head. First off the caseworker at DHHS already told me he had tried the signing of release form thing with them only he told them it was from his bank and now he tells me it is from DHHS. Whatever. Second, I checked my bank account again today and the money still isn't there. Then he tells me he will send the dental info to me "eventually" and that the kids last visit should be covered and he will "let me know." BS. My response was no to the staying late. I wanted the info now and a reminded him of Connor and Cade's dental appointment next week. I said NOTHING about the money or DHHS. I will not ever ask for or respond to anything concerning child support again. I got DHHS involved for this very reason and will not be drawn back into his games concerning it. He can try to bribe me, stall me, try and make me feel better by telling me money is on the way but his words are empty. Results are what matters and it isn't like I am going to put in a good word to DHHS for him. I'm not going to help him stall them. It makes me angry to think he thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes and abuse me like this then I get pissed at myself because the only reason he thinks that way is because I have let him do so in the past and it's my own damn fault in the first place. Grrrrr...me.

As for dropping the kids off yesterday that was really hard. Thursday night I was getting Sofie ready for bed and she wanted to stay up. I told her she needed her rest because she had a big day ahead with going to town and swim lessons. She started to cry. I thought it was going to be about going to bed on time but it wasn't. She cried saying she wanted to stay home. I was concerned she didn't want to go to swim lessons but that wasn't the problem. She didn't want to go to the "witch's house" and she said, "I don't want to see dad." The next day we just focused on swim. She had asked me if I would ask her teacher if she would take Sofie out into the pool. That was huge. Sofie loves the water but she was wary of her teacher. When we got there though there was a new teacher. The regular teacher was going to be gone for that class and the next one then come back. I thought ,oh fooey. Just when Sofie was making progress. However, Sofie kept improving and got off the step and onto the wall and went back and forth on it. She showed off to the new teacher she could dunk her head and blow bubbles. Maybe next week she will just go to the wall and be a part of the class. She was so proud and all the other moms were telling her how wonderful she did that day. When we got to the bay lines however all that happiness and pride went into the toilet and she was very upset about having to go. Her friend Aiden showed up with his mom and that distracted her for a bit. When Sean showed up she cried again and held back behind me and said she wanted to go home. I held her and brought her over to him. He asked what was wrong and I said she just wanted to go home. He shrugged it off and said she was just tired. Please. I handed her to him and he asked her why she was crying and she said she wanted to go home. He told her she was going home and she got mad and said, "No! Home to the island!" and cried some more. I asked her to go with dad and bring home her barbie ring for me. I gave her some reeses pieces and she sniffed but said ok. Sean asked me if there was anything he should know about the kids. I wanted to tell him to ask them himself but all I said was to be watchful of Sofie because she didn't want to be with him this weekend. He nodded and left. I stayed in town to the late boat because I need groceries badly. I picked up Will, who stayed to help out and away we went. Who did we see at the store? Sean and the kids. Will took off so his dad wouldn't see him. Sofie called me and I went over to her. She stuck her lips out for a kiss which I gave her. Sean found it funny I guess because he laughed. I asked her what she wanted me to get for her. She asked for cereal and cheese. I said good bye. Cade gave me a hug and took off to look at the cakes. I hope to God Sean was getting him a birthday cake and had a present for him. After they disappeared into the deli section Will came back from where ever he was lurking and we continued our shopping but checked every aisle to make sure we didn't run into them. Then I heard a yell. Bye mommy! Bye mommy! I knew, just knew it was Sofie. I can pick out her voice anywhere. I looked around and saw her just as Sean was pushing her out the doors. I waved and she was trying to stand up and she was smiling at me. Sean looked annoyed and frustrated. Oh well. They were quite a ways away too. I am surprised I heard her at all. She can shout with the best of them though....:) *snicker*

Ok, I am trying not to get too anxious now. I have been checking my bank account hoping I would see the money DHHS was supposed to deposit. Realistically I am sure I have to wait at least another week. Still, I have $400 to my name and the kids see the dentist next week. Two of them anyway. I talked with the teachers about the plan and there is a big copay and thinking it over I wonder if Sean isn't giving me the info because he doesn't want to pay it. I dunno. I am not having luck getting a hold of the insurance company so far. I am determined to talk with someone who can help me. I have bills coming in and over course another month of rent is here. I got another $100 for work this week but it's so little. *sigh* I have a ton of places to clean this weekend. A lot of people will be up next weekend to close up. I hope I can get them all done in time. I am feeling a little stressed. Seeing that money would be nice but like the fridge new money won't just appear just because I open to door again thinking new food has suddenly appeared. I suppose I will have to cal DHHS anyway on Monday for a progress report. What a pain. I of course did my duty and emailed Sean last night about when and where to pick up Cade and Sofie for the weekend. I didn't say anything else. No response as usual. When will I stop getting bugged about that?

When all is said and done can anybody tell me what the result of Connor's maybe visit is?

oh...take a guess.

He's not going. Why? After my last post I talked with Connor and he confirmed what he had said the day before that the plan was to come home on the 5:45 but he asked if things went well if he could stay to the 9:30 boat or until Saturday morning. I said that was fine and told him I had emailed his dad and would email him back asking if that was ok with him too and to let Sean know it was ok with me. At least I would know where Connor was. I emailed Sean and told him everything and asked if it was ok if Connor chose to could he stay longer? I also said again that if I didn't hear from him by 8pm then Connor wasn't going at all. That was at 4:30. Around 7:45 there was still no email from him. A few minutes later Sean calls. I answer and he asked for Connor. He did not talk to me at all about the plans. They talked a few minutes than Connor hung up. I asked him what the plan was and he said he wasn't going. He said his dad said "something came up" and he bailed. I was thinking about the earlier email Sean had sent me and it sounded to me like Sean had plans for Connor to spend the night. Had Sean forgotten them but confirmed to "save face" then said something came up? Connor had asked if he could come over on Saturday instead but Sean said no. What? It takes too much effort to try and figure out what Sean is thinking. Maybe he had the intentions (I hate that word) of seeing Connor but when push comes to shove he chooses his new family over his kids every time. Dunno. What a pain in the behind to go through the emails and waiting and parenting issues for ....nothing. What a toad.

One more thing...as if Connor wasn't stressing me enough. Anyone recall my ramblings about Connor giving me a last minute notice last weekend about seeing his dad and the fallout that followed? In the end he never went even though I said he could as long as he called his dad and I told him I needed to confirm the plans with his dad. Connor didn't want to do that so he didn't go.
After the debacle of last night, just before bed he tells me he has plans with his dad for Friday afternoon. I ask him what they are exactly. He said his dad was going to pick him up from school and that he was going to take the 5:45 ferry home. That would give them a little over three hours to hang out, have dinner, whatever. The only thing that annoyed me was that Connor said they made those plans Tuesday night. I am guessing over that stupid facebook thing. Connor says the only way he can ever get in contact with his dad with any certainty is by using it. Anyway, when Connor told me it was 8:30 Wednesday evening. I had sent Sean an email previously telling him I wanted any plans going on to be confirmed with each other. So I was feeling a bit disappointed in Connor for not telling me sooner but at least he did it. I was feeling nothing but ignored and angry with Sean for not saying anything to me. Not that I expected anything less than stellar parenting from him in the first place....:) Especially since Sean emailed me yesterday thanking me for letting him know Cade had overdue library books. So why didn't he mention it then? Still last night I was too tired to dwell. Since I had told Sean I would email him if Connor told me about plans unless I heard from Sean first I emailed him today. I hate myself for putting that clause in. I know it is the right thing. I know that is the responsible thing to do. It is a fair and reasonable thing to do. Still. I want to be a witch and say no deal unless Sean lets me know what the hell is going on. (deep cleansing breath) Anyway, I emailed him letting Sean know Connor told me about the plans. I told Sean what Connor said the plans were. I am proud of that. See in the past I would have just gone with one of them telling me they had plans and not gotten the nitty gritty info based on faith and trust. Those days are gone. I then copied and pasted the paragraph from the email I had sent before to Sean and told Sean exactly what the consequences were if I did not hear back from Sean confirming the plans by 8pm tonight. Connor would not be going. I pointed out Connor had done his part which was great. I was doing what I said I would do and contacting him. I also told him that since he had not replied to my previous email which had been sent almost a month ago that I went ahead with the rules and consequences outlined in that email and talked with Connor already about it and he was well aware of them and that Connor knew I had informed Sean of the rules and consequences even though I had not heard back from him. The email was two paragraphs plus the snippet from the previous email. I didn't elaborate. I simply did as I said I would, contacted Sean about the plan, informed him of what it was, asked for confirmation, and said what the results would be if I was not answered to by a set time. Several hours later this was the reply:

Yup, we did make these plans. I simply hadn't gotten around to letting you know. The plans actually were that he spends the night and returns on Saturday morning.

So, nonchalant of him, no? Short too. Still not saying in anyway what he thinks of the parenting issue at all. He just hadn't gotten around to it. When was he going to do it, after Connor was already in school on Friday?

I answered back that these were not the plans Connor told me and that I would talk to Connor about it when he got home and let Sean know later tonight. This is the kind of thing I wanted to avoid which is why I think this plan is important. If I hadn't asked what was going on and wanted to know the plan then I would be thinking Connor would be coming home on the 5:45 when he is really spending the night? What is the real plan and is Sean just "confused" again? I already know what Sean hears is usually what he wants and not what is really being said. That is really something we all have to watch out for. It's easier setting up plans with other kids moms than with Connor's own dad.

So, now I wait until Connor gets home and go from there. *sigh* What really eats me up is the fact Connor is only seeing his dad because Sean bribed him by telling Connor he would get him Halo for the xbox. Connor wants that bad enough to go through the trouble of see his dad. They are both using each other and I really hate that. I really don't believe Sean would see Connor at all except he thinks it will upset me and when things aren't going well for Sean he does things like this. Connor just wants stuff. I really hate this.

Oh yeah and about the library thing. I had emailed Sean about the books because I was the one who got the notice and if they weren't returned I would be the one getting the overdue fees and bills. I told him to take the kids to the branch library he got the books from and let them know to send all notices and bill to him as the responsible parent and I would take the kids to the main branch and do the same. If I got another notice I would contact the library myself and tell them where to send the bills. It isn't like I can go to his house and get the books myself can I? Cade can't even return the books either since he isn't there and would need a ride to the library anyway. I was really nice though and didn't mention he could have told me about Connor in that email...I REALLY wanted to. Restraint is my new middle name.

Yet another email from Sean....is it Christmas? He said he wasn't bringing Sofie home on the 4pm boat but the later one I told him not to do. There is nothing I can do of course. Why did he even bother to ask? He must have thought I would say yes. He gave excuses, Sofie was napping and he didn't want to wake her and he wasn't feeling well and he would have to bring all the "girls" with him to take that 4pm boat. Bingo. Do I look like I give a crap if he has to bring those other kids along? No, I don't. Not my kids, not my problem. Do I care he doesn't feel bad? Did he care when I was in a car accident? Uh..no..aaannnd no. Since there was nothing I could do this time I asked if she was feeling sick too and it was good she was resting...though I doubt she is. Then I said from now on it's the 4pm boat. Period. I told him to make whatever arrangements he needed to make it happen. I told him it was better for the kids routine and even if Cade wasn't there it was to be the 4pm boat. He had also said at the end of the email that he would give Sofie dinner so I wouldn't "have to deal with that." Humph. That is again suppose to placate me. I am just sick of the mind games. He made the choice to have the responsibility of Sofie and that woman's child and now another one. There are times you do what you gotta do. He needs to suck it up. I do.

Thinking good thoughts now to not get angry.....Will came home from work with a lobster. He got one yesterday too. Free. Soft shells they couldn't sell. I wish I liked lobster but I don't but at least Will gets to eat it and he loves it. It's funny when you think about it. It's so expensive in the stores but the lobster men were only getting a little over $2 a lb for it. Will gets to eat it almost every day when he works for free. His boss is super nice too and pays him for the days during the week he goes out and hauls even though Will only works Saturday and Sunday. His boss might only go out 2 more days a week since he waits for Will. Will is pretty lucky.