Monday, January 6, 2014

Waking Up

It's been a while. Over a year. It was about this time the previous Christmas I got swept away. Things are vastly different and better in some ways but seemingly harder in others.

Still have the job at the Post Office. I am the Postmaster now. The hours were reduced though so I still don't qualify for health insurance. Still at the poverty line. Thirty-six and a half hours a week. Six days a week. No back up and getting coverage well, since this is an island, it's slim to none. I have had a total of 2 days off in two years. Both medical emergencies. Still, working at the library and picking up cleaning jobs to help get by. Slowly though things are improving on the money front.

DHHS is finally after the kids father. He is fighting it of course. So, glad they are dealing with it and not me. Having DHHS handle child support issues was one of the best decisions I ever made. He still might get mad and take it out on me passive aggressively but so much better than if I had to deal with it myself.

Mental health issues….well, better, worse? My ex-husband is still untreated and unmedicated. His family can tell he is very unhappy. He is getting close to another big melt down. How will this trouble the kids is my only concern anymore. It took a lot of work and therapy on my part to let that go. Besides, I really have other things to worry about.

Connor has the anxiety and depression like his father. As of now he is not bi-polar. I think it may only be a matter of time before that happens but I try and not think about that. Keeping him stable feels like something sucking me dry. It is going to be a long road. I can only try and be optimistic but since he is an adult now my ability to help has been severely affected. It is a horrible helpless feeling to be sure when you are a parent.

My mother is very ill. In and out of the hospital/rehab and back again. Who knows what the new year will hold.

Two steps forward and one step back. At least it isn't the other way around anymore.


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