Our Island Family Life: November 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

Let's Decompress

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:16 AM

Kids came home yesterday. Sofie was a real mess. Hair all knotted up, pants that were too short, a shirt that was picked out by a crazed hippie and shoes covered in mud. Her knee hurt and she was exhausted. Cade was ok, but he had a real hissy fit later. sean again didn't walk them off the boat. I don't know what he is thinking. I changed Sofie into her jammies, got her some medicine and the warm bear for her knee and settled her in bed with her blanky, some juice and a movie. I gave her a bath later after she was feeling a little better. Cade had homework to do and used it as excuse to freak out about all the other stuff stressing him out. He threw his pencil and pulled his hair and growled and cried. His face was all red. Not coping well at all. I had to spend most of my time with him. Will cooked dinner and Connor took out the trash and got things for Sofie and for Cade which was a big help. Connor also finished off his homework by getting everything organized and writing a 27 page essay. He worked all afternoon and was very proud at the amount of stuff he did. It really is so much better when they do things on their own and feel that sense of accomplishment instead of what Sean was doing to him. On the other end of the spectrum was Cade who still does need some hovering. What I am trying to do for him now is just show him the importance of being organized and to deal with things one step at a time. He was going on and on about how hard his homework was and I had to point out he was a step ahead. How does he know how hard it is when he doesn't even know what he has to do? His agenda was blank. He of course tried to argue about everything and make excuses. So told him he could make excuses and choose to fail or when he calmed down he could ask me for help in a respectful way. I want to help him but I am not going to argue with him or be treated badly by him just because he is angry. He knows where I will be and I walked off. It took him and hour and a half of mumbling and struggling before he came to me telling me he was taking a break. I told him no. He had too much to do and he already had a break. He freaked out again and I gave him his choices again and again walked away. He came to me again and cried how he hasn't had any fun since Thursday. I told him I was sorry for that and there was going to be a lot of opportunities to have fun this week but he had already made an agreement with me last Wednesday he would be doing this homework when he got home in Sunday and I would clean out his backpack for him and organize it to make things a little easier for him. I held up my end of the bargain and now he had to do his part. Besides the amount of homework he had to do wasn't because he didn't understand it or because he hadn't passed stuff in because he was lazy but because he was so disorganized he didn't know he even had homework half the time. That is what he needs to focus on. That is step one for school success for him. He then said he was overwhelmed. I agreed he probably was but did he ask me for help? He said no of course and made excuses as to why I wouldn't help him. I pointed out I had already told him I would several times but he never came to me. Plus, he never really asked. Instead he made assumptions and excuses. That is his responsibility not mine. So he gathered his stuff and we went through it piece by piece. He was so close to having a lot of pages done but didn't even realize it. We broke it down and even though by 8pm he wasn't completely done he had about 80% of it finished. He has until Friday to get everything accomplished. I wasn't going to make him stay up past his bedtime to complete it. He saw what he had done and how easy it had been to do and felt good and a bit silly for his behavior. I told him if he hadn't behaved so poorly in the first place he could have done it all. He is staying after school today to do more work. Will and Connor both offered to help him on the boat this morning so I will find out tonight how things went. It was real nice to see the boys all work together helping each other and me. Connor even offered to talk to Cade about school and letting Cade vent his frustrations with him. Will and Connor too have been joking and talking to each other all week. It's nice to see. Connor is finally beginning to find common ground with Will and recognizing it is ok for them to not like all of the same things and enjoy the things they do without making fun of the other person for their differences. Will thank goodness is not being a smart mouth with Connor. I swear it is a big brother syndrome.

I can see seven turkeys outside my window as I type this...:)

When Sofie was finally feeling better last night she hung out with Will and Connor so Cade could focus on his work. She was so funny. She told them how much she missed them and pinched their cheeks. "Oh, my goodness how I missed you!" She is a granny already! They thought she was hilarious of course.

I can't find my little day book. I am trying not to panic and I hope I left it in the car or something. I have all my important numbers in there. I always keep it in my bag or the desk. I have to make calls this week and make appointments. Therapy for me, talk to the co parenting counselor ( I am not allowed to make appointments since it is under Sean's name), Connor's counselor and with the lawyer. I have a lot to fill him in on. I am going to the dentist tomorrow to finish off my bad tooth. Here is it Christmas and I am out of money again. I hope the kids won't be too disappointed.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Where to start?

0 comments Posted by perphila at 7:52 AM

When did I post last? I don't remember. So much has happened since then I can't keep my mind focused.

Thanksgiving. I went to my mom's with all the kids. Tuesday Cade had his therapy session then his conference. His session was rough. I had some time alone with her and I wound up crying. He had told her about what had happened with his dad and the whole stealing issue part two and that he wasn't going to go see his dad over vacation how his dad had said fine. She asked me if I had talked to Sean about it. I hadn't yet but was going to email him about me dropping the kids off that evening. She told me I should just do my "50%" and ask about the whole mess. That's what set me off. Like I don't already do that? I told her that I was feeling at a loss of how to proceed since I didn't want to get in the middle of stuff with them again. Sean hadn't emailed me about what had happened either. I had planned on just doing what I always do and keeping him informed about the drop off a day ahead of time like usual and if there was a problem he would let me know. The whole Cade issue was what I would call a problem. She said Cade had got me in the middle by asking me about wanting to stay. I said he wasn't asking me if he could stay. He told me he had an argument with his dad and that because of that he was staying. Where else would he go? All I needed to to was inform Sean of what was going on and see what he said. She agreed with that. I still broke down though because it feels like I am again doing all the work. I am in the middle again because Sean can't communicate with anyone with any shred of success. I emailed him and told him that Cade had said he wasn't going to spend the vacation with Sean and that Sean said that was fine. Is this the plan? I made sure Cade knew what I was doing because I wanted to make sure to reinforce for him that even though I believe him and trust him I am always going to make sure his dad and I are on the same page. He didn't have a problem with that and didn't seem to think much of it confident of how he and his dad had left things. When I finally got a response back Cade was shocked at what his dad said. Sean said Cade lied and that Sean had never said that and he fully expected Cade to be there. Cade called him and confronted him about it. Sean still denied they ever even discussed it. Cade tried for a bit to remind him and even repeated parts of their conversation to remind his dad to no avail. I honestly don't think Sean remembers it. He tends to have memory gaps in everyday things but especially with highly emotionally charged conversations. He was supposed to be taking a medication that might help with that given by his pdoc that has been used for Alzheimer's patients but he only picked up the prescription and never took it. So Cade then told him if he came he would need Kathryn to back off and not act like she did the last time he had fight with his dad. Sean said he didn't now what Cade was talking about and she would of course be fine. Cade started tearing up knowing he once again wasn't being heard and was being called a liar again. He said he would go despite all that just so his dad would leave him alone. I was going to drop them off at Sean's parents house and suggested to him if he wanted to talk with his dad again he should try in with his grandpa there. Sean wouldn't act like that in front of his father. Cade is too embarrassed for them to know however and didn't want to. I left it alone. I only made a suggestion and reminded him he had people he could talk to no matter what and he could call me any time on his cell phone.

Then there was Connor. On Tuesday I got an email from Sean that was rather nasty saying one of Connor's friends had called him and said Connor owed him money. Sean said he gave the kid our home number and he would be calling the house. He then said how I was shielding Connor and how he needed to be accepting responsibility for his actions. I really loved how he just assumed Connor really owed this kid money without even the benefit of the doubt. Besides, this issue, whatever it is, is between Connor and his friend and they have to deal with it. I'm not getting involved, if I did then I might be "shielding" him. So, I told Connor about the email and he said that was Kathryn word for word and shrugged it off. He tried calling his friend but didn't get through and left a message. We went on our way to my mom's. The next day we had our Thanksgiving which was nice and then went to visit Sean's parents. That was also nice. After that Will, Connor and I left and met up with a friend and her son to see the new Harry Potter movie. It is only $4 there. We got the tickets and went in. Connor got a text message just before the movie started and it was from this friend of his so he went to respond to it. Half way through the movie he still hadn't come in. I went to check on him and he was crying out in the hallway. He had managed to work things out with his friend. It was a misunderstanding on his dad's part. Connor never owed the kid money at all. The kid had sold Connor a computer and was wondering if Connor could pay a little more for it than they had agreed on (he did sell it dirt cheap) with the hopes of getting a plane ticket to see a relative. The reason Connor was so upset though was because the original text message was really nasty and Connor didn't know why. Come to find out Sean had called the kid back and then proceeded to tell him how Connor wasn't to be trusted. He was a liar and a thief. He was a manipulator and did whatever it took to get his own way. Then he told the kid all about Connor "running away" from home and all about the divorce and my bad influence. Connor was shocked and hurt his dad would do such a thing. Connor begged the kid not to tell everyone at school about everything that was going on with his dad because he didn't want everyone looking at him like he was a freak or with pity. He didn't want a bunch of rumors going around about him and didn't want his friends thinking his dad was telling the truth about all those negative things he was saying about him. He was embarrassed and humiliated. His friend said he understood and wouldn't say anything but Connor is still afraid he might let something slip. Then he opened up and told me about a bunch of other worries he had going on. It isn't a wonder his grades slipped. He is under a lot of pressure right now. He lost a lot of friends he had thought he should be hanging with and he said, "I wanted to be with them and that it was more important than being on the island so I left but they did bad things. I stood strong and didn't do what they did but that just made them mad at me and now they are spreading rumors about me." I told him sometimes doing the right thing is a hard path to follow but he knows in the long run he did the best thing for him and if they were really his friends they would have stood by him and allowed him to make his own choices. In the end he will find out who his real friends are. He agreed but he is really hurting right now. How Sean missed Connor hanging out with kids who were drinking and taking drugs really bothers me. With all of Connor's issues things could have turned out very different. I am thankful he has been listening to me all these years and didn't cave. Transitioning the way he was it isn't surprising his grades would have been borderline at best. Going from here to his dad's, changing from summer to a new school year, the change of seasons which is always problematic for him, the break up with his girlfriend (who was part of the smoking, drinking group I mentioned before), his friends pressuring him to do bad things, Kathryn's attitude and his dad's non existent protection, it's no wonder he wasn't focused. He said he just didn't feel safe and felt like he owed people so much of himself. I told him he was home now and to try and relax. Not to worry about his grades right now and instead try and focus on how he learns best and what strategies we could try that would make things easier for him. If he is having such a hard time at school with the whole rumor thing and friends issue then when he gets home he should take some time to decompress first. Take a nap, have a snack or go for a quick walk, whatever method helps him to relax, then he can focus with a clear mind on his work and not just get it done but understand what he is doing. He said his dad wouldn't let him do that. He said when he came through the door Sean wouldn't even say hi but ask him what work he had then make him sit down to start on it. He said when he comes through the door at home he is greeted with Sofie running up with a hug and screaming his name and me smiling and saying hi and asking him about his day. I offer him a drink and something to eat and he feels like he is where people miss him and care about him. He said some of the stuff he was telling me was embarrassing and hard to talk about but he felt I really cared about him and afterword he said talking to me helps him. He likes to keep his emotions and thoughts tight to the vest so that was a huge step. He agreed to talk to his counselor again so I will try and set something up next week. I told him after the Thanksgiving break he can start fresh with his school work and not to worry about money and getting a job and stuff like that. One thing at a time. I still can't fathom why Sean would tell some teenage kid all that stuff. He just made things so much worse. Also, here is one more thing that blew me away. When Sean took Cade's money last weekend Cade has asked him who the thief was now and referred to Sean taking Will's money. Kathryn told him not only did parents some times have to make tough decisions but that it was my idea and that his dad didn't want to do it but that he loved me so much he did it against his better judgement because I wanted food. Holy Crap. It was my idea? He loved me so much? This was a month before he left. How did he go from "loving me so much" to sleeping with her in less than a month? He didn't want to do it? I knew he was lying to her but please. What about the money he stole to pay rent? Most important of all, why was she telling Cade all this? Too much information and she had no business even saying anything. Sure he knows about Will's issues but not what Sean did with it or why he did it. He has asked but I have always told him it was between Will and his dad. He knows the money was taken without Will's consent but other than that he has been in the dark. Will knows it wasn't my idea. I found out about the larger chunk of money the same time he did with his bank statement. I did know about a smaller amount and told Sean to tell Will about it himself but he never did and when the bank statement revealed it I had to fess up since Sean had made me culpable. I was the one who actually spent it (not knowing where it had come from). I was really sick about it. Will was pretty sickened by her statement and shook his head.

Happy Holidays.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Yelling and Swearing

1 comments Posted by perphila at 12:08 PM

I think the holidays are a bad time of year for Sean. His drama always increases this time of year and it tends to spoil it for the rest of us.

I seem to recall saying the last time Sean and Cade had it out about money and stealing issues that I wasn't very pleased how it was "resolved". They agreed to disagree and drop the whole thing and just start talking again. I really felt they needed to talk the whole thing out in therapy but they never did. So, here we are again.

Cade came home yesterday and I knew something was off the second the kids got off the boat. Sean didn't even walk Sofie off and she walked off the plank by herself. I tried not to freak out since she should still be holding someones hand so she doesn't accidentally slip off and plop into the ocean. He was no where to be seen and I asked Cade if they rode alone. They didn't thank goodness but I couldn't fathom why he didn't come off no matter how mad he may be at me. I got the kids in the car and I was pulled aside by a friend who was on the boat with them and she told me he completely ignored them the whole ride until the very end when he said good bye to Sofie and said how much he was going to miss her then he just sent her on her way. My friend was the one looking after them the whole ride. I thanked her and apologized. What else could I do?

After we got home Cade seemed ok. I think he was doing well because he really popped his top with his dad this weekend. He just vomited all the stuff he had been holding in for a while. What tipped the scales wasn't the stealing issue but the fact his dad was yelling at him. Not just about the issue at hand but all kinds of things. As for that problem Sean was just screaming at Cade to admit that he stole the money. Cade refused. He tried to explain the work he had done to earn the money but Sean refused to listen. Then Kathryn stepped in and said how Cade wasn't going to admit anything and was according to Cade being sarcastic. So, Cade paused for a second, and then yelled at them both to, "Shut the hell up!" Well, this got their attention. I can only imagine. Cade never swears at home. Never. I won't go into all the details but in the end Sean took Cade's money. Money Cade worked for and earned on his own because Sean told him he didn't believe him. I bit my tongue and tried not to say I told you so to Cade because I have told him many times not to bring his money over there because sooner or later it was going to get taken away. Cade flipped out and asked his dad who the thief was now? This rehashed all the old wounds of Sean taking and selling things that belonged to the boys when he was living here. Sean told him I had brainwashed him and that never happened. He was still living here. They saw him do it. I never had to say anything. I have mentioned before how the boys and I had gotten together and made a banana box of things we gave him to sell that was chosen by them in hopes he wouldn't just take whatever he thought was ok to sell on his own. It was an attempt to compromise and forgive him. How am I brainwashing them? Then Cade told him if he didn't stop behaving the way he does none of his kids would live with him or even want to see him anymore. Sean said the reason Will didn't visit was because Will is childish about Sean telling him to give a toy back to Regan. It's been a while but I was stunned yet again. Does he really think that? Oh. My. God. Cade brought up Will's money Sean stole and Kathryn was the one who answered and told Cade that sometimes parents have to made hard decisions and that I knew all about it. That was wrong on SO many levels. Cade told her to stay out of it and stop bad-mouthing me. He was sick of it. Much more was said I assure you and it was nice both Will and Connor were there to support him because I really, really had to stay out of it. I just told him that I was sorry he had a bad day. In the end Cade said his dad finally stopped yelling at him after Cade gave him a few more choice (meaning swears) words and went to his room and cried, loudly. Sean cried, not Cade who felt quite empowered apparently. Cade also told him he wasn't coming back over Thanksgiving vacation and Sean told him that was fine. Ok. After a while Sean came out of his room and gave Cade several cd's he knew Cade wanted from his father's collection. Nothing like trying to buy back affection. Cade took them of course, thanked him, then told his that it didn't change anything and he wasn't coming back. I am so very glad Cade has therapy tomorrow. So, very, very glad.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Stealing Round Two

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:18 PM

I heard desperation in his voice. I almost felt bad.

Sean called today and asked me if Cade had any money. I said he did. He had earned some ($10) working with Will the week before and had a little left over from before that although I wasn't sure of the exact amount was at least $5. He hemmed a bit but I refused to ask why he was calling me about it. Then he said how $15 dollars was missing from there and how Cade had $5 and that Sean knew for a fact Cade also had a $10 bill he was hiding from him. In Sean's mind Cade hiding money means he stole it. I didn't point out how all the boys hide money from him and have done so since he was living here afraid he would steal it no matter how small the amount. I didn't want to make things worse because I could tell Sean was about to accuse Cade of stealing again. I tried not to let my mind wander to the fact that now that Connor isn't there to protect Cade from things like this it is happening again. I also tried not to think about the timing of all this. Sean said he didn't know what to do. I told him Cade did indeed have a $10 bill. Why he was hiding it from him I couldn't answer. The $5 could be the amount he had from before but again I couldn't verify that either although I can verify he had more than the $10 he had earned working. I pointed out that since Cade had money of his own Sean couldn't prove Cade took anything. If Sean searched all his things and came up with $15 plus his own money then he would have proof. I also pointed out that since the last time Sean accused Cade of stealing no money has gone missing here from anyone and didn't before either. I told him to really think twice about accusing Cade of something he couldn't prove otherwise things could get messy again. I will discuss this with Cade when he gets home but I already have a headache thinking about the whole thing. I think money is missing and Kathryn is pressuring Sean about it and the scapegoat is Cade. So, that is why I don't feel bad about Sean sounding desperate and asking me what he should do. He has to be feeling pressured to ask me for advice to begin with. This is out of my control. Knowing that helps a lot. I need to think of how to comfort Cade when he gets home I just know right now he is going to hell and back.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I spell it my way....

1 comments Posted by perphila at 9:55 AM

Sofie likes changing her name. She was Annabell last week. Elizabeth on Monday and has been Jeannie the rest of the week.

Sofie: Mumma! Guess what I can do?

Me: What?

Sofie: S. O. F. I. E.

Me: You can spell your name?

Sofie: Yep. Jeannie!

Paranoia or Spy Novel

0 comments Posted by perphila at 7:48 AM

Well, Connor is home. I didn't truly believe it was going to happen until he called asking for me to come and pick him up at the dock because he had all his stuff. All of it. I guess I have come a long way. In the past I would just trip along believing anything I was told only to get creamed later when things didn't happen or realize I had been lied to. Over and over again. In Connor's case I still had hope he was serious about coming home for good but I didn't think what he was telling me would necessarily happen. He could change his mind and not tell me, Sean could have convinced him to stay, so many many reasons for it to not happen. I think it is good for me because I feel less pain and sadness and disappointment this way. I also don't feel resentment towards the other person. I still need to work on it and building expectations. As I said in Connor's case I did feel some hope. Hope is a dangerous thing sometimes. It can be crushing rather than uplifting. In my dealings with Sean I think I am much further along. I have no hope for him anymore. I have to guard myself at this point to not go too far in the other direction. I will believe it when I see it and actions over words is a great thing but it can be easy to just say I don't believe a word out of your mouth either. I want to strive to be neutral. Even that makes me sad.

Connor really went about coming home in a bad way. It was hard for me to step back and let him walk the path of poor choices and bad decisions. The only thing I did do was tell him he had to call his dad and let him know where Connor was and that he was safe. No matter what their issues are this is a safety issue and I could make the call myself but Connor made this choice and should be the one to tell his dad. I wasn't going to make this easier for him to avoid the problem. Connor was afraid of what Kathryn would do and how his dad would react about him wanting to leave. He told me he knew his dad would just say he was running away from his school work and not acknowledge the issues going on around Kathryn and Connor's feelings of being used and ignored. So, his grand commando plan was to tell his dad the bus was coming late and then when they all left the house he packed up all this things (he didn't want to leave anything behind for his dad to sell off in his anger). He took a city bus to the main terminal then walked the rest of the way to the bay lines. He had his back pack and four other bags which were full and heavy. He had to be determined because that was a long walk. His fingers cramped up. He had to also skip school to make this all happen. He never once asked me to help him or even told me exactly what he was going to do. I wasn't very pleased when he told me of his "great escape". The next day he filled his teachers in on what happened and instead of being angry they were very supportive and understanding. Connor told me when he got home he finally felt safe again. Still, I am feeling disbelieving and on edge a bit. Is he going to stay? Every scrap he had over there is here now. He had left stuff here when he moved over there so for him to have everything seems extreme. When I dropped Sofie and Cade off last night Connor went outside so he wouldn't have to talk to his dad. They did talk Thursday night on the phone and it didn't go well. Connor was pretty hesitant at first because he knew his dad was angry and most likely hurt. At least when he left here he told me and we talked about it. What he did with his dad was just the opposite. He just didn't show up for his session and when Sean got home he came to see all of Connor's stuff just gone. As I said, Connor should have gone about this better. Yet, I understand his reasons. My thinking is, this has to be between the two of them. As long as Connor is safe and Sean and I both know where he is then we can go from there. As the conversation went on Connor gathered confidence and told his dad exactly what his issues where but Sean said his issues with Kathryn weren't true and he wasn't buying it. Then Sean told Connor that the way Connor left was some scheme that Connor and I had come up with. I wasn't pleased at all that Sean was bringing me into this. I had nothing to do with it. Connor told him that wasn't true and that this was his decision for all the reasons he had just told his dad and more. He told his dad he had been thinking of leaving for a while but just hadn't done it because he was trying to stick it out. He apologized for not telling his dad about some of these things before but he didn't want to hurt his dad's feelings since he knew how his dad felt about Kathryn but how she acts to Connor and what she shows in front of his dad are two very different things. Sean said he didn't believe it. Then he said the only reason I want Connor here is for the child support. Connor was shocked and said, "No, I think she wants me here because she loves me and cares for me and has always been that way." Sean then began to start to bad mouth me some more so Connor said, "You know what? This isn't going anywhere. You're just not listening to me and repeating yourself. I'm done for now." and he hung up. I told Connor to just give it some time. His dad was probably feeling hurt and angry right now so let him cool off and then try and talk again later. Sean wouldn't speak to me yesterday when I dropped off the kids. I know I am being blamed for all of this. I must admit I am getting real tired of being blamed for everything. When are they going to take some responsibility? It is looking like never at this point. Connor seems to be adjusting well back into the fold. I am not stupid though and know transitions are never easy. I hope I can handle the next few months.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

D-Day

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:18 PM

Why am I posting today when I should be in town cooling my heels waiting for a therapy session for Connor with Sean? Well, yesterday I took all the kids to the dentist. Good news is, no cavities. Bad news is, Connor will need to see a specialist about two of his back teeth which have the gums growing over them because they grew in crooked. He may need rear braces for those two teeth otherwise in a few years he could have bone damage and need to have them pulled. I can't wait to tell Sean about that. Connor seemed ok with it though so that was fine with me. Anyway, I had all the kids with me which was nice and we went to the store to pick up a few things. Will and Cade stayed in the car while I had Sofie with me and Connor came along. He said he was coming home for good today. I kind of blinked. I asked him about his session and he said he wasn't going. I asked him if he had talked with his dad about all of this and he said no. I sighed in my mind. I told him he really should and that the session would be a great place to do that. He is of course still angry with his dad for how he went about scheduling it. I can't force him to go since he will get zip for benefit out of it. I learned this the hard way (and not just with him but his father and brothers as well) so I didn't push it at all. He asked me if I would call Frank to cancel and I said no. I said his dad was the one who scheduled it and his dad was the one who demanded to take over that aspect of Connor's care so I was going to leave that responsibility to his father. This was again another subtle hint on my part for him to speak with his dad about the issue but also this is something Sean needs to go through and deal with. I told Connor if he wasn't going to go then I was going to stay home and work. He said again he refused to go so that was that. I asked him if everything went ok when he got back to his dad's on Monday and he said it didn't. He didn't elaborate and I didn't pry further. He will tell me when he is ready. He did say that Kathryn exploded on him about him not putting a glass in the dishwasher. So, she has gone up from lectures to yelling. She then refused to talk to him the rest of the day and glared at him whenever he got near. I know she has done this with Cade in the past and it is one reason why Sean wanted her in therapy with Cade. Connor just said he was done, all done with it there. He was worried about getting his stuff back here without them noticing. I am expecting the next few weeks to be awful tense for sure. He said he was going to do a secret commando mission to bring as much of his cd's and clothes as he could without anyone figuring it out then coming home here straight from school. I told him he will need to let his dad know where he is or he will worry. Connor said once he is physically here he will call him and deal with it then. Otherwise he is afraid his dad will try and force him to stay. I said nothing. I will let them work this out. Legally Sean can't do that. Speaking of legally all hell is going to break loose now. I see one of two things happening, Sean will cave and drop everything or it's going to be a nasty escalation next month in court. I am going to continue to let the chips fall for now and call my lawyer after the holidays to schedule a meeting to discuss what we are going to do for the court date already scheduled for December 21st. Connor being back home will change things a bit. I won't have to pay Sean child support at least. After that...who knows? I am not going to count any chickens yet.

Sofie woke up with a 100.8 fever this morning. She was crying about her knees and her arm hurting. I figured it was an early morning growing pains thing since her ankle hurt last night too. I gave her some medicine and she fell back to sleep. I didn't wake her back up for school thinking when she got up and was fine I would just take her in a little late but when she woke up she had the fever. She still has it and has been in my bed all day sleeping off and on. It came out of no where. Most of my plans got wiped for the day since I have been massaging her legs a good part of the day. I am glad I didn't have to go in after all. I am just now taking a quick break to do some school work and make an update before she wakes up again.

Keep your fingers crossed for Connor today and his great escape across the Berlin wall.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Child's Play

0 comments Posted by perphila at 12:46 PM

Aiden: What did you just do?

Sofie: I kissed you.

Aiden: Is this a play date?

Therapy merry go round

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:32 AM

Connor went back to his dad's last night so he was here six days. He wasn't looking forward to going back because he knew he was going to get a third degree questioning from Kathryn. He turned into himself and just quietly did his homework. he was changed from the happy kid he was all weekend to looking miserable and it wasn't even about his school work. He said he is miserable. Maybe his work issues are reflecting his moods again?

I gave him a paper with a list of dates on it for future plans like me picking him up to see the dentist on Wednesday. I only gave him four days I was asking him to be available for (all were family holiday related or doctors appointments) and after that I told him he could do as he pleased but I hoped he would drop by more often. He said he was going to be bringing more of his clothes back over soon. Again, I will believe it when I see it. I just shrugged and told him to do what he was comfortable with and not to worry about it. We talked a long time on Monday and he really vented. I did find out a few things I will need to be on my guard about. Kathryn doesn't like his school so she is pushing for him to go to her school. She wants to be able to watch him at all times in a "traditional" setting. She has been emailing his support block teacher and telling him what he needs to assign Connor and what to do. That for me is a big no no. She is not his legal guardian and has no say what so ever in his education. She is not his teacher. I have no idea why the teachers are letting her do this but I will have to address this. I am not going to do it right away however. I need to let things play out a little more and try and talk with Sean first. I know it is futile but I need to try. Connor said something to me that had me laughing inside. He said how he will talk with his dad and they come to an understanding and make a plan about school or therapy or what ever and Connor feels good that they had a talk and are on the same page then Sean will come back an hour later or the next day after talking with her and everything is changed. His dad decides to do what she says and says things like, "We think you should.." or "We believe..." etc. We this We that. Oh, how I know that. I spoke to Sean about that as well. I told him flat out I did not ever want to hear from him again the whole "We" thing. I told him I wanted to hear what he thought since he was the parent and then him and I will make the decisions for our children. So far he has done as I have asked with only a few slip ups which I pounce on right away. I know he is trying to see if I will relax and I will for the rest of my life have to be on guard for him pushing the boundaries of the limits I have set for myself. It sucks.

Connor openly calls his dad delusional now. Connor said he talks about work for example and how is is going to be working with his wife in her school someday. All his efforts in college haven't been for a great job or earning more money. It hasn't been to improve himself but so he could be by her side. I know he changed his major because she told him to. He didn't want to be a teacher before. I assumed it was something like this but it is also a reason he hasn't got a full time job. He is only doing small teaching jobs to build a resume so he can be hired at her school. He just assumed it will happen someday like it is a done deal already. It's one thing to have a goal and another to already think it is happening. He is like that with money. He will spend money before he gets it like tax returns or a bonus he thinks he is going to get. He doesn't even have all the education he needs to be a teacher yet for our state. He has enough to be a sub but that's it. Connor is also sick of his dad's attitude that he is some kind of super teacher now and there is only one right way to teach. That way of course is the way Kathryn has told him to teach. I knew she had her claws in him but I didn't think it was this deep. I knew he was delusional at times concerning her by saying she is perfect in every way. I assumed it was hormones and that whole newlywed syndrome new couples have. It seems there is a deeper problem with him than I even knew. Kind of scary. Connor is tired of Kathryn and his dad trying to make him perfect and not letting him be himself.

I will see Connor Wednesday and he said he might spend the night. We'll see. Sofie cried and cried when he left. I told her she would see him Wednesday and that calmed her down. She asked him if he "lived here now" and Connor told her he did. I didn't say anything but I hope he doesn't say things like that to her and have it crush her when it turns out not to be true.

Sean emailed me yesterday morning telling me he scheduled a therapy session for Connor this Thursday at 3pm and I should be there. He said he would talk with Connor first to make sure my presence was ok first. I wanted to laugh again. Sean had said before how when Connor was clearly upset and depressed when Connor had his break up that Sean had tried to get him into a session but couldn't. I knew that was bs because they would have taken him right away. I had asked Connor early yesterday morning during our long talk if he had been to therapy lately (which Sean and I agreed that Connor needed and should be doing) and Connor said no and hadn't for a while. So this email was pretty telling. Sean is getting first hand some of Connor's issues but doesn't understand or know him well enough to work with him, the school and his therapist to turn things around like I did. Instead he is letting Kathryn boss Connor around, boss his teachers around and telling him how to parent. Not my problem, I chant so I don't get upset and riled. I told Connor he had a session Thursday and that dad wanted me to come but would talk to Connor about it first. Connor was angry his dad scheduled a session without talking to him first. I have come to understand with Connor he can be quite receptive to therapy if I work with him. If I tell him my concerns and why I think it is a good idea and ask him for his input he usually has no problem with me scheduling something after that. Sean made a huge mistake. Of course lets not forget I did tell Sean all this before but who cares about my experiences right? I then asked Connor if he had an issue with me being there. I told him it was his call and I would do what he wanted for me to do. He said it didn't matter to him. I hedged a bit and said that was fine but if he had any reservations at all with me being there or felt uncomfortable with both me and his dad being there I would understand. I didn't schedule this so it was no skin off my nose to not be there. He then said I could come. I said ok. I will lose a another whole work day to do this but what can I do? In fact I won't be working again until Saturday. I have today then tomorrow is the dentist, Thursday is therapy and Friday is a school field trip for Sofie then I have to drop them off for a visit.

Sean also told me that Cade's therapy was "falling by the wayside". I admit I have been lax scheduling sessions for him. We had a whole month of illness and my root canal thing and I had all I could do to keep myself together with work and school and dealing with all the sickos here. Things have gotten better finally. I still sniff a bit and Sofie still has a coughing fit from time to time but the doctor said it was a wait it out situation. No anti-biotics for her which I suppose is a good thing in the long run. I do have something scheduled for him for next week now that things have calmed down a bit. We have been slowly getting back into routine and of course I have been doing the whole conference thing. Sofie's is Friday and Cade's is next week on the same day as his therapy. I was kind of angry though for him casting stones when Connor who has a diagnosed problem hasn't been going to therapy that Sean chose to take over from me. Cade's therapy is more like education for him in handling his problems and a chance to talk with someone outside of the problem. Sean may have had his reasons like I did but at least I didn't act like his mother and chastise him for not following through. He then called me last night and began to grill me about Connor. Where was he? (I had emailed him about where to pick Connor up and gave Connor money to call his dad if he didn't show up) Sean hadn't checked his email. Did Connor to his school work? Did he go to school of Friday? Did I ask him if Connor went to school everyday he was with his father? He was really treating me like an idiot. I told him he did his work. Sean asked me if I had checked it. (Oh come on....)I told him I checked to make sure it was complete but Connor was responsible for the content. If he didn't do a good enough job then he would have to deal with the consequences. I told Connor I was there to help him if he asked for it. I then told Sean never to cross examine me again. If there was a problem I would be sure to inform him and I wasn't going to answer any more of these types of questions with the exception of Connor's where abouts. I really wanted to tell Sean I wasn't happy with his plan to bribe Connor with a cell phone if he passed the semester. If I were a kid I would fail just long enough to get what I wanted (which is what Connor would do in a heartbeat when he gets that whole money/pressure/sell everything thing he gets). I had told Sean to get Connor a phone in July for safety sake. He doesn't need a fancy phone with all the gadgets with a huge plan and all that. Just a pay as you go phone that Connor has to pay for himself to learn responsibility to take care of. Sean ignored me. He didn't even say no he just didn't say anything and he didn't do it. I asked Connor about it and he said he dad said he couldn't afford it. It's $20 for the phone and it usually comes with the first months minutes, after that it would be Connor's ball to deal with. Sean now has the money for some uber phone with texting and internet that he will pay for monthly? (insert scream here) Instead I said nothing.....for now.

I just have to keep cool and keep my mouth shut. I need to just sit there and listen to them and let Connor speak for himself or redirect questions for Connor to answer and not me. I feel bad that Connor has to shoulder such a burden but it is what it is now. One step at a time.

Keep praying Connor comes to his senses. I am still worried about his bank account.....if he does come home I know Sean will take anything in there.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Don't Get too Excited....

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:37 AM

Wednesday morning I got a call from Connor. It was the school's number so I wasn't expecting to hear his voice. Then I felt bad thinking he was probably going to ask for me not to come to his conference or something like that. Maybe even get angry with me. It was just the opposite. He asked me if he could come home. He said he wanted to spend more time here. He missed us and was getting fed up with things over there. I told him this was his home and he didn't have to ask. He could take his time and come as often as he wanted, if that meant full time or just weekends, whatever he needed to be comfortable. He said his dad doesn't want him here and has told him he couldn't come here before. I told Connor he should listen to his dad's reasoning but in the end the decision is his. Connor then asked me if his dad could keep him there legally. I told him no. As of now this is his legal residence with visits with his dad two weekends in a row a month with every other vacation. We talked for close to an hour and he was missing out on a class but the guidance counselor knew he needed to talk with me. I told him he didn't need to go over everything with me on the phone or explain himself in such an uncomfortable situation. We could talk later and he sounded relieved.

I went to conferences that afternoon. Will is doing well as usual. He could make more effort and do really well but he is happy and in the end it's his life. It is looking like he will be enrolled in college sometime in December as a full time student so he will be juggling enough. I just have to give my permission and since I know he can handle it I will.

Then it was Connor's turn. Sofie was with us and she was thrilled to see him. She ran up to him and hugged and kissed him to, I am sure his mortification, in front of his friends. They oooh'ed and ahh'ed at how cute it was. Connor is doing better. He is working at making up his missed work. It is real obvious he has some problems being in a routine and being organized. I already knew this would be an issue in trying to transition to his father's. He had a routine while he was here. He used his boat time as a study group with the other kids. There is nothing like being trapped on a ferry for an hour and half to urge you into getting work done. He wasn't alone and could collaborate with kids in his grade and above who could really help. His learning style also is something where he needs frequent breaks. It really works best for him and if he is in a real groove just to let him be and if he spends hours on it great. If it is an effort, if he walks around for a bit, gets a snack, talks to someone then goes back he refocuses well. These are all things that I have told Sean before when I was homeschooling Connor. Here is one of the problems. Sean was ok with that. He got it. Kathryn however thinks he should stay at his desk and get through it until he is done without a break. Now Sean thinks that is for the best. Connor said he went to bed with an essay half done (rough draft completed, needed to write the final draft) and his dad woke him up and got him out of bed and made him sit at the desk and finish it. This really alarmed me because we had struggled so much to get Connor into a sleep routine to help him not get depressed. All ducks have to be in a row to try and be proactive in preventing this from happening again if possible. He eats well now, even if he needs prompting to remember to eat, the content is healthy. His sleep routine got established and when he falls out if it he suffers. There are a whole host of things we have done. It is obvious Sean does not think Connor has a problem battling depression. That really worries me.

What was good to hear was Connor didn't really whine and complain about the situation. He didn't give out a long list of complaints to try and rile me up and the few he did mention he clearly knew was his problem to deal with and I also told him I was sorry for him but there was nothing I could do but listen. I did not engage in the game of pitting parents against each other. I also told him I wasn't going to hover over him with his school work. We know what he need to work on and I can help him with reminders but I wasn't going to do anything else. If he needed help he could always ask and I would be there and do what I can but I wasn't going to do his work for him. I also told him he was only just now beginning to understand some of the consequences of doing poorly in school. He knows in his head if he doesn't do well the logic of not getting into a good college, a poor job, lack of money equals not being able to get the things he wants. What he doesn't have is the experience of those things and the feelings it gives. Right now he is feeling the lack of money because of no job which means he can't get things he wants. He no longer asks me for money or to loan him any because I have firmly told him no. If he asks for something he needs then I will do my best to get it. Like clothes, shoes and things of that nature.

I don't for one second think he is ready to move back here like he says. I'll believe it only when it happens. His dad emailed me and said he only came here to run away from his school work. I ignored Sean's blatant attempt to put me down. Well, he did his work when he was here so that wasn't the case. After all the chats and round about hemming and hawing from him he revealed his real issue was with Kathryn. He really went off about how much he hates her. He also resents his father for never taking his side in things and only doing what she says. He said his dad doesn't do anything for himself anymore and that she bosses him around constantly. Connor said he didn't really have an issue with his dad but that there has to be a better way to spend time with him away from her. Connor said he felt they were childish blaming me for things he could now see was their fault. Sofie calling Kathryn a mean witch and her daughter a brat was from how they treat her. He told me he was sorry for saying I encouraged it when it must be so frustrating for me to have to hear Sofie say that and to know dad blames me for it. I just shrugged. What could I say? He also said he felt bad for not wanting to believe Cade in the past when Cade came home crying and complaining about how Kathryn would yell at him for no reason. He said he sees it now how she gets angry at the smallest things and takes it out on Cade. He said she doesn't yell at him but lectures a lot and he resents that she doesn't know what is her business and what isn't. He said she came to his conference with his dad last week and he was very upset. She emails his teachers too without his dad's knowledge. She isn't helping him though but making things worse. He said he hasn't said anything or yelled at her since he wants to keep the peace but he was at his limit and if he hadn't come home he would have lost it with her. She even lectures him about his eating habits which she doesn't think are good enough. He is a vegetarian. Unhealthy? She also told him she was going to make him do indoor track. Connor is very physically fit so that isn't an issue. He does need to do an extra curricular activity that will help his college resume and I told him I agreed with his father he should do something. I also told him I was glad he didn't do anything the first semester. We already had decided he shouldn't because it is hard enough for him to get into the routine of going to school again after summer plus the transition of being at his dad's would just overwhelm him and push him to far. This is all about going slow and easy to not set off a depressive episode. He said he agreed and had been thinking of starting a club at school. I told him that would be great. Even if he didn't he and he found something he enjoyed or even tried out different clubs that would be enough. To force him to do a sport? Outrageous. He hears her telling his dad what to say to him, how to discipline him, what to do to him behind his back then acts nice to his face which just makes him angrier. Will told him she did the same thing to him when he was there but spoke up. He told Connor to speak up and she will back off some. She will still try and manipulate behind his back but so what? She also was telling their dad how to treat Will and Will told both of them off about it.

So, we'll see. He is here until Sunday at least. Then we will go from there. I am also picking him up from school Wednesday to see the dentist. There was one thing that bothered me. After conference he said he needed to pick up a few things from his dad's and asked me if I could drop him off nearby. His dad was supposed to pick him up after the conference but didn't show. I dropped him off and he said he would meet us at the bay lines. I didn't hold my breath. I didn't expect him to really show up but he did. He said he had to walk there. I was shocked since it is a big distance away. It took him an hour. His dad and Kathryn wouldn't give him a ride. That seemed a bit childish.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Time for a Break

0 comments Posted by perphila at 6:01 PM

The power went out the night before last. I'm not sure exactly when but it was chilly when we woke up. About 30,000 people were without power because of the high winds. We got ours back around 4pm the next day. There was no school on the mainland but out here we just plugged in the generator and there was only an hour delay. I'm sure the kids were thrilled. Because there was no power I missed my 12pm class. I felt pretty bad about it. I emailed my professor today. I was able to take a quiz that can replace that missed seminar grade and I got 100%. Yippie!

Today I started my project for one class because I am having company coming on Thursday and they will be here until Sunday. I wanted to get a head start on all that work. I finished it but it took me nearly the whole day. When I was done with that I cleaned up the "new" car. It smelled. Bad. It was full of trash and mounds of dirt. After washing the fabric I sprayed it with febreeze and I left scented dryer sheets in there for the night. It is a lot better though. I am just glad to have it. It runs. I haven't checked the heater out yet. I hope that works too.

Tomorrow is school conferences for Will and Connor. I emailed Connor about it but he hasn't responded. Let's hope he shows up. Regardless I will get to talk to the crew leader and school counselor so even though I will feel sad and worried I will get something accomplished.

Here's crossing my fingers.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Day Off

1 comments Posted by perphila at 8:28 AM

I have a real day off today. Sofie is getting a little better everyday but still has a lingering cough. She was crying last night before bed missing Connor. She said she only had two brothers now. I tried to reassure her but then she went off saying she hated the mean witch and the two brats and went back and forth from saying she hated her dad, she didn't have a dad and we needed to bring him back and away from "the mean people". I think she was over tired.

I got the "new" car yesterday. The brakes are really bad but work. The car is also filthy inside. I will try and clean it up a little every day so I don't cry looking at it. It's better than nothing. I hope it survives the winter.

Will and Cade are out today working on the island tennis court cleaning it up for the tennis club. The pull up the lines and take down the net. Cade is excited Will asked him to help and will be paid. Will had today off from lobstering because the weather is bad. He only worked half a day yesterday because the water was too rough. I babysat a short day yesterday as well since the mom had to come in too because of the weather. She laughing said she though she might die that day. They were hauling by the bluffs, which is on the other side of the island with high cliffs. She hauls with her husband and she had to tell him the were going to hit the cliffs if he didn't stop. He is a newbie captain. Will said they went off to a different island and it was real rough out there and his boss said he was done. Getting off the punt Will fell in the water and went in thigh high in the ocean. He said, "It wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be." He's fine though. A warm shower and a hot meal was all it took.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bite your tongue

1 comments Posted by perphila at 10:10 AM

When I found out about this I wanted to scream and track down Connor and shake him.

He closed his bank account we had set up for him. He was required to keep $25 dollars in it to keep the account. He had money in it but had spent it all and now felt he should be able to use the last $25 dollars totally missing the whole point of having a savings to begin with. Since he is a minor he needs a parent to open any bank account but doesn't need a parent to close it. If that wasn't bad enough he then went and had his dad open a new savings account at different bank with his dad as the other parent on the account. I couldn't believe it. His dad. The dad who stole directly from his brother's bank account. His dad who spent all of the $12,000 of his college money without permission. Money his dad never put one dime towards. Connor is trusting him to not take money from Connor's account when it suits him? If I didn't think Connor was crazy before I do now. Here's the kicker for me, I know I have to sit back and say nothing. I need to let him find out for himself how trustworthy his dad will be about Connor's money and not say I told you so when Sean takes it. Of course this may take some time since Connor isn't working to add money to any kind of account but when he does Sean will be right there to steal it. Maybe then, when Connor works for himself and finds out the value of his hard earned money he will understand. Will was so shocked when he found out he threw his hands up in the air and walked off saying he was washing his hands of his brother saying he wouldn't feel sorry for Connor one bit. I also found out Sean has opened savings accounts for Cade and Sofie but not Will. I guess as far as Will is concerned Sean doesn't have a son. I have been keeping him informed of Will's doctors visits and how he has been doing but Sean never replies or asks anything. So messed up.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

School "paper" is out!

1 comments Posted by perphila at 10:03 AM

Here is the link to the latest issue of the school newspaper. We have a lot of field trips coming up too. I am tired just thinking about it....:) In the harvest dinner picture Cade is smack dab in the middle where he usually is when things involve food. My dish can't been seen sadly, it was just underneath the bowls at the bottom of the picture. You can see Sofie in the Halloween picture. Will is in the last picture of the Harvest Dinner on the left.

November Issue of the Cliff Island Times

Feeling Pressured

1 comments Posted by perphila at 8:45 AM

Sofie has been home the past three days with a nasty cough. She is starting to sound a little better today. It hasn't really hampered her desire to run around but that isn't helping any. When she talks you can hear the congestion and the frog in her throat. So her being sick altered all my plans for the week. I didn't make plans for therapy for me or Cade. I did however get ahead in my schoolwork which feels good. I still have a lot to do though. Still looking for someone to interview!

I got an email yesterday from Sean asking me if I got a call from the co-parenting counselor about a session scheduled for today. I hadn't gotten one and I didn't get any messages. I told him that and that I wouldn't be able to go since Sofie was sick but that I was available next week and told him the day and time that was good for me. He said he couldn't do that time and if we could do it earlier. I replied I already had an earlier appointment during the time I knew he would be available. If I switched some stuff around I could do before noon on that day. He didn't reply. So I will call the counselor myself later today. I don't even really know for sure if a session was really scheduled. Unless I hear it from her I won't believe it.

During the email exchange I had reminded Sean about the kids dental appointments in two weeks and that I had reminded Connor several times but was certain he failed to tell Sean. I informed Sean I would be picking both Connor and Will from school that day and if Connor failed to show up I was holding Connor responsible to pay the $45 no show fee. Sean asked if the was a regular check up and I told him it was, it had been scheduled for 6 months and I had told both him and Connor about it by email and verbally several times. No response about that. I then asked him if he had gotten the paperwork for school conferences for Connor since they were supposed to be done by that day. Sean said he had and that he was waiting for a call from Connor's crew teacher. I had Will's conference scheduled for weeks now. That evening I got a call from Connor's crew leader and we scheduled a conference for the same day as Will's just a different time. I doubt Sean called the teacher or is being proactive considering how bad Connor is doing. I will see if I can talk to the school counselor while I am there. If Sean isn't keeping Connor in his regular therapy then he will need to be checked on by someone at least.

Connor's tales are getting hard to keep track of. This is the latest example. Yesterday Will was looking for his collectible playing cards and noticed a huge box was missing. He asked me if I had seen them. I hadn't. He was worried Cade might have taken them to school without permission. I told him I didn't think so. He gathered all the cards he could find that belonged to everyone and began to organize them hoping to see if any from the box got mixed in. He said to me he had heard from Cade Connor had recently come into a bunch of cards. I said yes, Connor had told me at the bay lines that a friend had given him thousands of cards and Connor was going to sell them for money because he didn't have any and he didn't play the game anyway. Will nodded and said he had heard me talking about it with Cade and that he had asked Connor about it before knowing his box was missing thinking he might be able to buy some off of him but Connor told him he didn't have any cards. Cade then said Connor did have the cards because he saw them last weekend and that Connor decided to get back into the game was wasn't going to sell the cards. Will narrowed his eyes and asked Cade how the cards were stored. Cade admitted he didn't know but Connor told him his friend had given them to him in a big plastic bag. Will said nothing but he said he was considering going over there to find out the truth. The value of the cards is hundreds of dollars. This is saying a lot since Will wants nothing to do with anyone over there. What is the truth? The fact does remain the box is missing and a whole afternoon of searching revealed nothing. Cade didn't take it with him to school. Will is still determined to hide all of this cards from now on. I have no idea what to do. Do I just let them deal with this? Connor had told three different stories. What bothers me the most is I am doubting him. Seeing him tailor a story to fit different people is too much like his dad in bipolar mode for me. Even if Connor doesn't have bipolar the fact he is copying the behavior scares me. Like Sean acting like a dry drunk. He didn't drink like his father but acted like him when his father was drunk. Dry bipolar maybe? Cade said Connor made up some decks with some of the cards and it is easy for me to see him wanting to get back into the game since it follows his pattern of reaching out in spurts. Wanting to see his old friends. Coming by for visits, feeling bad about selling everything, feeling the need to have money to pay people back for what he has "borrowed". With his regrets comes sadness and wanting to "be like he was before". I just don't know anymore.

All of this stuff is making me feel like a huge weight is on me. I need to get myself and Cade back to therapy ourselves soon but this past month was horrible. He was sick, then I was, then I had the root canal, now Sofie is sick. There isn't enough of me to go around. I had planned to go to town Tuesday but Sofie was coughing and I needed to go but she needed to be in bed and I didn't know what to do. I took a shower and cried. I just made a choice and neither option was a good one but I stayed home with Sofie. I still feel bad about it but there it is. Just thinking about this is making my head hurt. I guess I had better do something productive now.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Your help please!

1 comments Posted by perphila at 2:22 PM

Red Alert! I am looking for someone to interview for one of my classes. If any of you fit the description or know someone who does please let me know.

I need to interview someone who is in the IT field. A web designer, webmaster, network administrator, instructor, computer repair, any kind of IT professional current or retired.

The interview can be done in person, or the phone, skype or IM/chat.

I need to have at least this much information within the next two weeks.

Name of the person you are interviewing.

Job title or general IT field

Date/time you expect to conduct the interview

This is for my final. The interview will be about 30 minutes and the questions are pretty easy asking about the persons job.

I do know one person but if I can find anyone else to interview I would be eternally grateful. Please, please contact me as soon as possible even to say you don't know anyone!

*begs*

*puppy eyes*

*quivering lip*

*small tear in right eye*

Flip a Coin

1 comments Posted by perphila at 10:14 AM

There are two Connor's. I am not liking the one who lies to me and tells half truths. He was supposed to come over this weekend. I had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't so I was sort of ok with that. It is sad to know he could care less about seeing me or his siblings. It is also sad to see how his life is all about himself in a self absorbed way that is even more than the typical teenager. I was pretty upset last night when I went to pick up Cade and Sofie from the boat last night and saw them getting off alone. I asked them if they had ridden by themselves. I felt a little panicked about that since they are way too young for that. Cade said no that Connor rode with them. I just stood there as the boat left and realized Connor didn't even bother to get off to at least say hello to me. I wanted to just break down right there and cry. I know he is avoiding me because of his grades. I don't know what he thinks I am going to do about it. There isn't anything I can do. I know conferences are coming up because I keep in touch with the school but he had been avoiding that with me as well. Do I back off or not? When he was here last he said he didn't check his email often so he hadn't heard from me. He said his dad doesn't let him get online at the house very often since Sean uses it frequently. I have no doubt that is true to an extent. I am not like Sean however as Connor may think and blame Sean for Connor not communicating. I am fully aware Connor has his own school laptop he could use to check his email that he is allowed to take home. He also just got a gaming laptop from a friend so he has two ways outside of his father to check emails. I suppose I could start sending snail mail if I have to. At least when I spoke with him last he knows that I am at least trying to keep him updated on what's going on here. I try to keep contact and I do it every single day. Content is less important than effort. I can only hope he sees that someday. Still, he lied again trying to blame his father and I am just not going to play that game. Connor is not going to be pitting me against his dad that way. I know he sees it working from the other perspective. Even if Sean doesn't believe what he says Sean still uses it to hurt me or against me and this gives Connor even more ways to keep the focus off him where it needs to be. No matter what Sean says or does Connor has a certain amount or responsibility and commitment he needs to shoulder for himself and I am not going to forget that. I asked Connor if he was going to come to the island Christmas Party and he said he didn't know. This is something he has done since he was seven years old. He is trying to separate himself from a sense of community as well as his family. Trying to hold my tongue and the line and watch him spiral downwards is the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel like I want to cry, scream and panic all at the same time. Some days he seems like his old self and others I can see the lies pour off his tongue and it makes me sick. I just smile and say nothing but he isn't fooling me.

He is obsessed with money again. It's another sign of his winter depression. He told me when I saw him last how he got a bunch of trading cards (over a thousand) from a friend and he was going to sell them for money. He was regretting a couple of weeks ago his habit if selling everything he had and how he had to buy stuff all over again and now he is doing it all over again. I am seriously worried about how he is handling money.

I was shopping with Cade on Friday and he asked me for a toy to go with his Halloween costume and I said no. He said he would pay me back. I said no. He got upset and said he would get me the money. I said how? He said he had some stuff to sell. I saw red. I was furious. I felt bad that I went a little overboard with him in my answer. I didn't yell or anything but I reminded him about how Connor was in the position of selling everything he had and look where is now? Also, the point is to earn the money first then pay for something. I would not, could not and just plain won't go through this again. I held my tongue that I did this with his father as well and enough was enough but boy did I think it. I said instead it was a bad habit for Cade to get into and I didn't want him making the same mistakes. I already had to speak to him twice about this selling stuff thing. He tried to sell stuff that wasn't his (at least he asked first) but it is a slippery slope into just thinking, "They never use it anyway so I'll just get rid of it for something useful and I'll share it with them." Trying to give themselves a "reason" why it would be ok to take something that doesn't belong to them and using it for themselves. Sean really did major damage to them. Sean even sold stuff that a friend and her son had left with us and never replaced those items. His reasoning was that the game console my friends son used was broken so he would never use those games. True. It was broken. That didn't mean he wasn't going to fix it or buy a new one. It also, was not Sean's to sell in the first place or for him to decide what was best to do with those games. How high minded of him. That only he knows what is best. I had thought by having the kids stuff taken from them and sold without their knowledge they would have empathy and know not to do that to someone else but Connor is did the same thing and now Cade. Will hides all his stuff from them because he doesn't trust them. At east one of them nows it's wrong. I guess Cade only thinks it's wrong if it is done to him. How did things come to this? Then Cade tried to sell something that was his but it was something he loved. He was so into the moment of wanting something else he didn't think about how he would feel later if he sold it. The regret and then having to buy it all over again. I stopped him and said no he couldn't sell it. He has since thanked me but it was just another case of seeing Cade do something Connor has done. Cade said how since Connor left how they have gotten close. When I asked him to write a list of pros and cons on how this turn of events happened he clearly saw this wasn't the case. Connor was telling him they were closer but it is simply Cade missing him so much he has been trying to get Connor's approval by trying to copy him and liking all the same stuff. I told Cade to just be himself. Trying to make Connor like him wasn't going to bring him home. They need to love each other for who they are and it's ok not to like everything about each other. That is healthy.

Another thing that occurred to me last week when dealing with Cade was how ironic it is that Connor who was the one Sean hurt the most by slamming into a door, throwing stuff at his head, calling him names, shoving him around and stole the most stuff from, if not money, (that was Will) even though Sean did steal money as well and stuff like that, is the one who is with Sean now. The one most abused is the one living with him. Why? It has been a bad week.