Our Island Family Life

Thanksgiving. I went to my mom's with all the kids. Tuesday Cade had his therapy session then his conference. His session was rough. I had some time alone with her and I wound up crying. He had told her about what had happened with his dad and the whole stealing issue part two and that he wasn't going to go see his dad over vacation how his dad had said fine. She asked me if I had talked to Sean about it. I hadn't yet but was going to email him about me dropping the kids off that evening. She told me I should just do my "50%" and ask about the whole mess. That's what set me off. Like I don't already do that? I told her that I was feeling at a loss of how to proceed since I didn't want to get in the middle of stuff with them again. Sean hadn't emailed me about what had happened either. I had planned on just doing what I always do and keeping him informed about the drop off a day ahead of time like usual and if there was a problem he would let me know. The whole Cade issue was what I would call a problem. She said Cade had got me in the middle by asking me about wanting to stay. I said he wasn't asking me if he could stay. He told me he had an argument with his dad and that because of that he was staying. Where else would he go? All I needed to to was inform Sean of what was going on and see what he said. She agreed with that. I still broke down though because it feels like I am again doing all the work. I am in the middle again because Sean can't communicate with anyone with any shred of success. I emailed him and told him that Cade had said he wasn't going to spend the vacation with Sean and that Sean said that was fine. Is this the plan? I made sure Cade knew what I was doing because I wanted to make sure to reinforce for him that even though I believe him and trust him I am always going to make sure his dad and I are on the same page. He didn't have a problem with that and didn't seem to think much of it confident of how he and his dad had left things. When I finally got a response back Cade was shocked at what his dad said. Sean said Cade lied and that Sean had never said that and he fully expected Cade to be there. Cade called him and confronted him about it. Sean still denied they ever even discussed it. Cade tried for a bit to remind him and even repeated parts of their conversation to remind his dad to no avail. I honestly don't think Sean remembers it. He tends to have memory gaps in everyday things but especially with highly emotionally charged conversations. He was supposed to be taking a medication that might help with that given by his pdoc that has been used for Alzheimer's patients but he only picked up the prescription and never took it. So Cade then told him if he came he would need Kathryn to back off and not act like she did the last time he had fight with his dad. Sean said he didn't now what Cade was talking about and she would of course be fine. Cade started tearing up knowing he once again wasn't being heard and was being called a liar again. He said he would go despite all that just so his dad would leave him alone. I was going to drop them off at Sean's parents house and suggested to him if he wanted to talk with his dad again he should try in with his grandpa there. Sean wouldn't act like that in front of his father. Cade is too embarrassed for them to know however and didn't want to. I left it alone. I only made a suggestion and reminded him he had people he could talk to no matter what and he could call me any time on his cell phone.

Then there was Connor. On Tuesday I got an email from Sean that was rather nasty saying one of Connor's friends had called him and said Connor owed him money. Sean said he gave the kid our home number and he would be calling the house. He then said how I was shielding Connor and how he needed to be accepting responsibility for his actions. I really loved how he just assumed Connor really owed this kid money without even the benefit of the doubt. Besides, this issue, whatever it is, is between Connor and his friend and they have to deal with it. I'm not getting involved, if I did then I might be "shielding" him. So, I told Connor about the email and he said that was Kathryn word for word and shrugged it off. He tried calling his friend but didn't get through and left a message. We went on our way to my mom's. The next day we had our Thanksgiving which was nice and then went to visit Sean's parents. That was also nice. After that Will, Connor and I left and met up with a friend and her son to see the new Harry Potter movie. It is only $4 there. We got the tickets and went in. Connor got a text message just before the movie started and it was from this friend of his so he went to respond to it. Half way through the movie he still hadn't come in. I went to check on him and he was crying out in the hallway. He had managed to work things out with his friend. It was a misunderstanding on his dad's part. Connor never owed the kid money at all. The kid had sold Connor a computer and was wondering if Connor could pay a little more for it than they had agreed on (he did sell it dirt cheap) with the hopes of getting a plane ticket to see a relative. The reason Connor was so upset though was because the original text message was really nasty and Connor didn't know why. Come to find out Sean had called the kid back and then proceeded to tell him how Connor wasn't to be trusted. He was a liar and a thief. He was a manipulator and did whatever it took to get his own way. Then he told the kid all about Connor "running away" from home and all about the divorce and my bad influence. Connor was shocked and hurt his dad would do such a thing. Connor begged the kid not to tell everyone at school about everything that was going on with his dad because he didn't want everyone looking at him like he was a freak or with pity. He didn't want a bunch of rumors going around about him and didn't want his friends thinking his dad was telling the truth about all those negative things he was saying about him. He was embarrassed and humiliated. His friend said he understood and wouldn't say anything but Connor is still afraid he might let something slip. Then he opened up and told me about a bunch of other worries he had going on. It isn't a wonder his grades slipped. He is under a lot of pressure right now. He lost a lot of friends he had thought he should be hanging with and he said, "I wanted to be with them and that it was more important than being on the island so I left but they did bad things. I stood strong and didn't do what they did but that just made them mad at me and now they are spreading rumors about me." I told him sometimes doing the right thing is a hard path to follow but he knows in the long run he did the best thing for him and if they were really his friends they would have stood by him and allowed him to make his own choices. In the end he will find out who his real friends are. He agreed but he is really hurting right now. How Sean missed Connor hanging out with kids who were drinking and taking drugs really bothers me. With all of Connor's issues things could have turned out very different. I am thankful he has been listening to me all these years and didn't cave. Transitioning the way he was it isn't surprising his grades would have been borderline at best. Going from here to his dad's, changing from summer to a new school year, the change of seasons which is always problematic for him, the break up with his girlfriend (who was part of the smoking, drinking group I mentioned before), his friends pressuring him to do bad things, Kathryn's attitude and his dad's non existent protection, it's no wonder he wasn't focused. He said he just didn't feel safe and felt like he owed people so much of himself. I told him he was home now and to try and relax. Not to worry about his grades right now and instead try and focus on how he learns best and what strategies we could try that would make things easier for him. If he is having such a hard time at school with the whole rumor thing and friends issue then when he gets home he should take some time to decompress first. Take a nap, have a snack or go for a quick walk, whatever method helps him to relax, then he can focus with a clear mind on his work and not just get it done but understand what he is doing. He said his dad wouldn't let him do that. He said when he came through the door Sean wouldn't even say hi but ask him what work he had then make him sit down to start on it. He said when he comes through the door at home he is greeted with Sofie running up with a hug and screaming his name and me smiling and saying hi and asking him about his day. I offer him a drink and something to eat and he feels like he is where people miss him and care about him. He said some of the stuff he was telling me was embarrassing and hard to talk about but he felt I really cared about him and afterword he said talking to me helps him. He likes to keep his emotions and thoughts tight to the vest so that was a huge step. He agreed to talk to his counselor again so I will try and set something up next week. I told him after the Thanksgiving break he can start fresh with his school work and not to worry about money and getting a job and stuff like that. One thing at a time. I still can't fathom why Sean would tell some teenage kid all that stuff. He just made things so much worse. Also, here is one more thing that blew me away. When Sean took Cade's money last weekend Cade has asked him who the thief was now and referred to Sean taking Will's money. Kathryn told him not only did parents some times have to make tough decisions but that it was my idea and that his dad didn't want to do it but that he loved me so much he did it against his better judgement because I wanted food. Holy Crap. It was my idea? He loved me so much? This was a month before he left. How did he go from "loving me so much" to sleeping with her in less than a month? He didn't want to do it? I knew he was lying to her but please. What about the money he stole to pay rent? Most important of all, why was she telling Cade all this? Too much information and she had no business even saying anything. Sure he knows about Will's issues but not what Sean did with it or why he did it. He has asked but I have always told him it was between Will and his dad. He knows the money was taken without Will's consent but other than that he has been in the dark. Will knows it wasn't my idea. I found out about the larger chunk of money the same time he did with his bank statement. I did know about a smaller amount and told Sean to tell Will about it himself but he never did and when the bank statement revealed it I had to fess up since Sean had made me culpable. I was the one who actually spent it (not knowing where it had come from). I was really sick about it. Will was pretty sickened by her statement and shook his head.

Happy Holidays.