Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Connor went back to his dad's last night so he was here six days. He wasn't looking forward to going back because he knew he was going to get a third degree questioning from Kathryn. He turned into himself and just quietly did his homework. he was changed from the happy kid he was all weekend to looking miserable and it wasn't even about his school work. He said he is miserable. Maybe his work issues are reflecting his moods again?
I gave him a paper with a list of dates on it for future plans like me picking him up to see the dentist on Wednesday. I only gave him four days I was asking him to be available for (all were family holiday related or doctors appointments) and after that I told him he could do as he pleased but I hoped he would drop by more often. He said he was going to be bringing more of his clothes back over soon. Again, I will believe it when I see it. I just shrugged and told him to do what he was comfortable with and not to worry about it. We talked a long time on Monday and he really vented. I did find out a few things I will need to be on my guard about. Kathryn doesn't like his school so she is pushing for him to go to her school. She wants to be able to watch him at all times in a "traditional" setting. She has been emailing his support block teacher and telling him what he needs to assign Connor and what to do. That for me is a big no no. She is not his legal guardian and has no say what so ever in his education. She is not his teacher. I have no idea why the teachers are letting her do this but I will have to address this. I am not going to do it right away however. I need to let things play out a little more and try and talk with Sean first. I know it is futile but I need to try. Connor said something to me that had me laughing inside. He said how he will talk with his dad and they come to an understanding and make a plan about school or therapy or what ever and Connor feels good that they had a talk and are on the same page then Sean will come back an hour later or the next day after talking with her and everything is changed. His dad decides to do what she says and says things like, "We think you should.." or "We believe..." etc. We this We that. Oh, how I know that. I spoke to Sean about that as well. I told him flat out I did not ever want to hear from him again the whole "We" thing. I told him I wanted to hear what he thought since he was the parent and then him and I will make the decisions for our children. So far he has done as I have asked with only a few slip ups which I pounce on right away. I know he is trying to see if I will relax and I will for the rest of my life have to be on guard for him pushing the boundaries of the limits I have set for myself. It sucks.
Connor openly calls his dad delusional now. Connor said he talks about work for example and how is is going to be working with his wife in her school someday. All his efforts in college haven't been for a great job or earning more money. It hasn't been to improve himself but so he could be by her side. I know he changed his major because she told him to. He didn't want to be a teacher before. I assumed it was something like this but it is also a reason he hasn't got a full time job. He is only doing small teaching jobs to build a resume so he can be hired at her school. He just assumed it will happen someday like it is a done deal already. It's one thing to have a goal and another to already think it is happening. He is like that with money. He will spend money before he gets it like tax returns or a bonus he thinks he is going to get. He doesn't even have all the education he needs to be a teacher yet for our state. He has enough to be a sub but that's it. Connor is also sick of his dad's attitude that he is some kind of super teacher now and there is only one right way to teach. That way of course is the way Kathryn has told him to teach. I knew she had her claws in him but I didn't think it was this deep. I knew he was delusional at times concerning her by saying she is perfect in every way. I assumed it was hormones and that whole newlywed syndrome new couples have. It seems there is a deeper problem with him than I even knew. Kind of scary. Connor is tired of Kathryn and his dad trying to make him perfect and not letting him be himself.
I will see Connor Wednesday and he said he might spend the night. We'll see. Sofie cried and cried when he left. I told her she would see him Wednesday and that calmed her down. She asked him if he "lived here now" and Connor told her he did. I didn't say anything but I hope he doesn't say things like that to her and have it crush her when it turns out not to be true.
Sean emailed me yesterday morning telling me he scheduled a therapy session for Connor this Thursday at 3pm and I should be there. He said he would talk with Connor first to make sure my presence was ok first. I wanted to laugh again. Sean had said before how when Connor was clearly upset and depressed when Connor had his break up that Sean had tried to get him into a session but couldn't. I knew that was bs because they would have taken him right away. I had asked Connor early yesterday morning during our long talk if he had been to therapy lately (which Sean and I agreed that Connor needed and should be doing) and Connor said no and hadn't for a while. So this email was pretty telling. Sean is getting first hand some of Connor's issues but doesn't understand or know him well enough to work with him, the school and his therapist to turn things around like I did. Instead he is letting Kathryn boss Connor around, boss his teachers around and telling him how to parent. Not my problem, I chant so I don't get upset and riled. I told Connor he had a session Thursday and that dad wanted me to come but would talk to Connor about it first. Connor was angry his dad scheduled a session without talking to him first. I have come to understand with Connor he can be quite receptive to therapy if I work with him. If I tell him my concerns and why I think it is a good idea and ask him for his input he usually has no problem with me scheduling something after that. Sean made a huge mistake. Of course lets not forget I did tell Sean all this before but who cares about my experiences right? I then asked Connor if he had an issue with me being there. I told him it was his call and I would do what he wanted for me to do. He said it didn't matter to him. I hedged a bit and said that was fine but if he had any reservations at all with me being there or felt uncomfortable with both me and his dad being there I would understand. I didn't schedule this so it was no skin off my nose to not be there. He then said I could come. I said ok. I will lose a another whole work day to do this but what can I do? In fact I won't be working again until Saturday. I have today then tomorrow is the dentist, Thursday is therapy and Friday is a school field trip for Sofie then I have to drop them off for a visit.
Sean also told me that Cade's therapy was "falling by the wayside". I admit I have been lax scheduling sessions for him. We had a whole month of illness and my root canal thing and I had all I could do to keep myself together with work and school and dealing with all the sickos here. Things have gotten better finally. I still sniff a bit and Sofie still has a coughing fit from time to time but the doctor said it was a wait it out situation. No anti-biotics for her which I suppose is a good thing in the long run. I do have something scheduled for him for next week now that things have calmed down a bit. We have been slowly getting back into routine and of course I have been doing the whole conference thing. Sofie's is Friday and Cade's is next week on the same day as his therapy. I was kind of angry though for him casting stones when Connor who has a diagnosed problem hasn't been going to therapy that Sean chose to take over from me. Cade's therapy is more like education for him in handling his problems and a chance to talk with someone outside of the problem. Sean may have had his reasons like I did but at least I didn't act like his mother and chastise him for not following through. He then called me last night and began to grill me about Connor. Where was he? (I had emailed him about where to pick Connor up and gave Connor money to call his dad if he didn't show up) Sean hadn't checked his email. Did Connor to his school work? Did he go to school of Friday? Did I ask him if Connor went to school everyday he was with his father? He was really treating me like an idiot. I told him he did his work. Sean asked me if I had checked it. (Oh come on....)I told him I checked to make sure it was complete but Connor was responsible for the content. If he didn't do a good enough job then he would have to deal with the consequences. I told Connor I was there to help him if he asked for it. I then told Sean never to cross examine me again. If there was a problem I would be sure to inform him and I wasn't going to answer any more of these types of questions with the exception of Connor's where abouts. I really wanted to tell Sean I wasn't happy with his plan to bribe Connor with a cell phone if he passed the semester. If I were a kid I would fail just long enough to get what I wanted (which is what Connor would do in a heartbeat when he gets that whole money/pressure/sell everything thing he gets). I had told Sean to get Connor a phone in July for safety sake. He doesn't need a fancy phone with all the gadgets with a huge plan and all that. Just a pay as you go phone that Connor has to pay for himself to learn responsibility to take care of. Sean ignored me. He didn't even say no he just didn't say anything and he didn't do it. I asked Connor about it and he said he dad said he couldn't afford it. It's $20 for the phone and it usually comes with the first months minutes, after that it would be Connor's ball to deal with. Sean now has the money for some uber phone with texting and internet that he will pay for monthly? (insert scream here) Instead I said nothing.....for now.
I just have to keep cool and keep my mouth shut. I need to just sit there and listen to them and let Connor speak for himself or redirect questions for Connor to answer and not me. I feel bad that Connor has to shoulder such a burden but it is what it is now. One step at a time.
Keep praying Connor comes to his senses. I am still worried about his bank account.....if he does come home I know Sean will take anything in there.
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