Our Island Family Life

Seems simple enough. Really though, the art of stepping back and thinking things through isn't all that easy. I still don't know if I should call Sean about the hair thing. Really I doubt it would achieve anything. It would probably piss him off and then it would something like, "I am her FATHER I can cut her hair if I want to. It's my RIGHT." even though he really could care less and it not even him who wants to do it. Let sleeping dogs lie I suppose. I have also been thinking about calling Cade's therapist. He was just so defeated yesterday. This morning he was sounding very sad about Halloween. He said he didn't even want to think about it. I asked him why and he said he doesn't want to tell his dad he wants to be on the island with his friends because he doesn't want his dad making him feel bad again. I asked him again that if he wasn't worried about how his dad was going to react what would he do? Where would he want to be? He said here because he gets a huge load of candy but also we have company coming for the weekend and he has some summer friends who are going to be out here for the holiday. He tries to keep in touch with them online but he's 10....it tough at that age. He doesn't want to miss out on any opportunity to hang with them. I doubt I would see him much myself even if he does stay..:) He says his dad is talking about Halloween and Cade just leaves the room. He is just overwhelmed and scared. I told him we should talk about this with his therapist on Friday and see if we can come up with another solution when it comes to having these tough conversations with his dad. Third party maybe? Does he want me there too? Would that be too uncomfortable? Does he want me to ask? What can I do, we do to ease this stress. God knows Sean isn't going to help. He hasn't even asked to come into any of Cade's therapy sessions since his started working again. Going on three months now. I asked him if he could take time off one day a month or during a lunch break or something. Never got a response. I have to think of what I can schedule that doesn't have Cade missing a lot of school. While he is having swim he is going in Friday morning. He has a half day on Fridays anyway in the afternoon. We go into town for swim lessons in the fall and spring. We can't do a session after swim because the kids meet with Sean for the weekend and by then it's too late in the day. Once swim is over then we can switch to the afternoons during what would be swim time. Maybe Sean will come then. Maybe if the therapist tells Sean he HAS to come to resolve this he might come. I should call the therapist first though before we get there so we have a topic ready to go. I worry about Cade getting depressed about everything. You would think after time he would be getting more adjusted but he really isn't. He is adjusted here at home to not having his dad around and stuff like that. The hard part is leaving here where he feels safe and listened to, to going there and getting either ignored or yelled at. Sometimes both at the same time. Yelled at by Kathryn and ignored by his dad. I have to go with my gut, I feel like something is off with him. *sigh*

With all this drama going on my head isn't where it should be. I had been thinking about Cade's winter coat and how I would be able to afford a new one. His old one needs it's zipper replaced and that's beyond my skill level. I thought I could take it to a dry cleaner or something. I heard they might fix it. I never use one so I was dreading finding a place. It would be cheaper than a new coat. Then yesterday I was finally dragging out the winter hats, boots and things and I sat down feeling like a dumb ass. I didn't need to be worrying about this at all. I had Connor's old winter coat he could use. I saved it just for this reason. It doesn't fit Connor anymore he out grew it. I felt like a real mental midget right then. Connor needs a new coat but he refuses to even consider it. He just wears layers upon layers of stuff. He is certainly warm enough so I am not going to sweat it. If he wants to look like the Michellan man so be it.

I got a call today for fuel assistance. They are booked into December and January. I am getting a full tank from the memorial fund this year so that should keep me going until the appointment. I still haven't turned the heat on yet. It's been getting cold at night but we are under the covers anyway. Will is worried about his plants. We move them at night to a smaller room and I turn in the space heater for a bit to warm the room up. I turn it off before bed. It keeps them warm for the night.

Still no money. I have to call DHHS this afternoon. I was too busy yesterday. I need a nap. I have the sniffles. I am fighting it off though. I'm not going to get sick!