Our Island Family Life

I was going to babysit today but didn't have to at the last minute. It's so quiet. Sofie is playing with play-doh and is watching tv. The boys are all gone. There is no wet car noises coming from Aiden. This is nice. I try and have Sofie play with play-doh as often as possible to build up her hand strength. All the boys had weak hands when they started school and it made writing hard for them. Connor was the worst. I am hoping Sofie will not have the same problem. I also have her color a lot but she had her crayons taken away for the week after she drew on the chair during the three seconds it took me to turn on the radio.

Yesterday was loud and busy. Connor missed school. His leg at his knee seized up while he was walking to the boat and went out from under him. He fell and rolled into the ditch on the side of the road. He made it home. He didn't call me either to come get him just like Will didn't last week. I had to clean him up, he was all scratched up. His leg looked fine but you could see it twitching. So we put it up and I called the doctor. They thought it might be a muscle spasm. Sean used to get them in his back and it was not a pretty sight. Connor was hurting you could see. So we got him to bed with some ibuprofen and a hot pack. The heat seemed to help more than the ice. After a few hours he felt better. He had never felt that before. It was really random. It didn't seem worth it to come into town unless the pain didn't go away. It did though and he is fine today. Now he has to stay after to make up his missed work. He was bummed. The little ones forgot how to use inside voices and it was giving me a headache. Aiden killed one of Will's pepper plants. That was bad. Cade was nervous and waiting for a call from his dad all evening. It never came. Next weekend is Halloween. It is a visit weekend. Cade wants to trick or treat with his friends here on the island. He has been really stressed about telling his dad he wanted to stay and has been acting out a bit for weeks now because of it. So, Monday night he asked me to call his dad and tell him first and then he would talk to Sean too. Cade asked me if it would be ok to offer his dad a compromise of going to see him the following weekend instead even though it would be a weekend he would normally be here. I asked him if he knew that would mean he would be seeing his dad three weekends in a row. He didn't like the idea but said he would because that's how much he wants to be here. I made the call and of course Sean didn't answer. I left a message. An hour later he called. He knew right away this was going to be about Halloween. In my message I had only said that Cade had something he wanted to discuss and that is was important and that he asked for me to talk with Sean first. I didn't beat around the bush and told him it was and that he wanted to stay here to be with his friends. Sean right away sounded frustrated. He asked me why Cade hadn't said anything to him himself that past weekend. I told Sean that this was really hard for Cade. I told him that in therapy we are working on having difficult conversations and dealing with how to handle stress. Cade asking me to talk with Sean first was an option he was using the help deflate some of that stress. I told him Cade was really stressed and upset that asking Sean to stay would make Sean angry with him or hurt Sean's feelings. Neither of which Cade wanted to do. Sean said rather abruptly that Cade was coming at that was that as far as he was concerned. He said that after this year Halloween would fall on a day where Cade wouldn't be with him for six years and that he had this same conversation with Cade that weekend and Cade knew about it. I was quiet a moment then told him that I was glad Cade was aware of that situation. It gave Cade a chance to think and make informed choice of what he wants to do and the fact remained Cade still wants to be here. I told him of Cade's offer of switching a weekend. Sean didn't sound thrilled about him being there three weekends in a row. I asked Sean if he would like some time to talk with Cade. He agreed. Before I gave Cade the phone I told him his dad was being a little abrupt but to listen first before he said anything. Cade agreed and asked me to stay. I did. It was quiet for a while and Cade again repeated most of what I had said. He told Sean he loved him and him wanting to stay wasn't about not wanting to see his dad. Cade told Sean he didn't want to get him mad or hurt him. He just wanted to stay. There was more quiet. Then I could see Cade begin to get annoyed. He told his dad he wasn't asking at the last minute. He then told him he had friends coming out he wouldn't see again until next summer. He didn't want to wait another year to go with them because they might not be here next year or they might not even be trick or treating after this year since every one is getting older. He told his dad he didn't want to trick or treat with Ragan. She wasn't his friend and he would be miserable if he had to be with her all night when he could be with people he actually likes being with. He also told his dad he could get way more candy here. The only five pieces of candy per house rule was not something he was used to. Here he could take as much as he wants. I heard Sean say that wasn't very nice. Cade laughed and asked him if he even remembered what it was like trick or treating here. Every one does it and then the people usually give them even more! Plus here people give away real food too like frozen pizzas and store coupons and stuff. I heard Sean tell Cade he would think about it. Cade asked if Sean could tell him soon because he didn't want to worry. I asked Cade if I could talk to his dad again. When I got the phone back I asked Sean if he could look for a pair of pants Cade left and he said he would. Sean said he would think about what Cade said and would call him back in a few days. I asked Sean to call back as soon a possible because the waiting was stressful for Cade and that we both needed to do as much a possible to eliminate stress from Cade because it is affecting him. He missed a day of school because of it and is quick to lose patience with others when he is under stress. Sean said he would. After words Cade was twitchy. Cade said he thought his dad was just thinking of himself. I asked him why he thought that. Cade said his dad told him he had to come other wise he (Sean) had to wait six years to go trick or treating with Cade. Cade was just struck by the idea that since when was trick or treating about the parents? Besides, in six years Cade will be 16 and would absolutely be with his friends! He said he dad wouldn't call him back anyway and if he didn't Cade just wouldn't go. I told Cade we would give his dad until Wednesday evening then we would call him again and to not even think about it again until then. I told him I was proud of him for talking with his dad, of asking me for help when he felt he needed it and for even trying to come up with a compromise. He should feel good about himself and it would be a great thing to talk to his therapist about. Cade seemed happy. So we'll see how it goes tonight.

*whew*