Our Island Family Life

For some good news, Sean actually called Cade last night. Cade had set a time for himself that if his dad hadn't called by 5pm he would call him. Sean called around 4:30. He told Cade he could stay. Cade then told him about what he was doing for the school newspaper. Sean had no idea that Cade is the editor. Sad. Anyway, after Cade hung up he seemed pleased. He did say though he was wondering about something. I said I would try and give him an answer. He said that his dad told him, "I am giving you permission to stay on the island." What Cade was wondering about was how his dad phrased things. Two things, one the I am giving you permission part bothered him because it seemed like too much. I asked him, "Too much?" Cade then said it was like his dad was trying to act like he was in control of the situation. Things only happen because Sean wills it. It didn't have to be stated but to do it anyway was kind of in your face and you should be grateful and thankful to me for being so wonderful. Like Sean was granting him a huge gift. The thoughtfulness of the act of letting Cade stay was spoiled a bit by the high handedness of the delivery. The second thing that bothered him was the way his dad said he could stay on the island. I didn't think anything of it but Cade noted how clearly his dad didn't say it was ok that he stayed with mom or did he say he could stay home. Cade said it was like dad didn't want it to seem like he was giving me (mom) anything and refusing to call this place Cade's home. I told him I hadn't thought about it that way. I said that maybe his dad feels uncomfortable talking about me and said what he did without thinking. As for the home thing, I told Cade that dad was in a different place than Cade in how he thinks about certain things. For dad, this place is no longer his home and as far as he is concerned he thinks of his new home as Cade's home. I told him he either has to give his dad more time or if it bothers him enough to just tell his dad how he feels right now. I told him I understood that he feels as if this is home and I know he doesn't even call the other place dads home but Kathryn's house. That is ok. Maybe somewhere down the line those feelings will change. If it does it will just happen without much notice and things will just be what they will be. I do know but didn't say that home is where you feel loved and safe. There just isn't enough emotional supports there for Cade right now and the tension is too high for it to be comfortable enough to have the moniker of home for Cade. What I noticed in all this was how Cade is perceiving Sean's actions with suspicion even when Sean is doing something relatively nice. Cade is searching for motives in his dad actions and is taking nothing for granted. More so than me. He sees his dad playing games of control and one up man ship pretty quickly. I guess, long term it's a good thing. It's very sad though and not good for an open, healthy relationship.