Our Island Family Life

In my current dealings with my bi-polar ex-husband it has gotten slightly easier. Only slightly and that is because now that he no longer lives here it isn't a daily struggle. Let me preface one thing, when I say "bi-polar ex-husband" I use the term bi-polar for a reason. One, it is a reminder to me that yes he does have this illness no matter how much he protests otherwise and for me personally I have a hard time remembering it myself because I think I still don't want to accept it sometimes. Two, to differentiate which mental illness I am talking about. Anyway, the immediately consequences of his actions are apart from me which helps in the short term but make it hard for me in the sense that I can tend to think of him as some kind of ex-husband jerk stereotype instead of the issues he has. Also, the long term problems are what drains me. That is never going away. That is hard to accept and cope with. His issues with the kids, coping and financial are far reaching and there are times when it would be nice to want to run away from it all. That, however is "negative" thinking and so I make sure I recognize these feelings, give them a handy dandy label and sigh (or have a good cry) then regroup for a while until all if this feels too heavy again. As time goes on dealing with Sean's issues is getting, not easier but more predictable which makes coping somewhat ok for me. Connor on the other hand is still fresh for me.

For example, last week he was on a tear again. Really pushing boundaries. Not liking the consequences. Not my problem. Then Saturday night he was gone for hours, no calls, nothing. Curfew came and went. I have no vehicle to track him down and his phone was at home. I knew...knew...where he was but that was beside the point. I called the house I knew he was at and he apologized profusely. I didn't care. The next day he asked if he could work with me at a house cleaning job I had in the afternoon. That was great because Sean wanted to drop Sofie off half a day early. No shock there. So, I would have to take time out to get her and bring her to my job which would slow me down. Did Connor actually work? Nope. He had his mental health burp. He was depressed the whole day. He refused to say this was how he was feeling but he was sleeping almost the whole day and kept calling his counselor. I am glad he was seeking the right kind of help while in that frame of mine. Not an easy thing by any means so I am hoping his therapy is paying off somewhat. I am worried he has the next two weeks off from it because his counselor will be on vacation. The next day Connor was back to normal, doing chores and homework. The ups and downs make my head spin. If I could only see some kind of pattern.

oh, and on other news, they are thinking of closing our post office again. It's on a short list. I can't say more but it will be on the news.