Our Island Family Life

We all had colds the week before Christmas. Sofie however kept a lingering cough. I took her to the doctor last week and she has a kind of post viral cough. I didn't let her go visit Sean last weekend to make sure she stayed on her medicine properly and stayed rested. The weekend before Sean took her to the playground after I told him she had a cough and was flushed and feverish. I asked him to keep and close eyes out for any changes and to have her inhaler ready. Instead he forgot the inhaler and took her out in the cold without a hat for hours. Her cough was of course worse when she got home and after a whole night of not rest and non stop coughing I was really frazzled and angry. I called him to let her know I took her to the doctor and what they said and he never returned my call. Then he never said anything about her not coming. He finally called five days later to "see how she was doing". I am battling in my head about if my feelings are ungracious. Should I be satisfied he called to check on her at all, even days later or upset at the seemingly lack of concern. I feel like I would be pathetic to be jumping on the scraps of attention he shows any of the kids when it suits him. Yet, I don't wish to be, sour grapes about the effort, any effort that is given. Just like, I am glad he did something fun with Sofie like a real dad would by taking her to the park. I am just exasperated and the lack of judgement in taking her while she is obviously sick.

On other fronts, no changing in the money is tight situation. Maybe a little tighter. Less work this time of year. Trying real hard to not feel helpless. Need to focus on the fact Will is working real hard on his college work. Connor is still doing well emotionally and overall happy. He could improve his school work but he goes to school everyday and does his work. A little more conscientious effort would be nice. I am not going to harp on him about it thought with all the strides he is making. Also, he has a job for pocket money which means no more begging from him. Cade is having a little bit of a rough time. He missed school with the fever and cold we all had and fell a little behind in his school work. He got caught up but was in tears about it all.

The holidays are a rough time though because the boys tend to rehash things in their heads about their dad and get shorter tempers because of that. I totally understand what they are going through. One little holiday snafu occurred when when visiting Sean's family with the kids (I took them) it was mentioned (not sure by whom) that Sean had credited Kathryn for motivating and getting him to go back to college and how grateful he was to her about that. She's a freaking saint, right? Well, the boys looked at me while I said nothing and smiled. Which I think made them mad a me too. They want me to defend myself more than I do but trying to explain to them that the wasted emotional effort to do so is not worth it to me is hard for them to understand. I know a lot to truths but don't need to justify that to people who won't listen anyway. The older boys felt that need however and explained how their dad had already started college before he left and had heard me trying for months to get him to go if he wasn't working and unhappy with his old job. How he had spent their college money to pay for his own first semester and for all the trappings like computer programs and books. How he had said he didn't want to go to college for a career and fail to get a job only to fall back on having to "teach or something". The only thing Kathryn did was convince him to try a career as a teacher he never wanted to do or be in the first place. Is that what he is grateful for? If he should be grateful for anyone why not their mom who helped him fill out forms and helped him with his homework? Why not them who paid for his start even if they hadn't been consulted about it. Silence was pretty deafening I can assure you. Still, I think they were less angry about all that stuff and more the delusion their dad has, the hypocritical attitude and lies. He is never going to get ahead with his relationship with his kids if he keeps saying things like that. Does he think they can't remember? Sean and I did most of his school stuff at the dining room table and hid nothing. He even showed them what he was doing to encourage them to have college as a goal for themselves. Oh well, just another warm holiday faux pas. So, yeah, holiday burn out.

Anyone like Sofie's xmas tattoo face? I would have never let the boys to something like that when they were little. I am not as strict as I used to be on little stuff like that. I won't say it didn't give me a little thrill to send her off to her dad looking like that either..:) Maybe I should dye her hair and give her a fake nose ring? Too passive aggressive? Sofie was also showing off some of her missing teeth. She has a huge gap now with her top teeth missing. I will have to get a photo of that!

I am off for a cup of tea and some tylenol. Haven't been sleeping all that well and need to relax and unwind.