Our Island Family Life

I woke this morning and checked my email to see Cade charged another $10 to my account. Time to change my password. I haven't had to something like that since his dad was still here. I am very disappointed. Not to mention I had asked his dad to take the phone away for the rest of the week as a consequence for the $13 charge he made before without permission. It appears Sean chose not to do so. Co-parenting at it's best.

Turkey is in the oven. I made a "what the heck do I have left in the pantry to do this" pie. I think it will still be a good day overall.

I think I might even take a nap.

Blessed silence filled the air as the last two stressful days seemed to have past with little more than a few caps lock centric emails in it's wake. Seemingly over and done I was gleefully happy to go back to the generic stress of home and work. Today, I found out to my utter embarrassment that yesterday while I toiled in ignorance that even though Sofie's teacher sent a very informative and respectful email to her father, the paranoia was still in the driver's seat. Apparently, not only did her father believe I was lying about there being school in order to be "disruptive to his life" I had colluded with her teacher to cover for me by saying yes there was school on Monday and Tuesday. Then, to see enabling behavior in action, his wife then called another school in our district to ask them to verify there was actually school on those days.

When Will and Connor went to our island school, the principle was at the school Kathryn called. Our school is obviously too small to have a principle in residence so we shared one with that other school. Due to budget cuts that school lost their principle a few years ago and one of the teachers there doubles up to do that duty. However, it goes to show how out of the loop Sean is on the kids education. There hasn't been a principle there since Cade was a student. Still, the wife made the call and then they called the teacher here to pass on that she had called since they had no idea what the heck she had been ranting about. I was made to look like a liar and troublemaker. Why the heck would I do that? I am not a borrower of trouble. I would like to give some of mine away though. Thankfully, the teacher here and at the other school weren't fooled and have seen this kind of stuff before. Still, it doesn't make me feel any better. The teacher here told me not to worry about and that she is just crazy but I can't help but feel scared. I feel like this is all stuff leading up to Sean thinking he can become Perry Mason again and take me back to court like last time. He really thinks he can be a lawyer. Grandiose behavior anyone? Oh, and happy thanksgiving.

Is it the holidays yet?

I think one of the hardest things about trying to co-parent with someone with bipolar is trying to navigate what is illness and what just is a crappy personality. In one single day I may have to deal with robotic yet rational conversation, flip to anger then paranoia and finally back to rational again. That was my day yesterday. Routine is very important, tweak it and you had better be ready for possible melt down. It doesn't help when that person now has two extra children (even if they his own) to deal with which is not the norm and attempting to handle a job when they haven't been able to hold one down in six years. Let's not forget the new wife who doesn't believe he has an illness but who's answer to the odd behavior patterns is to control those around with an iron fist. I do think that controlling behavior helps him to a point but there is a vast difference between helping a loved one keep on track and dictating everything you do from what you eat, how you dress, what kind of job you should have and how to parent.

This is Thanksgiving vacation week and it is a scheduled time for the kids to be with their dad. More than a weekend which is one non-routine issue for him to cope with. Usually only Sofie goes, this time Cade chose to go (more on that later), a second non-routine issue. Third bump in the road...teenage angst. Cade is being evasive and pulling crap by tell his dad one thing and me another. Normal behavior I suppose for a kids with divorced parents. It's bad enough when the parents are emotionally stable. Worse if they do not get along. Really bad if one or both of them is dealing with an unmedicated mental illness. Not me by the way...:) Now, Cade knows his dad has this problem but he still really wishes he didn't and by not visiting him for about a year it seems out of sight equals out of mind. Will and Connor have been doing their best to talk to Cade about this and he used to understand his father's issues but I think he wants a "normal" dad so much that he has convinced himself his dad is just fine. After all his dad tells him he is "just fine" and that I am lying to him about the illness. This all just me trying to turn Cade against him. That for me is really a non issue. I used to feel I had to justify myself when Sean said these things but really, I don't. My issue used to be me believing in Sean myself. He can be stable a lot of the time. I have realized it is from having someone there helping to enable him and the things he has learned over time to help himself, like having regular routines and bedtimes etc., that no one told him to do he just learned to do through trial and error. Having someone there to tell you, go to bed now, eat this, drink that, do this, do that and him just blithely doing so is a good thing for him. However, it doesn't stop everything. It can't, not without meds and therapy. It's just those golden moments of stability make me, made me, question myself. Sometimes I needed other people around me who saw his behavior to say, remember this, that? That was not stable behavior. I think Cade is in that quagmire I was in, coupled with the fact this is his parent and being a newly minted teenager. Not much fun. Doesn't mean I don't want to punt kick Cade to the curb for his behavior or rip my own hair out in frustration.

Been doing the email-go-round with Sean. Long story short, Cade lied to his dad and me about the duration of his visit. When I asked about it, all of a sudden I was being "disruptive". When I was asked to send Cade his school work I said no. I was not going to enable Cade's irresponsible behavior. He left it behind after I asked him if he needed it and he said he didn't because he was coming home. He either changed his mind, which is fine with me, or he never intended to come back for the week. What wasn't ok with me was him telling me he was if he had no plans to so as this was just pointless. Also, when I asked Sean about it, it then became an issue. Sean was as clueless as me and you don't ever want to confuse someone who is holding on to stability by a thread. Thanks Cade. This could have been just a little bump in the road but then there was a snafu with Sofie's school. Nothing major just a scheduling problem where she was supposed to be here for school when we had previously scheduled otherwise. I wasn't the only parent who didn't send their kid to school on Monday so it wasn't just me being overwhelmed. I told the teacher where Sofie was and that I would see what we could do to get her here for Tuesday but with the boats and work issues it may not happen. He was cool with that. Really, not  big deal. It shouldn't have amounted to a hill of beans. I emailed Sean and he didn't reply. I called and called and called. No answer. Ok, annoying but not unusual for Sean not to answer when I call sadly.

So, moving on I was supposed to skype a conference for Cade yesterday and that didn't happen either. All of a sudden Sean wanted a conference and he took over. I had to email Cade's teacher to reschedule. Annoying but what can you do? No, the teacher and Sean shouldn't have done that. I explained the circumstances and I am now waiting to hear from the teacher. You have to pick your battles.

Cade then spent $13 of my money without permission with his phone. This is all in one day mind you. I managed to get a hold of Cade and he blamed Sofie. Uh huh. So, I tried to call Sean to have him take Cade's phone away for the week as a consequence. No response.

I finally get an email from Sean saying Sofie was staying with him and he thought it was "strange" the teachers would "reverse their decision" (what is this, Judge Judy?) and he had emailed her teacher about it but had "no response". Then it hit me, oh. my. God., Sean thinks I am lying abut Sofie needing to go to school. Welcome home paranoid behavior, I didn't miss you. This idea was confirmed when the teacher forwarded me the email and his response. The teachers are aware of the issues going on with the family. The teacher thought the email was odd, strangely worded and slightly confusing as to what he was exactly asking for (and the only communication Sean has had with him since 2007) but was great and confirmed that there was school and that it had been previously scheduled as days off and told Sean of Sofie's progress in school. Sean definitely thought I was lying to be "disruptive to his life" and to "cause uncertainty and create a situation that was not positive for the kids". It always amazes me how he can be paranoid and eloquent and the same time. Granted, it was bad, horrible, no good, very bad day for everyone all around but that didn't mean I was off twiddling my fake mustache cackling maniacally over some evil plan to cause chaos for Sean.

To top it off at 9pm he emails me again thanking me for my emails and there he was, back in stable town.

I really, really wished he lived there full time and didn't treat it as a nice place to visit.

Sofie is a cross-breed. Cute little girl, heavy metal rocker due to her brother's influence. *sigh*

Anyway, I am still alive. Not much to say. My job is up for bid and I can not apply. I will have to wait 2-3 weeks to see if someone "internally" applies and gets it. If not then I can apply as well as anyone else "outside". My shorter hours start next week which will mean a cut in pay. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Kids are more or less stable. When one is stable another is always less so.

Highlight of my week? I made applesauce.

More later......

                          Fuzzy Halloween Photo...you can't see her pink hair very well.

We have a bald eagle hanging around our house. He hovers near the huge tree by our front window so it is quite a view. Tree, eagle ocean. It's almost feels like we should start to sing the anthem or something. Maybe he is friends with the owl? Sadly, all our wild turkeys are gone. Died off I guess. It was so amazing to have them in the yard.

So, today is supposed to be nor'easter. I am not very thrilled about that. I really don't want to lose power now that I have food in the house. It is pretty cold out though. I am not ready for snow.

Cade broke out in hives again. I am starting to think he might be developing a food allergy. Waiting to hear from the doctor.

I did not stay up for the election. Cade was loud enough for me to hear what was going on anyway. He stayed up and got up today at 5am. I just couldn't do that anymore. I had to vote absentee ballot which was kind of nice because I had time to mull things over but I miss having the polls on the island. We are going to try and get them back but you know how it is, once something is gone, getting it back is very doubtful.

I have to go take a test for work now. I have more tests than when I was in school. *sigh*

                                        Summer fun with  friend

Sofie and I were sitting in the living room snuggled together in the chair when about 5 feet from us we heard a BOOM at the window beside us. After jumping out of our skins we turned to look at saw the huge wingspan of the barn owl that had just hit the window. It was stunned and only made it to the railing on our deck with is attached to our living room windows side. We went to the window and it haltingly flew to a nearby branch which was maybe two feet from the railing. It sat there for quite a while and we got a great show. It was very exposed and I had never been so close to an owl like that before. Sofie was beyond thrilled. It just seemed to big. This was a few days ago and yesterday Will saw what we assume was the same barn owl sitting on the wood frame of our compost bin. It is not far from the house but Will said it just sat there while he creeped closer and closer until he was about 10 feet away. Then Will stopped and watched it a while before it finally took off. That owl better get busy and kill all the freaking voles and mice. I got two in traps yesterday. The day before one got in the trash can and it shredded my bag. We have to buy our bags from the city and they are not cheap. I was pretty peeved. The day before that I got another one in a trap. I keep my house as crumb free, sealed and clean as I can but they are just coming in in droves this year. I have 10....count'em...10 traps out and get almost one a day. We get more voles than mice in the house though. The mice don't even freak Sofie anymore since they are so tiny compared to the voles. She thinks they mice are "baby" mice and thus cute and touchable while the voles are the "real" mice to be feared. Cade likes to scream, "mouse!" and Sofie runs crying and screaming up furniture (or me) when there isn't even anything there. I am planning my revenge and scaring the crud out of him sometime and see how he likes it. Besides, after this past week I am not above admitting that it just might feel good. I know. I am bad.

                                                    More field trip pics....

Well, I was a nervous wreak wondering if Cade was coming home yesterday. I called his dad but he didn't answer. I left a message. He emailed and said he saw the home number but couldn't get his messages. I replied and told him I need to talk to him about Cade and that I needed his support and to call me any time at work and left the number. No word from him all day either. I got an email this morning saying he was busy with halloween, I didn't sound urgent and he forgot my work number so he didn't call. I told him never mind and that things were fine. That was the end of that co-parenting experiment.

Cade came home but didn't stop by to see me at work like he usually does so I guess he was still peeved. He went home dressed up as a zombie and went trick or treating with friends. I guess he changed his mind about not going. He was civil to his brothers who were civil back and the subject was not broached by anyone. He plans on going with Sofie tomorrow for her family swim at the YMCA then coming back home. He isn't even going on the visit. Everything is back at status quo.

I am going to lose my mind.