Our Island Family Life

So, day three of the one week plan is still on track. Somewhat. Connor has made the boat two days in row and last Friday. It seems small to be viewing it this way but it really is best to do it one day at a time for now. I can see he is putting a lot of effort into making it to school and his work. That is about all the stress he is able to handle. When he gets home his mood is good but he has to have down time almost right away before he can even begin to think about helping out with chores. As it is he is already starting the, "I'll do it." Then it's too late and time for bed. We can NOT skimp on his sleep. Finding balance is going to be an on going struggle for him I think. I asked him to do three things yesterday, bring the folded laundry basket upstairs, put away the clean dishes and bring the trash barrels back from the road. He only brought the laundry upstairs. One thing is better than none. I am trying to not get upset about it. We need to focus on school right now. Yesterday he talked with his crew teacher and she said she would talk to his science teacher about being more responsive to his questions and to be more clear about any missed work. He gets pretty upset when he asks for the work and his only response is a finger pointing to the wall. He does what is there and feels proud then is told he isn't asking for the work and is behind. Then he gets upset. I don't want him feeling like it isn't worth even bothering about when he is trying and is shot down. He said he told her about his dad and he said he felt better about having her being a middle man for him and being in his corner. I told him I had spoken with the social worker and what she had said. I told him there would be a conference before we made any changes. We may not even need to. When I try and look at it in that perspective then him bailing out of a chore or two is on the lower end of the priority list for me. It's something on the back burner to discuss in a later therapy session. I know from Cade the need for down time is VERY important. Cade for example came back from his dad's this weekend and pretty much ignored us for a few hours and zoned out. His mood wasn't angry or unhappy. He just needed some time to himself. His dad didn't even come back on the boat with him but just sent him alone. At least I had a neighbor go with him on Friday when I couldn't be there. Monday morning though he was all in an uproar. He was banging things around and had a headache and was just on the verge of tears. He was saying he hates school and that I know is not true. He loves his school and teacher. I kept him home and we did all his work online with the help of his teacher who also has been there from the very beginning with this mess and knows Cade had trouble adjusting. Today he is back to himself and bounded out the door. When he found out next week he would have to stay an extra day (because of the holiday) he cried. I hope Sean sends them back on Sunday anyway. Most of the time he is pretty selfish about his time and would send them back but he is unpredictable.

At the end of the season I get a lot of left overs from people. I rather like it. It saves on the food stamps and I can buy other pantry items I need. Yesterday I set out a munch table in order to rid the fridge of stuff. I have so many carrots I am going to turn orange. The kids (Cade and Sofie) came home on the 7pm boat yesterday and I figured instead of dinner we would do something fun and have the munch spread. We had two kinds of humus, guacamole, salsa, carrots, celery with sides of peanut butter and ranch, two types of crackers, fruit (needed to eat or it was going to go bad) and a cake. I had left over frosting from my birthday cake and I didn't want to waste it so I made another cake...:) Why were Cade and Sofie late? I am an idiot that's why. Sean called and asked if he could bring them on the later boat. Normally I don't mind in the summer but during the school year it's 4pm and that's it. I was in a good mood I guess, or a stupid one and I said it was ok as long as Cade was fine with it. Sean said oh yes he was and thanks a lot. So, the kids came home and Cade was grumpy. He said it was the worst weekend ever. He wished he had come home on the afternoon boat. I was confused (see? stupid.) and said I thought he was ok with coming home later. I told him dad had called and asked me and since I thought maybe Cade had wanted to stay a little later I said yes. Cade said that his dad never even asked him if he wanted to stay later and never asked him if it was ok with him. Cade then said his dad and the "witch" were screaming and fighting all weekend and he was sick of it. cade said she had left to go tutor someone that afternoon and that his dad didn't want to bring Cade, Sofie and the other two girls with him on the boat. He said his dad was grumpy all weekend and was being mean and complaining about how hard his life was that he had to work all day then go to school and he should get a break from having to take care of the baby and kids. Apparently his wife wasn't sympathetic and took her anger out on Cade and was yelling at everyone. She blamed Cade for her daughter and Sofie waking her up in the morning. I guess she thought Cade should have kept them quiet. She kept sending Cade to his room which thrilled him to no end because then he didn't have to spend any time with her or "the beast". Then he said the girl has begun walking in on him while he was dressing again. He was so angry that this time he didn't bother telling his dad and he isn't speaking to the woman so he kicked the girl out of his room and she cried and told her mom. Of course Kathryn was angry and told Cade how awful he was and he asked her if she wanted him walking in on her daughter when she was naked. Of course not! Well, then why is it ok for her daughter to do that to him? She just stormed away without answering and never said boo to her daughter about it. So we'll see what happens. It is looking closer and closer like I might have to call DHHS. *sigh* So, no more being nice and accommodating from me. Set pick up and drop off times and that's it. He can just suck it up. Cade is not wanting to go at all next weekend. I hope given some time to cool off this week if he still doesn't want to go he will be able to talk to his dad rationally. So, the transitions seem to be as hard on the kids as ever. Sofie was fine Sunday night but this morning she was tired and really cranky. She thought if she screamed loud enough she could just get her way with anything. I let her scream and then asked her if she thought screaming would get her milk that we didn't have, or make Aiden move from his spot by the table or whatever. I ignored her and didn't pick her up from the floor she had thrown herself down to. I just stepped over her and did my thing. After three times she learned she wasn't getting what she wanted and has been fine ever since. I guess she does what works for her there and thinks it will work here. ha ha...nope. She has been eating like a pig too. She is a pretty bird like eater so it's good she is eating well but I wonder how hungry she was over there. Well, as long as she fine I guess. Sean of course hasn't emailed me about the weekend but I have given up the ghost on that one. I was supposed to take Sofie on a school field trip today sailing and was really looking forward to it. Sofie however is still not in a stellar mood and I was asked to babysit and I need to money too badly to turn it down. As much as I would have liked to go I feel bad Sofie is missing out.

I mailed out the dental and eye bills to Sean today. I am just not going to think too much about that today. I guess I should fold the laundry instead.

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
Ursula K. LeGuin