Our Island Family Life: August 2011

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Slowly Switching to the new Season

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:30 AM

So, the golf cart is still a big question mark. I am having it moved to my driveway today and I have someone who is going to look at it. It seems to be a wiring issue and fixable.

We are as ready for school as we are going to be. I have a headache really just thinking about it.

Looks like I have wrangled another job for the fall and winter working for our little store a few hours a week. Hopefully I can survive with that, the post office (if it doesn't close) and the day care I do. Hopefully. Will is helping out too now that he is working which is nice. I could never count on his child support anyway so it all a bonus. Especially now that Sean no longer has to pay for him. Will of course is trying to balance work and school. It's hard I know. I am struggling with mine. I did well last semester but not really feeling it this semester. I am doing the work but not as quickly as I should. It hasn't helped I have been off and on ill recently. I had some really bad head pain last week that had me down. Stomach trouble too. I am ok now but now I feel like I am behind in everything.

On a fun note we have already planned a school field trip for September. It is an inter-island get together on Matinicus island. We have to get there by either plane or someone's lobster boat. It is 20 miles out and has a one room school house like us. The kids have been conferencing via skype for a few years now and do book groups together and even some classes. It's great experience with technology as well as socialization. Every year we all try to physically get together with the other outer islands. They have one kindergarten student this year just like Sofie and a girl too. Everyone wants them to get together so much it's cute. We will be camping in tents for two days and I have to come up with an activity. Their school goes to 8th grade. I wish ours did too. Oh well. I will have to leave Will in charge for those two days. He will so enjoy that. Can you read the sarcasm there?

Sofie came home from her visit yesterday. I let her stay an extra day so she wouldn't have to come home during the storm. She had me struggling to keep a straight face on the boat ride home. She asked me if I knew that Kathryn had a scar on her chin. I didn't recall her having one before so I said no. Then she said, "Maybe if she was nicer, people wouldn't want to beat her up and leave scars." Now, I did not ask if this scar was a result of an actual "beating up". It could have been an old bike injury for all I knew. I thought it was interesting Sofie thought she was mean enough to deserve a beating. Then she tilted her head and said, "Maybe Ramona did it." This told me it must be a fresh wound. I didn't want to think if Sean had done anything. He gave me stitches once but it was an accident. I said to her I didn't think Ramona (the "baby") was strong enough to do something like that. Sofie was very animated by then and assured me of how strong the toddler was. She pointed to a fresh bruise on her leg and told me how the girl had come "out of no where" and punched her in the leg. "She has a strong head and strong fist and strong legs!" I rubbed her leg and asked her if she told daddy about it. She nodded and said, "Daddy yelled at her then he grabbed Ramona real tight on her arm and yanked her to put her in time out." I am not sure if I should feel glad Sean finally did something to protect his daughter or bad for how angry he was to the other girl. She is only two after all.

Well, back to work my break is over. I am at the post office today.

Monday, August 29, 2011

No Big Deal

1 comments Posted by perphila at 11:49 AM

We were pretty lucky. Nothing bad happened ot us from the storm. In fact the boys said they were kind of disappointed. All I could do was sigh. I mean, really? Anyway, nothing flew away, we didn't lose power and it barely rained. It did rain and it was windy but we have had worse. The boats had been canceled for Sunday but by the evening we saw them running. I had a great day doing nothing because I had run myself ragged getting everything done "just in case" the day before. I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

Tried to pick up my golf cart today. It wouldn't start. It really must be me. I'm doomed to have anything that runs on the island. I am hoping it is just wet.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Storm Update

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:30 AM

So, we finally got everything inside that could fly through the air and break a window yesterday. t was kind of annoying the boys couldn't do it while I was at work but when I got some the look on my face showed I meant business and they hopped to it, except Will who had just got off work himself. He helped his boss get their boat out of the water. Yesterday was the "lobsterman" day at the marina. All the pleasure boats got out the day before. Will said they had to wait a long time because there was four boats ahead of them and five behind them. Everyone had been waiting as long as they could because they needed to get all their traps out of the water or set much further out. Will's boat isn't huge so they pulled all their traps. When you have 1000 traps that can take a while. To make it worse the lobsters know a storm is coming and have shuffled off to deeper water so they are lucky to have gotten 4 lobster in 50 traps. No joke. A lot of work for nothing.

Will left yesterday to a friends house inland. He wasn't running away from the storm but is hanging out with another friend. Lot's of his friends are shipping off to college so they are all trying to see each other for "the last time". At least Will brought in all the big stuff on Friday afternoon like the grill and lawn chairs and our plants. One of our neighbors boys (he is 16) was visiting when I got home and I told him if he was staying he was working. He laughed and helped out. Connor the sneak did nothing and instead made dinner for everyone. Nice trick to get out of clearing the yard but no one complained. He made shrimp alfredo. How can you complain about that?

We have our drinking water and toilet water all ready. I am pretty sure we will lose power. Not worried about flooding or storm surge though. We are on high ground. Even though it's been downgraded to a tropical storm the winds won't be any worse than some of the winter storms we get. We also had all the weak rooted trees taken down this spring so nothing should fall on the house. I do need to get a crank radio. That would be nice. I have a walkman but my speakers I had for it died. I haven't been able to find any to replace them. I have head phones of course but we liked being able to listen to music when the power went out. I was already stocked on batteries. To my immense relief. I also got a little camp stove after the last storm so we can have something warm. I did note I need more lamp oil. I poured the last of it in my lamp for this storm. First aid kit, check. I had been building my EMT bag so I wasn't worried there. Once I get my golf cart I should be getting a beeper to answer calls. It's a scary thought for me to be so responsible for someone else's life.

The boys are actually excited for the storm to come. My friends son is still here with me for the next week so there will be the four of us. I will keep the updates coming.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Near Tears

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:52 AM

Has anyone noticed how I haven't changed my mood icon from overwhelmed all summer? It is a constant state of being. Tired could be right up there as well but I only have room for one emotion right now.

I tried to start reading a new book today and I really like it but I was in tears by page 17. Not that the story is sad in any way but a bit too familiar I guess. So, I am sure the rest of the day is going to be emotional.

I am actually at work at the library, very carefully not shelving the books I should be shelving. I did some but got distracted. I have been up since 5 am anyway. I was cleaning the babysitting until I had to come here. Connor said he would watch the kids for me (I was going to bring them with me) so they could play in the beach ball sprinkler instead. I thought that was nice of him to think of me and them to offer and agreed. I knew he was in a good mood because we had a good day yesterday.

Yesterday. We had a meeting at Connor's high school about him coming back. It was uncertain because there is limited space. We came up with a good plan and he will be going back on the 6th. We still have a few things to do to get ready but it is a huge weight lifted off of me.

If anyone is interested I was interviewed for an article that should be in the Wall Street Journal for August 31st. It is about one room school houses. So, if you see any quotes from an Amy on Cliff Island, that's me.

The storm. Well, it sounds like it is going to be a doozy. This afternoon I am going to make sure everything is put away in the basement that is not bolted down in the yard. I am going to get some drinking water ready and toilet water. I am grateful for all those bait buckets Will has been bringing home. We are all ready for the power to go out. Other than that we aren't very worried. We can always go to the hall if things get nasty. I really should invest in a generator though I think. Live and learn. I will be sure to let everyone know how we fair. Sofie will be in town with Sean. I am not thrilled about that but have little choice. Cade is again not going and Sean doesn't seem bothered by it anymore. Then again, Sean has been rather off the wall the past month. He's kind of in the clouds. Absent minded. Seen it before. Again, nothing I can do about it.

Back to shelving.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

History Lover

1 comments Posted by perphila at 10:30 AM

Sofie has a thing about historical figures. The real problem with that is she doesn't quite understand that they are "historical". She thinks everyone is still alive. The day before yesterday she asked me if I knew William. Will was there and we both looked confused for a moment. I said, "Your brother William?" She said, "No! William Wallace." Will tried not to laugh. I told her I knew about him but of course not personally. She asked me why not and I had to break the news that he was dead and died a long time ago. She burst into tears and said how she had never got a chance to meet him and how unfair that was. Will at this point had his hand over his mouth to hide his laughter to not upset her further. Then she went on about this was just like the time she never got the chance to meet Jesus. Will had to leave the room by then. All I could do was give her a hug and commiserate about the unfairness of life.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I should be asleep

0 comments Posted by perphila at 6:50 AM

I was supposed to start babysitting at 6:30am today but my charge hasn't shown up yet. Ever since the man I was doing nursing for left (last Thursday) I have spoiled myself sleeping in a little. I still have to get up early to work at the post office two days a week (recently) but aside from that it has been rather nice. Timely as well since my stress levels have increased oddly enough. So much so I have had the resurgence of the nausea and chest pain (muscle soreness) I had way back in 2007/2008. Just wonderful.

On a upswing I finally have a new washer and dryer. My old one is fixable and sitting in my living room for the moment. I need to straighten out the basement before I move it down there. I will get some help for that. There are some things I know are just out of my realm.

My cleaning jobs will be ending soon. I am so thrilled. Good money but I am wiped by the end of the summer. I feel like I am hitting a wall right now. It has been a good feeling getting my own house in order and spending more time with the kids.

Sofie has to go to her dad's this weekend and I feel rather selfish. I want her home and I usually am ok with the kids leaving but this weekend I am in a bad mood about it. Could be knowing Sean's rational thinking brain is on the fritz this week could have something to do with it. Who knows, he could be back to "normal" by now. I haven't heard anything from him since Monday. I still haven't addressed the whole stealing debacle yet. I know this is adding to my stress. I want to stay home and bury my nose in my blankets.

So tired.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Not Again...

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:04 AM

How do I even begin? About two weeks ago Sean asked me if the kids could come over a day early and leave a day late because he had family visiting from out of state. We were on the busy dock and I was very distracted so I told him it would probably be ok but I would have to check and would he please email me the dates because I would forget. He thanked me and said he would. He didn't of course and I had forgotten about it. He emailed me the day before, which was this last Wednesday expecting the kids on Thursday. Well, I couldn't bring them in on Thursday which I told him, but I was able to switch things around for them to stay an extra day so they would come back on Monday. Him not contacting me should have been a sign. Now with most people you could brush it aside as forgetfulness. Not with him. One, he really did forget, which for him is never a good sign or two, he was deliberately creating drama to make himself look put upon by his relatives. A center of attention, poor me, narcissistic thing. I am going to have to go with two after what happened over the long weekend. So far I haven't commented on anything. I am still trying to decide if I should and if I do how I will handle things. I know I am going to push aside my frustration that he brought the kids back at noon on Monday and not at the normal 4pm time. I'm glad they were home earlier but he didn't tell me he was doing that. I emailed him to double check because I had a funny feeling things weren't quite right and he replied from the boat. I had to miss my noon class to pick them up and it was the only class I was able to attend so now my grade is going to go down from missing it. Frustrating yes but you pick your battles and this is low end of the totem pole. I was more upset that I could have missed picking them up entirely. Thank goodness Cade is old enough and we live where we live where he could have walked Sofie home if necessary.

On the walk home Cade said, "Well, I'm back from Hell." This was the first time he had gone in a while. He spent Friday and Saturday at his grandparents and Sunday evening with his dad. The grandparents house was full to the brim with people all weekend. Sunday almost everyone went hiking up Mount Washington except the younger kids and the grandparents. Cade wasn't allowed to go, them telling him he was too young which was funny since Sean dragged him along two years ago when he was 10. Anyway, the main issue was the fact Sean accused Cade of stealing again. Cade was more hurt that his grandparents now believe he is a thief than his dad's craziness. Cade broke a rule we had set to prevent this from happening again. I told him he was not ever allowed to bring any of his money with him of any visits ever. Every time he does he is accused of stealing. Cade had been dog sitting and sold some of his game cards to a friend and had $20 on him. He didn't break the rule deliberately. It was stuffed in his pocket and he had forgot about it, which led to a talk about being responsible about his money and keeping it safe but that is a whole other topic. Anyway, he had the $20 with him and on Sunday went out with his grandmother and a few of the cousins to a place that has games. He tried to use his money in a token machine but it was too rumpled to go through so it was spat back out at him. He pocketed the money and sought out a different machine, flattened out his money the best he could and this time was able to get his tokens. That afternoon his dad confronted him and accused him of stealing $60 from his grandfather. Apparently he had his wallet in the basement and now $60 was missing and Sean said Cade was the only one who spent any significant time down there. Cade was in the basement (where they keep their computer) to go online but he wasn't the only one and people go in and out of the house through a door down there all the time. Cade of course denied he took anything and said he only had ever had his $20 he had earned with his summer animal sitting business and card selling. His dad said, "Yeah, right." Then his grandmother told Sean she saw Cade with $40 dollars. What she had seen was him putting a $20 in two different token machines. She was not aware it was the same $20. Cade tried to clear up the misunderstanding but Sean accused Cade of calling his grandmother a liar. Sean then searched Cade's clothes and bag. He found nothing. On Monday he was confronting Cade on the boat for nearly an hour telling him to just admit it, that he stole the money, how could he do such a thing to his oxygen ridden, emphysema troubled grandfather after everything they have done for him and followed him to the bathroom to check and see if Cade had hidden any money to retrieve later. Cade finally had enough and pulled out his pockets, took his shoes and socks off and shook them, dumped his bag out on the table and told his dad out side of a cavity search Sean could look anywhere since he had nothing to hide. Sean then got bitter and said how he supposed Cade wouldn't came back for visits again for months because of this. Cade refused to speak to his dad anymore by then so Sean again got angry and said, "Oh, so you're ignoring me now?" Sean had told Cade how he could help him and if he needed money Sean could give it to him. (snort) Cade took a nap instead. So, I checked my email and phone and Sean had emailed me and left a phone message telling me how much he hated to say this but Cade was stealing "again". This made me angry because he didn't steal any of the other times Sean accused him. Sean then asked me to search Cade's things and confiscate anything I find so he could give it back to his parents. Apparently they also thought out of the whole house full of relatives and strangers that Cade was the culprit. Cade is most upset about that. He is also angry and certain his dad has been telling them he has stolen in past which makes him look like a likely suspect. Sean told me how Cade hadn't come with any money and now claimed to have $20. One, Cade would never tell his dad he had money even if he did in the first place because if he did Sean would devise and way to take it. That was what he has done for years now and one of the big sticking issues the older boys have with him. Two, he had no reason to take his money out before Sunday.

I want to shake my head how all of this could have been avoided if Cade had just left his money at home. There was a reason we decided to have that rule in the first place. I also believe Cade was lax about using his money because his dad wasn't around so he thought it was safe and because he hasn't had any fights of this nature in a while so it wouldn't happen again. That him not showing up for 4 months taught his dad a lesson. Since Sean never apologized the first time Cade should have known better but this is kind of what I had talked about before. You get complacent when things are going well or if you are detached for a while because then when it happens again you keep asking why, why?

Now, I know it's a Sean issue not just a Cade "stealing" issue because he has been harassing Connor recently as well. He called Connor the day before the hike and asked him to come. Connor thanked him and told he would have liked to have come if he had known about it sooner but he already had plans for the day and didn't have a way to be at the mountain by 9:30am. Sean was upset and told Connor how he couldn't believe he would choose a friend over his family. Connor tried really hard not to say something crass to that. It wasn't like he was offered a ride or anything. Connor said he was sorry and thanked him for thinking of him and hung up. Two days later Sean texted him and once again railed at him about not coming and how inconsiderate he was, how selfish Connor was for not visiting his family. He said how disappointed he was in Connor and how Connor had disappointed his family. Connor was upset about it and you could see how depressed it made him. He was saying things like, "Whatever.", but that was all cover. He finally said, "I just don't get it. I don't understand why he does stuff like this." I have to again remind him his dad has a mental illness and not just assume his dad is a jerk and try and be respectful of that. It isn't about Connor and do not believe all the negative things his dad says to him or about him. They are not true. When his dad is acting like that do not engage him. No one comes out a winner in that.

Which leaves me with, what do I do? I feel like it would be a positive to address the stealing issue with Sean because when a future court case comes up....and it will....I can have evidence that I did try and work with him on this issue. I did take what he said seriously. I did discuss it with Cade. I even did search his things. I was upfront about it with him. I explained why it was needed. Cade said he had nothing to hide and to go right ahead. That alone tells me volumes. I turned everything upside down. Nothing. If he had taken $60 and had spent $40 when he was out with his grandmother that would leave $20 to find on him somewhere. Yet, there was nothing. Not even a penny. Sean also asked me if any of us were missing money and I have told him time and time again we never do.

I was considering having a conference call with Sean, Cade and myself. I really want to say, this is the last conversation we are ever going to have on this topic. Explain how I took Sean's concerns seriously and the steps I took to deal with the issue. Deal with provable facts. Money may be missing but there is no proof of how that came to be. Did his dad lose it himself? Misplace it? Someone steal it? Second, why assume Cade did it? Just because he was in that area the longest does not prove he took money they can't prove was taken in the first place. Cade was searched by both of us, body and belongings and neither of us found anything. I can also verify Cade did have money of his own and how he earned it. Other than Sean's belief and opinion how can he say Cade stole anything? Is he basing his opinion on what he considers past behavior? Considering how Cade and Sean both have very differing ideas about that is significant. This issue needs to be looked at in it's own relevance, not connected to anything else. When looked at on it's own merits without bringing in any old baggage, then what to you see? I would like to set the same rule that Cade is not allowed to bring any money but this time let Sean know about it. I didn't tell him before to avoid an argument because the basis for this rule is because of how every time Cade does Sean accused Cade of stealing. I knew it would led to Sean trying to justify himself and that would be a waste of time. This time, lay it out there and say if Cade has money at all on his person when he is at his dad's from this point forward Sean is welcome to confiscate it. Cade was not thrilled with this but I said to him this is the only way. One, Cade will be more diligent about keeping his money at home. If he has money on him at the bay lines and his dad is picking him up he can leave it at the office for me to pick up for him. Cade was ok with that. If Cade has no money that hopefully this won't happen again. Of course Sean could still accuse him of stealing but there is nothing we can do about that. You can only instill so many preventive measures.

Then again, I would like to ignore the whole thing. It would also be nice to tell him off and tell him if he does this to Cade again I have him sued for harassment.

Dreams.

Should I say anything? I don't know what to do anymore. Cade by the way is not going back next weekend. I wonder why?

On another note, things are looking up for Connor to reenrolled in school for the fall. Weekly therapy in place to help him stay in line, pdoc on tap without a wait for any emergency, Connor wants to be there (which is more than half the battle). Let's keep our fingers crossed.