Our Island Family Life

I am a dunderhead. I seem to have a little luck on my side though that helps to combat my airhead moves from time to time thank goodness. Well, we went into town yesterday for Connor's appointment. I also had to do some shopping for the school and hit the bank. I finally got paid from the loggers which was a relief. We get into town and I realize I had forgotten my car keys. *scream* Connor's appointment was within walking distance so that was a load off. As is the bank and the pharmacy. I had a friend bringing Sofie in on the noon boat so she could go to school and I called her to grab my keys as well. Thank goodness (again) I had her number. Still, we had to kill some time and so we went to breakfast and talked a real long time. It was nice so grab the silver lining.

TurDunkin'

As if Connor missing, well not missing but having a forced rescheduling, of his appointment on Friday wasn't bad enough he missed his therapy session on Monday. As anyone who reads this who has a loved one with depression or bipolar knows there are good days and bad days. Connor had a good day on Friday despite missing the appointment during a freaking snow storm. I won't blather on since I wrote about that already but I had high hopes. Come Sunday the bad moods began to trickle in like a snow flurry. Sunday night he asked if he could go to a friends house here on the island and I agreed because he usually perks up from a visit but reminded him to be on the morning boat. He has never missed one coming from there before. Until Monday. I had that feeling of wanting to throttle him. You know what I mean. It was 10 below zero. I had to bring Sofie because I didn't have a sitter. The car had to be jumped. I didn't realize Connor had missed the boat until we pulled away from the dock. I had to take Will to the campus bookstore to get his book for his college class so I grabbed on to that silver lining so I didn't feel like I was wasting my whole day. The car in town was still cold even with the heater running, just not freezing. The book store was closed even though the sign said it was supposed to be open and their website said they were supposed to be open. Will and I were both miffed. I took Will to school and we were very late because of a train accident. We were in traffic for over and hour when it usually takes 15 minutes. Thankfully Sofie didn't have to pee. Silver lining (mantra, mantra). Then I decided to skip going to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for Sofie since she wasn't completely out yet and Cade's school to hunt for his coat to try and make the 10am boat. We made it but the traffic was bad going back too. I had swallowed my panic and took a route I was unfamiliar with hoping to save time. It worked but I hate not knowing where I am exactly. I figured if I got lost and missed the boat it wouldn't matter because I would miss it if I went back the way I originally came. We had to run though and amazingly Sofie and I didn't slip. She was fabulous all day. (mantra, mantra) We got back to the island and I am running thoughts in my head of what to say to Connor without getting angry. It is hard to remember sometimes that sometimes he can't help it. Lower those expectations. Anyway, I had to jump the car again to get home. Loggers on my road nearly ran me down. Then my brakes decided to take a holiday just before my driveway. I didn't panic knowing I could turn into the driveway and be fine. Of course it was trash day and the cans were thrown into the driveway. I had a choice, run them over and have to buy new cans or get half in half out and hit a snowbank. I went for the snowbank. I really tried not killing Connor when I found out he was home and walked right past the cans and recycling bin without taking care of them which landed me in that snowbank. I got Sofie inside then went back out to try and get out of it. Connor came out to help (not willingly) but was giving up before he even started. I asked him to shovel out one wheel while I put down some sand on the others and he said, "There's too much snow." Arrrggghhh! I told him to try anyway and that sometimes we have to do stuff we don't want to. He did, banged his hand and freaked out throwing the shovel. I made him get it after he stopped failing around in pain and sent him inside to check on it and warm up. It was below zero all day, windchill close to 30 below. So, I shoveled and dug and had to jump the car, again. Then I ran out of gas. Wonderful. I went inside and called for help. Oh, and the loggers came by about 6 times and never offered to help out once. Insert nasty swearing names for them "here". Several hours later our own island Handy Manny (Bobby) came by with gas. He was going to bring his tractor down to pull me out but it would start either in the cold weather but he had a hitch on his car so we tried that since I wasn't in the bank far. Just enough to be a pain. Then the key wouldn't turn in my car. (scream) After a few tries I got it. Had to jump it again, then I got out of the bank. I only needed a little nudge. I think that made it all the more frustrating for me knowing that. I never got a chance to talk Connor on Monday because it was a really bad day and I knew.....knew....any conversation would be a waste of time. He slept nearly all day. On Tuesday he was somewhat better and we talked. He is back on an upward swing. It seems like when the bad days come it is like a switch. Good days seem to come back gradually and stick around for a while. He has his rescheduled appointment for this Friday and another therapy session scheduled. I told him he wasn't allowed to go his friends house on days before appointments. He agreed. If I had said this on Monday he would have gotten nasty and bitter. As I said, it would have been a waste. Stable, unstable. See the difference? Anywho, his birthday is tomorrow. I hope his grandparents send a card. I am sure they will eventually...:) He wants cash of course. Will asked him last night if he wanted his present now or on Thursday. Connor said now of course so Will handed him $60 in cash. I was a bit shocked and Will's generosity. Will is kind of scrooge like with his money. Connor was so stunned it took him a minute to even say anything much less say thank you, which he did once his ability to speak was restored. Will was smug.

We had another storm yesterday. School was cancelled for the boys. Sofie still had school and Cade went with her as he usually does on snow days. He read to the preschoolers and did all the states and capitals for them showing off some of the things he is learning in his school. Well, he already knew them so it's an easy A for him this semester. Speaking of which he is really motivated for some reason about school lately. Not that I am complaining in any way. Just curious. He is honor roll right now but by the time grades close he plans on having high honors. He would have them already but he is still making up work from when he was out with bronchitis.

The school social worker finally called me back today. I told her about my conversation with Connor and she agreed with me about the red flags and hitting a lot of the markers for depression. We have our appointment with the principal for the last Monday of this month. We are also going to meet with her this Friday after his appointment with the doctor. I am hoping we can get his work and bring it home and go over it together so I can evaluate where he is at. You should have seen his blank look when I asked him subject by subject what he was doing so far. He drew a huge blinking "huh" look. He has no clue. The only thing he could remember was his Wellness class and one book in English. Not good. Anyway, for me that is number two on the list of worries. Well, three. One is getting Connor on track mentally. Two, how to deal with this concerning Sean. I haven't spoken to Sean about any of this yet. I am sure he has checked Connor's school attendance. Well, since he is mad at Connor maybe not. Let's say he has, I have no idea what might be going though his mind about all this. He had NO clue how bad Connor was in October. As it stands I have Sean's consent for Connor to see his family doctor, his counselor and the pdoc connected to his case on referral. I am sticking with that. I want to get him evaluated and have all that in hand before I fill Sean in on everything. I don't dare risk him interfering and blocking medical treatment like he did last time. If it comes down to meds then that will be something new so that will need to be talked over. I am not doing anything I haven't really done before so far so I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Today Connor seems happy. He is again in his coping thing with his guitar. He has learned a few songs and it is giving him a boost of accomplishment. He is taking some vitamin D now as well. I hope that helps him some. Another thing to discuss with the doctor.

I really despise finding out about things after the fact. Sean did that to me constantly until I got angry. Then he would be angry with me saying how all this happened a while ago so what am I getting upset for? I dunno, finding out about things everyone assumes I know about, in front of them, because I am your wife and should know these things. Trying to smile through the humiliation to seethe quietly until I could get him alone to say, "What the hell? How come I didn't know about this then?" Even if the incident was years ago it is never nice to find out you have been lied to either to your face or by omission. This weekend I had company. Company who has known Sean as long as me. I had been talking about Sean taking Will's money and how this wasn't new and that he had done this to me in the past but it hadn't occurred to me until much later because I had forgotten about it until the whole thing with Will came up. Sean believing he knew what was best on how to spend money that did not belong to him. I had thought he had spent my car insurance money all those years ago for food. Would have been nice to have known that before he wreaked my car. It didn't make any sense to me since we had food to begin with. It wasn't prime rib but we ate. I found out on Saturday he hadn't bought food but a trailer hitch for the car. A hitch with the idea of moving back to Maine from New Mexico that he hadn't even told me about. What if I had said no? It was MY car not his. He didn't discuss with me at all about moving. Something from 19 years ago and I am just feeling fed up. I am so tired about finding out about how he has lied to me yet again. About stupid stuff no less. How can he be trusted with the big stuff then?