Our Island Family Life

Who still has leftovers? We do. Since we went away Friday and Saturday we are a little behind. I am thrilled to be eating them however. I haven't cooked which is good because I have the sniffles. I am hoping it doesn't become a full blown cold. Cade is sick. Just a cold nothing flu like thank goodness. I am tired though. Sofie took a late nap yesterday and was zonked for 4 hours. Then of course she didn't want to go to bed on time and I could understand that. I let her stay up and she quietly watched a movie and we read together while Cade wheezed on the extra bed on my room. I knew I had to get her back into her routine and I had no one to blame but myself. She fell asleep around 11pm. She woke up from her nap at 8pm so I knew she wasn't going to bed any time soon. That late bed time would have been ok but she woke up an hour later screaming that her tongue hurt. She was dreaming. Of course I checked and she was fine. I thought she might have bit herself. She was so upset she threw up. I knew it was coming though and got her to the bathroom. It took an hour to get her back to sleep. I was now wired and on my 3rd wind and didn't fall asleep because I was congested myself. Finally around 2:30 I passed out but I had to work today so I was up early. The older boys are up at 5am and I was kind of in and out of it for a bit then got up just before 6am. It's rainy and cold out. I kept busy cleaning and playing with the little ones because I knew if I sat down I was toast. My charge has left for the day and both Cade and Sofie are napping. She is back on schedule and I am very pleased. I will have to make some turkey soup for Cade. His throat is sore and we are out of chicken noodle soup. He doesn't like tomato. I can't imagine that. I love tomato soup. The older boys used to have it all the time when they were little. I make them a special tomato soup thing they ask for all the time now that they have heartier tastes. I get a family sized can of tomato soup and add ground beef (if I have it, it's still good even if I don't add it), french style green beans (kids will eat them but balk at eating regular beans) and cooked elbow macaroni. I add the elbows to each individual bowl because they absorb the soup really quick and then it gets nasty. If I have left overs I keep the pasta separate. Then they add things to the top like shredded cheese, goldfish or sour cream. They love it. Cade though won't eat the actual soup. He is weird. Raw veggies only for him.

Ok...everyone knows the feeling. Things seem to happen all at once. Even when it's not happening to you directly you feel a little overwhelmed or shocked. My friends funeral was last Saturday. The one I mentioned who had the bike accident. I didn't go. I just couldn't. Today I had another friend tell me she just found out her dad has stomach cancer. He is getting an endoscopy tomorrow to see how bad. My stomach just churned. That's very very bad. He is in his eighties so it doesn't look to good. She is going with her dad tomorrow and I told her I had done the same thing with my dad for the same procedure. I don't want to make too many comparisons and say too much. She knows my dad died from cancer. I just feel sick about it all.

Why do good people have to die and sleazy deadbeats get to walk the earth? I think I am in some stage of grief again but who the heck knows which one. I haven't been around lately because I just haven't felt like doing anything. I felt stressed just thinking about turning the computer and and then looking at my email. I haven't done anything but clean, clean, clean. I did babysit because it was the least stressful thing I could do and still not feel guilty about not working enough. I have read every spare moment I have had to stave of thinking about the whole unfair death issue and trying not to cry. Either from sadness or stupid stupid allergies. Since my last post someone I knew died. He was a good husband and a great dad. His wife lost her job the week before and now she has lost him too. We talked on the boat and he always brought his daughter to swim and he gave Sofie apples and he was the first guy she called dad after Sean left. She was so shy but he was so kind to her. He was visiting his parents and was killed. Bike accident. I wasn't the only one out here who cried. Cade was shocked and knows his little girl well. Sometimes things just tip. There is just one too many things going on and you just have had enough. This week I have had enough. I need to refocus I know but right now I am just angry at the injustice of it. Such a wonderful person and then I think of Sean. Not that I want him hit by a car but I think of the scales and it seems really....really unfair. Do I want my kids to lose their dad? Sometimes. I have to be honest. Sometimes I wish he would just die and then the kids could grieve and move on and not keep getting hurt over and over. I just feel so awful for his wife and daughter right now. He was so young.