Our Island Family Life

Friday, December 31, 2010

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:33 PM

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Some Christmas Party Pics

1 comments Posted by perphila at 2:37 PM

1 - Sofie after opening her secret santa gift. 2 - Graham Cracker houses made at the craft fair. 3 - School Play from left, Olivia (standing), Eliza, Kai, Sofie and Aiden. 4 - Connor eating veggie lasagna and Will's elbow. The "other brother" Will across the table with his girlfriend. 5 - Sofie with her secret santa gift a princess doll and horse. 6 - Cade with his jingle bells for the kids march around the hall. 7 - Sofie getting ready for the march

Tears

1 comments Posted by perphila at 12:12 PM

It's been a quiet week so far. I have been catching up on my school work and spending some time for myself. Still, feeling a little stuffy and blowing my nose I have been resting and sleeping in which has been so wonderful. I feel a little spoiled. Especially last night. The power went out and there was nothing else to do but go to bed anyway. We got power back sometime during the night so we never got cold at all. On another note, I did put all the Christmas decorations away though so I have been doing something.

I have been missing Sofie and Cade though. You never think you would miss squabbling and loud noises but you do. Connor, Will and I were hanging out in the living room talking about this and that and watching some tv when the phone rang. The fact Connor was hanging out with us and not squirreled away in his room was a pretty big deal. A good sign. Connor handed me the phone and Cade was on the other end. He quickly told me without preamble Sofie was having a real tough time ever since she got to their dad's and finally snapped. He said she was screaming at them and told off Kathryn, her daughter and even the little toddler saying how they were brats and witches and mean and how she hated them. Just screaming. I could hear her crying in the background and Cade said how Sean just told her to apologize to them and sent her to her room. Cade got her and brought her to his room and held her while she cried then called me with the phone I had given him because she was calling for me and wouldn't stop. He gave her the phone. He had said all this info very fast so I was feeling kind of shocked. I could barely understand her she was so choked up. She said how much she missed me and how she loved me so much. Then she said, "I hate this family. I don't ever want to come back." She said she couldn't come home for three more days and she asked that when she did come back to never have to go back to "this horrible place ever again." All I could to was tell her how much I missed her and loved her and would be seeing her soon. While she was on the phone Kathryn interrupted telling her she was going to give her cucumbers on her salad for dinner. Sofie was not pleasant to her at all. Sofie viciously told her, "Get out of my face! I hate cucumbers!" I have never, never heard her have so much venom in her voice before. Kathryn left for obvious reasons. Later on Cade told me his dad had tried to force feed Sofie peas the day before by holding her mouth open with his hand then stuffing them in her mouth with his other hand. The reaction was predicable. She threw up all over him. She is four and I won't sugar coat it and say she is a great eater. She can be picky but when she is feeling well with no cold or flu she is perfectly willing to try new things and retry things she hasn't liked in the past. I always make sure to have the healthy things I know she likes available and then have her sample what we eat. So, let's say we are having peas and squash. Peas something I already know she doesn't like and squash is the new item. I will also have raw carrots which I know she loves as a back up veggie I know she will eat. I will have her try the peas. One or two, plain or with light butter or something. If that's a no go then we move on the the new veggie. If she likes it great, if not then it goes on the keep trying until she finally likes it list. Sometimes it how it is prepared that makes all the difference with someone. Will hates squash with a passion but he isn't a picky eater at all. We all have things we don't like. Still, I found one kind, prepared a specific way that he really likes. I do the raw carrots because Cade and Sofie love them raw but despise them cooked. Connor and Will prefer them cooked. Trial and error but worth it to make sure your kids eat a healthy meal. To force feed a kid? Well, not worth the mess when the puke on you. I can see it leading to an eating disorder, especially for a girl. If they are really hungry they will eat. If you make sure the choices are all healthy ones then there won't be much of a choice. Sean asked Cade if I force feed her too. Cade told him I didn't of course. Then said, "You should have given her green beans. She likes those." Cade failed to tell him she only likes them french style. See? Kids are weird. Anyway, I found out despite the whole pea fiasco they were having salad and split pea soup for dinner. Split pea. I wonder if Sofie ate anything after we hung up. Going back and forth between them I was on the phone for an hour. Sofie asked for Willy and Connie to speak with them as well. Will also could barely understand her. She kept asking for me periodically to make sure I was still there and have me reassure her she was not going to stay there forever and would be home soon. She said she wanted to snuggle with me and told me to not to watch any movies until she got home so we could watch them together. It was such a heartbreaking call. I felt so helpless. I couldn't hug her or dry her tears. Just awful. I asked Cade how he was doing and he said, "I'm managing. I have Sofie and my gameboy so I'm good. I am in my room mostly or playing with Sofie." He knew he had to give Sofie extra support just from him. It's sad he is so aware he has to do that and yet so sweet and kind that he does and isn't pushing her away which he could. He is only 11 after all.

On other news, Sean agreed and signed the court papers and sent them to my lawyer. I have to go into town and sign them with a witness and everything will be set. We won't have to go back to court. Sean is held to a stricter agreement concerning what he owed and the consequences. I am waiting to hear back from my lawyer now about coming into town tomorrow to sign them. I only found out about the papers this morning so I hope they will be open tomorrow.

Good news, bad news....same ol' same ol' I guess.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Whew...holidays and blizzards

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:37 AM

Well, the snow wasn't too bad out here. The wind is pretty bad but we didn't lose power and for me that's all that matters. We had maybe five inches or so. It was light and easy to shovel. Good thing since I did it myself. Will can't go out into the cold at all or he starts coughing continuously. He had bronchitis. He is much better but he still has random coughing fits. We had to use a neighbors nebulizer to help his breathing out. I should have just kept the one Sean had. He said he was cured of asthma when he left here and left it behind. I guess he thought when he was leaving this life here with his family he was cured all all aliments, bipolar and asthma. Well, I sent him his inhalers and the nebulizer. I should have kept it for Will and Sean should have dealt with the consequences of his insanity and bought a new one for himself. I will have to see about getting one for the rare times Will should need it. I am too darn nice for my own good sometimes. Anyway, Connor was sound asleep and I didn't want to wait for him so I just went out and shoveled myself. I needed to start the car to keep the sketchy battery functional and get the trash cans which we put out the night before. I took my time and did a little bit at a time and it was fine. My nose is still a little runny so I had to come in a blow my nose anyway. My cold was really nasty just before xmas and I was feeling pretty bad. Christmas day though I was feeling much better. We had a nice day. I had to bring Sofie and Cade in that afternoon though and they won't be back until Saturday. Sofie was beside herself not wanting to go. Cade didn't want to go either. On Will's birthday (the 23rd, he's 18 now!) Sean called and asked to speak with Cade. Then he asked to speak to Sofie. Then he hung up. Cade said his dad told him they were going to go to Boston to visit Kathryn's relatives. Cade had no desire to to that. So Sean was going to pick them up on Christmas and leave them with his parents. He was supposed to come back on Monday. Let's hope he had brains enough not to drive in the storm. Especially if he changed his mind and brought the kids with him anyway. Who knows? Sean never asked to speak with Will to wish him a happy birthday. I thought for sure when I dropped the kids off Sean would have given me presents to give Will and Connor. He gave Will a card at least last year and sent two for Connor. Even though one was something Connor already owned and Sean just wrapped it and a used book it was something. He had nothing for them and I didn't ask. I am always surprised that he can still shock me. I will say though I am getting delayed reactions. I didn't even realize until I was back on the boat for home he hadn't given me anything. Maybe he will send something back this Saturday. You never know. Really, with Sean you never know.

Speaking of unpredictability, court. It was interesting to say the least. Sean didn't show up. He did send an email to my lawyer saying he was fine with the case being withdrawn and agreed to pay the taxes he owed me and back medical bills with his tax return. However, since he wasn't there the judge didn't want to put anything in an order without him being there. So, sadly we have to go back again. The plan in place now is that if he doesn't come next time then the case will be dismissed with prejudice and an order of enforcement will be put in place for the money issues. I don't know when we will go back. February maybe? Sean could sign a notarized order agreeing to the terms and we won't have to go back. I hope that is what happens. If he doesn't then we will seek lawyers fees as well. I thought how tiring it was that I had to go into town and pay for a sitter while Sean did as he pleased. Also, the mediator who showed up never got paid either so her time was wasted. Such a waste when we could have ended everything that day. Still, I am very, very happy he is backing off finally. Connor is doing better and not withdrawn. I have a meeting set up for next week with his school counselor. Hopefully we can find a solution to his anxiety and school issues to get him back on track academically. You know what I also find bothersome? Sean was so focused on Connor and his homework he wasn't even looking at our other kids at all. Cade told him he made honor roll (which was a struggle the last week before grades closed I can tell you) and Sean had no idea. He was shocked. If Cade hadn't told him he would have never even had asked how he was doing. I don't know if I should feel good Sean is confident in my parenting ability or angry at his neglect.

I have been away from the computer for a while. When I was feeling bad just looking at the screen made my head hurt. I am trying to get back into the swing of things and I hope be more attentive to all those who have been supporting me....:)

Thanks everyone and Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Almost too tired to post this...

3 comments Posted by perphila at 3:00 PM

I caught Sofie's cold. Here I was thanking the stars above I never got "really" sick with that stomach bug that hit the kids last week other than one nasty day and a few other days were I felt a little tired. Last night I began sniffing. This morning I am a leaky faucet and so very sleepy. I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning though. Which is a good thing since I just got a job cleaning two houses that are being rented by FEMA loggers while they are out here on the island. Cleaning up after all those men though isn't exactly easy. They leave for the weekends so I was at one house for about four hours yesterday which wasn't too bad. I was there while Sofie was at school on Friday for 2 hours just doing dishes and cleaning counter tops. Seriously. It will help me get through the winter though. I am not babysitting for a while. Lobster season is over for the mom I work for and she is training now for another job so until she is done with that I am out of work too. Luckily when I do babysit again I can still do the cleaning while the kids are at school so I don't have to pick jobs.

I took some cold medicine a little while ago so I am feeling a little better and I am now online doing some school work. I didn't do anything yesterday and I am a bit behind. I was supposed to take Cade in for a therapy session tomorrow but if I still feel lousy I will cancel and just do homework all day instead. I have court on Tuesday and I can't miss that. I can't do any school work that day either because I have to take the morning boat to make the 1:15 court time. It stinks I couldn't take the noon but I don't control court times. I will do my Christmas shopping instead. I went to goodwill last week and I have the dollar store to go to next. I got some money from an island charity just for the kids so I will get them all something nice. I would use my laptop in town but the battery is dead. I need to buy a new one since the one I have now won't hold a charge and finding outlets is pretty tricky. I will need to get everything finished by tomorrow.

Wish me luck for Tuesday and that Sean gives up. I pray he just goes away. Once and for all. I would love to live a mentally ill free life for a little while.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

So it begins.....

1 comments Posted by perphila at 9:34 AM

True things have been a bit depressing around here lately outside of the party. Since we have all been in various stages of stomach flu or cold/cough it has been kind of rough. Will is still home. He was fighting a fever all day yesterday and was throwing up this morning. He seems a bit better now and is getting some math done over the internet. Nice. Cade is top notch and is off at school. Sofie went to school yesterday but is home today again because she is coughing and her nose is a like a leaky faucet. Then there is Connor. He went to school yesterday then missed the boat home because when he got off the bus he had to run to the bathroom to throw up. He had to wait for the next ferry. He got home and was exhausted. I realized however it wasn't all physical. He said he needed some fresh air and went for a walk. He should have been home by 8pm but didn't get back until 9:30. He was at a friends house here on the island talking some things out. Now, it is a good thing he has someone I trust he can turn to. Missing his bedtime though is a serious issue. It is one of the first things that gets messed up when he gets depressed. He told me before he went to bed that his ex girlfriend (the one he moved away from here for, who subsequently cheated on him, then spread vile rumors about him because he didn't want to smoke and drink with her and her pals) came up to him yesterday telling him she wanted to be friends again and he didn't know how to handle that. He was vague at first which ex he talked to so I had to be blunt and just ask. Then he mumbled her name. What concerns me is how he is having trouble coping with stress. This is obviously upsetting to him and I won't downplay that. The fact it sets him in a tailspin though is not healthy. He was lethargic and mumbly. He then missed the boat this morning and slept until 9am. Close to 12 hours. He ate but was looking very pale. I know he is still feeling under the weather from the stomach flu and I am sure that is a huge contributing factor. It really hit him hard. I am actually glad he stayed though because I don't him throwing up in town again. All his assignments are online so he can still get his work done. Still, he is moody. I can tell he wants nothing more than to be friends again with this girl but his mind knows better. So, we will see.

As for me, aside from a little queasiness from time to time I am doing fine. I had my two classes last night. One of my classes sounds like I am being taught by a valley girl. If she said uh..ummm....one more time I was going to rip my hair out. She is going to teach me to be an effective communicator? *snicker* Watch I will fail that class now.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sleepy

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:08 AM

Being up with Sofie two nights in a row cost me. I had tummy troubles myself on Thursday. I was in town as well so that was awful. I was so wiped out when I got home. I even fell asleep in Cade's lap at the bay lines waiting for the ferry. He was sweet and patted my head. All the boys put all the groceries and other things I had bought for the island party away for me. Connor said I had a long day and should rest. Are they trying to butter me up for Christmas? :)

Friday was a nightmare though. Connor got the bug and was throwing up even though he felt fine the day before. Will and Cade had something completely different and had sore throats and congestion. They are both fine now. Cade was feeling better by Saturday morning. Will by Saturday afternoon. Connor seemed ok but threw up last night again. He did at least feel good for the party and had a good time. He hugged me at the end of it and said he was glad he was there. We got to take home a huge leftover salad, a whole lasagna, rolls and extra pie. I froze the lasagna though because I know we won't be able to eat it all with us all feeling sketchy over food right now. My tummy still gets sharp pains from time to time and I fight off nausea off and on. I never threw up though thank the heavens. I did have nasty back pain though. Just totally exhausted. I am glad I motivated myself to do school work on Wednesday because I haven't done a thing since. I still have stuff to complete but I did enough so I am not freaking out.

Cade had a friend out last night and he came to the party. Being out here was a bit of a shock I think. He is quite a shy boy. He asked Cade what kind of school lunches they had out here at his old school. Cade said ,"Homemade!" We all laughed at that since we were at the dinner at the time and it was not just our family there but two others. Cade explained it all to his friend who was kind of wide eyed. Then it was time for the play. Sofie had only one practice because she had been out sick all week and hadn't been on stage except once that very morning for a quick rehearsal. I wasn't sure they would be able to pull it off but they did great! All of us mom's were shocked I think. The preschool kids were supposed to be extra help hired at the last minute to help Santa and they hated the work and quit so they left the stage and the other elves tried to lure them back with money which didn't work, then whoopie pies which also didn't work then finally with tickets to Cliff Island (the best place in the world) which worked and they scrambled back on stage. Sofie then shouted she wanted the whoopie pies too. Everyone laughed. After that they did a little dance to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The preschool kids did the echos. The part when they sing. "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names." Sofie shouted, "Like Connor!" Poor Connor. Everyone laughed and snickered at him. He was shaking his head and smiling. Afterword people came up and clapped his back and told him it was ok that we all liked him. We sang songs and Santa came. Sofie was totally fooled. She got a little princess doll and pony. Will got a gift card to a mexican place in the Old Port which is amazing. Connor got $20 which pleased him immensely. I got a bottle of wine and a chocolate bar. Cade got Swedish fish and some other things but it was the candy they impressed him the most. He thought he knew who the gift was from but we pointed out everyone on the island knows his favorite candy is Swedish fish so it could have been from anyone. Sofie was so funny thanking everyone even Santa. I took a bunch of pictures but I have to find the cord to upload them from Will's camera. It was the most relaxing party I have been to since we have been here. I am not sure why. Maybe I don't care as much. I don't know but it was nice. There was a lot of people there. The one woman I haven't spoken too for a while came up to me and asked about the kids. She has been avoiding me because she knows darn well I am not happy with her for having Sean and his new family out to her summer home out here. I answered her questions of course. I am not rude. She said, "I see the kids are really happy here with you." I said, "Yes, yes they are, they all know this is their home." I looked her right in the eye and she nodded. It's her husband who knows Sean and is acquainted with him. I try and understand her position to not have conflict with him about all of this as well. I know next summer they will be here again and until it stops I won't exactly be very friendly like I was before. I didn't let it bother me though. It wasn't the time.

I was able to see the lawyer on Thursday and we have our plan for the court date on the 21st. We are just going to ask that the divorce agreement we already have stay in place and the case be dismissed. Connor is back home and "voted with his feet" as he did before when I let him go. It was the only thing Sean could site as a change of circumstance and now that's gone. If Sean still wants to fight it then we will ask for lawyer's fees as well. If it does wind up going to trial then we are looking for this to go on until maybe March or April. Also the fact of Sean wanting to move away for no other reason that that his wife likes the other area is only reinforcing his inability of being able to provide support for his kids. Not a money issue but nurturing support.

I had better get off the computer now. The screen makes me queasy.