Our Island Family Life

What a week. Sofie's birthday went well. She had fun helping to make her cake. We had a late dinner so we could include Cade. He got home around 7 pm. We did the cake thing and a few presents before we ate. Around 7:30 I got a fast a furious headache. Not like a migraine. Not like a sinus thing. Not a annoying frontal pain in the butt. Oh no. When I say head, I mean practically my whole head. It was from the bottom of my ear and jaw all the way up to the top of my head. It felt just like the pain I had last October when it turned out to be a bad tooth that needed a root canal. The difference was my teeth felt fine. No swelling. Nothing. Anyway, I took a couple of ibuprofen and hoped that would work. It didn't. I took more half an hour later and by this time I had directed the kids to clean up the table and put the food away. I went to bed, making sure Sofie was changed but within another half hour I was ready to scream. Will warmed a heating pad, I tried cold, I took Tylenol, I tried darkness, then walking. I knew it was a nerve that was really trying to get some attention. Finally after throwing up from the pain I called for help to go to the ER. Since it was already 10 pm I couldn't take a ferry so I had to go by fire boat. Which meant calling 911 and the island ambulance. I was so mortified. In pain no doubt but I would have preferred to just have gotten a simple ride. Anyway, seven EMT's showed up. It was distracting and rather amusing, well, I was as amused as I could be under the circumstances. I was so out of it I was just reciting all the information they needed in a daze before they even asked. One of them laughed and said I would have to be put down as the first responder instead of them. A few went out on the deck and I joked (when speech was possible) that I should have thought of providing snacks and drinks. My blood pressure was high ( for me, I usually run a little low) but I am sure that was in response to the pain. Will stayed with Cade and Sofie. Will and Connor both were up with me which was thoughtful. I asked Will if he was excited to be 18 and the adult in charge. He smiled grimly at me. Connor went to the hospital with me. He was quite excited about the trip so at least one of us had a good time. It was exhausting though. I couldn't sleep from the pain anyway. In the end I was told to wait a few days and see if the pain improves because it was either a nerve thing from teeth (which I doubted) or an infection of the lymph node. Lucky me. Anyway, I was given something for the pain to get on top of it which I was grateful for. It still hurts but I don't have any swelling, which is a good sign and the pain is lessening as the days go by. Nothing some ibuprofen can't take care of. The whole thing does make me very sleepy though. I feel pretty good for a while then I suddenly get very sleepy and the head throbs. Tuesday was a wash since I didn't get home until 6:30 am and I had been awake since 5 am the day before. I slept half the day, woke for a while then went back to sleep. Wednesday I had to go into town for several appointments so I popped in to follow up with my doctor. Will has his surgery to have his wisdom teeth pulled for next month. Connor had a therapy session. It didn't quite go the way he wanted which was fine with me. I like it when other people tell him the same things I do, since who listens to me? Yesterday I did chores in between short 5-10 minute naps. You would think someone had punched me in the head or something. It sure feels like it.

Today is Sofie's birthday. I feel strangely older with her turning five than I did with Will turning eighteen. It will be fun watching her open presents but sad as well. Cade won't be here and I doubt she will wait until 7pm because his first tennis practice is today. Also, and this is just me, I feel sad because things are different now. Birthdays and holidays are just not fun for me any more. I have mentioned it before I know and maybe it is some odd form of depression but I have very little joy in them. I like picking presents out but I used to like making them as well. The kids birthdays though are the worst. Maybe it's a woman thing but I always think back on the day they were born. All of those memories are now tainted with Sean. It isn't the same when you are having those memories alone. It's at times like these I want my husband and I want my kids to have their father here to share in these new memories and talk about the old ones. Not the guy out there now who, in my mind, is a father in name only. I imagine I will outgrow it. I don't miss him when I have to take out the trash for example, or when I do all the other things he used to do.

Kids are gone so I should be throwing a party or something. Instead I am cleaning. I have been ignoring other things to do it so I know something is going on somewhere in my head but I am not sure what. Am I worried, overwhelmed, upset? I don't know. Usually when I clean I feel a sense of control and accomplishment. Instead, all I am seeing if how much more I have to do. Which makes me feel bad, which then makes me crawl under the covers to do school work. Of course then I feel like I have to much of that to do and stick it out for a while to slip away from that to the next task. Then the circle goes round and round. I should be over at the library today but I am not sure I will make it. It isn't like I have to be there. I need to clean it up and get it ready to open soon but going today isn't vital. I should finish up my assignments instead but I am torn and tired. I'll probably wind up folding laundry. I am having problems with priorities so maybe that's why even though I might work hard, I feel that lack of accomplishment. I like the me who is happy for small achievements. *sigh*

I just finished shopping for Sofie's birthday. Even though I am not paying for all of it (Will and Connor gave me money for their purchases) I am still cringing. I also had to get a present for another birthday Sofie is going to AND Easter stuff. I am tapped out. I have to get new sneakers for Cade since his are falling apart and he just joined the tennis club so he kinda needs some. Granted, I made an extra $200 this week cleaning but gads. Plus I still haven't gotten anything for Will's graduation. I have an idea but who knows if it will pan out. I feel like I am bleeding money.

So, it poured today. Sheets. Thankfully it was clear when I walked Sofie to school. The bag I was carrying felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I had all my cleaning supplies and the jumper for the car in it. I think I had mentioned before the island car had died. I was walking for a while and I was able to get some gas, jumped it again and it worked. Some might say, oh it was just out of gas stupid. Yet, the jumping problem is a serious issue. Jumping it every time I need to turn it on isn't fun. Anyway, that was Friday. I used it all weekend then *poof* dead again with gas on Monday afternoon. I had Connor pick up the jumper yesterday from the car and I charged it over night in a last ditch attempt to get it to go. I wanted to at least get it in my driveway either by getting it started or having it towed. A serious new car search in underway. I dropped Sofie off and went to a house across the street I was hired to clean. I got her at 11 am and we went back to the house so I could finish it off which wasn't easy since there is no water yet. I did what I could (too bad for the insides of the toilets) since the people are coming tomorrow. They will open the house up and turn the water on later this week. By now it is back to pouring rain. I had totally forgotten I had a PTC meeting and had to give a treasurers report this afternoon so I was trying to hurry. Sofie and I sloshed over to the car (which was still in the school's driveway) and I figured I would try and jump it. I knew I was going to get soaked. I got Sofie in the car so she was at least dry. Then I popped the hood and held it up, since the bar that holds it up is missing with one hand. I was also holding an umbrella in that hand and then I connected the jumper with the other hand. I noticed after all this the jumper had been accidentally left on since 8 am. I was doomed. Being the optimistic person I am I turned the key anyway. IT WORKED. Holy Crap. I disconnected the jumper and prayed it wouldn't stall. Now, the wipers have only worked twice since I have had the car which has been what, 7 months now? I could barely see out the window and Sofie told me to try the wipers. What the heck? THEY WORKED. I tried not to pass out from the shock. Of course the car has no heat so the windows were fogging up but it was a short drive. I have driven in worse shape. Once I got the thing in the driveway though I called for a ride to the meeting. I think I am done messing around with it. I think it is playing with me now. My own little Christine. Better stop now before it eats me.

Sofie woke up yesterday morning and was upset. I asked her if she had a bad dream and she said no. She looked very nervous and told me that the mean witch said to tell right away if she peed the bed. I had no idea what she was talking about having just woken up myself. I am not very lucid and 6:30 am. She just stared at me and nodded. I said that that was probably a good idea then waited. She kept staring. Then it dawned on me. I asked her if she had peed the bed and she cringed like I was going to scream at her. I thanked her for telling me. She had been wearing a pull up so I asked her if she had gotten the sheets and she had. I told her it was just and accident and how proud I was she had gone so long since the last time she had done that. I told her she was getting better all the time. She was very relieved. I found it odd since I never yell at her for something like that. Connor had accidents until he was 8 years old. I had taken him to the doctor and was told his bladder hadn't grown as fast as the rest of him and it happens to a lot of kids and he would catch up eventually, which he did. After dealing with that Sofie wetting the sheets once a month maybe is no big deal. I still have her use pull ups at night just in case (live and learn) but she just sleeps right through it if she does go. That night I was putting the clean sheet and protective pad on her bed and Cade asked if she had wet the bed. I said yes and he told me this weekend Sofie had wet the bed and "the mean witch" and gone ballistic. She yelled for Sofie to come upstairs and lit into her about not telling anyone about the sheets blah, blah, blah. Sofie was crying and scared to death. Sofie has always told me in the past if she wet the bed, sometimes at night but usually in the morning because as I said she just never woke up during the night. Now I know if she went and woke them up they would have a fit but then again if she waits until they wake then she will get yelled at for not waking them up. Lose lose situation. On top of that Sofie got yelled at for leaving the toilet seat up. Kathryn is afraid the baby will drown. I say buy a toilet lock because a four year old is just never going to remember. They are just lazy. They would have to help Sofie with a lock so I guess making her responsible and yelling at her is the easier option.

I think I am doomed when it comes to cars. I was able to get the island car running Friday evening and even though I had to jump it every time I turned the car on at least I could get to point B from A. Well, It died again today and now it sits beside the school. Of course to make everything perfect it was during a thunderstorm when it gave up the ghost. I am so done. I don't even know how to move it from there and right now I don't care. I came home and cried. I was at least able to get a ride so Sofie didn't have to walk home in the rain. She had a rain coat at least unlike me. I really needed the car too because I need to bring my heavy three step ladder to one of the houses I am cleaning to get at the windows. I told Connor he needs to chip in with me and Will and get a golf cart or something. He said he would since he has made $300 in the past three days. Who knows how much he can spare though since he is saving up for drivers ed. Will is out of money now since he paid for his trip and his first semester of college as well as incidentals. I have $500 to give the cause but I had wanted that for rent. I need something before summer hits and we will be zooming from one job to the next I just can not walk 20 miles a day plus work on my feet every day all summer. Connor is also working on fixing up three bikes for himself and his brothers. I don't know. I am just feeling tired right now. Tired of life more than anything. Guess I had better get motivated and plan dinner.

No, but I am going to blurb something out anyway. Where to begin? How about a call from Cade's school counselor this week while I was in the middle of a elementary school gym chaperoning Sofie at a health fair? Sound like a fine and calm setting? He told me Cade had come to talk to him. I had a feeling Cade would since he was crying when he got off the boat and very stressed. He mumbled something about how he didn't have his work done and he was going to get yelled at but that really wasn't the problem. He had his work done but he had a lot on his mind. What stuff you ask? Well, Monday was the first time since he went to school on the island he missed a day after being at his dad's house. He talked and talked and talked. Some was venting some was just random things. Talking around the problem. I knew he had gotten into a fight with Kathryn and that she yelled at him but he didn't elaborate. I knew he would tell me eventually. He did on the same day he told the counselor so I was glad I didn't have to ask. Well, she not only yelled but swore and in the end grabbed his waist and shoved him into the side of a door. He has a bruise on his leg. Connor was the one who saw it first and he was hopping mad. The counselor didn't see the bruise since it is high on Cade's leg so nothing was reported this time. She is on the radar. I was also able to remind Cade on Wednesday's a lady he knows well from the island is there as a visiting nurse and he can also talk to her. The fight was stupid. It was just a dumb thing and so small really. She asked him to come upstairs and he said he would in a minute. How many parents of teens and pre-teens hasn't heard that before?He was on the computer and was trying to turn it off first because he didn't want the younger girls to mess with his stuff and because he gets yelled at for leaving anything electronic on. He should have told her what he was doing and maybe the event could have been prevented but he didn't and her reaction was unacceptable. She ran down the stairs and yelled and swore and said how this was her house and her rules and just pressed the button on the computer off. That's really bad for the computer by the way. Anyway, after that she shoved him and hurt him. He was in pain of course and although he didn't technically swear back he came close and said, "I can't believe you did that! You're an ahole!" Well, I talked to him about how to not make a bad situation worse. His response could have made things really bad. Thankfully she just pushed past him and left. She could have slapped him for that or worse. They have to be there for April vacation. I asked Cade if he was going to be ok and he said, "Oh yeah, I am looking forward to my week of hell." I was so sad I didn't even say anything to him about swearing. I mean, what do I do?

So for the past week I have been trying to watch the Harry Potter movies in order with Sofie. Tough task with how busy it's been lately. It took three days to watch the last one because we watch for only for a little while before bedtime or if Sofie falls asleep, which ever came first. Then I would get online and do some school work. We have a long ways to go. Sofie wanted to do it though and snuggle up with me since I have been gone so much recently with the new job. It's been fun but now I want to reread the whole series again. I just do not have the time but the itch is now there and like the chicken pox it mocks me.

It's snowing today. Seriously. Schools canceled. Swim class canceled. I am trying to do some things online before we lose power. We may not of course but with my luck....