Our Island Family Life

So, I forgot I could do this while I ate. Multi-tasking is my middle name. Heard back from Sean. Therapy is a no go. He says he can't afford to pay his half of the sessions. Like I can? He asked me if I had any other ideas. What about him? Well, I called the counselor back and he confirmed he is a pay as you go guy. So we pay him then submit to insurance ourselves and get reimbursed. It's doable it would just be effort on our part to do the submitting. It all just paperwork and yes it is annoying and yes it would be frustrating and time consuming, however, if Sean was really committed to the process it could work. So, I called the lawyer and told him what happened. I guess I will do some more research. It isn't like Sean will.

No picture today. A quickie from work since I won't have time later. Still haven't heard back from Sean about the co-parenting counseling. I emailed him today (I gave him a week to respond) and told him I needed to know by 3pm today so I could call the guy. If I didn't hear from him then I would just reschedule for something next Tuesday. To be honest even though I know Sean and I need to talk via a third party I hope he bails. One, it would look bad for him. Two, I really would like an afternoon to myself, sorta, I could take Sofie to yoga class they have free here on the island on Tuesday afternoon of he doesn't answer me. I gave him the deadline because that is what the last counselor told me to do when he did stuff like this. So I am taking her advice. I said 3pm because I will need to call before I leave on the ferry this afternoon to bring Cade and Sofie in to see their dad. If he tries to tell me at the bay lines he can go I will just tell him it is too late. I think he may be balking at my request he pay for half of the babysitting I will need for Sofie that day as well as the cost to see the guy in the first place which we are ordered to split. He doesn't "have" to split the cost of babysitting for Sofie. I only asked since it seemed fair to me but I wasn't saying I wouldn't go if he didn't. *sigh*

My feet are ready to fall off. I need a moving car of some sort. I am borrowing one today and tomorrow and it has helped already. My feet were swollen and ached so bad I wanted to cry last night. I got off them around 4pm and told the kids they had to help out and fetch stuff for me. I doubt they liked it much but what can you do? I will need to make an appointment to see my doctor. I like walking but then on my feet the whole time doesn't help. So, this afternoon after the library I have to run home grab lunch and Sofie and clean a house for about an hour, get ready for the boat, check to see if Sean emailed me and call the counselor either way before we hop on the ferry. Drop the kids off, come home, then go back to the house and finish the job. It will be after 9pm by then. I had better bring a flashlight. No light on the grassy path to their house.

My feet are whimpering and I have a slight cough. I can NOT get sick right now.

I wish I could schedule the bad stuff in my life to fit neatly into the good stuff so there would be some kind of healthy pattern. Have some good, have some bad. Not "too" much bad at one time. Oh well. I got mail from the lawyer today. My stuff has been scheduled. Next month is the interim hearing about child support. If it happens or not still remains to be seen. Sean has until the 21st (ten days not counting the weekends) to turn over his taxes and other financial info. If he doesn't then I am not sure if it will go to a hearing. Then our mediation and pretrial case management hearing on the same day in September. I like the fact it is in September for several reasons. One, the kids will have already started school and it will be unlikely for a judge to pull the kids out and have them change households. Second, it will give both Cade and Connor some time in therapy with dad and it will remain to be seen if Sean can maintain his effort for that long. Third, Connor will have some time to see what living with dad is really like. Connor in therapy, good thing, Connor getting a heavy dose of reality, good thing. Sean's grip on being mr. nice guy, not happening. Being a parent is a consistent effort that Sean just can not do without huge support. Support, not orders and being told what to do like "the wife" does. Connor isn't going to take kindly to that. I talked with him today. He sounded sad and tired. I asked if he was ok and he said he was but I know just by listening to him something is bothering him. He is at his dad's again. I told him about the teen bonfire tonight in case he wanted to come and told him I felt bad he didn't wake up on Tuesday to say good bye to me and his grandmother before we left. I asked him when he was coming home and he said on Sunday. He was hoping to spend some time with his friends but it hasn't happened so he hopes to do so later this week. I am sure he thought living in town would afford him easy access to his friends and whatever else he wanted to do but it isn't turning out that way. Even there he has to make plans and accommodate other people. *gasp* On top of that he can't walk around downtown and go to the music store to browse and whatever like he could do when he was here. He could jump on the ferry, hang with friends, go around town and be home by 4pm to do group activities. He can't just jump on a bike and take off there like he can here. Oh, well, guess he didn't think things though.

Ok, head still hurts but not so bad. Patience is at an all time low. Got mail from my lawyer today with the stuff he sent Sean. Included was the info for the co-parenting counselor. Since I have had no word from Sean about it I called myself and left a message with the guy. I hope he is able to get back to me sometime today since I will be in town all day tomorrow. Cade has his first session with his dad tomorrow morning. Sean finally called to let Cade know he was coming. It galls me that Sean is only now talking to Cade because he wants to look good in court. I hope to god we get a judge who sees his games for what they are. On the plus side Sean is talking to Cade now no matter the motives so we'll see what happens.

I can't sleep. Woke with a migrane. Cade's glasses broke. Sofie doesn't want to let me out of her sight. The VCR stopped working. The tent pole broke. Little straws, camels back is in excruciating pain. Coping skills failing. Feels like everything is spiraling out of control. Connor is detached from us telling me he is an outcast in our family. Finally work available but not enough time. No sitter for Sofie. Not enough time with her so she is acting out. Cade is stressed about his dad and the boss from one of his jobs (good reason though). I need a shower and a full day off with my family. I guess I just can't balance things very well with the extra stress going on. Why is it things seem harder now than during the divorce? I feel like things are never going to end. I also wish "the wife" would drop dead. I feel guilty about that since I don't like to think I am someone to think ill of another person. I do though. Some kind of nasty painful disease would be nice. Nothing quick. See? I am a horrible, horrible person.

I feel guilty even being online to write this. I have been working pretty much non stop. Not just for money but to take my mind off of everything. I am so tired of trying to please everyone and worrying about the kids I just cried and cried last night.

Sean finally called and asked for Cade today. Not like the message on Friday about Cade intended for me wondering about therapy. Nearly three months, three months Cade has gone without a call from his dad. I answered the phone and told Sean Cade wasn't home at the moment but playing with friends at the square and I would let him know Sean called. Sean thanked me pleasantly and hung up. Cade got home about half and hour later and I told him. Cade was skeptical. I had no reason to lie of course. I told him I wasn't going to tell him to call his dad back or not to call him back. This was between them. I did tell him that I wanted his brain to chew over the idea that maybe his dad was ready to apologize, or maybe he wanted to join Cade in therapy, who knows? Cade thought about it but then said he didn't want to talk to his dad over the phone at all anymore. He said he was also feeling "sketchy" about his dad being in therapy because his dad would tell him one thing over the phone and then say another in front of the counselor and it made him very angry. I asked him if he called his dad out about saying two different things at the therapy sessions and he said he didn't. I told him that if dad came this time to just lay it all out. The good the bad and the ugly. Rose won't let dad raise his voice or call Cade a liar or anything else. That is why she is there. If dad tries those tricks again, tell. Tell, tell, tell and hold him accountable for other people to see. Let his dad know he can't do that to Cade anymore and that he can stand up for himself more now than before. I told him if he felt the only place he felt comfortable talking to his dad again was therapy then that was better than not talking at all. If talking on the phone was too hard then email him. No matter what he chooses Cade has to be the one to tell his dad when his sessions are and that his dad was invited to come. I wasn't going to do it. If his dad calls for him I am going to give Cade the phone and if Cade doesn't want to talk to him Cade has to be the one to tell him. I wasn't going to do it and neither would Rose. So, Cade chose to call his dad and tell him when his next session was, day and time, and that Sean could come if he wanted to. Cade didn't want to talk about anything else but to inform his dad about the session. Sean didn't answer his phone so Cade left a message with the info and also explained why he didn't want to talk to his dad over the phone or email. So far Sean hasn't called back. I would hope he would call to let Cade know if he is going to come or not. Again, that will be between them. I called the counselor and let her know Sean finally called and of Cade's reaction and subsequent call back. I wanted her to have a heads up if Sean decides to show up on the 13th. Maybe he will call her instead of Cade. If so I hope she tells him he needs to call Cade and let him know. It's like hand holding a baby with him. So, progress of some form. I don't expect it to last.