Our Island Family Life

Court. Could have been better. I am not sure how things will proceed but hopefully well. We had a short mediation and agreed to co-parenting counseling again. No date as of yet. I will have to call my lawyer and get the number of the therapist again because I gave it to Sean and I know even though we have made an agreement and it is now an order he won't call to set it up. This therapist specializes in abusive men so I have hopes the counseling will go better this time around. The other thing we agreed to was for Connor to go back to counseling which is set up (I did it) for the week after next. Sean said Connor wants to come live with him. It was news to me. Sean said Connor didn't want to tell me out of fear of "retribution". I asked Connor about it and he said he did want to spend more time with his dad, which I already knew and it was what we had been working toward anyway. As for living with his dad he just shrugged. So, I am glad for the therapy. Connor will have to do some talking and he can't play any tell dad one thing and mom another games. Sadly though because this was ordered I had to tell Connor he had to go back to therapy and why. I had been trying to keep him out of the whole court nonsense but now the cat is out of the bag. Connor was stunned to know about his dad trying to seek primary residency of Cade and Sofie too and wanting them to change schools. Connor thinks he can talk to his dad about it and tell him this is a bad thing and his dad will listen. I didn't tell him it wouldn't work. Frankly Connor has to be reminded apparently that isn't going to work. When Sean first left Connor thought his dad would listen to him about all the terrible things he was doing and how wrong they were and his dad would stop. Sean did what he wanted anyway. Then Connor had the whole "if my dad really loved me he wouldn't hurt me like this" stuff going on. I think, in the end Connor may wind up spending weeks at a time with Sean and it is going to be hard for me to watch him go through the realizations all over again. There really isn't anything I can do. The only thing I am going to try and fight for legally is that Connor's residency isn't changed and legally the original divorce order stays the same. Connor staying with his dad (if at all) won't last since Connor himself doesn't really know what he wants. Connor also changes his mind the way some people change hats and it makes little sense to have to go through the expense and trauma of more court time to change the order back to what is in place now when Connor flakes out again. Connor said he knows his dad says one thing and does another and he knows his dad lies. Then he said he believes his dad was doing this all for money. I just gaped. Then he asked me if I thought his dad still had bipolar disorder. It isn't like it just goes away. He wanted to know what meds his dad was taking and everything. So I told him. He felt bad but I made sure not to put his dad down because of it. Sean didn't choose to be depressed or have bipolar. As for some of his other actions, you can't just blame bipolar for everything. Connor will have to find his peace with that and find his own road for understanding his father.

As for Cade the mediator told Sean there is no judge that will allow him even shared residency when they don't even see each other and are fighting. Sean wasn't pleased with her but she did say that we were doing the right thing by getting him in therapy so he can work out his issues. We? *sigh* Anyway, all we discussed in the mediation was the kids and when we got back to tell the magistrate what we agreed to Sean (who IS representing himself) said that he wanted to have an interim order suspending child support while primary residency was being established. It isn't about money huh? Since he couldn't prove his income was changed he was told no but there is a hearing for next month to hear his case (no date yet) also next month there will be another mediation. Then a trial after that since I am fairly sure there will be no agreement in mediation. His wife was there and rubbing his thigh while we waited for our turn right next to me. So rude. "Are you ok baby?" Make me gag. Then after it was over she got in my lawyer's face and told him Sean couldn't turn over his tax return (it was ordered to be done in ten days) for the child support issue because her info was on it. She went on to say how Sean pays too much for child support. My lawyer told her child support is established based on income and the rules are the same for everyone. As for the taxes Sean had ten days or his request would be dismissed. I said how there is already an order in place for Sean and I to exchange tax info every May to avoid this kind of thing with spouse info redacted. She asked me how they were supposed to do that. This is the first thing she has said to me since July 2007. I told her it wasn't my problem and she should talk to a preparer. My lawyer suggested she simply remove her W2's which weren't needed but everything else had to be turned over. She said, "That might work." Sean stood there and said nothing. Nothing.

My conversation with Connor that night was worse than being in court. Seeing her there was unexpected and hurtful. She is a horrible woman by far. I am scared and sick and want to hide or run away from this huge mess. I think I may wind up homeless before this is all over. I feel like all the hard work and progress I have made is slipping through my fingers and I am losing everything before my eyes. I am angry and hurt and want to cry every day even though I don't. I feel the stress inside like a huge weight on my chest and I don't know if it will ever go away. I can see Sean doing this to me over and over and over again until I can't fight back anymore. I am trying not to sleep in the bed before I have even made it but it's so hard to keep the mind from playing out worst case scenarios. So tired.

Sofie is going to have dance lessons soon. Life moves on and she wants to try so I set something up. Free too. I don't know how I am going to make it.