Our Island Family Life

I am a dunderhead. I seem to have a little luck on my side though that helps to combat my airhead moves from time to time thank goodness. Well, we went into town yesterday for Connor's appointment. I also had to do some shopping for the school and hit the bank. I finally got paid from the loggers which was a relief. We get into town and I realize I had forgotten my car keys. *scream* Connor's appointment was within walking distance so that was a load off. As is the bank and the pharmacy. I had a friend bringing Sofie in on the noon boat so she could go to school and I called her to grab my keys as well. Thank goodness (again) I had her number. Still, we had to kill some time and so we went to breakfast and talked a real long time. It was nice so grab the silver lining.

TurDunkin'

As if Connor missing, well not missing but having a forced rescheduling, of his appointment on Friday wasn't bad enough he missed his therapy session on Monday. As anyone who reads this who has a loved one with depression or bipolar knows there are good days and bad days. Connor had a good day on Friday despite missing the appointment during a freaking snow storm. I won't blather on since I wrote about that already but I had high hopes. Come Sunday the bad moods began to trickle in like a snow flurry. Sunday night he asked if he could go to a friends house here on the island and I agreed because he usually perks up from a visit but reminded him to be on the morning boat. He has never missed one coming from there before. Until Monday. I had that feeling of wanting to throttle him. You know what I mean. It was 10 below zero. I had to bring Sofie because I didn't have a sitter. The car had to be jumped. I didn't realize Connor had missed the boat until we pulled away from the dock. I had to take Will to the campus bookstore to get his book for his college class so I grabbed on to that silver lining so I didn't feel like I was wasting my whole day. The car in town was still cold even with the heater running, just not freezing. The book store was closed even though the sign said it was supposed to be open and their website said they were supposed to be open. Will and I were both miffed. I took Will to school and we were very late because of a train accident. We were in traffic for over and hour when it usually takes 15 minutes. Thankfully Sofie didn't have to pee. Silver lining (mantra, mantra). Then I decided to skip going to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for Sofie since she wasn't completely out yet and Cade's school to hunt for his coat to try and make the 10am boat. We made it but the traffic was bad going back too. I had swallowed my panic and took a route I was unfamiliar with hoping to save time. It worked but I hate not knowing where I am exactly. I figured if I got lost and missed the boat it wouldn't matter because I would miss it if I went back the way I originally came. We had to run though and amazingly Sofie and I didn't slip. She was fabulous all day. (mantra, mantra) We got back to the island and I am running thoughts in my head of what to say to Connor without getting angry. It is hard to remember sometimes that sometimes he can't help it. Lower those expectations. Anyway, I had to jump the car again to get home. Loggers on my road nearly ran me down. Then my brakes decided to take a holiday just before my driveway. I didn't panic knowing I could turn into the driveway and be fine. Of course it was trash day and the cans were thrown into the driveway. I had a choice, run them over and have to buy new cans or get half in half out and hit a snowbank. I went for the snowbank. I really tried not killing Connor when I found out he was home and walked right past the cans and recycling bin without taking care of them which landed me in that snowbank. I got Sofie inside then went back out to try and get out of it. Connor came out to help (not willingly) but was giving up before he even started. I asked him to shovel out one wheel while I put down some sand on the others and he said, "There's too much snow." Arrrggghhh! I told him to try anyway and that sometimes we have to do stuff we don't want to. He did, banged his hand and freaked out throwing the shovel. I made him get it after he stopped failing around in pain and sent him inside to check on it and warm up. It was below zero all day, windchill close to 30 below. So, I shoveled and dug and had to jump the car, again. Then I ran out of gas. Wonderful. I went inside and called for help. Oh, and the loggers came by about 6 times and never offered to help out once. Insert nasty swearing names for them "here". Several hours later our own island Handy Manny (Bobby) came by with gas. He was going to bring his tractor down to pull me out but it would start either in the cold weather but he had a hitch on his car so we tried that since I wasn't in the bank far. Just enough to be a pain. Then the key wouldn't turn in my car. (scream) After a few tries I got it. Had to jump it again, then I got out of the bank. I only needed a little nudge. I think that made it all the more frustrating for me knowing that. I never got a chance to talk Connor on Monday because it was a really bad day and I knew.....knew....any conversation would be a waste of time. He slept nearly all day. On Tuesday he was somewhat better and we talked. He is back on an upward swing. It seems like when the bad days come it is like a switch. Good days seem to come back gradually and stick around for a while. He has his rescheduled appointment for this Friday and another therapy session scheduled. I told him he wasn't allowed to go his friends house on days before appointments. He agreed. If I had said this on Monday he would have gotten nasty and bitter. As I said, it would have been a waste. Stable, unstable. See the difference? Anywho, his birthday is tomorrow. I hope his grandparents send a card. I am sure they will eventually...:) He wants cash of course. Will asked him last night if he wanted his present now or on Thursday. Connor said now of course so Will handed him $60 in cash. I was a bit shocked and Will's generosity. Will is kind of scrooge like with his money. Connor was so stunned it took him a minute to even say anything much less say thank you, which he did once his ability to speak was restored. Will was smug.

We had another storm yesterday. School was cancelled for the boys. Sofie still had school and Cade went with her as he usually does on snow days. He read to the preschoolers and did all the states and capitals for them showing off some of the things he is learning in his school. Well, he already knew them so it's an easy A for him this semester. Speaking of which he is really motivated for some reason about school lately. Not that I am complaining in any way. Just curious. He is honor roll right now but by the time grades close he plans on having high honors. He would have them already but he is still making up work from when he was out with bronchitis.

The school social worker finally called me back today. I told her about my conversation with Connor and she agreed with me about the red flags and hitting a lot of the markers for depression. We have our appointment with the principal for the last Monday of this month. We are also going to meet with her this Friday after his appointment with the doctor. I am hoping we can get his work and bring it home and go over it together so I can evaluate where he is at. You should have seen his blank look when I asked him subject by subject what he was doing so far. He drew a huge blinking "huh" look. He has no clue. The only thing he could remember was his Wellness class and one book in English. Not good. Anyway, for me that is number two on the list of worries. Well, three. One is getting Connor on track mentally. Two, how to deal with this concerning Sean. I haven't spoken to Sean about any of this yet. I am sure he has checked Connor's school attendance. Well, since he is mad at Connor maybe not. Let's say he has, I have no idea what might be going though his mind about all this. He had NO clue how bad Connor was in October. As it stands I have Sean's consent for Connor to see his family doctor, his counselor and the pdoc connected to his case on referral. I am sticking with that. I want to get him evaluated and have all that in hand before I fill Sean in on everything. I don't dare risk him interfering and blocking medical treatment like he did last time. If it comes down to meds then that will be something new so that will need to be talked over. I am not doing anything I haven't really done before so far so I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Today Connor seems happy. He is again in his coping thing with his guitar. He has learned a few songs and it is giving him a boost of accomplishment. He is taking some vitamin D now as well. I hope that helps him some. Another thing to discuss with the doctor.

I really despise finding out about things after the fact. Sean did that to me constantly until I got angry. Then he would be angry with me saying how all this happened a while ago so what am I getting upset for? I dunno, finding out about things everyone assumes I know about, in front of them, because I am your wife and should know these things. Trying to smile through the humiliation to seethe quietly until I could get him alone to say, "What the hell? How come I didn't know about this then?" Even if the incident was years ago it is never nice to find out you have been lied to either to your face or by omission. This weekend I had company. Company who has known Sean as long as me. I had been talking about Sean taking Will's money and how this wasn't new and that he had done this to me in the past but it hadn't occurred to me until much later because I had forgotten about it until the whole thing with Will came up. Sean believing he knew what was best on how to spend money that did not belong to him. I had thought he had spent my car insurance money all those years ago for food. Would have been nice to have known that before he wreaked my car. It didn't make any sense to me since we had food to begin with. It wasn't prime rib but we ate. I found out on Saturday he hadn't bought food but a trailer hitch for the car. A hitch with the idea of moving back to Maine from New Mexico that he hadn't even told me about. What if I had said no? It was MY car not his. He didn't discuss with me at all about moving. Something from 19 years ago and I am just feeling fed up. I am so tired about finding out about how he has lied to me yet again. About stupid stuff no less. How can he be trusted with the big stuff then?

I am making a call this week to our family doctor and then Connor's counselor and asking them to give me some paper work with Connor's diagnoses and explanation of his limitations. I will also talk with the family doctor about medication options. Then having all this in hand asking for an IEP from the school so he doesn't get in trouble for his missed days. IEP - Independent Education Plan. We can come up with a solution to make sure he gets all his credits. It is a step. The school will have to abide by what the doctors and counselors recommend without penalizing him. Maybe he will need some kind of meds for anxiety to keep going to school until he has some more therapy under his belt to build up his coping skills. Right now he is simply losing himself in his guitar. He practices all the time. He did the same thing when he was into the XBox so I know this is his coping mechanism right now. He is obsessed saying how he wants to have music as his career and how he doesn't need to go to college. I am not too worried about this yet since he is still young but he doesn't get that he needs to do well with his SAT's and maintain his grades on the off chance he "changes his mind" about college. I really think this is another of his mini obsessions. Of course this may be it and he will do something in the music field someday. He is quite good and has been able to just pick up the instrument and play it. I can't do that. I like that he is doing something creative other than watching tv or something like that because it keeps his mind active and isn't too far into withdrawal. Still, he is really going for isolation like the past two years. It started earlier than last year and I know it was because he was with his dad. The year before it started later and was shorter than the year before that. No hard and fast rules with this and all you can do is pay attention to what has worked and what hasn't. I have gotten zip for advice on how to handle the situation and this "plan" is all mine. I think the fact he is going to be in therapy once a week and under his full cooperation is a huge feat in itself. Those of you who know how hard it is to get a loved on to really commit to therapy will understand. Baby steps.

There is supposed to be a big storm tomorrow. I am almost looking forward to it. No one is very sick. I have supplies. I have no where to be other than home. It might be nice. Except shoveling of course. The boys are hoping for a snow day. Sofie would still have to go to school. No snow days here. Cade would go to school here. All the middle school kids always go "back to island school" on snow days and "help out" the little kids. It is kind of amazing actually since they all just do it on their own and now it's like a tradition.

All the kids are at school. Finally. Cade and Sofie still have a few days left of their antibiotics but sound so much better. Will and Connor too seem much better. I can breathe through my nose again so for me that's a thumbs up. I am only a little tired and stuffy. Now I have to clean my own house. I had a job yesterday cleaning and even though I really didn't want to go of course I did. I was huffing and puffing because I was so clogged up. Thankfully the job wasn't too bad. I just refused to question things like why a thawed bag of frozen peas was in the middle of the living room floor. Seven men in one house....let the filth begin.

Late night I got a call from the lawyer telling me I had to show up for court today after all. There wasn't a problem really just that the judge wanted to rewrite the order herself, a procedural thing. So I had to go in on the 6am boat for a 11am court time that lasted literally two minutes. My lawyer had to call in because he was in another town and Sean of course wasn't there at all. It was really stupid. In the end though I am still getting what I asked for so that's good. I had to be in town anyway to pick up a prescription for Cade. Both Cade and Sofie have bronchitis. They are both on antibiotics and both have inhalers. It's crazy. Connor had a fever yesterday but that's past and he is simply congested. I woke up this morning with a clogged nose and a headache. I just had a cold last month for goodness sakes! I have felt miserable all day and it was freezing cold out. I just know I am going to feel worse before I feel better after being outside. I was grumpy and went to the used book store to compensate my foul mood. I got 9 new books for 5 dollars. I finished one already. Thankfully the kids survived the day without me being here. I called a ton of times to make sure they were doing what they should be doing. Connor was in charge and things went smoothly but I still worried. They were all in bed anyway but unless I remind them they never drink enough. I emailed Sean yesterday telling him I was keeping the kids this weekend. It was my weekend anyway but I had told him they could come visit because he bailed on them one weekend last month. I told him about their medicine and stuff. I know he wouldn't give them their medicine correctly. Every time I have sent them over with medicine it has come back unopened. So, it's best they just stay here until they have taken the full dose. I told him he could have the next three weekends but I haven't had a response from him yet. I am too sick and tired to really give a darn right now. I am off to a pb&j sandwich, some medicine and bed.

Sofie (my icon today is of Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle and the tipping force in our choice of Sofie's name..we love Sophie) woke this morning her cough worse than ever. It had been getting better before she left on Christmas day and I felt she had reached a turning point. When she came back on Saturday her cough was worse than when she left but I thought if she had a few days rest and proper medicine, humidifier, fluids and food she would improve. She has had this cough for a month now. Last night she had horrible headaches and her cough was just not getting better. I called the doctor today and she has an appointment tomorrow. They are going to give her a chest xray to rule out pneumonia. I am worried for her. She seems happy and is active but her eating is off. She has no fever but she has trouble sleeping with he cough and has to stop and cough during play. She isn't wheezing. I checked but this morning I heard a crackle. I am not all that great with the stethoscope yet but I am familiar with that sound. I am trying not to get angry for Sean for not noticing how bad she has gotten. After all I did wait myself 2 1/2 days with the hope she was going to turn a corner. He really should have brought her to the doctor last week though. I am sure Cade being sick was a distraction since his symptoms were more acute. The diarrhea and he also had a cough so bad he made his chest muscles sore. He is fine now though. He only has a slight runny nose. What made me mad about Sean's handling of Cade was that Sean told Cade that if he felt bad to go take some medicine. He's 11. I really don't think he should be swigging medicine any time he felt like it. Cade is not dumb though and asked his dad to measure it out for him. Proper dose for a child is important. Sean told him to do it himself. Thankfully I had shown Cade what the right amount for him was for several brands of medicine one of which Sean had. I also told Cade not to take it before the proper time was up or he would be overdosing. Thank goodness Cade listened to me because he had to do it himself quite a few times last week. When he told his dad his chest hurt Sean told him he felt bad for him and did nothing. I was able to figure out by talking with Cade it was a muscle issue but what if his chest hurt from not being able to breathe, or worse something with his heart? You just never know. Am I being over protective? What really made me upset though was that they (Kathryn too) said maybe his cough was emphysema. Emphysema? Are you kidding me? Are they trying to scare the crap out of him or are they really that stupid? Sean's dad now has Emphysema and is on oxygen all the time. It's a serious condition. COPD is nothing to joke about. The C stands for Chronic. Do I need to define chronic? Cade does not have any of the diseases that fall under the umbrella of COPD. Cold, bronchitis, pneumonia maybe. Does Sean's dad's condition make them think everything leads to emphysema? For "educated"people are they really that ignorant? Let's say Cade did have emphysema...did Sean think telling an 11 year old to "go take something for that cough" would be adequate? I wanted to scream when Cade told me this. I just calmly explained to Cade about emphysema again. I had done so twice before because of his grandpa. Cade has a good head on his shoulders at times and so he wasn't freaked by his dad's and Kathryn's comments. He is worried for his grandpa of course but not too much yet. We don't know what stage it's at but to be on oxygen full time isn't a good sign. He is only 63. I thought Sean telling Will he might have Mono (because they thought he slept too much) and that he should go see a doctor was bad and really stupid but this just might be worse.

Here is one of those days when you have to do stuff you don't want to do. Well, everyday is like that I suppose but I mean one of those days when it's harder to do because you have zip for motivation.

I just told Sofie to hurry and finish her bath. Her reply?

The kids came home yesterday. We watched some movies and got caught up. They didn't go to Boston. The kids weren't going to go anyway but Cade had a bad cough which made his chest muscles very sore and had some tummy issues. On the plus side for Sean he made the choice to have Cade stay home and stayed with him. I am always pleased when Sean thinks clearly. On the bad side this peeved the "wife". She stayed as well and took out her anger on the kids all week which is why Sofie snapped the other day. Let's see...Cade said she made him a ham sandwich and the bread had mold on it. Hey, it happens so I wasn't upset about him discovering the mold, it was how the situation was handled that could have been better. Cade saw it and of course didn't want to eat the sandwich (would you?) so he pointed out the mold. Kathryn was upset, cut off the section of the sandwich that had the mold on it and slammed the plate on the table and said, "There! Now it your god d***ed sandwich!" Now I wonder where he got his diarrhea from? Then she yelled at him after he had been sick in the bathroom because she thought he didn't clean up after himself well enough. She yelled at both Cade and Sofie for leaving the toilet lid up. She is afraid the toddler will drown. I think it's a bit naive of her to think a lowered lid alone is a sufficient deterrent. She should have the lock for the seat if she is really concerned about that issue. It's also rather unrealistic to assume a four year old is going to remember every single time. There is something to be said about actually keeping an eye on your kids and being aware of where they are. Very tiring but it's kind of what you sign up for when you have them in the first place. Apparently she was yelling at Sean all week as well over the smallest things. She was upset he moved the vitamins she had set out for them to take. I will give Sean points again for moving them to begin with. He had to leave the kitchen and moved them into a cabinet so the little kids wouldn't get into them. A smart choice. A safe choice. It's just too bad his memory is so swiss cheesed he couldn't remember which cabinet they were in. Cade said all week Sean just swallowed all of the screaming and did nothing. I suppose it would be too much to ask for him to defend the kids when he doesn't even defend himself. The girl there has started biting Sofie again. Cade has been protecting Sofie and it has caused tensions to rise even higher. Cade said he felt like he never really had a vacation at all.