Our Island Family Life

So, Connor is still being a jerk. I made him an appointment for yesterday. He went then complained to me how it was a waste of time and ignored everyone. He has therapy on Wednesday and a pdoc appt the following Monday. Not soon enough. All I can say is, a line has been crossed in his behavior and I am just about done. I haven't once raised my voice or gotten mad at him but he insists I am an angry person. I wish I was. It might feel better than tired and sad.

Christmas was a disaster.

Sean decided he wasn't going to bring Sofie back at all. He had plans he said. Long story short it became an email battle. He got quite vicious. I finally told him he needed to do the right thing by all the kids and bring Sofie home. The boys promised their sister they would wait for her and wanted to be with her for Xmas.

His response?

"Why should I do the right thing for a family that doesn't give a shit about me?"

It's all about him isn't it?

Then Will had enough and called him. He had to leave a message since Sean doesn't answer his phone ( something he accused me of during this diatribe) and let him have it. This further enraged his dad who then asked me how I could "let" Will say such things to him. I informed him his son is a 20 year old adult and if has issues with him to take it up with Will. I don't "let" Will do or not do anything at this point.

In the end he sent her home but put our 6 year old daughter on the ferry ALONE. She was the only one on board except for the captain and deckhands. I can not believe he could endanger her like that.

To top things off the next day Connor went downhill. I am this close to taking him to the hospital. I have been there done that with his dad.

I want to cry.

Oh, the holidays.

Well, Merry Christmas.

This has been the first year since my ex's bipolar crisis led to his leaving our family that I have tried to do more. I got a real tree instead of a 10 inch fake one. I did some Xmas cards. I am even doing a Xmas dinner. I haven't done these things in four years.

I was trying so hard I forgot how every Xmas Sean does something to hurt the kids or cause trouble. I got complacent. I should have been aware based on past history but also because Connor has been struggling for a while now with his depression. He is on new meds and so far the results are not good. He is putting real effort in but I know it is hard for him. His dad on the other hand feels down and crappy so everyone else should feel that way too apparently. He has been arguing with me since Thanksgiving. Before that we had discussed how we were handling the visits for the holidays and made a schedule. He gave up a weekend for Sofie to attend the island Xmas party and I gave up one so he could make that up with her. Co-parenting at it's best. That was before Thanksgiving and before his mood set in. Now he is trying to argue about visits. I am pretty upset since we had an agreement in place ahead of time to avoid such conflicts. I was up until midnight last night dealing with him until I told him I was done and had to sleep because I had to work today.

It isn't just me either. He is all over Cade on Facebook telling him how Cade has been playing with his Dad's emotions and how mean he is being to him. Then he went off on Cade's school work. This was because when I dropped Sofie off yesterday he was expecting Cade even though Cade never told him he was coming. Cade responded that it was his brother's birthday and he wanted to be there with Will and give him his present. His dad said that didn't matter. Sean again never contacted Will for his birthday. Cade told him that birthdays did matter and he hadn't forgotten his dad never got him anything for his birthday in September or thrown him a party like he had promised. Thankfully Cade knew not to really expect his dad to follow through on his party promise but it still stung I am sure.

I am tired and stressed and I still don't know if Sofie is coming home today or not. She is supposed to be with her dad tonight and most of tomorrow. He was supposed to bring her back on Xmas day and I was going to have dinner ready when she got home and then we would open presents. Now Sean wants to bring her back today and have me bring her in tomorrow. My one day off. I told him no. I brought her in yesterday based on our original plans. I am not doing it twice. It's a mess. The boys would be livid if I had to cancel our dinner and plans because of their dad.

I know Sean is just causing trouble to make himself feel better. Does't really help me though. Poor Cade. I am just so tired and trying hard not to let this spoil our holiday. I am willing to give him the vacation. Him spending more time with her isn't an issue but he can come get her. I have put myself out enough to mentally needy people this week.

I woke this morning and checked my email to see Cade charged another $10 to my account. Time to change my password. I haven't had to something like that since his dad was still here. I am very disappointed. Not to mention I had asked his dad to take the phone away for the rest of the week as a consequence for the $13 charge he made before without permission. It appears Sean chose not to do so. Co-parenting at it's best.

Turkey is in the oven. I made a "what the heck do I have left in the pantry to do this" pie. I think it will still be a good day overall.

I think I might even take a nap.

Blessed silence filled the air as the last two stressful days seemed to have past with little more than a few caps lock centric emails in it's wake. Seemingly over and done I was gleefully happy to go back to the generic stress of home and work. Today, I found out to my utter embarrassment that yesterday while I toiled in ignorance that even though Sofie's teacher sent a very informative and respectful email to her father, the paranoia was still in the driver's seat. Apparently, not only did her father believe I was lying about there being school in order to be "disruptive to his life" I had colluded with her teacher to cover for me by saying yes there was school on Monday and Tuesday. Then, to see enabling behavior in action, his wife then called another school in our district to ask them to verify there was actually school on those days.

When Will and Connor went to our island school, the principle was at the school Kathryn called. Our school is obviously too small to have a principle in residence so we shared one with that other school. Due to budget cuts that school lost their principle a few years ago and one of the teachers there doubles up to do that duty. However, it goes to show how out of the loop Sean is on the kids education. There hasn't been a principle there since Cade was a student. Still, the wife made the call and then they called the teacher here to pass on that she had called since they had no idea what the heck she had been ranting about. I was made to look like a liar and troublemaker. Why the heck would I do that? I am not a borrower of trouble. I would like to give some of mine away though. Thankfully, the teacher here and at the other school weren't fooled and have seen this kind of stuff before. Still, it doesn't make me feel any better. The teacher here told me not to worry about and that she is just crazy but I can't help but feel scared. I feel like this is all stuff leading up to Sean thinking he can become Perry Mason again and take me back to court like last time. He really thinks he can be a lawyer. Grandiose behavior anyone? Oh, and happy thanksgiving.

Is it the holidays yet?

I think one of the hardest things about trying to co-parent with someone with bipolar is trying to navigate what is illness and what just is a crappy personality. In one single day I may have to deal with robotic yet rational conversation, flip to anger then paranoia and finally back to rational again. That was my day yesterday. Routine is very important, tweak it and you had better be ready for possible melt down. It doesn't help when that person now has two extra children (even if they his own) to deal with which is not the norm and attempting to handle a job when they haven't been able to hold one down in six years. Let's not forget the new wife who doesn't believe he has an illness but who's answer to the odd behavior patterns is to control those around with an iron fist. I do think that controlling behavior helps him to a point but there is a vast difference between helping a loved one keep on track and dictating everything you do from what you eat, how you dress, what kind of job you should have and how to parent.

This is Thanksgiving vacation week and it is a scheduled time for the kids to be with their dad. More than a weekend which is one non-routine issue for him to cope with. Usually only Sofie goes, this time Cade chose to go (more on that later), a second non-routine issue. Third bump in the road...teenage angst. Cade is being evasive and pulling crap by tell his dad one thing and me another. Normal behavior I suppose for a kids with divorced parents. It's bad enough when the parents are emotionally stable. Worse if they do not get along. Really bad if one or both of them is dealing with an unmedicated mental illness. Not me by the way...:) Now, Cade knows his dad has this problem but he still really wishes he didn't and by not visiting him for about a year it seems out of sight equals out of mind. Will and Connor have been doing their best to talk to Cade about this and he used to understand his father's issues but I think he wants a "normal" dad so much that he has convinced himself his dad is just fine. After all his dad tells him he is "just fine" and that I am lying to him about the illness. This all just me trying to turn Cade against him. That for me is really a non issue. I used to feel I had to justify myself when Sean said these things but really, I don't. My issue used to be me believing in Sean myself. He can be stable a lot of the time. I have realized it is from having someone there helping to enable him and the things he has learned over time to help himself, like having regular routines and bedtimes etc., that no one told him to do he just learned to do through trial and error. Having someone there to tell you, go to bed now, eat this, drink that, do this, do that and him just blithely doing so is a good thing for him. However, it doesn't stop everything. It can't, not without meds and therapy. It's just those golden moments of stability make me, made me, question myself. Sometimes I needed other people around me who saw his behavior to say, remember this, that? That was not stable behavior. I think Cade is in that quagmire I was in, coupled with the fact this is his parent and being a newly minted teenager. Not much fun. Doesn't mean I don't want to punt kick Cade to the curb for his behavior or rip my own hair out in frustration.

Been doing the email-go-round with Sean. Long story short, Cade lied to his dad and me about the duration of his visit. When I asked about it, all of a sudden I was being "disruptive". When I was asked to send Cade his school work I said no. I was not going to enable Cade's irresponsible behavior. He left it behind after I asked him if he needed it and he said he didn't because he was coming home. He either changed his mind, which is fine with me, or he never intended to come back for the week. What wasn't ok with me was him telling me he was if he had no plans to so as this was just pointless. Also, when I asked Sean about it, it then became an issue. Sean was as clueless as me and you don't ever want to confuse someone who is holding on to stability by a thread. Thanks Cade. This could have been just a little bump in the road but then there was a snafu with Sofie's school. Nothing major just a scheduling problem where she was supposed to be here for school when we had previously scheduled otherwise. I wasn't the only parent who didn't send their kid to school on Monday so it wasn't just me being overwhelmed. I told the teacher where Sofie was and that I would see what we could do to get her here for Tuesday but with the boats and work issues it may not happen. He was cool with that. Really, not  big deal. It shouldn't have amounted to a hill of beans. I emailed Sean and he didn't reply. I called and called and called. No answer. Ok, annoying but not unusual for Sean not to answer when I call sadly.

So, moving on I was supposed to skype a conference for Cade yesterday and that didn't happen either. All of a sudden Sean wanted a conference and he took over. I had to email Cade's teacher to reschedule. Annoying but what can you do? No, the teacher and Sean shouldn't have done that. I explained the circumstances and I am now waiting to hear from the teacher. You have to pick your battles.

Cade then spent $13 of my money without permission with his phone. This is all in one day mind you. I managed to get a hold of Cade and he blamed Sofie. Uh huh. So, I tried to call Sean to have him take Cade's phone away for the week as a consequence. No response.

I finally get an email from Sean saying Sofie was staying with him and he thought it was "strange" the teachers would "reverse their decision" (what is this, Judge Judy?) and he had emailed her teacher about it but had "no response". Then it hit me, oh. my. God., Sean thinks I am lying abut Sofie needing to go to school. Welcome home paranoid behavior, I didn't miss you. This idea was confirmed when the teacher forwarded me the email and his response. The teachers are aware of the issues going on with the family. The teacher thought the email was odd, strangely worded and slightly confusing as to what he was exactly asking for (and the only communication Sean has had with him since 2007) but was great and confirmed that there was school and that it had been previously scheduled as days off and told Sean of Sofie's progress in school. Sean definitely thought I was lying to be "disruptive to his life" and to "cause uncertainty and create a situation that was not positive for the kids". It always amazes me how he can be paranoid and eloquent and the same time. Granted, it was bad, horrible, no good, very bad day for everyone all around but that didn't mean I was off twiddling my fake mustache cackling maniacally over some evil plan to cause chaos for Sean.

To top it off at 9pm he emails me again thanking me for my emails and there he was, back in stable town.

I really, really wished he lived there full time and didn't treat it as a nice place to visit.

Sofie is a cross-breed. Cute little girl, heavy metal rocker due to her brother's influence. *sigh*

Anyway, I am still alive. Not much to say. My job is up for bid and I can not apply. I will have to wait 2-3 weeks to see if someone "internally" applies and gets it. If not then I can apply as well as anyone else "outside". My shorter hours start next week which will mean a cut in pay. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Kids are more or less stable. When one is stable another is always less so.

Highlight of my week? I made applesauce.

More later......

                          Fuzzy Halloween Photo...you can't see her pink hair very well.

We have a bald eagle hanging around our house. He hovers near the huge tree by our front window so it is quite a view. Tree, eagle ocean. It's almost feels like we should start to sing the anthem or something. Maybe he is friends with the owl? Sadly, all our wild turkeys are gone. Died off I guess. It was so amazing to have them in the yard.

So, today is supposed to be nor'easter. I am not very thrilled about that. I really don't want to lose power now that I have food in the house. It is pretty cold out though. I am not ready for snow.

Cade broke out in hives again. I am starting to think he might be developing a food allergy. Waiting to hear from the doctor.

I did not stay up for the election. Cade was loud enough for me to hear what was going on anyway. He stayed up and got up today at 5am. I just couldn't do that anymore. I had to vote absentee ballot which was kind of nice because I had time to mull things over but I miss having the polls on the island. We are going to try and get them back but you know how it is, once something is gone, getting it back is very doubtful.

I have to go take a test for work now. I have more tests than when I was in school. *sigh*

                                        Summer fun with  friend

Sofie and I were sitting in the living room snuggled together in the chair when about 5 feet from us we heard a BOOM at the window beside us. After jumping out of our skins we turned to look at saw the huge wingspan of the barn owl that had just hit the window. It was stunned and only made it to the railing on our deck with is attached to our living room windows side. We went to the window and it haltingly flew to a nearby branch which was maybe two feet from the railing. It sat there for quite a while and we got a great show. It was very exposed and I had never been so close to an owl like that before. Sofie was beyond thrilled. It just seemed to big. This was a few days ago and yesterday Will saw what we assume was the same barn owl sitting on the wood frame of our compost bin. It is not far from the house but Will said it just sat there while he creeped closer and closer until he was about 10 feet away. Then Will stopped and watched it a while before it finally took off. That owl better get busy and kill all the freaking voles and mice. I got two in traps yesterday. The day before one got in the trash can and it shredded my bag. We have to buy our bags from the city and they are not cheap. I was pretty peeved. The day before that I got another one in a trap. I keep my house as crumb free, sealed and clean as I can but they are just coming in in droves this year. I have 10....count'em...10 traps out and get almost one a day. We get more voles than mice in the house though. The mice don't even freak Sofie anymore since they are so tiny compared to the voles. She thinks they mice are "baby" mice and thus cute and touchable while the voles are the "real" mice to be feared. Cade likes to scream, "mouse!" and Sofie runs crying and screaming up furniture (or me) when there isn't even anything there. I am planning my revenge and scaring the crud out of him sometime and see how he likes it. Besides, after this past week I am not above admitting that it just might feel good. I know. I am bad.

                                                    More field trip pics....

Well, I was a nervous wreak wondering if Cade was coming home yesterday. I called his dad but he didn't answer. I left a message. He emailed and said he saw the home number but couldn't get his messages. I replied and told him I need to talk to him about Cade and that I needed his support and to call me any time at work and left the number. No word from him all day either. I got an email this morning saying he was busy with halloween, I didn't sound urgent and he forgot my work number so he didn't call. I told him never mind and that things were fine. That was the end of that co-parenting experiment.

Cade came home but didn't stop by to see me at work like he usually does so I guess he was still peeved. He went home dressed up as a zombie and went trick or treating with friends. I guess he changed his mind about not going. He was civil to his brothers who were civil back and the subject was not broached by anyone. He plans on going with Sofie tomorrow for her family swim at the YMCA then coming back home. He isn't even going on the visit. Everything is back at status quo.

I am going to lose my mind.

                                   Sofie having a sundae after her field trip.


How did you wake up today? On your own? An alarm clock? A beloved pet licking your face? Not me. Cade walks in just before he was supposed to leave to catch the boat for school and tells me he isn't going trick or treating this year and is he moving to his fathers for the week, maybe for good.

Anyone who reads this knows of Cade's feelings on being with his dad. Not to mention he still has been refusing to go on regular visits. Why the sudden and dramatic change? The "final straw" as he puts it is the fact I did not allow him to go trick or treating on another island this year. He was welcome to invite friends over even though it is a school night but he wanted to go to Peaks. That island is not like this one. Is it basically a suburb of Portland. Although you have to take a ferry to get there it is only a 15 minute ride with 15 boats a day. We have 4 boats a day. My reasoning for being "like a controlling Hitler" is varied. I tried to just say no and leave it at that but he picked and picked for days leading up to  last night where he said it wasn't fair for me to not tell him why and that I "don't listen". So I took the leap and decided to list my reasons. I prefaced it by saying I wasn't telling him because I felt guilty for not being "fair". One, life isn't fair so he had better learn to deal with that sooner rather than later and two, I saw his emotional manipulation for what it was (trying to make me feel bad for not listening) and that I have a lot of experience in dealing with that kind of crap and all it does now is make me mad.

I explained I was hoping he was mature enough to have a civil conversation, to not take my reasoning as some kind of condemnation of him but as issues that can be addressed. One, when he first asked me he mentioned a group of friends some of whom I did not know then when seeing my reluctance changed it to one friend I did approve of. Sorry, cat's out of the bag, I knew he was trying to make the scenario look better. Two, going to Peaks which would be like treat or treating in the city at his age with people I didn't know and without a parent? Uh, no. Three, based on his recent track record this year  his word wasn't good enough for me. I have to base my decisions on how he has acted not on what he says for now. If he can show me a strong pattern of behavior of making responsible choices I will allow him more freedoms. I am not dumb enough to expect him not to do something hair brained from time to time but as long as it isn't consistently or dangerous then I would want him to stretch his wings. Just before summer he was involved with a kid who lead to police involvement, vandalism and bullying. He is still banned (by me) to going to the island where that kid lives. I had been thinking of letting him go once a week for homework stuff with a friend but not now. How could I feel reassured he would be able to make good choices on a night where pranks are almost a given with a rowdy group of young teenage boys and expect him not to follow the herd? If he hadn't done what he had earlier this year and if he had made better choices this summer (like doing his summer job responsibly instead of blowing it off) if he had given the all the names of the boys involved and the numbers of the parents to know at least one of them would be there that might have made a difference but with the way things currently stand, no.

Then all heck broke loose. I was "controlling his life" and "dad would let me go", "Don't you want me to be happy?" and let's not forget, "I need a break from everyone here, especially you."

He is under the false impression that the grass is greener on the other side. That he wouldn't have chores to do there. *snicker*. Chores which of course he has to do more of than anyone else in the house here, *snort*.

Will and Connor were there for this little melt down and tried to inform him that wasn't the case but he wouldn't hear a word they said. He said how I didn't listen and that I was going back on my word that he could go to dad's whenever he wanted. I meant the visitations which he had yet to even bother to do.  I don't listen and call him stupid too apparently. I flat out agreed that I have called his actions stupid on more than one occasion but I had always pointed out that I never thought that he was stupid just to make sure he didn't confuse the two but he did it anyway. Then Connor told him he had gone through some of the same thoughts Cade is having and made the same choice to go stay with his dad and look how that turned out. Cade said he was different than Connor and Connor agreed. Cade was younger than Connor was when he went and not strong enough that stand up for himself at all like Will and Connor. If he was then he wouldn't have had the trouble he had earlier this year. Also, that didn't mean he would be treated any different thatnConnor was there. Did he think dad was going to protect and defend him? Dad never even sent Cade a birthday present this year and Cade thinks he will keep him safe from his wife? Not going to happen. Connor was on a roll and I just had enough and told Cade he was more than welcome to go on all the visits, there is one this weekend but the school week he is here and that was it. He said he was going to go to his dad's anyway today and I couldn't stop him. I told him I disagreed with his decision. It was being made out of anger and not well thought out. I could in fact stop him if I so chose and have him hauled back by the police but I wasn't going to. I am telling him what has to be said in an effort to save him from pain and heartbreak but maybe he just needs to suffer first to truly understand. His threats to leave do not change my decision and that I would call his father and explain the situation. All of it, everything he has tried to hide from his dad so his dad can also make an informed decision. Cade told me go "go ahead" and that he would tell his dad I hit him when I get mad. I told him his dad may have done and said a lot of things but he would never believe that and knows better. Even at our worst as parents he never once claimed anything like that about me. I told him the ball was in his court, I loved him and goodnight. I had to work the next day. I went to bed but Will and Connor kept talking to him. Will was furious. He told Cade he had pushed Will's last nerve. He told him he had a mom who just got him a new phone, got him a new bike for his birthday, who let him have a friend out last weekend, who has supported him though thick and thin and just because I said no Cade thought he could do something like this? Cade said he has been pissed at me since the summer. That I never paid him for his summer job and how his summer sucked and he didn't get to do anything because of the job. Will was seething and told Cade how he had a job at the same age as Cade on a lobster boat doing hard labor while all Cade had to do was watch his sister and take her bike riding and to the beach and to fun island sponsored activities. That Cade didn't have to take the job at all, that I offered it to him so he could have some spending money after Cade worked off money he owed me. That I had said anytime Cade didn't want the job I would find someone else to do it but he never did. That after Cade earned what he owed Cade stopped being responsible and didn't do what the job required. That Cade got lazy and wanted to stay home and play video games instead of taking Sofie to the hall for events all the time and that was why he didn't get paid. Don't do the job, you don't get paid, simple. He said I was too forgiving and if it were him he would have fired his ass but I kept giving Cade second chances.  Cade said nothing and Will went to bed saying, " You know, your attitude just plain disgusts me. Mom may say you aren't stupid and just make stupid choices but I think you are just plain stupid. Now you can whine about how bad I treat you too and how I call you names. boo hoo. I've had enough."

Then Connor asked him if Cade understood the consequences of taking off to go to dad's. Cade said he did. Connor told him that Cade mouths off too much to survive there. If he did there what he was doing right now things would get violent. Cade asked him what he meant and Connor told him that when he was there things got violent which included a physical fight with Kathryn. (I did not know this so I was not pleased to hear this at all). He told Cade he wasn't strong enough mentally or physically to deal with that. That dad and his wife know neither of them could take Will or Connor in a physical fight but they could with Cade and will use that intimidation with Cade. (Personally I do not believe Sean would get physical with Cade. Throw stuff yes, use his size to intimidate yes, use loud noiseslike yelling to intimidate yes, get physical with me yes but not Cade.) Connor also told him when he went there he thought it would be about him and his dad reconnecting but instead his dad used it as an excuse to attack me. He dragged the whole family through court and cost our family money we could have used for something else, went after Cade and Sofie, caused heartache and suffering to me especially but to Connor who felt guilt for causing all the problems to begin with and that mom never once blamed him but as nice as that was he still felt bad. He didn't want Cade to go through that either and didn't want our family to have to deal with the courts and everything again. Cade said he would just go for a week. Connor told him go on the visits. Go on school vacations but if he goes on any non scheduled stuff for any length of time then he could knew dad would take a mile. Calling dad up for dinner in town or hanging out for a special occasion were great ideas but what Cade had planned would ruin everyone just because Cade was being selfish. He asked Cade if he felt bad for me and Cade said he did. Then he told him he shouldn't make any decisions now and to get some sleep and rest. Take the time to think on what everyone said and that we could talk about it again tomorrow. There is a difference between taking a break and running away and running away wouldn't make Cade happy. Cade agreed, went to bed then woke me a 5:45am and informed me he wasn't trick or treating, that his bag was packed with clothes and he was going to his dads. I told him to not trick or treat was his choice. He wasn't going anywhere until I spoke to his father and that I expected him on the 4pm boat. He said he wasn't coming. I took his clothes out of his bag. Told him I would talk to his dad and if neither of us knew where he was we could call the police and report him missing. He stormed out and I cried. Connor was up and went with him. Guess who I need to get back into therapy?  How do I do that when I can't get there? The earliest I will get someone to cover for me in January. I am trapped.

On the plus side, I was able to get my cell phone back. I am feeling better from the stomach virus. I am going to focus on how cute Sofie will be tonight. I have Will and Connor's support. Connor has a doctors visit tomorrow. I am going to try and not burst into tears today and look forward to a visit from friends this weekend. They are making an early Thanksgiving dinner. I have that day off but I won't be able to go anywhere but home. I can't even get to the store to buy a turkey. I will find a way I guess. I usually do. Sofie won't be here and now it looks like Cade either. More stuffing for me I guess. Pie too.

Our power blipped but didn't go off. A tree went down across the street and behind the school but other than that and some branches we got off pretty unscathed. The water was rough but the boats ran. Connor has no school today due to power outages but the rest do. The kids here even stayed after yesterday and carved pumpkins.

When I got home Cade apologized for his attitude. I guess he did read the dictionary. I went straight to bed. Will made dinner. The others picked up the house and washed the dishes. I guess I should freak out more often. I am feeling a bit better today. I am glad to finally be on the mend. I am just lacking an energy. I am sure that will improve once I start eating again. Real food.

I need to get to work now. There is a lot of it.

Here is a pic of Sofie sleeping on the bus on the way home from her field trip. She had a great time and I will post some more pics later.

I have a stomach virus. I was praying to stay healthy but alas no cigar. I have been feeling crappy (no pun intended) since Thursday. The past two nights I have had about 4 hours of sleep because I have had to keep getting up. So, of course I am at work now. I am a bit cranky with the boys because with the big storm coming and feeling like crud it has been a bit hard to get everything done that needed to get done. They are all home today. School was being let out an hour early but that means squat with the ferry schedule. They wouldn't be getting home any earlier and if the boat couldn't run well they would be stuck in town. Sofie is at school though. Right now the weather is ok. It was rainy this morning (while I walked to work) but not very windy and no rain at all for the moment. I ordered Connor and Cade to finish the task of cleaning the yard. Will is baking and getting some food pre-made. I can barely see straight so I am of the opinion if they want to survive they had better be a little more self sufficient.

I lost all patience yesterday when I finally put my foot down started being very specific about what I wanted done. Connor (who is a pain in the butt right now anyway) and Cade began telling me I was over reacting and to "calm down". I wasn't even yelling or angry. I was just tired of saying hey, pick up the yard or pick up the house. I figured if I gave them one task at a time they wouldn't feel overwhelmed and I would know how the progress was going. Well, what they said did make me angry and I let them know it. The sheer gall to say that after ignoring me to the point of frustration and me not even screaming at them by that point like a lot of other people might have done. I had every right to be upset and to say otherwise was just hair pulling crazy. I told them if they really wanted to see angry to keep it up. I may not look like it but I can scream, throw stuff and swear like a drunk sailor if they want me too. They opted to not go for that scenario (thankfully) although I could see they thought it might be slightly funny to see me go crazy. Kids testing limits just sucks. I did ground them both for hurting my feelings and not doing as they were told to do until I was upset. Cade was mad and said it was unfair. I told him to look up empathy and irony in the dictionary. Maybe he will get it? I am not holding my breath.

On a funny note here are a few Sofie-isms:

While walking her bike and having the pedal hit the back of her knee, "Oh! My knee pit!"

Me telling her we are leaving in 5 minutes to go to school. "Fine. Then I will count to sixty, five times the mississippi way." She then slowly backs out the room staring at me suspiciously the whole time.

"What does friction mean?"

Sofie completely randomly: "I know what a lesbian is!"
Me: "Oh? Where did you hear that?"
Sofie: "Around."
Me: "Around where?"
Sofie: "Oh, you know places, the grocery store, riding my bike, Joker's." (Jokers is a kids party place)

So, yeah, I haven't posted in a while. I have been so busy and so stressed tears have been involved quite a bit recently.

The new job has been stressful no doubt about it but the extra money has been nice. Then we were told my hours would be cut back from 8 to 2 hours a day. More stress. Now it's settled at 6 with higher pay so great. I still may lose the job though because of the new classification our office has. Wonderful. Stress continues. I still don't have anyone to relieve me for a day off or emergencies. No one is applying. I was able to have my minor surgery in September but it took a month and a half to get someone and that was a scheduled thing. I almost had to postpone. For now, I am still 8 hrs. 6 days a week. Well, 4 to 6 hrs. on Saturday depending. Kids are adjusting better than me.

Speaking of them, Cade had an allergic reaction on Monday and went to to doctor yesterday for his hives. I had a friend take him. I was trapped at work. It wasn't a too bad of a reaction so his breathing was unaffected but we are keeping an eye on him. We still aren't sure what the reaction was from yet. We've narrowed it down to a laundry detergent or a fabric. He wore a friends clothing and then got hives. The doctor checked for parasites and he was clean. Getting a call from the school nurse did not make my day.

Sofie is off on a field trip until Friday. This is the first time I couldn't go with her and she was upset about it. The chaperon I had planned to been with her had to cancel and I was worried she wouldn't be able to go and  how she would react to that (not well I was sure). Thankfully, I was able to get someone else but the anxiety of calling around and all that stuff gave me a literal headache. Sofie was already upset from a visit with her dad last weekend. Another one of her aunt got married and she was excited to go. She was a flower girl the last wedding she went to and wanted to wear that dress again. I asked Sean if it was ok that she wear it or should she wear something else and he said, "Of course she can wear the dress." Well, the boys went to the wedding although they didn't stay the weekend with their dad and came home mad as heck. I asked them what happened and they said the wedding was great and fun but Sofie wasn't there and that made them angry. The whole family on their dad's side was there except Sofie. Everyone was asking where she was, even the bride. Sean's wife had decided that Sofie would be too much of a distraction and left her with her parents. The real reason was so she could get stinking drink. Cade went back with Sean to their house and Sean had to put his wife in the back seat she was so drunk and she didn't even know where she was. I asked Cade if his dad had been drinking too and Cade said, "Not as much as her." That made me feel so much better. He probably shouldn't have been driving at all. Sofie was crushed to not be there. Nothing I can do but it makes me feel so tired, I am all out of anger.

Connor, back in the pit again. I feel like pulling my hair out. Then, epiphany, it's the fall season. He was able to not get down last year but this year he is feeling it again. I am making calls this week for him to see his doctor. He has missed sessions with his therapist and it's obvious he needs a meds change. I see a life long struggle here and again all I feel is helpless and sad.

Will. Thank god I have one child that is stable and makes good choices. He is still working on college. Still working and even though he lives at home he has a life and take every chance at spending time with friends. He passed drivers ed and will get his license in February if all goes as planned.

Money = stress, job = stress, kids = stress, car = stress. I know I should be taking some more me time but so far all that entails is catching up on my recorded tv shows while I clean the house on my one day off. It feels like a luxury. I did go to my book club last month and that was nice. I skipped this month though. It is so hard to do more than what I am already doing. I pray to stay healthy. All of us.

I will try and post more. Try.

So, a quick check in. I have been terrible keeping this updated. I am very tired. Not really stressed because I am not thinking very much. I am too busy to think and that is good and bad. I will crash eventually.

Work. I am now running the post office on our island. Scary as heck. I am the only one working there so if things gets screwed up it's all on me. I have been training my butt off to learn stuff. I have been there about a year and a half now but never knew how to do most of what needs to be done. My first week is done. I have no back up until October at the earliest so it's going to be six days a week for a while. I am also still doing the library so when I get off of work on Saturdays I go there and my lunch breaks three days a week. So, about 49 hours a week. It is an adjustment for everyone. I had been able to take jobs where I was working from home or could take Sofie with me before so she isn't very pleased with the new arrangement. I don't blame her. She is ok with it overall though since it's summer and she has lots of things to do. She rides her bike with Cade everywhere and there are lots of activities on the island to do. Will is taking drivers ed finally so that will be a help when he is done. Connor is lobstering when he isn't in town for doctor's visits. He had more blood tests done to check his thyroid and is going to therapy weekly again. He bought and agenda to keep track of thing and it is exactly what he needs (yea therapist) Now, we'll see if Connor uses it.

Sean has pissed the boys off again. He does a family hike every year and didn't invite them. Cade is going but his uncle was the one who told him about it. I thought Sean had but I was wrong. Then Sean asked me if he could take Sofie to Disney World. That brought up a whole lot of issues. One, he didn't ask the boys. Two, just before he left he was talking about taking our whole family there for Christmas instead of presents when he knew we didn't have any money. The rest of us didn't be he did. The idea that he is taking his new family instead made them mad. They aren't jealous of Sofie at all and have no problem with the idea of her going. Since Cade has talked to his dad recently because if the hike thing Sean has updated his request to include Cade for Disney World. Cade doesn't want to go. That is giving me some stress. Sean is being sketchy about his job situation. I just chalk it up to his bipolar issues and I am not going to deal with it. His problem not mine. The bad relations with the kids, again, not my problem right now. I have to deal with getting Connor his dental stuff done before he loses insurance in January, get a tutor for him to make up his stuff from his last little break down, get stuff in writing from his school that he will be a senior after he turns 18 in January so I can still get child support for him. Keep an eye on Cade so he doesn't do something stupid again. Make sure Sofie doesn't try and cut her hair (again) by herself, deal with my new job, try and figure out how we will survive with a loss of food stamps, figure out the island car situation (I don't have one), get my in town car fixed (called AAA for a tow and found out they didn't do it but filled the air in my tire instead), and how to do everything in my house that needs to be done on one day off. Oh, and let's not forget I have to go to the hospital in October for a minor thing done. More on that another time.

I have to run now. A full day in town. No rest for the wanna be wicked.

I should have known it was only a matter of time. I wonder if it is the change of seasons or what but summer seems to raise the bar on crazy behavior. I probably shouldn't say crazy, not politically correct and everything. I certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either but since I feel pretty crazy myself right now I and too bone tired to even try to care that much. I think the caregivers of those who have a mood disorder of whatever flavor sometimes just feel numb about it all. So, that said, what are the current mental issues of the month?

Sean: Picking. He is trying to test my boundaries again to see what he can get away with. Insults and insinuations. Making comments reminding me of how poor I am and how well off he is, how much smarter he is because he has a degree now and I don't, implying I am a bad mother and not up to the challenge of handling our children's education, etcetera, etcetera. Memory Loss, whole conversations apparently never happened. Forgetting to bathe our daughter, what clothes belong to her and even her correct age. This stuff with him happens in waves. A month or two of crazy behavior then a month or two of stable if jackassery behavior. You really have to look to tell them apart. I can tell by looking at him when he is in a bad cycle. It helps.
All of this bothers me less than...

Connor: We finally had the doctor's visit we have been anxious for for several weeks. I was really getting worried when he complained of chronic back pain and exhaustion as well as wanting to smack his head into the wall. The final diagnosis for him is ADHD with underlying symptoms of depression and anxiety. I won't bother to go into all the gory details but one good thing was that Connor was completely honest with the doctor. At least I knew he was serious about getting some real help even though one thing he said upset me. I think more than that I thought he had told me everything already and some of it was bad enough. Not to mention Sean was breathing down our necks about it but Connor was adamant his dad was out of the picture for the treatment. He was afraid his dad would try and block it again knowing this appointment would most likely mean medication. In the end we got the diagnosis and Connor is now taking some medication. A two week trial with a follow up appointment. I am to check Connor's blood pressure to be on the safe side and monitor any changes. The doctor who saw him recommended a therapist (PHD) while we were there so we would have therapy in conjunction with meds management. I was thrilled when I saw who he recommended. It was my old therapist who I had to stop seeing because he left the area a few years ago. He was the best guy I had ever had and I cried when he left. Apparently he is back in the city and I am even now waiting for a call back for him to see Connor. I feel confident he will be a good fit for Connor, even better than for myself. I am optimistic but it is tiring to have to go through this all again. Connor did crash though after having such a great school year. He still was supposed to go to summer school to catch up on some things he had missed during periods of his down time. He missed the last week of school and the summer school because of this. This week we have to call his school counselor with the latest diagnoses and figure out how we can get him caught up. Most likely with some kind of tutor. Good thing I am going to be having a full time job soon. Not good that I won't be able to take a day off for at least 2 months maybe more. After July 31st Connor with have to go to appointments alone. I can do a skype meeting with the therapist to check in or call. The whole month of August I won't even a lunch break. My lunch break will be me at my library job. Anyway, we do the meds or two weeks and see if things improve. Hopefully if the issues are just ADHD the therapy and meds will alleviate the depression and anxiety. If not then we go from there.

Something to look forward to.

Well, before I get into the stuff that makes me want to cry and stick my head in the sand at the same time, let's mention the good stuff. Sofie had her end of year ceremony and it was great. She got an award for art and music. The kids did a play of the three little pigs. It was very cute. Sofie was one of the pigs hence the pink dress she wore to the party. I added some pictures of the party and of Cade and Sofie's fishing efforts they did today. They had a blast and so far summer break is going well. Sofie did get a slight burn yesterday. They always forget about reapplying the sunblock. Cade is fine. Will is fine. Connor.....

...is flat out nuts. I don't know if he was just crashing from all his efforts recently or what but he just kind of stopped. Everything and slept, or played video games to make him self, as he put it, "stop thinking". He created and downward spiral where he was angry with himself for not doing anything but not being able to do anything and the circle continued. He even took a book and started smacking his head with it over and over. I had tried calling his doctor for a week with no response. Connor missed his last week of school. Finally I got a call back and the doctor is consulting with his pdoc on which meds will be best. This is it. What I have been trying to avoid but he is not going to succeed or stay on track and stable without it. He feels so desperate he is almost out of his head waiting for some medication. I tried very very hard to stay calm and listen to his raving about. Surprising that didn't bother me too much. What got to me though was when he began to try and tell me how I should be parenting Cade and Sofie. He thought I should, "calm down" when I reminded Cade he was still banned from all electronics due to something he did last week. Cade was fighting with Connor about the xbox when he shouldn't have been since he wasn't allowed to use it anyway. I didn't yell but I did point and was firm. Cade wasn't upset with me at all but was still bugged about being banned. Connor felt I had ruined the whole atmosphere of the day by being angry. He was trying to have a nice morning and I was bringing everyone down over something stupid. I was stupid and Cade was stupid. I could just see his attitude of being superior to all of us lowly beings. He is so evolved. Not the simple teenager who knows everything stuff either. I just had enough and said my peace to him. I didn't yell but I did spill my guts. Then I left. I had to work after all. Work to pay for the clothes I bought him. I took Sofie with me rather than have her brothers babysit. Will was working too but even if he was I just didn't want her near Connor right then. I cried and felt a whole lot better. Now we just have to wait for his appointment. Just knowing he has one and that he is getting some medication has calmed him enough where he has been able to go back to work. I can only hope things will get better.

Sofie is going to be a flower girl for her aunt's wedding. I still need to get her some tights but she has her dress and is terribly excited.

Probably the last trip I will have in a long time. I wouldn't call it a vacation since traveling for a week with  a large group of children is the farthest thing from relaxing as you can get. I really wanted a leash for Sofie. Although she listens well and stayed by my side for the most part, it was just so crowded. I was a nervous wreak. Apparently, every school group for 100 miles thought it was a good idea to visit almost all the same places as our school group did. I don't think in all the years I have been visiting the Museum of Science or the Aquarium have I seen so many people. We also went to Plimouth Plantation, Mayflower 2,   Quincy Market, walked the Freedom Trail and about half a dozen other things. This wasn't just our school either. It was our TLC Outer Islands group of other one room school house island schools. It was a lot of fun though and Sofie had a great time. Cade was beyond jealous to not be able to go. I had to agree it would have been nice for him to go. The other island schools go to 8th grade and Cade has friends from these schools he would have loved to have seen. This fall the schools will be coming out to our island for our yearly get together so he will have to wait until then. There were some really funny moments. We went to play lazer tag and I wasn't sure Sofie would be big enough to play. We went for it anyway and she got put on the team opposite from me and I was again nervous but I just took a deep breath and let go. There was three rounds to the game. One of her teachers was on Sofie's team and she said that the first round Sofie hung back and "guarded" the tower and basicly got used to the dark and glowing lights and her how to fire her lazer gun. Second round though Sofie became a commando. She took off after another of her teachers who was on my team when he tried to get her tower. He ran and she ran him down firing the whole time and actually hitting the target on his back. Who knew she had the skill? In the third round she teamed with two older kids and they attacked the tower I was guarding and she lured me out all cute like then attacked me. I ran and we circled an obstacle but she stopped and I would up running around and right into her and she fired and got me. Strategy. Planned strategy. I was shocked. She showed me no mercy and giggled the whole time. Another funny thing was how she interacted with all the older kids. It's something I have never really seen anywhere than with island schools. The smaller kids are never shy or intimidated with the older kids and ask for help freely. The older kids never turn the little ones away either. They could always just sniff at the youngers and ignore them but they never do and include them in everything. On our last night we had a pool party and Sofie kept diving in the pool which was a first for her and she was very proud. I had told her how brave she was and she was thrilled. All the kids did a dive at the same time at the very end and as they all got out she went over to one of the 8th grade boys and patted his hand and told him how brave he was to dive in. He just laughed and smiled at her and thanked her for noticing. It was very sweet. Here are some pics of the trip...:)

Will took this picture of a hummingbird at one of our feeders. Taking pictures is one of his hobbies and he has recently joined Instacanvas to show off his work. If you want to check out his pictures go here. If you are ever in the mood for some wall art you can even buy one of his pictures there framed and everything. Will of course always looks for yet another way to earn money. He gets a percentage of everything he sells.

As for me, the job front is getting a little scary. Good and bad of course. Our postmaster is retiring so I will be taking over the office for better or for worse. Short term will be hard with no back up to help out and a six days a week schedule. Then of course we are on the list for reduced hours so we will have to see how that goes. The pay isn't all that great and there will be no perks at all but any money is better than no money. It will be hard because of the kids. Sofie especially.

Stress levels are high. I want to have one day to hide from everything. I haven't had a car for several months now. First I didn't have the money to get it fixed and now I can't get it in to be fixed due to complications. My head hurts just thinking about it.

Connor auditioned to get into a school for music courses and got in. He is thrilled. His school work load will increase next year but he is finally working towards a future goal so I will keep my fingers crossed.

Cade is still dealing with the whole bully issue. We are working on ways to keep the kid away from him. The kid had alcohol in his backpack last week. Maybe he will get suspended and Cade will have a break.

Sofie goes on her first visit with her dad in a month tomorrow. Let the emotional fall out begin.

Here is the link for Will's pictures again: http://instacanv.as/captain_phoenix

I can't believe how long I have neglected to update. Things have been, well, I am not sure what. I just haven't been in the mood to do more than glaze over at the end of the day. I am still doing school stuff and that was a bit stressful in combination with you know, life, so I am going to be taking the summer off. Work will be picking up and all I can say is that my bank account with be thrilled. Things were really awful this winter. There was a food stamp snafu which led to me being cut off for 4 months. Luckily I had stocked up both my freezers and pantry and lived off of what was left on my FS card for a few things. Nothing like baking bread again and dry milk. I did have to spend $200 on food by the end when everything got fixed but that of course screwed up my budget and led to a not so fun balancing act I am only just now climbing out of. Thank goodness for my postal job and I hope we still get to stay open. No word on that front yet. Still, 12 hours a week if I am lucky only goes so far. All the other jobs are random and can be nothing one week. 8-10 hour days the next.

That stress aside, kids are doing well. There have been a few hair ripping moments. Let's get the good out of the way first. Connor is still stable! Through therapy, lots of long talks, interesting living arrangements and a new focus he has been taking great strides against depression. He still can be quite moody. His silence and can be quite condemning to the rest of us so there are times when I am reminded of when his dad was here and we watched the mood in the room plummet. He isn't trying to be nasty. I think he thinks if he doesn't say anything then we don't notice but we do, we do. Cade gets most of the grief. Connor sees Cade being you know, twelve, and gets irritated with Cade's choices. Now that Connor has "figured stuff out" he can't comprehend how Cade doesn't "get it". I just look at Connor and told him, "Remember you at twelve? Welcome to my world." Connor has decided where he wants to go to college. Which to me is great because a year ago he didn't even want to go much less try to pick one. It's just an obvious thing to him now. He has a tour lined up next month. He wants to enter their music program. His grades have improved to the point where has been getting student of the month awards and is getting more involved at school. He plays his guitar at school meetings and winning some talent shows. Sadly, my first thoughts were, is this a manic thing? He was living on four hours of sleep for a while. He felt like he had much catching up to do. He did of course but you can't do stuff like that overnight. Here the therapy and long talks helped him make more balanced decisions. One thing I hate though is that he stays at a friends house on another island about half the week. He works there so logistically and practically it makes sense. His friend lives with just his dad and older brother. The dad thinks Connor is super and in a way I think Connor needed that kind of male role model. The guy is very, kids come first and if it needs doing just do it and don't whine so that helped kicked Connor in the butt some. On a sad note though, or not depending on your point of view, Connors stance on his dad have sunk to new lows because of this.  He can't help comparing the two adults and well, I think it's pretty obvious why Connor just has no respect for his dad right now. So, eyes open, keep mania at bay, ears to the ground. Ever vigilant. Here's hoping.

Will, is the same. A few more months and he will have his BA. He started on his program when he turned 18 and was still a senior and he didn't work this winter to focus solely on his school. He did do a few odd jobs to pick up extra cash here and there and I stressed the importance of having a social life so he goes out once a week or a weekend here and there to hang with friends. He wants to work all the way to a doctorate so I imagine he will be here a while. He helps with bills too so, no complaints here.

Cade....oh, what to say about him? Grades ok, dad situation in a holding pattern (meaning still not seeing him), normal grumbles about chores and candy addiction all right on target. Friends....well, he could have more sense there. It has all come to a head recently where Cade had some lessons learned in a hard way. Like, with police involvement. Yes, I said police. At the beginning of the school year there was this kid from another island who started going in town on the morning boat for 6th grade. Cade is in 7th now but the 6th, 7th and 8th graders all go to the same school and are around the same ages and thus a click was born. The older kids always take the youngest under the wing and show them the ropes so the new kid was taken in like an orphan in a Dickens novel. Sadly, this kid comes from a troubled home, less said on that the better, and thought threatening to beat up his new buddies was the right course of action. Beat up he did. Kicking, wrestling, throwing stuff. Stealing and hiding backpacks, hats, coats, you name it, he did it. After about two months of this he leveled off and seemed to settle. Like a cat in a cage who knows he is on the way to the vet and finally resolves himself to his fate. Cade was a bit shell shocked. Of course even though the kid was new to 6th grade he wasn't unknown. They all went to swim classes together, did inter school events and hung out when island hopping. Little did Cade know (because this had been a big secret) the kid had gone to juvie once for shooting out peoples windows with a BB gun the previous summer. I had told Cade around a month ago I had enough of the kid and did not want Cade hanging around with him anymore. Note: I did not know about the shooting but I had been learning more and more about his life and Will and Connor both (who know the situation and him better than me) had been telling Cade to be civil but not to "engage" with the kid finally asked me to put my foot down because Cade didn't listen to them. Cade, bless him, thought he if was just a good enough friend to the kid that everything would be fine. Cade thought he would give the kid advice and help him out and the kid would, "change". I was already irritated with the whole random beating up thing and told Cade no more. Then I got the phone call. Cade had gone to the other island to visit a different friend. Cool kid. Wonderful parents. We're all friends. The other kid comes over (he lives on that island) and asked them if they wanted to hang out for a while. Cade and his friend agreed. Cade's friend has known the other kid his whole life and also knew that it wasn't a winner of an idea but islands can be like family. We all have that weird cousin (usually that's me :) ) that we know is one step away from some kind of an institution and yet we still submit to their company. The island kids (and adults) are the same. So, against better judgement the three boys all set off Lord of the Flies style off into the unknown. Yet, it wasn't unknown the our caged cat boy because he knew exactly what he was going to do. Like lambs to the slaughter Cade and his friend followed and I think this is what makes me the angriest. I wanted to wring Cade's neck for being so darn stupid. The kid brought them to the island boat yard (can we say trespassing) then got on one of the boats and proceeded to empty three of the boats fire extinguishers. Do you know how expensive those are? Also, hello vandalism. Cade and his friend rightfully freaked out. Not to mention got covered in white foam. Then tried to stop the kid instead of running for the hills and parents. This of course got their fingerprints all over the first extinguisher. The did take off after that and the kid emptied the other two single handedly. On the way to the friends house to reveal all, the kid catches up and takes Cade aside and then threatens Cade with a savage beating if he tells anyone about the incident. Cade, who was already freaked to begin with, found a new stage of terror and said nothing. Later on Cade found out the kid and taken Cade's friend aside as well and threatened him too. Not just to beat him up but to also, "make his life a living hell". Nice. Now, did these boys tell us parents about the bullying and visit into mayhem? Nope. So, imagine our shock to have the police call taking about extinguishers and fingerprints and and nice visit to juvie. Cade and his friend were a crying mess to say the least and at first the kid pointed the finger at them so they could "all go down in flames together". Somehow though once the whole story came out the kid was struck by some sudden bout of conscious and fessed up. He admitted the threats and that the other boys hadn't done anything. The kid went to juvie for five days and I am sure other punishments ensued.  Cade is still grounded by me for a good long while but we had a nice chat about bullies and stuff. His brush with, "the law", was scary enough. Thankfully Will and Connor didn't berate him as I thought they would. They shook their heads though and told him to, STAY AWAY, from the kid hence forth and Connor would be, "watching him" on the boat to make sure. Cade is all for that plan. Still, I am glad the boys didn't tell Cade I told you so. I think Cade would have just burst open like a little stress bubble and melt away if they had. We had just got Cade stable enough to go to school every day after many trips back to therapy so this wasn't what I was hoping for. I think I had a small heart attack myself.

Sofie, still giving tantrums about going on visits, losing and growing teeth like a shark, is getting more girly everyday and is brimming with excitement for her sixth birthday on Wednesday. I can't believe it. The picture above is her at her first baby shower. She stuffed herself with cream puffs and went, "awww...that SO cuuuute!", at all the outfits. Ever since she has been baby crazy, even more so than before. Since the party the baby has been born, Baby Chloe, our newest island baby. I have been tapped to babysit when the mom goes back to work. Sofie is on pins and needles in expectation....:)

So, yeah, nothing has happened and everything. I have been in little mood to write. Maybe I will feel better soon.

So, the holidays have passed. They were as ok as can be. New Years was fun. The boys had some friends out. Sofie wasn't here which was sad. I had a friend visiting and another popped by and we watched movies. Not a drunken free for all some have for this particular holiday but then again I have never been to one of those before anyway so I have no idea what I should be missing. We had a good time anyway which is all that matters.