Our Island Family Life

If anybody pops by and checks to see if I have updated and I haven't don't forget to check the sidebar for any new tweets I may have made. I add silly pictures sometimes or make a comment or two. I also add web links to sites I have visted. Not enough for a whole blog post but enough so see my very tangled mind....:)

A tree went down on a neighboring island a couple of days ago and almost all the islands in the bay were affected. First the internet was down. I tried not to panic since I had things I had to post for my classes. It wasn't like I could go to the neighbors house to use their computer since the whole island was down. Then the phones went so they could fix the whole problem. Just before everything went down I saw there was email for me from my lawyer about the court date that had been planned for this past Thursday. I was worried we had to go after all. I clicked to read it and *poof* the internet was gone. No phones either. I assured myself even if it was on and I didn't go I had a lawyer and him being there is what I paid him for. I was able to connect with him on Friday and all was well. No court but we had to not show up since Sean filed with the court late so he wasn't granted a continuance. He should rename himself Late. At least we have all the email from him showing he had no intention to go.

I am supposed to make calls today about scheduling therapy sessions. The two days I thought I could go are the two days I can work. I want to cry. I will figure out something I suppose.

Have you ever watched x-files? There is one episode I have seen a ton of times since the kids love it about a humanoid tapeworm creature. In it this guy gets bit and has this nasty taste in his mouth and can't get rid of it. Of course he dies a nasty death. I keep having that image run through my mind. Why? Well, I went to the dentist on Tuesday and I did need a root canal and they could take me that same day. I was a bit shocked at how quick it was but the pain was pretty bad. I had Will and Sofie with me at the first appointment. I could come back later in the day so I sent them home and stayed. I got half the job done. I go back in two weeks since they want to make sure I don't get an infection from what they did. Since I was already on the penicillin I should be ok. I had to pay $500 that day though. I wanted to cry. I am just glad I had it. It is good I didn't have to pay for oil this month and electric. Just when you think you get ahead. The temporary sealant on it tastes vile, hence the x-files images floating in my dreams, it also makes me queasy. I can't quite put my teeth together yet but the pain is a lot better and hopefully will continue to improve.

I don't get sick enough to have had to have taken penicillin enough times to remember all the side effects. Yes, I did read the pamphlet the drugstore included with the medicine. Take with food was not on the label and I was too tired at 4am to remember. I was so nauseous this morning I really thought I was going to hurl. I really, really didn't want to do that. I did not want to have what was left of my painkiller in the toilet and not in me. I am feeling a bit better now but dizzy and queasy. Tired too. I just love this. I have the kids coloring. I really don't care at the moment that they are fighting over the moon. Aiden says it has to be round and Sofie says it doesn't have to be. Cade was smart and ran away to the upstairs.

Kangaskhan are very nurturing to their young and other Kangaskhan, but if anyone tries to touch or harm their young the parent Kangaskhan will viciously attack the person trying to harm the baby Kangaskhan. When its mother is executing a move or striking a pose, the baby may imitate her actions. To avoid crushing the baby Kangaskhan carries in its pouch, it always sleeps standing up.

I nearly went to the hospital last night. I had been having pain in my head for a few days but last night it was so intense I couldn't speak or move. It passed and I took probably too much Tylenol and ibuprofen but it was there but not so bad I wanted to die. It came back again but less intense and in waves all night. I had a sneaking suspicion it was my tooth. When I was pregnant with Sofie I lost part of my tooth. A nifty pregnancy side affect. The dentist Sean spoke to about it (since we didn't have one at the time thanks to Sean's stalling) told him since I was pregnant they didn't want to touch me basically until after I had the baby. I felt fine so I went with it. Now, I think I was pretty stupid and he probably didn't even talk to a real dentist. We didn't have dental insurance even though they offered it at his work. He was working at the time but simply because he didn't apply for it. I begged and pleaded with him to do it since I couldn't but he never did. After Sofie was born I told him it hurt and I wanted to go to the dentist. He told me he would get the insurance then call. Of course then he went into his downward spiral of depression and bipolar madness. Once he left I called the dentist the kids regular physician recommended. I had done that much before he left. After he left though I didn't have him telling me no and that the kids didn't need a dentist. I got us all appointments and paid for them myself. Later on when he was told he had to pay his portion of the bills he was furious and demanded to be told of appointments ahead of time or he wouldn't pay. I am still waiting for some of his portion of those bills. Anyway, I got a crown and was told it may or may not take. The damage was pretty deep and almost to the nerve. I had hoped it was ok since that was done almost 2 years ago. I noticed some sensitivity to cold over the week but since I was preoccupied with my cold it was not a top priority. So last night when the pain hit I thought, ear infection? Sinus infection? My tooth? Since usually your jaw and tooth area usually don't hurt with the other things I was going to go with that. Of course this happens on a weekend. Figures. I called the dentist office today and got the machine and an emergency number. Do I call it? There are times I feel perfectly fine, then the other times I want to rip my head off and chuck it in the ocean. After another round of killer pain I called. After a nice chat, my dentist, who is very nice by the way and I won't change from him even though Sean wants me to (all money stuff), he is calling in a prescription for an anti-biotic and pain killers. I nearly cried with joy. He didn't want me to have to come in to see him if the problem is what he suspects since there wouldn't be anything he could do today anyway other then the prescriptions. So next week I will see him to verify his suspicions. Then we will go from there. From there means the damage was indeed too severe and the root is damaged. Hence the incredible pain from a dying nerve ending. I will have to have a root canal that I will have to pay for myself. Yippie. Just what I wanted. Another large bill. So, Will is going into town today anyway and is going to pick up the scripts and ship it to me. Thank God. I can only imagine going fetal in pain on the ferry and not being able to tell anyone it will pass in a little bit. I can see EMT's and a lot of hassle for nothing coming my way. Not to mention I have the kids again this weekend. Cade was up the past two nights coughing his brains out. Sofie is coughing too. I called Sean yesterday and asked him what he wanted to do. I didn't want to take them out in the freezing pouring rain. Cade had missed school that day too. He said he wasn't going to be home today anyway so they should stay home and rest. Cade talked to him and I could tell he was worried about his dad's reaction to him not coming. I told Cade he shouldn't feel guilty for being sick. It happens to everyone. I personally would rather be suffering alone but what can you do?

I changed the songs in my little ipod on the side. These are not really my cup of tea. A few I suppose (hides head) are kind of ok. I think once your forces to listen to them enough times they grow on you...like fungus. Anyway, these are some songs I hear almost daily with older kids in the house. Sofie even knows them and I wanted to change stuff up so I asked her opinion. She is feeling stuffy and it was a great way to keep her lying down for a while. She vetoed songs she didn't like and okay'd the ones on the list. I fear her future.

I woke up this morning congested, again, and coming off a dream about Sean. Never a great start to the day. I have been grumpy all day because of it and off center. I don't have them very often but once and I while I have days when I am really angry with Sean for all he has done. I used get sad but not so much anymore. His choices, his problems. Annoyed sometimes? Sure. Just not, angry. That is a whole other level. Maybe my mind is subconsciously thinking about having to go to court at the end of the month. Sean has not made indications he is going to go with the proposed child support agreement we went over at mediation. I am really pissed off thinking he will get his way again and I will get screwed by him, again. My main worry about the money aspect is that he won't have to pay his back support and owed medical and taxes other than on his own time table, which we all know is never. I don't like but accept the fact I will have to pay him for Connor. Even though I know Connor will be back eventually and we will have to redo the agreement again. Whatever. I agreed to that. No big deal. He wants the agreement to reflect that he no longer has to pay for Connor and I do and nothing else. The ONLY way to get him to pay what he owes for the other stuff is to have it in the child support so DHHS can collect it. Otherwise I can kiss that money good bye unless I file another court hearing against him to debt. I'm not even asking him to pay more than he is paying now and has proven he can pay. If he gets a real full time job I can go back and ask for more ( I will ask for alimony too, you bet ya). I am getting worked up in my sleep about it, is the problem. I can avoid thinking about it pretty much the rest of the time. I have too much to do than worry about it. Damn subconscious.

The crunch is on for college applications. Will's school pushes hard to get the kids ready. He just finished his college essay a few days ago and today I have a form to fill out as well describing him and mentioning other things I know he will fail to mention. Like being on the island community board for 5 years and his job and how he volunteers at the island school. So he has one choice for school picked. It isn't what you would expect but hey, not my life. I added the link below. After his first year he will be ordained to perform marriages and stuff like that. If he fills his schedule he could have a doctorate in 5 years. I think he will double duty though and do online at his first choice and hands on at the state university. Who knows? Not many schools out there for what his interest is. He has resigned himself to the fact he will have to take business courses if he wants to be self employed. Grumble. Whine. Sigh. I am pushing him to apply to as many places as possible. He doesn't have to go to them but then he will at least have options. He grades are great so getting into a good school isn't a huge problem. Paying for it....that might be a problem. Next stage...scholarships. What fun.

University Choice 1

Colds always linger for me. I hate it. Still, I am now only blowing my nose like a loony toon in the morning and evenings. Still, feeling tired and grumpy. I am working for the first time since Thursday. I am trying not to feel guilty about taking the time to feel better. I know if I hadn't I would still be feeling really bad and with a fever to boot. I scraped my appointments for yesterday and just did my school work and rested instead. I did however get the laundry done which had piled over the weekend. Now I will slowly have to get the place in order. I am rather glad there is no preschool this week. I don't feel like going out yet and I will get three hours extra pay a day for the week. I need it. I am watching Sofie and Aiden right now and find it funny how they have the whole living room to themselves and still sit together like they are glued at the hip. I should start counting down until they start shoving each other. They are "reading". It so funny hearing their made up stories.

You think you have trained your kids well enough to survive. You think if you get sick and they have to more or less fend for themselves it won't turn into Lord of the Flies. No. I expect to see someone's head on a stick at any moment. Even making a list of things that need to be done isn't enough. I am really feeling to crappy to care. I was in and out of sleep all day yesterday. I have to do some school work today because I have to crawl into town tomorrow for three different doctor's appointments.

Sick today. Caught a cold. Wonderful. I am forcing myself to rest today. I have the handy dandy laptop so I can crawl into and stay in bed and still do my homework. Although I have to take frequent breaks to sneeze, blow my nose and close my eyes to ease my headache. At least I don't have to go outside into the blowing wind to take Sofie to school today. The teachers wife (she is also the ed tech) went into labor last night. So they are at the hospital right now. The preschoolers will get the week off. The other kids have a sub today and next week. There is another mom on the island who does it. She has a teaching degree but is now a stay at home mom. She is the regular sub now since she is certified and keeps up with her own education in case she ever decides to go back. We are very lucky. I am skipping out on swim class today. I am forcing myself to rest today. I have a couple of cleaning jobs this weekend and I need to be well. I am also babysitting tomorrow.

Just got a call from Cade's counselor. I had gotten an email from Sean yesterday telling me he would pick Cade up after school and take him to his session today and that Cade could spend the night with him and he would take him to school Wednesday. I was rather confused since Cade didn't have an appointment scheduled for today. He missed last week since he took the bus and got on the boat instead of waiting out front like I had told him. He lost tv for week for that. I called yesterday afternoon to schedule an appointment hopefully for this week. I asked for either Wednesday or Friday since those are the days I would be in town. There wasn't anything available so I got one for next week. Then I got Sean's email. I was a little mad that he is just assuming Cade will stay with him. We talked about it in mediation that on days if Cade had after school things that we would present to him in therapy that he had the option to stay with his dad if Cade wanted to. Cade doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. So far we haven't been to therapy yet to discuss it and yet Sean is already trying to implement it without Cade even knowing about this. I had brought it up casually shortly after the mediation to feel Cade out and he burst out crying and said he couldn't talk about it so I haven't brought it up since. So, that is why I was mad with Sean. Also, what session? I had no idea what Sean was talking about. So, I told Sean he didn't have to worry about it since Cade didn't have a session scheduled today and I told him when Cade's next session was scheduled. Sean replied, "He doesn't have one?" I answered, no, again and that was that.

So, the call. She said Sean had called and he was the one who had scheduled a session for him and Cade for today. I had no idea and neither did Cade. Sean never told me. When I was on the phone with the office yesterday no one mentioned it. I am angry all over again. First, how Sean could even think of scheduling a session without telling me he was going to do it in the first place and why pisses me off. He is again trying to push things in order to have Cade come live with him. He has been told by the counselor that she needs to decide what is best clinically for Cade. Even though I agreed that Sean should be in sessions and that Kathryn should be in them eventually that didn't mean right now. It also didn't mean he should rush right out and make it happen. It was supposed to be to for us to tell Cade what his dad and I decided together (in therapy) and how we can make it happen over time. I didn't want Cade to feel pushed or forced. It is bad enough he feels he is being pushed to like Kathryn when he doesn't by his dad. You can't make people like other people. They may never like each other but maybe they can find a way to be civil and tolerate the situation. In any case it will take a long time. The counselor told me she had told Sean he needed to tell me about the session since we should be the ones talking about this and for her to not be a middle man about sessions. I agreed and have been keeping Sean informed about sessions. She said she can't explain why Sean didn't do that. I told her I understand but what can I do? She said she would cancel today's session and I said that would be best because Cade had no idea about this and would be very upset to see his dad just show up at school to take him to a session he wasn't prepared for.

I see Sean tomorrow for a "co-parenting " therapy session and maybe we can address some of these things there. What a mess is all I can say. Sean still hasn't signed the paperwork for the child support either. If he hasn't by now then I have no doubt we will be in court. The whole thing sucks.

It was a whirlwind weekend. Swim on Friday then we (Will, Cade, Sofie and me, Connor didn't show up) drove up to visit my mom. The next day we visited Sean's parents since Will hadn't seen them all summer. We stayed a long time and they were sad Connor hadn't come. They had no idea he was staying with Sean. In fact they said they hadn't heard from him in a long time. They had no idea what he was doing or if he even had a job. They are not very happy with him in how he has been taking care of the kids but what can they do? I filled them in on Connor's behavior. His grandma hopes with him staying with his dad his dad can see what is going on. I told her Sean may see things but not make the connection to the depression and just try and force things. Since Sean doesn't see his own mental illness seeing it in his child is just not going to happen. It would mean Sean having to look at himself which he is just not ready to do and may never be. His grandpa said he had just messaged Connor the day before and said they should get together and Connor had said he would like that and it was a good idea. I told him how Connor knew I was going to being everyone up for a visit and Connor had the chance to come and couldn't manage to show up. His grandpa said he was surprised Connor didn't say anything but I told him I wasn't. This is how he is right now. His grandpa wants to have a talk with him since he is concerned. I have been filling him in from time to time about Connor but Sean hasn't told him anything. I told him he could but Connor has a fragile ego and might see "the chat" as an attack or a put down. He said he was used to that from Sean. I nodded because he is right. So, I don't know if he will get a chance to talk to Connor or not or what good it will do. I am just going to not worry about it and let it go.

Sunday we went to the fair. It was a lot of fun. Sofie had a blast. I actually won a prize for the first time ever. She wanted the pink panther in the above picture so that was what I got. I could go on and on about the day but to sum it up everyone had a good time. We are all tired of course. We ate sugar and other bad fair things which was all delicious. We rode rides and took film of the animals. These week we will edit the movie and post it. Sofie wants to share it with her class.

We got home Monday and I had my classes. I had done my work the week before so I was set. I am still doing laundry and getting organized from the weekend.

Yesterday night the phone rang and it was Connor. He actually called me. He is not doing very well. His girlfriend broke up with him. I had heard the rumor from Cade who heard it from a friend. I didn't call Connor or email him about it. I figured if he wanted to tell me he would. He talked to me for 2 1/2 hours and I was the one who had to hang up so I could put Sofie and Cade to bed. Sean had emailed me that day telling me about the break up. I think he knew Connor wanted to talk to me about it and tried to email me first to "be a concerned parent". He said he tried to get Connor in early to see his counselor but couldn't. That is crap. You could do it if you insist. I have done it before. Sean can't bs me about therapy. I am very familiar with the office and the counselor. Sean said Connor was fine now. No way. I hadn't even spoken to Connor and I knew better because I know Connor. Connor told me about it near the end of the call. He was leading up to it. He said he was upset for a while but was fine now. Since as he is telling me this he was crying I could tell he wasn't "fine". She cheated on him and lied to him so I certainly know how that feels. He is having trouble sleeping. He feels like he isn't doing enough even though he is busy all the time. He missed his old friends. He feels used by his new friends since he always gives so much to them and they don't even talk to him when he needs them. He sold all his things for money and is now realizing what a mistake he made. He is wanting to do this and that, very manic stuff which worries me immensely and at the same time he wants to just do nothing and relax since he feels overwhelmed. He wants to prioritize his life but doesn't know where to start. He misses us and wants to come home more. He feels he has been stupid to not be here more. I don't have any expectations he will do so though. He says he will do all these things and hardly ever follows through. He said he would come home soon though. He hates that they don't have a phone there. He has no cell phone either so he can't call anyone or can people call him. He has to ask to use his dad's phone and Sean doesn't like his minutes being used. Didn't I tell them Connor needed a phone? It is very bad for Connor when it isn't connected to people. I learned that the hard way through two years of seeing him depressed. I know what things help him. He isn't allowed much internet access there so he hasn't been able to check my emails I have sent him. He hates that. He is very conflicted right now. I just told him he can come home whenever he wants. If it's just for a few hours, days or weeks, whatever he wants. We'll see. I can't even touch on all the things he says he is doing but I know these signs. I will call the counselor and let him know what I know and then..let it go. It is awful to see this happen and to see that Sean thinks spending one day with him and Connor is fine really makes me mad. Thank goodness for therapy as a backup.

I gotta do some school work now..:)