Our Island Family Life: March 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tense

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:27 AM

I got the bill for the van and I will have to shell out $380 and change. Better than I expected. I will pick it Friday and try to balance doing that, swim lessons and food shopping. We are so low on food it's nuts. I have been working during the day all week so I couldn't go shopping even with a borrowed car. I need the work too badly. Since Sean is behind (again) in child support and Connor owes me money too. I am still waiting for a check to get caught up for the daycare I have done as well. I have been very creative but we are pretty much down to cans and flour. I won't be able to do a big shop but basics and then I will have to check the schedule to see when I can do a whopper trip. Saturday is out I have all day class. Sunday and Monday are out because we are having our overnight school field trip to Boston on those days. I will be working Tuesday and then have a class. There is supposed to be a test today but I hope not. I am having a tough time right now and we missed Tuesday due to high winds. We'll see. All I know is everyone passed the last section test. I hope I passed "well" and not by the skin of my teeth. *sigh*

Cade got a ride to school the past two days bc of the rain and the fact my car here is still dead. My friend gave me and envelope Cade had thrown in the trash that she found that was from a library in town. It was a huge list of overdue books. Cade saw it was was mad and chucked it because he had told his dad weeks ago they needed to be returned. These were all for books that Cade got (all about geography since he loves the subject and is studying the countries at school) when he was with his dad. When I take the kids to the library in the city we go to the main branch but Sean goes to a smaller one. We have had this problem before. Cade gets books and asks to return them but they don't take him back to do so. So, he tells his dad they need to be returned and by when and comes home. Sean is the parent is is responsible for them even though they were taken out on Cade's card. The last time I got notices I emailed Sean, gave him the notices when I saw him next and told him he needed to inform that branch that any books taken from there needed to go to his address for notices. He said he would take care of it and obviously he didn't. He may have returned the last batch but he didn't get the address adjusted. Cade threw the notices away because his dad was already aware and he was sick of going through this all over again. I thanked my friend and talked with Cade about letting me know about these things and reminding him of his dad's memory issues and that he needs to be told things repeatedly. Cade huffed and I really got his frustration. I mailed the notices to Sean and I will call the branch myself. It is obvious he is incapable of doing it. Maybe it will go into collections like the last time. I would love that.

My throat is sore again today. I hope I don't get sick before the trip. I took some medicine and drinking tea. *crossing fingers*

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Cheating

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:26 AM

Don't freak. I'm not going to whine..much...:)

I heard yesterday about a friend who just found out she was being cheated on by her husband. She is a stay at home mom with oodles of kids (more then two is an oodle unless it's twins then it's a nightmare..:) ) I just can't understand it. Let's just say I have another reason to despise facebook and the ilk. When will cheaters learn there is always a trail? Anyway, I found an article (opinion piece) I found amusing. I really wish I could sue too. Actually, I really haven't fully processed the whole cheating thing myself. I don't want to feel bitter and nasty so I have pushed a lot of negative feelings aside and only pull them out to look at occasionally, do a little coping then push it away again while I build my emotional reserves. I gave Sean excuses for he behavior before and now know that his mental illness played a part in some of those bad choices. It doesn't hurt any less or make me still wonder why this happened. One thing I am good with is knowing it wasn't my fault or wondering what is wrong with me that he had to do this. I could have been *itch of the world and that STILL would have been no justification for it. He could have told me I was being nasty tried to work it out or chose to leave and only AFTER things are over do you find someone new. Anyway, I included the link to the post I mentioned...check it out..

Opinion Post

On other notes, I am feeling uneasy about the Cade/Sean situation. Cade told me before bed last night he is no longer willing to go on visits with his dad. He said his dad needed to apologize for his accusations and tell Cade he trusts him and start protecting him at visits. If his dad doesn't do those things then Cade won't go. Cade said he would go if his dad said he was sorry. Now, I feel at odds. What the heck do I do? There is the court order in place where Cade and Sofie are to go. For Will and Connor the order states even though Sean has visitations with them as well, they are unwilling to go and should only be encouraged to go. I want to stay out of the argument between them as much as possible. My personal opinion is Cade does deserve an apology. Parents make mistakes all the time. I don't even fault Sean for at least questioning Cade about it. Where things got hairy was when Cade took an hour writing down everything he did and accounting for every dime. I questioned his brothers and friends and school airing dirty laundry. Cade was upset but understood why I did those things and did not object wanting to clear his name in his father's eyes. After all that to still be accused, get yelled at and walked out on is just too much. When I mess up with them (which I do almost daily) I apologize and do my best not to repeat those errors of judgement. I think it sets a good example. I mean a real honest to goodness apology. Not some half-lame excuse for one that a lot of kids try to pull. There comes a time when you want to set a limit for how you wish to be treated by other people and what you can accept and what you can't. I think Cade has reached that point in this situation. When he told me what he wanted to do he did not cry, did not raise his voice, did not seem outwardly upset at all. He did not call his dad names or refer to the problem as stupid or dumb. He was resigned. It was obvious he had been thinking about it since last Friday and he outlined the three things he wanted his dad to do but named the one thing he HAD to have in order to continue with visits. He was able to tell the difference between what he wants and what he was willing to accept in order to keep moving forward. I was quite stunned to be honest. Cade is only 10 and emotionally he is quick to temper or cry and reverts to name calling when venting. When he confronted his dad on Friday he was holding his tears in by a thread. It is nice to be able to understand that when he is given time to process he really does think clearly even if it doesn't seem like he is outwardly. It is a part of knowing your child and what they are capable of. In the moment stuff he is a mess. His mind goes blank and he blurts out just about anything to get himself away from the situation. Give him time and he will come back, calmer and be able to talk rationally even though he may be tearing up as he does it. He also said he had a hard time understanding the person his dad is now. He said he acts like a completely different person than he was when he lived here. How he talks, what he eats, how he dresses, the music he listens to, how he treats them, everything. He said his dad is a stranger and he would rather have his dad he knew back who threw things at him than the guy he has to see now. His dad still yells and calls him names like retarded which hurts a lot but he would rather have his dad call him names and be himself than a clone of TMW.

I think I will let Cade talk to his dad and they will have to work this out. What I will do is not tell Cade he has to go. Sean needs to do that and if Cade still refuses then see what Sean does from there. If he apologizes then I will remind Cade he said he would go if his dad said sorry. If not then see how Sean plans on forcing Cade to go. Will he carry him to the car and strap him in? I will have to wait and see. I will bring Cade to the bay lines though and after that the two of them need to work things out. What more can I do?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Rainy Days

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:28 AM

A aerial view of where we live. We are near the tip to the left of the top of the T. The ferry lands in the middle of the T. The little island right above the T is owned by one man. Crazy huh?

Anyway, I get a email subscription that discusses bipolar. It has helped me immensely in trying to understand Sean and his behaviors. I have to keep in mind that just because he doesn't live with us anymore doesn't mean out of sight out of mind. It is so easy to fall into the trap of forgetting. When you only see him from time to time and he seems just fine you begin to doubt yourself. Did that really happen? Maybe he was right when he said he was only depressed and is ok now. Surely the new wife would have noticed stuff by now? Then I remember his meds, there was a reason his pdoc prescribed them. There was reason he was seeing a pdoc. I think about how even with the few times we see him if you average out his "normal" behavior with the angry confusing ones then really the "normal" times are far less. Is it more than coincidence that those few days are just bad days we all have?

The article today was about mania. It is such a complicated thing. How you can feel high on one hand and yet irritable at the same time. I try and remember that even mania has a spectrum. I have to admit I am a little worried. As time has passed my worry for him has lessened greatly. I think now I feel the same concern I would feel for anyone in his situation and not for a person I love. My worry is for the kids and how this situation will affect them. How they will process this and how it will affect the adults they will become. This past incident with the "stolen" money and Sean's quick temper and predilection for throwing things when angry is concerning to me. Is this a mild mania? Because of his behavior he now won't be seeing the kids for 3 whole weeks. This was after seeing Cade and Sofie for one weekend after again not seeing them for several weeks. Is he trying to phase them out of his life or is this just a side effect? I haven't heard a peep from him and now I doubt I will. I was really scared he was going to send me a blasting email about me turning them against him or badmouthing Cade. I even expected him to threaten me with a lawyer. I am glad he didn't do those things but past behavior made me aware of the possibility. I still have to work on not being scared and stressed about something that only "might" happen. I was distracted and anxious for days. On the other hand he hasn't sent Cade or me an email apologizing for his behavior either. Cade especially needs to hear his dad say he is sorry and that he trusts him. When it comes to money however I doubt this will happen. Not even a phone call from him. Maybe silence is best. I know it is for me but Cade shouldn't have to deal with this. How do I approach this? I can't say for sure this is his dad's bipolar at work. It might be. I think it is factor but I don't think I should say that since it's only my opinion to the kids. The alternative (your dad is a jerk) isn't much better. I am focusing on acceptance with them. This is your dad for better or worse. Take what you like if you can find it and dump the rest. Just make sure you aren't taken advantage of by him and be firm with him or what you find acceptable treatment and what is not acceptable. He can take it or leave it. Relationships take two and if you are willing to work on it and he isn't then do what you can but don't blame yourself if things aren't the way you would like. Don't do all the work but do what you can live with and feel good about it.

Meds have been on my mind lately anyway since we are doing that in class right now. There are lists of common meds to look out for and their functions. There is a long list of anti-depressants but I noticed things like lithum and seroquil weren't mentioned. I wonder why? In any case Sean isn't taking either as far as I know. I really wish he would take them like he is supposed to but what can you do? I can't do anything. The kids tried to get him to as well but his parents and new wife supported his choice not to. Now look at the mess his poor choices have gotten him into. *sigh*

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ripples

1 comments Posted by perphila at 7:07 PM

Day was good until this afternoon hit. Friend came by for extra banana boxes for bottles and cans and that was how I found out it was happening. Connor was on the phone and I had made the mistake of thinking it was canceled for today but it wasn't. I threw on some crap clothes and grabbed Sofie and we hitched a ride to help out. Cade was home and I didn't bother to ask him to come. He had already done a lot for me today like going to the store and did all chores I asked of him without complaint. I was very happy with him. I also felt I was asking a lot of him to begin with after yesterday. I was glad he wasn't ripping our heads off to get rid of stress.

I get home and Connor asks for money. He was in a good moos since he went for a walk and I spoiled it by saying no. He said he had helped me watch the little kids the other day. I said I had asked him to help so I could study and wound up doing it myself anyway. He said he made them lunch. I said true but not worth the $15 he was asking for, besides he didn't make Aiden lunch it was already made. Connor only gave it to him. Then Connor asked for $5. I told him no again. He owes me money and until he pays me he gets nothing.

I asked Cade to go get his bike from the store and bring it home. He had rode it down but walked the items I asked for home to be safe. It was very thoughtful. When he came home he was in tears. He said his teacher was canceling a end of year sleep over Cade has been begging for for three years and was to be his graduation present bc he didn't come to bottles and cans today. I am angry and feel bad at the same time. Now I have to air all this crap again to the teacher. I was the one who told Cade not to come. Sean was the one who caused Cade to get so upset to begin with. Connor's selfishness was the reason we were late. If Cade is the one who winds up facing a consequence because this I am going to lose my temper. As I write this I really want to shake someone.

Where has the day gone?

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:08 PM

Sofie woke up at 3am with knee pain. I felt bad because I let her have two cups of milk before bed and I knew it was the reason. We had all stayed up later than usual. Getting home at 7pm and then decompressing from the day. The whole event with Sean was upsetting for everyone. Will was surprised to see Cade and Sofie and Cade told him what happened. Will told me if his dad persists on hounding Cade then he was going to email Sean and demand Sean pay back the the money he stole from Will. $40 is a lot less than what Sean took from him. I didn't say anything. I was too tired to argue. Connor said nothing. He knew they were supposed to go but didn't question anything. I think for him that's for the best. Cade didn't tell Connor anything either. There is certainly distance between Will and Cade towards Connor about their dad. Connor still wants to believe but Cade and Will (who have had a lot more interaction with Sean) are just fed up.

Anyway, we all slept in until almost 9am! Sofie never sleeps that late. She didn't nap yesterday though either. I scuffed out of bed and I felt like what I have always heard hangovers were like. I have never had one for real so I am only guessing. Fuzzy like feeling, headache, slight nausea? I put the water on for hot fluids and began to cook breakfast. While I did that I popped the last of my deer meat (a roast) in the crock pot for dinner. I put in the last of my carrots and the last of my potatoes. I am out of onions so I threw in a package of onion soup mix and a garlic clove, salt, pepper and a 1/4 cup of chicken broth. I considered beef instead but since deer is a leaner meat I went with the chicken. Now I cross my fingers and hope it turns out ok. After breakfast I made oatmeal cookies. I was out of raisins so I added peanut butter chips and chocolate chips instead. By then it was almost 11am and lunch time was drawing near real fast. I am really low on food. I am getting a ride next week, or maybe tomorrow with friend to go shopping. I am really being creative let me tell you. Today I made a kielbasa casserole. I cut it up, added some frozen peas and a can of cream of mushroom soup. Then I made mashed potatoes from flakes. I used the leftover chicken broth instead of water for flavor and condensed milk instead of regular milk since I was out of milk. I added some cheese and garlic and it tasted way better than I thought it would. I put that on top and baked for an hour. I am eating it now. It worked out well thank goodness. So good in fact I would consider making it for a potluck. Way to go fake potatoes! I am done now and I hope tomorrow is just a leftover day. I did laundry and now I am pooped. I think I am emotionally freaked right now. Even though dealing with Sean isn't on the top of my mind it's lurking and I feel like I am shark infested waters. I haven't even considered studying today. We are supposed to sort bottles and cans for school this afternoon. I dunno if I wanna do that right now. We'll see. So tired.

Friday, March 19, 2010

What the heck...

2 comments Posted by perphila at 8:23 PM

Cade and Sofie didn't go with Sean today.

The day was going rather well I thought. My morning was fine. I felt a little sick but had some tea and felt better. Sofie was behaved and cute. Cade came home from school and we hopped on the boat for swim class. I got a ride with a friend and we jumped my van which I drove the the shop to drop off then I watched her kids at swim while she had an appointment. Cade has been not wanting to swim since it's harder now and I asked him to try one more time and he did with little fuss (whew). He then came for the last few minutes to swim with Sofie (who still won't get off the wall) and she asked him to hold her and he took her out. Then he handed her to my friends daughter who also had her out in the pool. Finally Sofie let the teacher hold her and let her stay in the pool last since Sofie was doing so well and kicking. It was all good. Then my friend dropped us off and we walked next door to a pizza place and I got them dinner since they had been so good all day and Cade was feeling really bummed about having to see his dad. He really did NOT want to go. He feels his dad doesn't trust him and feels angry. He said he was going to hide in the bathroom and asked me to tell his dad he wasn't there. I flat out said no way. If he has an issue with his dad about a visit he has to talk to his dad about it. So, we got back to the bay lines and Sofie was laughing and playing with a friend and I told her she needed to get her coat on since dad was going to be there soon to pick her up. Well, cue melt down. She cried and said, "I'm NOT going!" I changed the topic and she calmed down. Sean showed up and as soon as she saw him she started crying again. He asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to go in a high pitched whine perfected by three year olds everywhere. I asked her if she wanted her hat and she started shaking her head and screaming no. I just plopped it on and gave Sean her coat. I told him she was refusing to wear it. Since it was warm enough outside and she had long sleeves I didn't think it would matter too much. Her nose was running and he laughed at her. I was angry he was laughing at her tears again but I simply wiped her nose without a word. Then Cade butt in and said he wasn't going. Sean's face grew very irritated and I took Sofie to another bench to give them some privacy while I attempted to calm her down. She was calling to Cade telling him not to go and not to leave her. I kind of tuned Sean and Cade out for a bit dealing with Sofie but then Sean's tone got angry and I looked up. I knew "that" voice. He was telling Cade he "saw" him break a $20 last Sunday and Cade told him it wasn't a $20 but a $10. Sean ignored him and went right on and said how Cade told me he had left a $20 at his grandparents so if that was true then it was impossible for him to have broken the $10 and it was in fact a $20 like Sean said. How did Cade explain that? Sean was really rude and sarcastic to Cade's face and moving into that personal bubble zone that made Cade flinch. It was obvious Sean either did not read the email I sent or it went in one eye and out his ass. I had enough. I spoke up (while rocking a sniffing Sofie). I told Sean, "Cade said he didn't know where his $20 was and thought it "might" be at your parents. I told you this. That is why I sat down with him and made him retrace his steps from Friday to Sunday which I sent to you. We accounted for every last cent. Where it was and how it was spent. If you can't find your money then that's your problem. Cade didn't take it and answered all your questions honestly. You need to stop." Sean didn't even look at Cade again and threw Sofie's coat at me and said, "Take them home then." He said bye to Sofie and she turned her head away and huffed. He walked out without a back word glance. I had to scramble to get Cade a ticket. Sean was late of course and we had three minutes to catch the boat. Sofie thought Cade was leaving when I sent him to the ticket window and called for him to come back saying no no no. I told her he was just getting his ticket and grabbed our stuff and we took off.

I know, know, it must be hard for Sean on some level to hear Sofie tell him she doesn't want to see him. Still, I was a bit shocked he didn't just pick her up and take her anyway. I never asked for him to do what he did. I was doing everything I could to get Sofie ready to leave. Transitioning is hard for her. When she was smaller it was hard too but in a different way. Now that she can speak up for herself more and has her own attachments and likes and dislikes things have changed. Did he really expect that there wouldn't be problems down the road? Obstacles that wouldn't have to be faced and dealt with as they popped up? This is not static situation but an ongoing process that changes as the kids change. Their emotional maturity has to be considered and while he has to deal with times they don't want to come I also have to deal with threats from the older kids about them wanting to "go to dad's" if they don't like a rule I set or chore. You can't just walk away when they hurt you but deal with it. Today, however, Sean walked away (again) and left me to deal with the fall out. I half expected a nasty email from him when I got home but there was nothing. I am a little worried how he is going to react to this. We'll just have to wait and see.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm in a mood...

0 comments Posted by perphila at 3:14 PM

Have you ever found your kids saying something that is more or less a quote or mannerism of you or the other parent? Well, the boys sometimes say things Sean would/does and it bugs the crap out of me. Actually it only bothers me when they are things that bugged me when Sean said it even when he was here and it was one of those things that are picky to just you (or in the case me) and you put up with it because you love that person and when living with another person there are just things you have to accept and deal with. Right? Well, now that I don't HAVE to deal with it and I hear the same phrases out of well, Connor's mouth I really get mad. Stupid I know. My tolerance level is shot to heck for sure. ok ok..here's one...

"To be honest with you...."

That one really pisses me off. When has Sean be honest a day in his life? When I hear Connor say this I cringe and feel sick. Not to mention that phrase usually prefaces and hurtful comment. Here's another one...

"I'm sorry?"

He isn't apologizing, he is asking you you to repeat yourself. Most of the time he heard you quite well he is just being snarky. Whatever happened to, "I didn't hear you could you repeat that?" or "What was that?" or even just plain, "Huh?"

There are more but I have to go back and do more reviewing. I just heard Connor say both those phrases and I want to scratch my own ears off.

Caught my eye Thursday...and stuff

0 comments Posted by perphila at 12:44 PM

The other half lives well huh? Looks like such a nice spot for a nap...*sigh*

Been trying to study today but life happens and gets in the way. Still, I am doing my best and I feel kinda ok about tonight. I will just review because most of the stuff if I don't know by now, well...*shrug*.

I am more concerned about my lack of concentrations skills at the moment. I have a headache and it's getting in the way. I am also nervous about dropping my van off tomorrow. I have a lot of balls to juggle and I have to ask for rides and I hate doing that. Not to mention it's swim day and drop off day for Cade and Sofie. I am still wondering how I am going to manage everything and get some food as well. Ack.

No word from Sean. I hope this stealing nonsense is over. Cade is overtly ok but Sean caused some damage again and the whole level of trust and respect went down a few more notches. Who knew it could go down more huh?

I am having some lunch then it's nap time for the sprouts and I will try and squeeze in a shower. I have a sore throat too and it should help. I hope I am not catching something. I have been outside a lot the past few days.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Scapegoat

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:33 AM

Taking a break for lunch. It's been a busy morning. There is still no power to my room or the basement. Someone finally came over and checked but it isn't the fuses or lack or power to the outlets. I guess it will be the power company next. *sigh*

Did well on my quiz. I haven't had time to study at all today yet. I hope to this evening. I am feeling really sketchy about the section test.

So, I got another email last yesterday afternoon. Sean is dead set Cade took his money. In fact he was trying to make a case that Cade was in the habit of stealing and that Sean "felt bad this was happening" and would "follow up" on however I dealt with it. Well, damn right? Don't you like how he wants me to deal with the bad stuff? I sat down with Cade and this time didn't sugar coat anything. I should have seen this earlier but with not having to deal with Sean's behaviors daily you forget the signs to look for. I forgot that when Sean borrows money and can't replace it he blames other people for either taking it or that he is only owed some money and as soon as he gets it he will pay it back. If he is going after Cade he probably owes the money to his wife. Anyway, I have found when dealing with the bipolar behaviors as hard as it is in the beginning dealing with it being honest and blunt works best. I told Cade what was going on (without my suppositions of what really happened to the money) and we wrote out a timeline of events for the weekend of Cade's every move. We accounted for every last dime. Where he spent it, what he had for money, and who was with him. I grilled the poor kid and did my due diligence and played devil's advocate. It was rather revealing. He did admit he did lie to his dad about where he found the money he used the weekend. When he explained to me the circumstances I understood why but his dad won't. Have you ever been in a situation when you were surprised then scared and then put on the spot? Your mind goes blank and even though you know the answer you just blurt out the first thing on the tip of your tongue? That's what he did. (heck, that's what I did in class yesterday) His dad saw his money on his side table and demanded to know where it came from and scared the crap out of him. Since Sean lives in his own delusional world that he has a great relationship with Cade and that he has no temper issues at all he would never understand how Cade felt. I tried to impress upon Cade to just be honest even if he feels a little scared because it will save him a whole lot of grief later. If he feels he is in danger of getting hit however to just do what he has to and we will deal with the fall out later.

Sean said Cade flat out refused to change his clothes there and he felt that had something to do with Cade and stealing. I guess he thinks Cade is hiding money in some secret pocket in his sleeves or something. Cade revealed he doesn't change for two reasons, one he only has one pair of pants there beside the ones he is wearing when he gets there and they are too big around the waist and slip off. He sleeps in his shirt because even though he has pj bottoms he doesn't have any tops and his long sleeved shirt is warmer. Sean lets him borrow Sean's own tee shirts but Cade refuses since again he gets cold. I asked him if he had shirts there and he said he did but he was too lazy to change since he was already cozy in what he is wearing. I admonished him about his laziness and not to mention it's dirty.

So, I responded to Sean and sent him the detailed outline and Cades responses to Sean's (trumped up) issues. I told him again I didn't feel Cade took his money and I was not going to punish him for something Sean couldn't prove especially since Cade has made a statement and had verification from other sources (people he was with) to back him up. I also told him if Sean still felt Cade was lying to me then I wanted to answer his assertion that Cade was in the habit of lying to hide his stealing. Sean asked if Will, Connor or I had been missing money lately. I told him we weren't and I even asked at the school and his friends parents and no one was missing anything. If this was indeed a habit then it would be going on here as well as there. It isn't about if I believe Cade or not but what I can prove and verify and what I have seen in his behavior. There hasn't been any extra stuff like food or toys/trinkets he would have bought with the money. No clothes or games or bribes to his brothers. No evidence of spoils. I then told him as far as I was concerned this issue was over and I wasn't going to discuss this again. We'll see. I don't want to get sucked in to his drama. I just don't want Cade to be the scapegoat for Sean's irresponsibility with money. If he owes someone then deal with it and do not blame Cade for it.

I am sure Cade behaves differently there than here. I am well aware he is argumentative there. I know he does not respect either of the adults there. I know he will not do anything she tells him to. I know he can be disrespectful and rude there. I don't think for a second he is an angel by any means. I know he does things there he knows full well he wouldn't get away with here. What I try to do on my end is impress upon him to be the person he knows he should be no matter where he is or who he's with. If he has issues with people then tell them and don't act out in place of using his words. I also know with his age and his circumstances this is very hard to do.

Well, this was long enough. I needed to vent obviously..lol.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Trying not to freak...

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:22 AM

Book reports for February. I don't know why we pay more for the school photo when this one is just as good. Three grades, one school...:) Next year Cade will be one the mainland but Sofie is officially starting preschool! It will be this picture minus Cade but adding Sofie...lol. None of my other kids did preschool but Sofie is so excited and it will be a good thing to keep our student numbers from dropping more. The year after that we will lose Olivia but get Aiden so it will still be three kids. We are hoping to get more families to come but...we'll see. I will still be doing the daycare though so, no change for me.

Quiz today for class and I am freaking a little. I am pretty confident about the quiz but the section test is Thursday and I in NO way feel good about it. I feel like I am learning for sure and I study all the time but trying to remember all the steps is killing me. I always forget something. Nothing that would kill you...:) Just how they want it for the national tests. Ack. I will do more studying at the kids nap time. I have been busy this morning. Working and getting food ready for the kids tonight while I'm gone.

The power went out in my room yesterday. Just my room. I checked the fuses and nothing. I went to the basement to see if there was a secondary box and saw the lights were out there too. The furnace must be on a different line because it was working thankfully. I called three of the regular island guys who fix things (our own Handy Manny) and one was off island, left a message with the wife with another (I have little hopes of him getting it) and didn't get a hole of the other. I will see that last guy tonight at class. So, it's weird having one room dead. Any idea on what I could do?

On a pure anger note I got an email from Sean last night. He finally returned a bunch of winter clothes I had sent for the kids to use because he asked. Of course now it's pretty much spring. Great timing. Anyway, I thanked him for that but what made me pretty angry was Sean telling me he was missing $40 from his coat pocket and he thinks Cade took it. He ambled up to it saying Cade has been "finding money" recently and did I know about it and that he didn't want to believe Cade had been "taking things" but that I should look into it and that he would also talk to Cade next weekend. Well, I did know Cade had found some loose change and a dollar here and there at some of the tournaments Sean has taken him to. Cade was very open about it and excited and even asked some of the teens there he knew if they had lost it. He didn't ask strangers though. Since no one claimed it he kept it. Cade also told Sean about it so he didn't hide anything. So, if Sean thought he was building a case against Cade this way he was sadly mistaken. Also, this past weekend Cade spent Saturday with his grandparents and spent the night there. Sean picked him up Sunday afternoon and brought him and Sofie home on the boat. It was kind of ironic Sofie was the one crying and begging to see them but in the end Cade went and Sofie never saw them once. Anyway, Cade had little time to be filching and his aunt gave him $9 which Cade promptly showed me before he even had his coat off on Sunday. He was very excited to have that much money (which is rare for him to have) and told me the whole story of how she gave it to him. I have since then had to pick it up twice and tell him to keep it in a safe place or he would lose it. If he had $40 I would have found it by now. In the wash or something. He would be living at the island store buying candy or pizza if he had it. He has no self control when it come to spending his money. Except around xmas when he spends it on others. So, I had to have a chat with Cade. I didn't tell him his dad was accusing him of anything but told him his dad lost some money and can't find it and was wondering if Cade had seen it anywhere. Like if he lost a shoe or a book or something. Cade is swift though and told me things had been missing here and there from that place and the girl had been accusing him of taking her money (a dollar). Cade was furious with her and hides all his things he brings there because she takes them. He instantly asked me if she was the one accusing him and if his dad was believing her. I told him I have no idea of circumstances and to not jump to conclusions. If he knew anything and could help to let me know and I could tell his dad. If he didn't there was nothing he could do about it. Then of course he noted the thing that had made me angry in the first place. "He is the last person in the world to accuse anyone of stealing anything after what he has done! He took my stuff and sold it to buy himself shoes!" I had to calm him down and he seems ok now. I emailed Sean and told him I didn't think Cade took his money and why. I thanked him for bringing it to my attention and that if he still wished to talk with Cade he should be aware Cade is touchy and doesn't take kindly to false accusations about anything. Very defensive. The gall....(shakes head) I think either Sean spaced and lost it himself. Which he tends to do frequently (his memory lapses tend to do that) or the girl took it. She has already gotten in trouble at school for stealing. Most likely it's Sean but...you never know.

Off, to make lunch...

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mice and Theives

0 comments Posted by perphila at 12:14 PM

Now that the rain has returned so have the mice. It's so bizarre. I have never had to deal with mice problems like this before I moved to the island. Anyway, ok, we see a mouse. No big deal. Set the traps and wait. The problem is all my traps are missing. The ones in the kitchen and the ones in my room. Where did they go? Did the mice (which are big enough to be moles) drag them off? Four traps gone. Not to mention I baked two loaves of bread last Thursday and one went missing. Seriously. I had it cooling on a rack on the stove and when I got home from class it was gone. The kids claimed to have not eaten it and were quite upset about it because they love fresh bread and they didn't get any. The next morning my pants and bra went missing. I found the pants upstairs under Connor's bed when I KNEW I had folded them and put them in my closet. My bra was sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor. ???????? I am either losing my mind or maybe Sofie is playing some kind of game. Well, I managed to find one trap under the tv stand and it is now baited and waiting. I am watching the mouse as I type inching toward the peanut butter goodness and I can only hope he goes for it. We never found the bread...

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Overwhelmed

0 comments Posted by perphila at 5:09 PM

So, the chat with Connor was as horrible as expected. I was so exhausted by the end of the day from crying and stuff. I am not sure if anything will change. He did acknowledge the fact I treated him respectfully even though I was pretty brutal this time. Brutal in the fact I was very honest and even though I may have said somethings that might have hurt his feelings I wasn't being purposefully cruel. He tried to shift focus a lot onto Will or Cade but I was able to nip that. In the end he cried some and revealed some stuff I KNEW he had been sitting on. He said how Sofie was lucky because it would be easier for her to "grow up without a dad than having a dad who did stuff who just leaves and turned into a selfish jerk." His words. I told him I couldn't answer that. I have no basis to compare and I would imagine each has it's own draw backs. He said stuff like how his dad couldn't see him whenever he (Sean) wanted. I finally said, enough was enough on that. I was no longer going to let him blame ME for the two of them not seeing each other. We had a nice talk about how how adults should act and how parents should conduct themselves. If Sean "wanted" to see the kids, he would make it happen. Connor knows this. Connor knows if there is something Sean wants he will ruin long time friendships and cut family ties, go into debt, WHATEVER it takes to do it. He did it when he was living "happily" here many times before his last episode. We saw him do this, repeatedly. I was not the one doing it. He said how we don't get along so it's tough for him. I have no idea what Sean is telling him but I tell Connor NOTHING. He said I don't trust Sean. I wasn't sure what or even if I should answer that one. For one thing it really isn't his business if I do or not. In the end I tried to keep it as a general concept not exclusive to his dad. I told him I did not trust his dad blindly anymore like I used to. Instead I treat his dad with the respect I would treat other people. If someone tells you they will do something and don't more than once then don't make it a trust issue at all. It isn't I don't trust him but that I will accept what his dad does when he does it and not have any expectations. If his dad says, I will bring a bag of clothes on Sunday for you and I get them, great. If not, then I won't get upset because I wasn't expecting (what could be construed as trust I guess) it anyway. This applies for anything. I won't pay a bill because dad says he will send me the money for it next week. I pay it when I get the money. Don't count your chicken before they hatch. This is a good policy ANYWAY, much less with Sean. I told Connor this is actually a healthier relationship to have with his dad and I was glad to have it so this was in NO way a bad thing. As far as visits go Connor just wants to be able to go when the whim strikes. No. That also isn't about trust. Connor still refuses to go on normal visitations. Why not start there? Why not establish some routine between them? Build their communication with each other and I will also not worry about where Connor is and if Sean actually there or not. Maybe I seem over protective but I want to know where my teenage son is to the best of my ability. I let him do basically whatever he wants, whenever and with whoever including his dad as long as he has his phone, let's me know ahead of time as much as possible (no one hour before stuff) and confirmation of some kind if it is overnight. Sean, other parents, whatever. If he's going to hang out for an afternoon. I only want a call. Connor thinks this is too much to ask and the reason he can't go see his dad for the afternoon is because we "don't get along." So, I asked him,"When have I ever said you couldn't hang with your dad for the afternoon?" No response. That is because I have never said no. It hasn't happened because his dad has been "too busy" or wanted it to be overnight and I have said school nights it out period. Summertime, fine. Weekends, fine. School nights, no. We talked about his rude behavior, his attitude towards the family (we are weird he says and he doesn't like us), pretty much everything. He was pissed at me for wanting to talk to him at all. Then he said it was because he had "just got home", excuses, excuses. Overall, it was good but he is still blaming me I know for stuff. I really wonder how the hell Sean gets away with leaving and being as ass yet I am the one who gets blamed for everything. How fair is that?

Sofie finally let go of the wall in swim on Friday with her bubbles and barbells. She was screaming for help but she did fine. The teacher was right there the whole time. Afterwords Sofie was proud of herself but said it was scary and she is never doing it again...:) Cade is whining about swim. It's his last time doing it but he says the teacher is too harsh so he doesn't want to do it. Once a week for a month and a half is too much he says. He was crying the other day saying how he is only 10 and his life stinks. His dad is a jerk to him, Connor is a jerk to him, he wishes the girl and her mother would just die, he doesn't want to swim, he is worried about going to the middle school and math is hard. Stress..stress.

I dropped Cade and Sofie off for Sean on Friday and Sofie was just a wreak. She flat out refused to go with him. She cried and screamed and said, "I am not going to that evil place! I don't want to see that witch!" Sean was right there and said nothing. I said to her, "Daddy will be with you." She said, "I don't want to see Sean!" Sean excused himself to go to the bathroom and I finally was able to get her coat on by asking her if she wanted to talk or see her grandparents. She said she did so I said, "I will tell daddy.." She cut me off and said, "Not dad! Sean!" So I just went with it and said I would tell Sean she would like to talk to grandma and grandpa. When he got back I told him in front of her. It was the only way she would even let him touch her. She hugged me and kissed me and said she would miss me. Now, I was having a really hard time. I was keeping my face neutral but you know what Sean did? He laughed at her. I could not believe it. I have never felt like slapping a persons face as I did in that moment. How dare he laugh at his daughter who was upset and scared? Cade only looked at me and then whispered to me, "See? I told you he laughs at her. Kathryn does it too. Jerks." They left and I went to the boat wanting to kill something.

My car battery in town died. I had to get a ride to swim and back with the kids. I have an appointment for next Friday for the van. $500 gone easy I know. It has other stuff it needs done anyway. So, I didn't get to go shopping and we really need food. I will have to bum a ride next Friday and get a jump as well. Wonderful. A friend told me today I should have AAA. I did then Sean stopped paying for it. I found out the last time the car needed towing shortly after he left. He had never told me so I was carrying a useless card. I can't afford to pay it now. So, I hope I can get help this week so I don't have to pay for a jump and stuff.

ok, I'm starving and need to eat. I had class ALL day and my brain is fried. I am feeling so overwhelmed. Confidence he says. Confidence in your own judgement. Oh boy, I'll try. On a funny note our teacher has a severe egg allergy (not the funny part) I mean the throat closing, not breathing kind of allergy, real bad. Anyway, lunch today was supposed to be egg salad but the person who brings our food remembered and changed the menu. Our teacher said to me, "Did you hear about the egg salad? That would have been exciting huh?" I smiled and said, "You bet! We would have learned a lot." He looked at me a moment, shook his head and laughed. Hope that doesn't affect my grade.

heh...:)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Time for Meds?

1 comments Posted by perphila at 9:08 AM

Well, we got our first quizzes back yesterday. I felt pretty good about knowing the concepts but it was all fill in the blank and I stink at that. I did better than I thought I would and one question that was marked wrong was because in class the teacher said one thing and the book another. So he apologized for that. Another quiz on Thursday and we have to read 4 chapters by then! Will said he is glad he didn't take the class now. Both Will and Connor have CPR cards they earned in school but Will is old enough is take the class now and get certified at 18. He thought about it then decided with his school schedule not to. They really give the juniors a TON of stuff to do. More than I got for sure.

Anyway, I made dinner before I left and made a list of chores for the kids to do while I was gone. Nothing big. I had just told them before and it didn't get done so I left the note this time.

Wash, dry and put away dishes.

Put food away.

Pick up any toys.

Make sure Cade and Sofie were changed and ready for bed and to go to bed at 8pm.

Tough stuff huh? Will had to stay after school so Connor was in charge from 5:30 - 7pm (although last night Will rode in on the fireboat w/the teacher and other students so he was home at 6pm) when Will gets home. Then Will from 7 -9pm when I get home. Well, let's just say things weren't done, what was done Will did. I am so furious with Connor right now. I am glad he is in school so I don't rip his head off. I need time to cool off. When he got home around 4pm I was studying with a friend who is also taking the class and I had dinner almost finished. He was just rude and inconsiderate the whole time. He was going to fill a plate a go upstairs to "his room". It's just out of hand. Will and Cade no longer sleep there because he has taken over. Will just wants to sleep. It's the only thing he does in the room and Connor just blares his music and talks on the phone. So, there is going to be a talk today and limits are going to be set and boy am I going to get an earful. I am getting pissed just thinking about how he is going to try and make me feel guilty about this. Frankly I don't care if he gets depressed or not anymore. I know him having contact with others is vital but if he wants to wallow then I'm going to tell him it's time for medication. Enough is enough. Some of his crap is teen stuff. I know it and even if I don't like it I understand it and to be honest he responds to normal discipline really well. He might whine but he doesn't pull the guilt card or try and manipulate me. When he does that I KNOW it's the other behaviors and I am really thinking his issues are more than depression. His father's bad example doesn't help. So, this morning has been rough and I am trying to brace myself for the crap I will have to deal with tonight. It doesn't help I woke up with a headache.

Overall I am good, I have been working so I know I will have some money coming in even if it isn't much. Also, class is going well even though I am feeling very overwhelmed. It helps that everyone else feels the same way. I was also pleased to have one of the best grades in the class, I feel slightly less stupid. The other people there are really smart. We are going to learn how to take blood pressures Thursday and as I was reviewing the material I started laughing. Here was something I have seen done all my life and they way it was described made me feel like it was a totally alien concept. Luckily last night when we were talking about it, it made sense again.

Sofie made me wear a hat last night that is brown with a monster face on it called Domo. She said I was pretty when I wore it so I did for her. It got a lot of comments. About half way through class I asked the teacher a question about skin conditions and midway through his answer he said, "What is that on the hat? Does it have eyes? It's driving me crazy!" He was laughing and so did everyone else. I explained about Sofie and Domo and it really helped to wake everyone up and focus again. Thanks Sofie for helping us out...:)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

More storm/school stuff

0 comments Posted by perphila at 3:56 PM

I have been real busy studying so I haven't posted much sorry.

Another quiz and patient assessments and stuff. Kids seem disease free finally. Swim lessons friday. I am working today, thursday (both class days!) and Saturday. I might be taking Aiden to swim. Two, three year olds. I must be crazy! lol

I am adding a link the school sent me. It has pic of storm damage and of the kids tapping trees.

Website

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Across the Street from my House

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:05 AM

Seeing the tress across the street I still can't believe my banana boxes never moved. Weird.

I took my first quiz and I think I got four wrong. It's hard to say since it was fill in the blank and it wasn't that I didn't know the process but was uncertain as to what the question was asking for. Either way I don't care much. I learned a lot and feel confident in what I am doing. Next week is vitals and stuff. I have a lot of homework for the next two days.

Cade had a sore throat Thursday and Friday. I was worried he was getting strep since it's going around but he seems better now. Connor is still sick but seems to be finally getting better. He actually wanted to go out again this weekend. I had enough of trying to tell him he needed to rest or keep relapsing. I guess he figured it out because he called his aunt (another of Sean's sisters) and told her he was too sick to visit her and he has been resting in bed and sleeping all weekend. She probably thinks I told him he couldn't see her but I left the choice up to him.

I haven't heard from Sean since the day we got back home. He said he was going to email me and let me know when he had dropped off some the winter clothes for Sofie he forgot to send back home. I emailed him letting him now the internet was working again but still no word. Also when I talked to him last Friday he asked me if I was thinking of switching weekends. I said no just that we couldn't get to the boat that day. He could come get them the next day and if not then he could call me about setting something up for this weekend even though it's my weekend. Things happen like bad weather and I didn't want the kids or him missing time because of it. I told him I knew he had to check his schedule so I would wait for word from him. When he called Wednesday I thought he would say something but he never did and now it's too late. When I tell his family about things like this when I offer him extra time or ask him to watch the kids first before I get a sitter for various things and he declines they don't believe it. I guess it's just hard for them to accept that his kids are not a priority in his life. I still have a hard time with it sometimes. I can't imagine how the kids feel.

Back to my reading ..the big homework stuff...not for relaxation....

Friday, March 5, 2010

Some Photos from Will's Final Intensive

0 comments Posted by perphila at 4:49 PM

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Where have I been?

2 comments Posted by perphila at 4:58 PM

We had a pretty nasty storm here last Thursday. About 10pm the power went out. No big deal right? Well, Friday morning I kept the older boys home from school because there were trees down and live wires in the road. We are the only house with year round people on the south end of the island. We were cut off. Luckily I had one working cell phone, without power my home phone doesn't work. I was supposed to bring the younger kids to see Sean for the weekend. That wasn't happening. I left him two messages.

It was warm enough so we weren't cold and I had water anyway and I had just refreshed all the candles and flashlight batteries. We really didn't know how bad it was. Finally around late afternoon the trees were moved enough by other islanders so we could get out and another off island family let us stay in their home as long as we needed to. We just got power back to the house late Tuesday night and moved back in today. Power had been restored the all of the other year round houses that Friday night it was just us that had to wait so long. The north end was hit worse than us. It is still without power and the roads impassable. Hundreds of trees went down. On the funny side, just by our house there was little damage. In fact, we had some banana boxes on the porch that never moved! The only "damage" was my two trash can lids flew away. I found them Friday before we "moved". My food was fine because we had a generator lent to us by another islander that we ran once a day to run the freezer and fridge for a while. It also kept our fish alive.

When we got to the neighbors house late on Friday I talked with the mom of the kid I watch about work and she said she saw Sean waiting for us at the bay lines and he asked her where we were. She told him we were probably still trapped (we were) and after I hung up with her he finally called the cell number I gave him to call me back on. He said he got my messages. Ha. So I filled him in. I told he could come out to get them on Saturday. I couldn't take them because I had my first all day class for CPR. He declined.

It has been a wild week. No internet at the other house so I couldn't update. The beds were hard and I finally slept on the couch there. It was very comfy. We were "downtown". Cade was only steps away from school. He loved that. Connor didn't want to stay with us. He had heard the house was haunted. The first night Cade came into the bedroom I was in when I was half asleep and scared the living daylights out of me. Here I was thinking about haunted houses and he was just standing by my bed in the dark. I screamed. Eventually, I made Connor stay with us. He got sick with a fever for two days. He's fine now. We didn't run into any ghosts thankfully.

I managed to study somehow. I have my first quiz on Thursday. My brain is mush. I'm sore from sneezing. New enviroments make my eyes water and stuff. I get used to it after a few days. Now, of course I'm home again. :)

Check out the video from our local news station about the storm. It's focus is our island. You can see some of the damage. I will post some pictures soon.

Local News Coverage w/video