Our Island Family Life

The day was going rather well I thought. My morning was fine. I felt a little sick but had some tea and felt better. Sofie was behaved and cute. Cade came home from school and we hopped on the boat for swim class. I got a ride with a friend and we jumped my van which I drove the the shop to drop off then I watched her kids at swim while she had an appointment. Cade has been not wanting to swim since it's harder now and I asked him to try one more time and he did with little fuss (whew). He then came for the last few minutes to swim with Sofie (who still won't get off the wall) and she asked him to hold her and he took her out. Then he handed her to my friends daughter who also had her out in the pool. Finally Sofie let the teacher hold her and let her stay in the pool last since Sofie was doing so well and kicking. It was all good. Then my friend dropped us off and we walked next door to a pizza place and I got them dinner since they had been so good all day and Cade was feeling really bummed about having to see his dad. He really did NOT want to go. He feels his dad doesn't trust him and feels angry. He said he was going to hide in the bathroom and asked me to tell his dad he wasn't there. I flat out said no way. If he has an issue with his dad about a visit he has to talk to his dad about it. So, we got back to the bay lines and Sofie was laughing and playing with a friend and I told her she needed to get her coat on since dad was going to be there soon to pick her up. Well, cue melt down. She cried and said, "I'm NOT going!" I changed the topic and she calmed down. Sean showed up and as soon as she saw him she started crying again. He asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to go in a high pitched whine perfected by three year olds everywhere. I asked her if she wanted her hat and she started shaking her head and screaming no. I just plopped it on and gave Sean her coat. I told him she was refusing to wear it. Since it was warm enough outside and she had long sleeves I didn't think it would matter too much. Her nose was running and he laughed at her. I was angry he was laughing at her tears again but I simply wiped her nose without a word. Then Cade butt in and said he wasn't going. Sean's face grew very irritated and I took Sofie to another bench to give them some privacy while I attempted to calm her down. She was calling to Cade telling him not to go and not to leave her. I kind of tuned Sean and Cade out for a bit dealing with Sofie but then Sean's tone got angry and I looked up. I knew "that" voice. He was telling Cade he "saw" him break a $20 last Sunday and Cade told him it wasn't a $20 but a $10. Sean ignored him and went right on and said how Cade told me he had left a $20 at his grandparents so if that was true then it was impossible for him to have broken the $10 and it was in fact a $20 like Sean said. How did Cade explain that? Sean was really rude and sarcastic to Cade's face and moving into that personal bubble zone that made Cade flinch. It was obvious Sean either did not read the email I sent or it went in one eye and out his ass. I had enough. I spoke up (while rocking a sniffing Sofie). I told Sean, "Cade said he didn't know where his $20 was and thought it "might" be at your parents. I told you this. That is why I sat down with him and made him retrace his steps from Friday to Sunday which I sent to you. We accounted for every last cent. Where it was and how it was spent. If you can't find your money then that's your problem. Cade didn't take it and answered all your questions honestly. You need to stop." Sean didn't even look at Cade again and threw Sofie's coat at me and said, "Take them home then." He said bye to Sofie and she turned her head away and huffed. He walked out without a back word glance. I had to scramble to get Cade a ticket. Sean was late of course and we had three minutes to catch the boat. Sofie thought Cade was leaving when I sent him to the ticket window and called for him to come back saying no no no. I told her he was just getting his ticket and grabbed our stuff and we took off.

I know, know, it must be hard for Sean on some level to hear Sofie tell him she doesn't want to see him. Still, I was a bit shocked he didn't just pick her up and take her anyway. I never asked for him to do what he did. I was doing everything I could to get Sofie ready to leave. Transitioning is hard for her. When she was smaller it was hard too but in a different way. Now that she can speak up for herself more and has her own attachments and likes and dislikes things have changed. Did he really expect that there wouldn't be problems down the road? Obstacles that wouldn't have to be faced and dealt with as they popped up? This is not static situation but an ongoing process that changes as the kids change. Their emotional maturity has to be considered and while he has to deal with times they don't want to come I also have to deal with threats from the older kids about them wanting to "go to dad's" if they don't like a rule I set or chore. You can't just walk away when they hurt you but deal with it. Today, however, Sean walked away (again) and left me to deal with the fall out. I half expected a nasty email from him when I got home but there was nothing. I am a little worried how he is going to react to this. We'll just have to wait and see.