Our Island Family Life

Anyway, I get a email subscription that discusses bipolar. It has helped me immensely in trying to understand Sean and his behaviors. I have to keep in mind that just because he doesn't live with us anymore doesn't mean out of sight out of mind. It is so easy to fall into the trap of forgetting. When you only see him from time to time and he seems just fine you begin to doubt yourself. Did that really happen? Maybe he was right when he said he was only depressed and is ok now. Surely the new wife would have noticed stuff by now? Then I remember his meds, there was a reason his pdoc prescribed them. There was reason he was seeing a pdoc. I think about how even with the few times we see him if you average out his "normal" behavior with the angry confusing ones then really the "normal" times are far less. Is it more than coincidence that those few days are just bad days we all have?

The article today was about mania. It is such a complicated thing. How you can feel high on one hand and yet irritable at the same time. I try and remember that even mania has a spectrum. I have to admit I am a little worried. As time has passed my worry for him has lessened greatly. I think now I feel the same concern I would feel for anyone in his situation and not for a person I love. My worry is for the kids and how this situation will affect them. How they will process this and how it will affect the adults they will become. This past incident with the "stolen" money and Sean's quick temper and predilection for throwing things when angry is concerning to me. Is this a mild mania? Because of his behavior he now won't be seeing the kids for 3 whole weeks. This was after seeing Cade and Sofie for one weekend after again not seeing them for several weeks. Is he trying to phase them out of his life or is this just a side effect? I haven't heard a peep from him and now I doubt I will. I was really scared he was going to send me a blasting email about me turning them against him or badmouthing Cade. I even expected him to threaten me with a lawyer. I am glad he didn't do those things but past behavior made me aware of the possibility. I still have to work on not being scared and stressed about something that only "might" happen. I was distracted and anxious for days. On the other hand he hasn't sent Cade or me an email apologizing for his behavior either. Cade especially needs to hear his dad say he is sorry and that he trusts him. When it comes to money however I doubt this will happen. Not even a phone call from him. Maybe silence is best. I know it is for me but Cade shouldn't have to deal with this. How do I approach this? I can't say for sure this is his dad's bipolar at work. It might be. I think it is factor but I don't think I should say that since it's only my opinion to the kids. The alternative (your dad is a jerk) isn't much better. I am focusing on acceptance with them. This is your dad for better or worse. Take what you like if you can find it and dump the rest. Just make sure you aren't taken advantage of by him and be firm with him or what you find acceptable treatment and what is not acceptable. He can take it or leave it. Relationships take two and if you are willing to work on it and he isn't then do what you can but don't blame yourself if things aren't the way you would like. Don't do all the work but do what you can live with and feel good about it.

Meds have been on my mind lately anyway since we are doing that in class right now. There are lists of common meds to look out for and their functions. There is a long list of anti-depressants but I noticed things like lithum and seroquil weren't mentioned. I wonder why? In any case Sean isn't taking either as far as I know. I really wish he would take them like he is supposed to but what can you do? I can't do anything. The kids tried to get him to as well but his parents and new wife supported his choice not to. Now look at the mess his poor choices have gotten him into. *sigh*