Our Island Family Life

So, the chat with Connor was as horrible as expected. I was so exhausted by the end of the day from crying and stuff. I am not sure if anything will change. He did acknowledge the fact I treated him respectfully even though I was pretty brutal this time. Brutal in the fact I was very honest and even though I may have said somethings that might have hurt his feelings I wasn't being purposefully cruel. He tried to shift focus a lot onto Will or Cade but I was able to nip that. In the end he cried some and revealed some stuff I KNEW he had been sitting on. He said how Sofie was lucky because it would be easier for her to "grow up without a dad than having a dad who did stuff who just leaves and turned into a selfish jerk." His words. I told him I couldn't answer that. I have no basis to compare and I would imagine each has it's own draw backs. He said stuff like how his dad couldn't see him whenever he (Sean) wanted. I finally said, enough was enough on that. I was no longer going to let him blame ME for the two of them not seeing each other. We had a nice talk about how how adults should act and how parents should conduct themselves. If Sean "wanted" to see the kids, he would make it happen. Connor knows this. Connor knows if there is something Sean wants he will ruin long time friendships and cut family ties, go into debt, WHATEVER it takes to do it. He did it when he was living "happily" here many times before his last episode. We saw him do this, repeatedly. I was not the one doing it. He said how we don't get along so it's tough for him. I have no idea what Sean is telling him but I tell Connor NOTHING. He said I don't trust Sean. I wasn't sure what or even if I should answer that one. For one thing it really isn't his business if I do or not. In the end I tried to keep it as a general concept not exclusive to his dad. I told him I did not trust his dad blindly anymore like I used to. Instead I treat his dad with the respect I would treat other people. If someone tells you they will do something and don't more than once then don't make it a trust issue at all. It isn't I don't trust him but that I will accept what his dad does when he does it and not have any expectations. If his dad says, I will bring a bag of clothes on Sunday for you and I get them, great. If not, then I won't get upset because I wasn't expecting (what could be construed as trust I guess) it anyway. This applies for anything. I won't pay a bill because dad says he will send me the money for it next week. I pay it when I get the money. Don't count your chicken before they hatch. This is a good policy ANYWAY, much less with Sean. I told Connor this is actually a healthier relationship to have with his dad and I was glad to have it so this was in NO way a bad thing. As far as visits go Connor just wants to be able to go when the whim strikes. No. That also isn't about trust. Connor still refuses to go on normal visitations. Why not start there? Why not establish some routine between them? Build their communication with each other and I will also not worry about where Connor is and if Sean actually there or not. Maybe I seem over protective but I want to know where my teenage son is to the best of my ability. I let him do basically whatever he wants, whenever and with whoever including his dad as long as he has his phone, let's me know ahead of time as much as possible (no one hour before stuff) and confirmation of some kind if it is overnight. Sean, other parents, whatever. If he's going to hang out for an afternoon. I only want a call. Connor thinks this is too much to ask and the reason he can't go see his dad for the afternoon is because we "don't get along." So, I asked him,"When have I ever said you couldn't hang with your dad for the afternoon?" No response. That is because I have never said no. It hasn't happened because his dad has been "too busy" or wanted it to be overnight and I have said school nights it out period. Summertime, fine. Weekends, fine. School nights, no. We talked about his rude behavior, his attitude towards the family (we are weird he says and he doesn't like us), pretty much everything. He was pissed at me for wanting to talk to him at all. Then he said it was because he had "just got home", excuses, excuses. Overall, it was good but he is still blaming me I know for stuff. I really wonder how the hell Sean gets away with leaving and being as ass yet I am the one who gets blamed for everything. How fair is that?