Our Island Family Life

I had another assignment today and I spent the morning while Sofie was at school completing it. I had to call tech support once to figure something out but I succeeded. I am still feeling real nervous about the whole thing. I have been working on meeting classmates on the discussion boards of my two classes and that has been interesting. I have to post at least three times on at least three days anyway for my discussion grade. After I was done with that I went to pick up Sofie and the boy I babysit from their second school field trip. They went to island store and learned about how it worked and they even made pizza. I picked up the mail on the way home and I had a ton. One good thing was to find out DHHS was going to pay one month of my electric bill. I have been current but this will help me to catch up on other things, like rent. Then I had three letters from my lawyer. A copy of the last mediation, a copy of the revised child support my lawyer was asked to draft at the mediation and a copy from the court telling me when my next court date will be. October 28th. If Sean signs the drafted revised child support then we won't have to go to court. I don't think he will. The nuts and bolts of it is, I have to pay him $8.17 a week for Connor. My lawyer subtracted that amount and added in all his debts and arrears so the amount I get will be exactly the same as Sean is paying now. That means he will no longer be going into arrears by being short every month but it will take him two years to pay off what he already owes. Also, the amount Sean has to pay for Cade goes up next year. I am sure Sean thought of that when he brought this whole thing up. It hadn't even occurred to me. If Sean signs this at least I will be getting the same amount I am getting now which is a kind of relief. Things will of course change again when Will graduates and then again a few months later when Cade turns 12. It's so confusing. I pray Sean signs.

I got a call from the bay lines earlier today as well. They told me Connor never came in to get his boat pass. If he doesn't do it then he will lose it. Since he is a student the city pays for his pass. I told him several times to do it and reminded him again on my birthday. I emailed Sean and told him he needed to bring Connor down himself to make sure it got done. I was not going to enable Connor's irresponsible behavior by paying for any future ferry tickets for him if he didn't. Either Sean or Connor himself will have to pay for them. Sean replied and thanked me for reminding him about it and that he would take care of it. He was just trying to make nice saying he had just forgotten and had been planning on doing it. Please. Since both Sean and Connor are equally irresponsible about things like this I have no faith it will get done. I hate to act tough about this but I am going to stay firm. I have told Connor I love him and want to see him but I am not going to change the rule of the house to tailor fit his bad behavior. If he loses the pass he won't be able to come see his family here without paying for a ticket. If he loses it and winds up coming back home to live then I don't know what I will be able to do. I guess work with the bay lines to figure something out.

On the plus side Sean finally scheduled an appointment for Connor for therapy. I know he only did it because he is being watched closely by the court. Connor goes back October 13th. His last scheduled appointment was August 31st but he didn't go. The last time he has gone was July 2oth. Because of Sean's interference Connor will have missed out on nearly three months. I will call the counselor and let him know my concerns but I am not going to go. I am going to back away and see what Connor does.

Speaking of therapy the co-parenting counselor called today. Our old one. She has talked with Sean and I guess he told her he was ok seeing her. I have no idea what their conversation was but I hope she held him accountable for lying for saying he was ok seeing her when he said to another therapist in the office he wasn't. Their problem I guess. We have a tentative date set for October 6th. She said she would get back to me after she talks with him again. I feel so dragged down by it all. I just have little hope of it working out. It would be great if it did but I know him being there is all an act so it makes me sad and a little angry to be wasting my time. I have to try for the kids sake. The court will order us into high conflict otherwise. Maybe that would be better? I don't know.

Now for the stuff that made me sad this week. Sofie cried again telling me how much she missed Connor. I asked her if she able to tell him when she saw him last weekend that she loved him and missed him. She said she did but "the mean witch told me he couldn't come back but I could come see him whenever I wanted." I was a little upset about that since Sofie wasn't even asking him to come home but just telling him she missed him. This was something that should have been between Connor and Sofie. Kathryn had no right to interfere. Sofie then told me her dad was standing there the whole time and did and said nothing. I also am not thrilled with the fact Kathryn told her Sofie could see him whenever she wants when that just isn't the truth. The way things are with their schedules, Sofie's school and the tension just doesn't make that feasible. She lied and that is a terrible thing to do to Sofie. Will overheard Sofie telling me all this and after she left told me Cade had come up to him and asked him if Connor had spoken to him at all in school. Will told him Connor hadn't. Cade told him Connor had told him and their dad that Connor had tried several times to talk to Will and that Will had ignored him. Will was furious. He told Cade that was an absolute lie. Will admitted he hadn't gone out of his way to speak to Connor but he has never ignored him or has Connor even bothered to try and speak to him. Cade just nodded and walked away. Will was angry at Connor for lying and he knew Connor was trying to make himself look like an injured party to their dad, who is of course buying the whole thing because Sean and Will don't speak to each other. Sean has told me he thinks Will is a bad kid which is so far from true it isn't even funny. Connor is testing the waters a bit I think. Cade asked me if I missed Connor and I said of course I did. Connor is telling him I don't. That Will hates him. I think Connor thinks there are sides here. That Will is on my side and I am angry at him for picking his "dad's side". Trying to talk to Connor is like smashing your head on a brick wall. No matter how many times Will has told him his problems with their dad is just about the two of them and not me Connor just doesn't get it. Also, Connor I think is missing home but is afraid to come back or let us know because then he would be "hurting" his dad. As far as I'm concerned this is his issue and his problem and I have said all I can say at this point. The only thing I can do now is strongly encourage his need to be in therapy and why. I can not make it happen while Sean has shared rights and responsibilities. What bothers me most about that is Sean wants all the rights and none of the responsibility. When I think of both Sean and Connor with such fragile mental states I worry. A lot. How can Connor recognize how bad the decisions his dad makes are? How can Sean see how bad the choices Connor makes are? They can't. I have to sit and wait for everything to crash. I have to remind myself not to fall into Sean's trap of him telling everyone he is ok. Whenever I start thinking he is probably just fine I look at the long list of medications he was on and tell myself I didn't imagine the whole thing. I didn't make this up like he claims. I met his pdoc. I held the prescriptions in my hands. No matter how much Sean wants to pretend he is ok and he isn't bipolar I can't let him try and convince me again I am just blowing this out of proportion. If it this hard for me I can only imagine how hard it is for Connor.