Our Island Family Life

1 - Sofie after opening her secret santa gift. 2 - Graham Cracker houses made at the craft fair. 3 - School Play from left, Olivia (standing), Eliza, Kai, Sofie and Aiden. 4 - Connor eating veggie lasagna and Will's elbow. The "other brother" Will across the table with his girlfriend. 5 - Sofie with her secret santa gift a princess doll and horse. 6 - Cade with his jingle bells for the kids march around the hall. 7 - Sofie getting ready for the march

It's been a quiet week so far. I have been catching up on my school work and spending some time for myself. Still, feeling a little stuffy and blowing my nose I have been resting and sleeping in which has been so wonderful. I feel a little spoiled. Especially last night. The power went out and there was nothing else to do but go to bed anyway. We got power back sometime during the night so we never got cold at all. On another note, I did put all the Christmas decorations away though so I have been doing something.

Well, the snow wasn't too bad out here. The wind is pretty bad but we didn't lose power and for me that's all that matters. We had maybe five inches or so. It was light and easy to shovel. Good thing since I did it myself. Will can't go out into the cold at all or he starts coughing continuously. He had bronchitis. He is much better but he still has random coughing fits. We had to use a neighbors nebulizer to help his breathing out. I should have just kept the one Sean had. He said he was cured of asthma when he left here and left it behind. I guess he thought when he was leaving this life here with his family he was cured all all aliments, bipolar and asthma. Well, I sent him his inhalers and the nebulizer. I should have kept it for Will and Sean should have dealt with the consequences of his insanity and bought a new one for himself. I will have to see about getting one for the rare times Will should need it. I am too darn nice for my own good sometimes. Anyway, Connor was sound asleep and I didn't want to wait for him so I just went out and shoveled myself. I needed to start the car to keep the sketchy battery functional and get the trash cans which we put out the night before. I took my time and did a little bit at a time and it was fine. My nose is still a little runny so I had to come in a blow my nose anyway. My cold was really nasty just before xmas and I was feeling pretty bad. Christmas day though I was feeling much better. We had a nice day. I had to bring Sofie and Cade in that afternoon though and they won't be back until Saturday. Sofie was beside herself not wanting to go. Cade didn't want to go either. On Will's birthday (the 23rd, he's 18 now!) Sean called and asked to speak with Cade. Then he asked to speak to Sofie. Then he hung up. Cade said his dad told him they were going to go to Boston to visit Kathryn's relatives. Cade had no desire to to that. So Sean was going to pick them up on Christmas and leave them with his parents. He was supposed to come back on Monday. Let's hope he had brains enough not to drive in the storm. Especially if he changed his mind and brought the kids with him anyway. Who knows? Sean never asked to speak with Will to wish him a happy birthday. I thought for sure when I dropped the kids off Sean would have given me presents to give Will and Connor. He gave Will a card at least last year and sent two for Connor. Even though one was something Connor already owned and Sean just wrapped it and a used book it was something. He had nothing for them and I didn't ask. I am always surprised that he can still shock me. I will say though I am getting delayed reactions. I didn't even realize until I was back on the boat for home he hadn't given me anything. Maybe he will send something back this Saturday. You never know. Really, with Sean you never know.

I caught Sofie's cold. Here I was thanking the stars above I never got "really" sick with that stomach bug that hit the kids last week other than one nasty day and a few other days were I felt a little tired. Last night I began sniffing. This morning I am a leaky faucet and so very sleepy. I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning though. Which is a good thing since I just got a job cleaning two houses that are being rented by FEMA loggers while they are out here on the island. Cleaning up after all those men though isn't exactly easy. They leave for the weekends so I was at one house for about four hours yesterday which wasn't too bad. I was there while Sofie was at school on Friday for 2 hours just doing dishes and cleaning counter tops. Seriously. It will help me get through the winter though. I am not babysitting for a while. Lobster season is over for the mom I work for and she is training now for another job so until she is done with that I am out of work too. Luckily when I do babysit again I can still do the cleaning while the kids are at school so I don't have to pick jobs.

True things have been a bit depressing around here lately outside of the party. Since we have all been in various stages of stomach flu or cold/cough it has been kind of rough. Will is still home. He was fighting a fever all day yesterday and was throwing up this morning. He seems a bit better now and is getting some math done over the internet. Nice. Cade is top notch and is off at school. Sofie went to school yesterday but is home today again because she is coughing and her nose is a like a leaky faucet. Then there is Connor. He went to school yesterday then missed the boat home because when he got off the bus he had to run to the bathroom to throw up. He had to wait for the next ferry. He got home and was exhausted. I realized however it wasn't all physical. He said he needed some fresh air and went for a walk. He should have been home by 8pm but didn't get back until 9:30. He was at a friends house here on the island talking some things out. Now, it is a good thing he has someone I trust he can turn to. Missing his bedtime though is a serious issue. It is one of the first things that gets messed up when he gets depressed. He told me before he went to bed that his ex girlfriend (the one he moved away from here for, who subsequently cheated on him, then spread vile rumors about him because he didn't want to smoke and drink with her and her pals) came up to him yesterday telling him she wanted to be friends again and he didn't know how to handle that. He was vague at first which ex he talked to so I had to be blunt and just ask. Then he mumbled her name. What concerns me is how he is having trouble coping with stress. This is obviously upsetting to him and I won't downplay that. The fact it sets him in a tailspin though is not healthy. He was lethargic and mumbly. He then missed the boat this morning and slept until 9am. Close to 12 hours. He ate but was looking very pale. I know he is still feeling under the weather from the stomach flu and I am sure that is a huge contributing factor. It really hit him hard. I am actually glad he stayed though because I don't him throwing up in town again. All his assignments are online so he can still get his work done. Still, he is moody. I can tell he wants nothing more than to be friends again with this girl but his mind knows better. So, we will see.

Being up with Sofie two nights in a row cost me. I had tummy troubles myself on Thursday. I was in town as well so that was awful. I was so wiped out when I got home. I even fell asleep in Cade's lap at the bay lines waiting for the ferry. He was sweet and patted my head. All the boys put all the groceries and other things I had bought for the island party away for me. Connor said I had a long day and should rest. Are they trying to butter me up for Christmas? :)

Classes for my next semester start today. I am trying to get back into the feel of studying again even after only a week or so off. It will be interesting with things being so busy with Christmas coming up and all the extra appointments this month. I am going to do my best not to stress out about it.

I have had two hours of sleep and have a huge headache. I had trouble falling asleep last night. Now I can only assume it was some kind of spidey sense tingling because Sofie started throwing up around 12:30. This was of course after I had gotten up at 11pm thinking I was going to be a mess if I didn't get any sleep and took a sleeping pill. I had to battle to stay awake since she kept getting up to throw up and her knees were hurting as well. Finally around 4am I fell asleep and then she got up around 6am. The pill I took made me feel queasy and I kept bumping into things for a few hours but it finally wore off. Now I am just so very tired. Thankfully she is napping now I think the worst if over. Maybe she ate something bad?

It's 10am and I have only just finished breakfast. I had some chores to do before I got Sofie off to school then I was on the phone for about an hour. Time flies. It was all Christmas party stuff and about play practices and when to set up tables and decorations, getting all the food ready for about 80-100 people. Since it is only three moms and some volunteers it can get a little crazy. Fun though. Not stressful. What will stress me out is if Sofie decides to get too shy to get on stage this year. She is so outgoing you wouldn't think it would be a problem but there you have it.

Cliff Island School Times

So my final grades were 98 and 99. I know I shouldn't be upset at those kinds of grades but the mistakes I made were foolish ones. Other than that I am pretty happy. Don't expect me to tell about any future grades though. I don't want to jinx myself.

So, my first semester is officially over. Now I am just waiting to see how the final projects did and how that will changes my overall grade. In the meantime I will be starting the next semester next week. I am a bit nervous. The books for my next two classes came in the mail Tuesday. The web design class looks pretty intimidating. One step at a time I guess.

Kids came home yesterday. Sofie was a real mess. Hair all knotted up, pants that were too short, a shirt that was picked out by a crazed hippie and shoes covered in mud. Her knee hurt and she was exhausted. Cade was ok, but he had a real hissy fit later. sean again didn't walk them off the boat. I don't know what he is thinking. I changed Sofie into her jammies, got her some medicine and the warm bear for her knee and settled her in bed with her blanky, some juice and a movie. I gave her a bath later after she was feeling a little better. Cade had homework to do and used it as excuse to freak out about all the other stuff stressing him out. He threw his pencil and pulled his hair and growled and cried. His face was all red. Not coping well at all. I had to spend most of my time with him. Will cooked dinner and Connor took out the trash and got things for Sofie and for Cade which was a big help. Connor also finished off his homework by getting everything organized and writing a 27 page essay. He worked all afternoon and was very proud at the amount of stuff he did. It really is so much better when they do things on their own and feel that sense of accomplishment instead of what Sean was doing to him. On the other end of the spectrum was Cade who still does need some hovering. What I am trying to do for him now is just show him the importance of being organized and to deal with things one step at a time. He was going on and on about how hard his homework was and I had to point out he was a step ahead. How does he know how hard it is when he doesn't even know what he has to do? His agenda was blank. He of course tried to argue about everything and make excuses. So told him he could make excuses and choose to fail or when he calmed down he could ask me for help in a respectful way. I want to help him but I am not going to argue with him or be treated badly by him just because he is angry. He knows where I will be and I walked off. It took him and hour and a half of mumbling and struggling before he came to me telling me he was taking a break. I told him no. He had too much to do and he already had a break. He freaked out again and I gave him his choices again and again walked away. He came to me again and cried how he hasn't had any fun since Thursday. I told him I was sorry for that and there was going to be a lot of opportunities to have fun this week but he had already made an agreement with me last Wednesday he would be doing this homework when he got home in Sunday and I would clean out his backpack for him and organize it to make things a little easier for him. I held up my end of the bargain and now he had to do his part. Besides the amount of homework he had to do wasn't because he didn't understand it or because he hadn't passed stuff in because he was lazy but because he was so disorganized he didn't know he even had homework half the time. That is what he needs to focus on. That is step one for school success for him. He then said he was overwhelmed. I agreed he probably was but did he ask me for help? He said no of course and made excuses as to why I wouldn't help him. I pointed out I had already told him I would several times but he never came to me. Plus, he never really asked. Instead he made assumptions and excuses. That is his responsibility not mine. So he gathered his stuff and we went through it piece by piece. He was so close to having a lot of pages done but didn't even realize it. We broke it down and even though by 8pm he wasn't completely done he had about 80% of it finished. He has until Friday to get everything accomplished. I wasn't going to make him stay up past his bedtime to complete it. He saw what he had done and how easy it had been to do and felt good and a bit silly for his behavior. I told him if he hadn't behaved so poorly in the first place he could have done it all. He is staying after school today to do more work. Will and Connor both offered to help him on the boat this morning so I will find out tonight how things went. It was real nice to see the boys all work together helping each other and me. Connor even offered to talk to Cade about school and letting Cade vent his frustrations with him. Will and Connor too have been joking and talking to each other all week. It's nice to see. Connor is finally beginning to find common ground with Will and recognizing it is ok for them to not like all of the same things and enjoy the things they do without making fun of the other person for their differences. Will thank goodness is not being a smart mouth with Connor. I swear it is a big brother syndrome.

When did I post last? I don't remember. So much has happened since then I can't keep my mind focused.

I think the holidays are a bad time of year for Sean. His drama always increases this time of year and it tends to spoil it for the rest of us.

I seem to recall saying the last time Sean and Cade had it out about money and stealing issues that I wasn't very pleased how it was "resolved". They agreed to disagree and drop the whole thing and just start talking again. I really felt they needed to talk the whole thing out in therapy but they never did. So, here we are again.

Cade came home yesterday and I knew something was off the second the kids got off the boat. Sean didn't even walk Sofie off and she walked off the plank by herself. I tried not to freak out since she should still be holding someones hand so she doesn't accidentally slip off and plop into the ocean. He was no where to be seen and I asked Cade if they rode alone. They didn't thank goodness but I couldn't fathom why he didn't come off no matter how mad he may be at me. I got the kids in the car and I was pulled aside by a friend who was on the boat with them and she told me he completely ignored them the whole ride until the very end when he said good bye to Sofie and said how much he was going to miss her then he just sent her on her way. My friend was the one looking after them the whole ride. I thanked her and apologized. What else could I do?

After we got home Cade seemed ok. I think he was doing well because he really popped his top with his dad this weekend. He just vomited all the stuff he had been holding in for a while. What tipped the scales wasn't the stealing issue but the fact his dad was yelling at him. Not just about the issue at hand but all kinds of things. As for that problem Sean was just screaming at Cade to admit that he stole the money. Cade refused. He tried to explain the work he had done to earn the money but Sean refused to listen. Then Kathryn stepped in and said how Cade wasn't going to admit anything and was according to Cade being sarcastic. So, Cade paused for a second, and then yelled at them both to, "Shut the hell up!" Well, this got their attention. I can only imagine. Cade never swears at home. Never. I won't go into all the details but in the end Sean took Cade's money. Money Cade worked for and earned on his own because Sean told him he didn't believe him. I bit my tongue and tried not to say I told you so to Cade because I have told him many times not to bring his money over there because sooner or later it was going to get taken away. Cade flipped out and asked his dad who the thief was now? This rehashed all the old wounds of Sean taking and selling things that belonged to the boys when he was living here. Sean told him I had brainwashed him and that never happened. He was still living here. They saw him do it. I never had to say anything. I have mentioned before how the boys and I had gotten together and made a banana box of things we gave him to sell that was chosen by them in hopes he wouldn't just take whatever he thought was ok to sell on his own. It was an attempt to compromise and forgive him. How am I brainwashing them? Then Cade told him if he didn't stop behaving the way he does none of his kids would live with him or even want to see him anymore. Sean said the reason Will didn't visit was because Will is childish about Sean telling him to give a toy back to Regan. It's been a while but I was stunned yet again. Does he really think that? Oh. My. God. Cade brought up Will's money Sean stole and Kathryn was the one who answered and told Cade that sometimes parents have to made hard decisions and that I knew all about it. That was wrong on SO many levels. Cade told her to stay out of it and stop bad-mouthing me. He was sick of it. Much more was said I assure you and it was nice both Will and Connor were there to support him because I really, really had to stay out of it. I just told him that I was sorry he had a bad day. In the end Cade said his dad finally stopped yelling at him after Cade gave him a few more choice (meaning swears) words and went to his room and cried, loudly. Sean cried, not Cade who felt quite empowered apparently. Cade also told him he wasn't coming back over Thanksgiving vacation and Sean told him that was fine. Ok. After a while Sean came out of his room and gave Cade several cd's he knew Cade wanted from his father's collection. Nothing like trying to buy back affection. Cade took them of course, thanked him, then told his that it didn't change anything and he wasn't coming back. I am so very glad Cade has therapy tomorrow. So, very, very glad.

I heard desperation in his voice. I almost felt bad.

Sofie likes changing her name. She was Annabell last week. Elizabeth on Monday and has been Jeannie the rest of the week.

Well, Connor is home. I didn't truly believe it was going to happen until he called asking for me to come and pick him up at the dock because he had all his stuff. All of it. I guess I have come a long way. In the past I would just trip along believing anything I was told only to get creamed later when things didn't happen or realize I had been lied to. Over and over again. In Connor's case I still had hope he was serious about coming home for good but I didn't think what he was telling me would necessarily happen. He could change his mind and not tell me, Sean could have convinced him to stay, so many many reasons for it to not happen. I think it is good for me because I feel less pain and sadness and disappointment this way. I also don't feel resentment towards the other person. I still need to work on it and building expectations. As I said in Connor's case I did feel some hope. Hope is a dangerous thing sometimes. It can be crushing rather than uplifting. In my dealings with Sean I think I am much further along. I have no hope for him anymore. I have to guard myself at this point to not go too far in the other direction. I will believe it when I see it and actions over words is a great thing but it can be easy to just say I don't believe a word out of your mouth either. I want to strive to be neutral. Even that makes me sad.

Why am I posting today when I should be in town cooling my heels waiting for a therapy session for Connor with Sean? Well, yesterday I took all the kids to the dentist. Good news is, no cavities. Bad news is, Connor will need to see a specialist about two of his back teeth which have the gums growing over them because they grew in crooked. He may need rear braces for those two teeth otherwise in a few years he could have bone damage and need to have them pulled. I can't wait to tell Sean about that. Connor seemed ok with it though so that was fine with me. Anyway, I had all the kids with me which was nice and we went to the store to pick up a few things. Will and Cade stayed in the car while I had Sofie with me and Connor came along. He said he was coming home for good today. I kind of blinked. I asked him about his session and he said he wasn't going. I asked him if he had talked with his dad about all of this and he said no. I sighed in my mind. I told him he really should and that the session would be a great place to do that. He is of course still angry with his dad for how he went about scheduling it. I can't force him to go since he will get zip for benefit out of it. I learned this the hard way (and not just with him but his father and brothers as well) so I didn't push it at all. He asked me if I would call Frank to cancel and I said no. I said his dad was the one who scheduled it and his dad was the one who demanded to take over that aspect of Connor's care so I was going to leave that responsibility to his father. This was again another subtle hint on my part for him to speak with his dad about the issue but also this is something Sean needs to go through and deal with. I told Connor if he wasn't going to go then I was going to stay home and work. He said again he refused to go so that was that. I asked him if everything went ok when he got back to his dad's on Monday and he said it didn't. He didn't elaborate and I didn't pry further. He will tell me when he is ready. He did say that Kathryn exploded on him about him not putting a glass in the dishwasher. So, she has gone up from lectures to yelling. She then refused to talk to him the rest of the day and glared at him whenever he got near. I know she has done this with Cade in the past and it is one reason why Sean wanted her in therapy with Cade. Connor just said he was done, all done with it there. He was worried about getting his stuff back here without them noticing. I am expecting the next few weeks to be awful tense for sure. He said he was going to do a secret commando mission to bring as much of his cd's and clothes as he could without anyone figuring it out then coming home here straight from school. I told him he will need to let his dad know where he is or he will worry. Connor said once he is physically here he will call him and deal with it then. Otherwise he is afraid his dad will try and force him to stay. I said nothing. I will let them work this out. Legally Sean can't do that. Speaking of legally all hell is going to break loose now. I see one of two things happening, Sean will cave and drop everything or it's going to be a nasty escalation next month in court. I am going to continue to let the chips fall for now and call my lawyer after the holidays to schedule a meeting to discuss what we are going to do for the court date already scheduled for December 21st. Connor being back home will change things a bit. I won't have to pay Sean child support at least. After that...who knows? I am not going to count any chickens yet.

Sofie woke up with a 100.8 fever this morning. She was crying about her knees and her arm hurting. I figured it was an early morning growing pains thing since her ankle hurt last night too. I gave her some medicine and she fell back to sleep. I didn't wake her back up for school thinking when she got up and was fine I would just take her in a little late but when she woke up she had the fever. She still has it and has been in my bed all day sleeping off and on. It came out of no where. Most of my plans got wiped for the day since I have been massaging her legs a good part of the day. I am glad I didn't have to go in after all. I am just now taking a quick break to do some school work and make an update before she wakes up again.

Keep your fingers crossed for Connor today and his great escape across the Berlin wall.