Our Island Family Life: February 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Bad Thoughts

2 comments Posted by perphila at 12:04 PM

There are times when I worry for my immortal soul. It is true I never actually do anything criminal or even outright mean but it doesn't mean bad thoughts don't cross my mind from time to time. Especially just before I have my period...:) Anyway, I was bit by the revenge fairy when I came across this picture. I had dreams of somehow stashing this in Sean's house and wondered what kind of chaos it would cause. Would TMW find it first and accuse him of cheating? Would he, and think she was pregnant and by who? Of course I would never do it and even wasting time thinking about it is pointless. I was amused for a while though. I feel bad having such thoughts even infrequently. I feel like a bad person when I do. :( I will be sure to share my next revenge fairy moment.

Class was canceled today. The winds are to high for the teacher and other student to make it here. I am still doing my workbook answers anyway. I wonder if we will review it on Saturday for a bit or still do the whole CPR day?

Work was canceled today as well. When your job is dependent on the water things like this happen. My friend is working on the mainland for the off season (she lobsters) in a seafood processing plant. The boats can't go out shrimping because of the winds.

Morning school for Cade was canceled. All the kids except Cade were out sick throwing up. He was going to get tomorrow off for various reasons but they rescheduled this mornings lessons for tomorrow morning. He is going in this afternoon though. He will be the only one there..lol.

What a messed up day.

I'm off to make some lunch.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Alice 6...

2 comments Posted by perphila at 3:15 PM

No one is happy in this picture. Even Alice's smile seems forced. That grabbed my attention as well as the creepiness of the characters. The queen is a bit of an amazon here.

Butt Backwards

0 comments Posted by perphila at 2:28 PM

I haven't done my other regular posts and here I am a day early for Caught my Eye. Oh well. Anyway, love the concept of knowing my toast isn't turning black. One slice at a time though? Not for my big family. Also, cleaning it might be annoying. Good for people living alone maybe.

So, I had my first class last night. It was interesting. Lot's of people from other islands I didn't know. That was unnerving for me. We got our book (1246pgs), workbook and intro packet. We also got a cd-rom. Ours to keep. Did the introductions and stuff. Nothing to tough. The food for the night was beef stew, homemade bread, fruit and yogurt. I have to read three chapters for tomorrow. I did that today but I decided to do the workbook stuff tomorrow. I figured, read today, workbook to refresh then class to solidify the info in my mind. I hope my plan works...lol. Saturday is CPR for 6 hours. I was certified before but let it lapse so I am hoping this will be a refresher for me.

I thought I was going to have work off today but it turned out I got a call this morning asking if I could do a few hours and (duh) I said yes. I sat in bed with a cup of tea and read, the kids were rather calm and had some fruit and watched a movie. I think because of the rain they were feeling the effects and were more subdued.

It's a half day at the high school so Connor's teacher told him to stay home. He has been coughing since Saturday. He has been a trooper though and has been going to school anyway. He doesn't have a fever and isn't hacking his brains out or anything. I've been keeping a close eye on him. I better not hear about his attendance being an issue when he was told to stay home. Will is home as well. He never goes on half days anyway and the teachers all know that. Half days mean three hours travel and three and a half hours of wait for the boat time as opposed to two and a half hours of school. No brainer on what they boys are going to do.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I like rainy days. I feel fat of course, no change there but I feel like I have gotten a lot done today. I did all my chores, have dinner planned, Sofie is napping without struggle, I worked, did my homework, wrote, submitted my stuff and was given a recommendation for one of my stories. All good. Also, the leftovers got eaten so I am feeling thrifty. I hope the day keeps rolling along.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Motivation

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:45 AM

...or the lack there of. I haven't been posting much lately. When it comes to thinking about what to say about what's been going on it is pretty much the same crap so...why bore the fans right? :)

Anyway, I don't know how Sean does it going two weeks at a time without seeing the kids. I suppose it's because he has a new life with new kids and seeing our kids is kind of like something you have to do on occasion because you know you should but if you didn't really have to you wouldn't. Cade and Sofie came home Sunday and they both crawled in bed with me that night. Sofie actually was exhausted and fell asleep in my lap. Both of them have been eating non stop. I am very glad Cade had Monday off from school because he really needed a decompression day. They slept in until almost 9am, ate a huge breakfast (I made pancakes w/sausage and fruit) and it was an amazingly quiet morning. I babysat from noon to 5pm and Sofie cried when Aiden left. She missed him last week. All afternoon on Sunday she kept hugging and kissing me telling me she missed me and was glad to be home. She clung to me like a spider monkey and only really left my side when Aiden came to play. So far, they have been pretty mum on how their week went. Cade has made a few snide remarks but it will all come out in the wash later I'm sure. What I did notice was that Sofie is now calling Sean by his name without hesitation. I thought that was odd. I figured she would be in the groove of calling him dad after seeing him for a week but it's just the opposite.

I have a full work day today. I got three extra hours this morning. No complaints there. I need the money. So I will be done at five today then I have my first EMT class at six. I will have dinner done for the kids around five anyway. I'm not going to eat because food is being provided at the hall for all of the students. I shall partake of the free food and leave more here the the kids. I am kind of tired right now but I hope I will perk up tonight. I won't get home until a little after 9pm. I know I will crash pretty quickly after that. No work on Wednesdays so I will study.

I never did go to the dentist on Friday. I just couldn't afford it. Even though the kids are now covered I'm not and Will had an eye appointment which is also not covered. Well, exams are but not frames and contacts or fittings and stuff. So, knowing I had to pay for that too I canceled the dentist. I have to pay the first $200 of any medical stuff a year before Sean has to pay his 68% portion of things. Will's visit was $140 so I am close to that quota already. He goes back this Friday for a follow up. I already paid for it last week but if he gets anything else I will have to pay more. Sean is short again with the child support for this month. Even though he has been playing catch up for last year this month I still need regular payments from him. I have enough for rent next month but nothing else. Since some things are on automatic withdrawal I won't have the rent money either. I hope I get paid for baby sitting soon. I might be able to make it then. *sigh*

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Stuff I forgot to do...3

1 comments Posted by perphila at 1:32 PM

What's cookin' Friday:

Breakfast:

English muffin with a fried egg (runny) and Swiss cheese. Juice.

Lunch: Skipped

Dinner: Leftover roast chicken, shredded on a bed of rice surrounded by broccoli and drizzled with leftover gravy. Milk

Snacks that day: Half a milky way candy bar, a can of ginger ale

Plenty of water and one cup of tea

Stuff I forgot to do...2

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:14 PM

I also didn't get around to my library pick. I am not sure if you can find this in the library or will have to ask for it.

These series of books have inspired two movies ( I have both) and a slew of graphic novels. You can find this for Kindle now as well. Set in the far future after a world war that decimated most humans, vampires and various demons now rule. After 10,000 years of this the vampires are dying out and humans are beginning to reassert themselves. D is a dampiel (have vampire half human) who hunts the vampires and helps humans. Although it is never said outright that he is the son of Dracula it is heavily implied.

I really enjoy these novels for various reasons. First off the artwork inside and the covers are just amazing and unique. The stories are not long but really make the reader have to work to visualize what's going on in a good way. One book is centered a lot in various dreams. I have a hard time understanding my own dreams! It is great fantasy, sci-fi and a smidgen of horror. Not for young readers due to some mature themes. There isn't a lot of it but enough to make me cringe just a bit. I have the first seven of these so far. Not exactly a beach read but not too difficult.

You can find them on amazon.

Stuff I forgot to do...1

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:10 PM

I forgot to do my Caught my eye Thursday...oops.

Here is my thing for the week. Isn't this product just inviting a food fight? Somewhat alluring to the dark side of my inner self. Still, don't buy this for a male of any age unless they also like to clean. Oxymoron?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wasted breath....

0 comments Posted by perphila at 2:58 PM

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was very intent on cleaning out part of my basement. The kids just stuff things there and then no one can move. I was pleased to note I still have half a tank of oil. I won't be posting tomorrow either. I have a dental appointment and Will has one for his eyes. I don't want to go because I am finally working again. My second day and I already have to say I can't do it. I am thinking of canceling my appointment and sending Will on his own for his. I don't need to be there. I dunno. I should get some food too I suppose. My hours are cut from 8 to 5. Not good. Still, I am glad to have anything at all.

The EMT classes start next week. I am pretty nervous. I'm glad it's in the evenings.

When I dropped off Cade and Sofie Monday Sean said he asked Connor to come and spend the day with him over vacation, any day was fine it was up to Connor to pick. Connor was there since he was taking the boat back with me after visiting a friend. I said that was fine since I had spoken to Sean about it. Well, yesterday Connor tells me he is spending the night with his dad and would be leaving in a few hours. I told him no. He went ranting about how I was a liar. I had said it was ok and that I have always said he could see him and now I was saying no, blah, blah, blah. I was very rude I must admit and read a book while he went on and on. I knew his little speech and ignored it. When he was done I asked him if I could finally speak and he said I could. I pointed out what I had agreed with and the plans I had knowledge of was of Connor spending some day this week with his dad. I did not know what day but I had also agreed he could go and spend Thursday with a friend on another island. I was not to be told about changes of plans but asked. Also, I had heard nothing of him spending the night from his dad. He said his dad was on the phone. I told him that if he wanted to spend the night I was ok with it as long as he was respectful in asking me, that he made sure he friend was informed of any changes in plans and that his dad had to either email me confirming that he was picking Connor up and that Connor was spending the night or he could even speak with me right now. Connor told me to forget it. He wouldn't go because I was upset.

Well, now I was mad. I told him that yes, now I was upset. I refused to let him blame me for his choices. I told him, both Connor and his dad knew that I had to have contact with Sean via email or phone about plans. We have discussed this time and time again. If neither of them wish to follow the rules than the reason Connor doesn't go will be because of them not me. If Connor doesn't see his dad because he thinks I am upset than that is Connor's problem. I have repeated over and over he can go as long as I am informed. I have no control of what Connor perceives my feelings to be but I have certainly been vocal on what my wishes were and they were not in any way keeping him away from his dad. I also put on the table that there have been plenty of times I have encouraged him to go and Connor couldn't be bothered for various reasons. The only time he starts mouthing off about me keeping him from his dad is after he speaks with Sean. I told him I have been letting Connor make decisions for himself and letting him forge his own relationship with his father. Just the two of them. If they can't get it together enough to even call each other, email or visit then the responsibility of having a lacking bond is their own fault. I would not, refused to and would no longer feel guilty for how they treated each other. They both had to handle it. All I was asking was to be informed as to where my son, my child, would be. If I didn't know, then he wasn't going and it would be no different if he was going to a friends house or his grandparents. I treated visiting his father equally with everyone else. I was not stricter with him and if Connor thought I was or he was being told I was he was very much mistaken. I also told him despite how upset I was at the moment for his rude behavior and false accusations I was still not telling him no. He had to follow the rules that had been set down and if he chose to go or not depended on that. Simple. The end. Until I head from his dad the answer was no. About 2 hours later Sean emailed me and told me what time he would be at the bay lines to pick up Connor. I called Connor from his room and told him I had just heard from his dad and that he could go. The boat was leaving in an hour. Sean could have talked to me on the phone but didn't. Connor was left in limbo for two hours. Connor didn't know why his dad waited so long to contact me. I really wanted to tell him it was because his dad like jerking people around. He simply hates the fact he has to confirm stuff with me even though he had agreed to and even said it was a great idea in an email simply because it was my idea. So to jerk me around Connor suffers and Sean could care less.

Speaking of jerking around how about the last time he saw Connor to take him shopping he said he had Connor's belated birthday present. (Connor called him and asked Sean to take him) Did he have it? No. He finally gave it to him on Monday. (Connor's birthday was in January) Sean was going to give it to me to give him along with a birthday card from his uncle. I need to tell them not to mail stuff for the kids to Sean. Connor noticed it had been opened and there was no money inside. Granted his uncle might not have sent him birthday money but it would have been odd since he has done it every year since he was 5. Connor only shook his head. I said nothing. I asked him nothing. I don't want to reinforce the idea his dad would steal from him. If Connor chooses to ask his uncle about it then it will be between them.

The only plus I can give Sean in all this was the fact he actually called Connor (the first time in MONTHS) to ask him to spend the night. Of course, you have to take some points back because he was well aware to what I had agreed to and knew by changing plans he had to talk to me. He could have asked for me first and told me he wanted to ask and if Connor said yes to let me know. Did he? No. He wanted drama. Anyway, Connor comes home today. He will see his friend on Saturday instead of today.

So venting done. I am just sick of repeating myself, that's all. Of course I will admit that I have underlying layers of stuff that has shortened my patience a bit. Like the whole tax mess that is still unresolved. I need to call the IRS again and see if Sean paid them or if they took the money out of his return. I am filing on the 15th to be safe. Also, Sean is still behind in child support. Getting sick of his games and having to just swallow it. Gotta put my charge down for a nap...I might to a book post later.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Maple Sugar

0 comments Posted by perphila at 3:29 PM

Watch Cade stumble his way in explaining how to tell which trees are good for making syrup. This is a school video.

Anime Tuesdays 5 - Kodocha

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:48 AM

Boy, did this anime save us. We began watching this on tv only shortly before Sean left. Cade was 7 and loved the crazy humor. This is about a young girl (elementary) who is also an actress. She lives with her mother and her manager. She meets a boy who is rude to her friend and it becomes an all out war. Eventually, as the story progresses she grows up and the story becomes slightly darker. She always knew she was adopted and becoming a famous actress was their goal to finding her birth mother. Her adopted mother is a famous novelist and quite eccentric. She has a squirrel who lives in houses on her head. She always makes Cade laugh. The girl also finds her real dad who never knew of her birth. They were already friends before the truth was known but he died shortly after. She became good friends with the rude boy from before and they confess to each other much later. There are 102 episodes and we had only gotten to the part of her father's death when it was taken off air. I managed to find the rest online and so we are watching them now. Kodocha was vital to our routine in the time after Sean left. It helped keep things normal. It was on early in the morning just before school. We would sit on the floor and eat breakfast and watch the show. Sofie would crawl over us and dance to the music. Every single day we would do this and it made just beginning the day possible. Crying was part of every day back then. I am so glad this crazy girl made him smile. Now as we watch and he is closer to her age he understands more, still loves her upbeat attitude and crazy antics. We share talks about what she is feeling and reflect back on those days. It's bittersweet.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Alice Mondays 5

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:15 AM

This looks too good to eat. I imagine the Mad Hatter would love serving these at a tea party..:)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

0 comments Posted by perphila at 5:31 PM

Just a quick post.

Happy Valentines to all my friends and family! I don't feel too bad this year. I am grateful for that. Sofie's little friend Aiden popped by and gave her chocolates in a butterfly box. She was very excited and hugged him. It was so sweet you could have died. I made the kids their favorite foods for lunch. I bet they don't even realize it was a present for them....:) The cupid basket went over well. I got two used dvd's for $3 and some candy. One dvd was oriented for the older kids and the other the younger ones. It's hard finding something to please everyone. We played all kinds of games today. I am sure that all helped me. Then I took a little time to myself to do some writing. I have to bring Cade and Sofie to town tomorrow and they'll be gone until next Sunday. I find myself hating that more than anything else. Cade is getting cranky about it. *sigh*

Saturday, February 13, 2010

What's Cookin' Friday 4 - oops

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:42 AM

I forgot to post yesterday. I was very busy. I washed all the linens which is a good and bad thing. Once I wash my sheets I want to sleep in them right away and roll around in their scent. Then I had some fun searching under my bed. I have my bed against the wall on two sides. In the far corner things collect. I get under my bed about once a week and I am always stunned to see how much gathers there in such a short time. Yesterday I found three different socks. Not one pair. A long underwear top (Cade's). Two books. Three candy wrappers and of course dustballs. They were big though.

Anyway, here was my food day:

Breakfast: yogurt w/mix - in's and melon.

Sofie snack: banana, one pop tart, tangerine

Lunch: PB&J and milk

Dinner: applesauce, tomato soup with green beans mixed in, sprinkled w/cheese

After dinner: Kids had some goldfish (the baked snack not actual fish) and watched a movie. I had a soda for my upset tummy.

I was feeling lazy on cooking since I spent a long time cleaning yesterday. I can't mop my floors with a mop because I can't find a new mop head for it. I have looked for months now just winging it on the crappy one I had. I finally found what I thought light work but it didn't so Ih ad to wipe my floor by hand. My knees were red and my back hurt. Of course, that was probably just period related. Time to buy a new mop I guess.

Since I was late with my food report I will add a bonus of what I have had so far today.

Breakfast: one boiled egg and toast: tea. Kids finished off the melon.

Me: water and two Tylenol. Not real food but hey.....:)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Pain = Stubborn Pride

1 comments Posted by perphila at 5:37 PM

Heck of a day. This is gonna get bloody so that's your warning.....

I woke up this morning hurting so bad I wanted to cry. I suppose I will have to schedule something with my doctor about it but I want my moneys worth. I know that sounds confusing. This may be a little rehash for some but I will only try and do bullet points for this.

Just before Sean left I was due for my first physical since I had given birth to Sofie. I had the post baby check ups of course and at the time I had to think about what I wanted to do for birth control. I told you...not pretty. Anyway, I used the pill yet again even though it raised havoc with my body. I would get headaches that turned into migraines and whenever I went off them I would lose 20 lbs and when I went on them I gained 20. Sean and I discussed about the idea of not having more kids as opposed to maybe having them in the future. When we had decided enough was enough he agreed he would have a vasectomy. I had a friend who switched to an IUD for migraine relief and I talked with the doctor about it in June of the year Sean left. He left in August. I had been tossing the idea around for months and talked with Sean about it and in the end he said I needed to do what I felt was best for my body. After talking with the doctor I decided to give it a go, told Sean and went back the last week of June and got it. It is supposed to last 5 years and can be removed if plans change to have a baby. Well, true to form my body didn't react the way "most" women do. After a year I wasn't having shorter less painful periods. Mine were never really painful to begin with. More so after each baby but still not the nightmare I heard some women had. Mine were longer than most but other than being annoying no big deal. Now, they are bloodier and painful like being squished with a vise. My moods are nuts and I boo hoo a lot which I didn't before. Plus side is much fewer headaches which was my main reason for switching to begin with. Oh and I lost weight when I first got it too. A nice plus.

Then Sean left. Then I got the bill. Insurance didn't cover it. Nice to know ahead of time right? Who got stuck with the bill? Me. I asked Sean to help and he told me no. I know it is a my body thing but I spent literally hours discussing this with him. Researched and pros and cons. Was this right for our family? You know, making the big decisions together thing. Not to mention, I am good with pain but getting it hurt like...well, it hurt like hell. Guess I am just extra sensitive *shrug* Anyway, went though that pain for nothing. I could have had it removed by now. It's back to weighing pros and cons. It's main function is now pointless for me. Maybe too much info but there you have it. Is this pain worth it? I paid for the darn thing and I want to use it to the bitter end. Will I get a new one. Why bother? I got two years left on it. I kept it with the optimistic idea that it might come in handy someday if I remarried. I mean. Five years is a long time right? Apparently not. I still can't imagine getting into another relationship and even if I did I have little options.

So, anyway, I was doubled over and knew I had to go into town for school conferences. After scarfing Tylenol. (Don't worry it was as directed) I scraped myself and Sofie together to the boat. She fell on the way and we missed it. Slogging back to the house I called Will then the school and left messages. I got Sofie cleaned up and we both curled up in bed moaning and crying. I have about two to three more days of this.

I was really beside myself because I was going to get my valentine presents for the kids today. Now I will have to think of something else because I am not going into town tomorrow. There is a valentines party at Cade's school. "Cupid" always comes and leaves them a basket. Cade and Sofie are still fooled but the older kids know better. They are sweet and say nothing. Will even adds to the basket. I started this tradition because Valentines day is my anniversary. Sean and I used to go out for the night and usually weren't around that day to be with the kids. So I made the cupid basket and left it with whoever was with the kids to bring out for them to see in the morning and Sean and I would call home. Well, I would call and then hand him the phone. It was kind of funny that I would always get my period on or near Valentines. Every single year. So it seems my body it doing it again. It was a very special day for us and it why we gave Sofie the middle name Valentine. To show how much we loved each other and her. I have a real difficult time calling her that now. I usually call her Sofie May. All the boys do. It was a name we had considered as a middle one and the boys were part of the whole naming process. After Sean left the boys just started calling her Sofie May. I think they thought the same thing I did even though I hadn't said anything. Sean gets mad at them sometimes when they call her that. He really went off on Will once when Will was still going on visits. Will just told him he could call her little buddy bumpkin if he wanted to and what could Sean say about it? At least he wasn't lying to her. I think that confused Sean and he stopped saying anything. I am not feeling upset so far about the day coming up. More hopeful on how the kids will like the day instead. Still, my hormones are out of whack so I might be crying about it tomorrow. I am going to get the heating pad and read now.

Caught My Eye Thursday 4

0 comments Posted by perphila at 11:25 AM

What can I say? Simple. Easy. Eco-friendly and I won't be making a ton of money off this idea. So, so sad.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

One of those days again

2 comments Posted by perphila at 9:58 AM

It's a day when you feel like you're not doing enough. Then you try and feel like you are just rowing upstream so why bother. Then guilt decides to make itself at home in your heart for a while. It isn't like that organ didn't already have perfectly carved seats already waiting anyway. Holes left behind that started this whole irritating ball rolling again. Just when you think you have gotten stronger and have been ok for a while, you see something, hear something, come face to face with a thing you didn't want to and it all floods back. I suppose it's nice that it isn't something I have to deal with every single hour and day or week any more. Only from time to time. It isn't easy just accepting things that are unfair in life but you have to. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It doesn't mean you don't grieve. I am still feeling the loss of my old life. Parts of it anyway. I cried today and Sofie hugged me. She told me everything would be ok.That's when guilt stuck it's hand down it's pants, grabbed a beer and the remote. It's staying for a while.

Library Wednesday - Pick 5

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:42 AM

This was our book club book last month. This travel book that came out a few years ago may not be every ones cup of tea. I enjoyed the humor of it even though I didn't care for the people at all. I liked reading about island living from another perspective. Not one of my favorite books by any stretch but I think the info and humor in it make it a nice quick read. I added a link to where you can buy this and get reviews and a more detailed description. Since this came out in 2004 you should have no trouble finding it at the library.

Find book here.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Alone Time

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:41 AM

For the first time in I can't remember when I am alone. All the kids made it to school today. No one was sick for a change. Sofie was invited to go play at Aiden's house. She was very excited. So I will be by myself until around noontime. I think I might take a nap even though I should shower. I did a few chores but I had some breakfast and read a little.

Cade was a mess Sunday night. At first he was fine. I asked him how his weekend was and he said it was good since the girl was gone and he spent the whole day Saturday away from TMW. He went to a debate with his dad. Cade has a love hate thing going on with the debates. He likes being away from TMW, the girl and baby. In theory he should be having some one on one time with his dad but the reality is that he is alone most of the day. Hours and hours. From at least 8am until 6pm. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He likes being alone to steal extra donuts, play his game boy and scrounge for lost money. He teases the older kids with stuff he knows will bug them his brothers have taught him. He says it's ok but I can tell he is stressed. Sunday evening he knocked over a cup and split some juice. No one was mad at him but he just went off and started getting angry with Will asking him why he had his cup there in the first place. He was growling and even though he wiped up the juice he starting saying how the whole weekend stunk. This was not what he had said earlier when I asked. He then started to cry and said how his dad had teased him all weekend and so did TMW and Connor said a few things on the ferry ride home. Then he was upset about having to see his dad over vacation. He has all he can do handling weekends but vacations nearly kill him. He said he couldn't take it anymore and threw himself on the bed and cried. He was like that for an hour. He got a headache and couldn't sleep until 10pm. He woke up with the headache and had nausea and was in and out of the bathroom. He couldn't eat. He obviously missed morning school. I talked with his teacher and they knew about the debate thing and knew he was being left alone so they had asked him to find out what the topic was and maybe they could discuss it. That was a mistake. I told him it was actually adding to his stress. He doesn't want to have anything to do with the topic or debate at all. He said his dad wants him to join the school team in middle school and he gets sick just thinking about it. He is well aware it was debate that was the reason his dad met TMW and he has issues with it. He hates her, resents his dad for having an affair and is not able emotionally to discuss these things with his dad. He simply isn't old enough. His dad forcing him to like things that are part of the direct cause of his anger and resentment is not good at all. Hence his love hate feeling for going. I wish the kids didn't know about him having an affair and if the separation had been done right they wouldn't. Sean never hid it and was actually angry with them for not understanding. He actually asked Connor why he should be upset that Sean was in love. Was being in love a bad thing? Should Sean not be able to love? Connor said his dad made him sick for asking him such a thing. He told his dad he was disgusting. I can't imagine why they never went back for therapy huh?

Anyway, I just spent most of Monday spending time with Cade. I watched a movie with him and asked Will to keep Sofie occupied while we did that in the afternoon. It was all about giving him some reassurance. Today he seems more himself. He is having lunch with his friend Olivia today. You really can't just trust on what the kids say alone. You have to watch and see how they act as well. Kids hide things for what ever reason. Sadly, I almost can't wait until he is old enough to not go anymore. He may still have some stress and dad issues but it won't be as bad as it is now.

Anime Tuesdays 4 - Case Closed

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:39 AM

Case Closed or simply Conan as we like to call it, is Cade's absolute favorite thing and has been for years now. We began watching this about a year or so before Sean left. Cade was around 6 almost 7 I guess. There are about 700 or so manga issues and around 500 anime and 13 movies with a 14th coming out this April. Cade reads the manga online and is able to count that as reading time in his log for school. He has a LONG way to go. We watch the series together.

Sean never watched with us. Cade's interest kind of coincided with Sean's emotional separation from the family and he didn't do things with us anyway. Sometimes, if we begged he would. I remember we got him to play croquet a week before he left. *sigh* ANYWAY, I got Sean to buy a box set of the first few dvd's for Cade for his birthday. It came with a cloth poster which is hanging by Cade's dresser. That was the bad birthday where Sean got physical with me. Happy Birthday Cade. Also, Cade was well aware that the present from "dad" was my idea. *Sighx2*

This series (we are still viewing) is about a teen detective named Jimmy. On a date with his childhood friend Rachel he sees a shady deal and gets hit on the head and fed poison. Instead of dying he is turned into a elementary kid. He hides the truth of his identity so the bad guys think he is dead or gone and tries to solve the mystery. In the mean time he moves in with his friend Rachel under the name of Conan (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle) and help solve crimes with her dad, who is a private eye. Her dad isn't the sharpest tack in the box and drinks a bit too much. Jimmy's next door neighbor knows his secret and is an inventor who makes all kinds of nifty gadgets for "Conan" that he uses. Think 007 for kids. Cade likes trying to solve the mysteries and the fact it's being done by a "third grader". Conan has a catch phrase Cade loves to use.

Only one truth will prevail!

Ahh...if that were only the truth eh?

The crimes are not kid friendly. They are tough. Some need knowledge of the Japanese language since they use puns or word play on the characters. Also, these are crimes so people are murdered and the like. A visual detective novel. The fact the bad guys are caught at the end feels good at least. The ongoing mystery if Jimmy and if he will ever be able to be himself again is great. I feel bad for poor Rachel who misses Jimmy and longs for his return. She knows nothing of his change and Jimmy/Conan is right by her side keeping her as safe as he can and she has no clue. She is a judo champ so she saves him quite a bit too. Cade loves seeing her take down a bad guy or two.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Alice Mondays 4

0 comments Posted by perphila at 1:10 PM

Nice bathroom eh? I like the fact the sink tiles are like playing cards and the toilet scrub brush and holder color coordinate. Notice the Cheshire cat in the mirror reflection as well. After all that effort though you would think they would have chosen better carpet.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

This and That and the other Thing

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:05 AM

I was hit with insomnia last night. After I logged off here I tried to sleep but after a few hours gave up. I decided to do some writing. I do some good stuff half asleep. Maybe that's why a lot of great writers seem to be drunks or drug addicted? Anyway, I finally crashed around 3am. Did I sleep in? Of course not. Now that I could since Sofie isn't here I physically couldn't. I had groceries to put away so I am guessing I couldn't deal with the stress of not having that done. I do plan on taking a nap at some point today.

A few things to note. I have added a few things to the blog. On the left I have finally added my donate button. Hopefully someone will stumble on it and donate a million dollars. Second, I also added on the left side a new thing called Cade's quotes. It was messed up yesterday due to my gadget/safari conflicts but I fixed it. I will be adding to his quotes as he makes them and I can remember them. Maybe he should have his own blog with tee shirts? Ahhh, the wit of the young. Last but not least at the bottom I added a banner I won from a writing contest. I have been submitting stories here and there. I get feedback and see what my strengths and weaknesses are. Maybe someday I can earn some money but in the mean time I am doing something my therapist encouraged me to do. Do something creative. Do make something from nothing is esteem building. A feeling of achievement. It can be your own meal creation or some kind of art. Make a scarf or hat. A craft. Jewelery. Something. I told him I like writing and he said to try it. So I am. I have been having fun and when someone tells you they adore your stuff or think it's cute or brilliant you don't even mind when they point out your typos. If I win any more I'll post them.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I should be asleep

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:57 PM

I got my shopping done.

I did get food to eat at the grocery store but was on such a tight schedule I didn't eat it. I refuse to eat and drive. Not safe. I did manage to drink some juice though. The kids ate in the van while we went from the grocery store to wal-mart. When that was done I parked the van and Will and Cade went to Amatos to grab some dinner while Sofie and I walked to the bay lines. Will bought me a chicken and spinach calzone which I ate about 3/4 of since I was pretty hungry by then. Then a neighbor who was coming home on the boat gave me a free beer. She said it was good with calzones. Normally I don't drink, much less beer. I have a hard time drinking carbonated things. Still, free is free. Too bad free doesn't equal fat free.

Before I got to eat though I waited for Sean to come and get the kids. Cade of course was getting some food just so he didn't have to eat anything there. When Sean makes dinner it's at least edible. I spent many years training him to cook. You should have seen him when we were first together. It would make you shudder. Think, the worst cooks in America. Anyway, all my hard work is wasted bc TMW thinks she can cook. Even Sofie complains and she never complains about food. She might say she doesn't want any more but never says ewww. When TMW was here (still galls me) I cooked and she was in awe. She said she would have never thought to have put some things together the way I did. Uh..you mean the salad? What? So, anyway, Cade refuses to eat her food. Will did too when he was there. While they were off getting chai and pazzo bread, Sofie and I waited. When Sean finally showed up I had to flag him down. He didn't see us. Then I asked him about February vacation while Sofie was talking to my friend who was also waiting for the boat. I had already emailed him twice about if he was taking the kids or not. He hadn't responded. He said he didn't know. He would email me this weekend. He said he didn't know if he had stuff planned already or not. If he did then he would take them in April. I was thinking, oh yeah, unless you have something planned then too. I just told him that was fine, I would take them either vacation. I just was trying to know ahead of time so I could make plans. He asked where Cade was and I told him he was with Will and would be there soon. Sean looked surprised and asked if he was downtown alone. Didn't I just say he was with Will? I told him he was with Will and only one street away. He was too young to be unsupervised or downtown. He just nodded. I called Cade and he was only one building away so I told Sean he could just take Sofie to the car and by the time he got her buckled in Cade would be there to meet him. Sofie had been chatting away happily to my friend the whole time and my friend saw Sean was ready to go so she told Sofie she should put her hat on to stay warm. Sofie's lower lip shot out and she began to cry. She didn't want to go. My friend patted her and got up so I could take her. There is nothing Sean can say that convinces her to go. She just cries and cries. I was finally able to get her coat on while talking to her and I promised her when she got home we could do something fun together and she finally agreed to go. She was still sniffing when she went with tears running down her face. My friend came back and she hugged me. She could see how hard it was on Sofie. Sean had known her for five years and he stood two feet away and never once said hi to her. No one can understand how he was able to cut his whole life out. Not just me but all his friends and to an extent his children. He doesn't have one friend from before he left. Some he knew for 20 years. My friend asked me if I was ok. She said she knew this must be very hard on me. It is. I thought that over time I would get used to it some. The whole adjustment thing. None of us are truly adjusting. We do what we have to but no one likes being forced to do things against their will. Until all the kids are 18 we will have to be the puppets in Sean's little game.

I really am beginning to cherish the times when we don't have to deal with him. Those are the moments when we are starting to find out what OUR normal life is becoming. A life without him in it is peaceful. I wonder sometimes how we managed dealing with his mood swings and distant behavior before. Did we just live for the scraps of loving emotions he sometimes shared? Not just me but the kids. His lies over simple things like saying he took out the trash when he didn't. Oh, I forgot. I must have dreamed it. How long did he think we wouldn't notice? Let me make clear, do I think he will really email me this weekend about vacation week just because he said he would? Even a few months ago I would have believed him since it is such a small thing. Not like an affair. Why lie over something so mundane? Then, when he failed to email I would have gotten angry. A year ago I would have been hurt and confused as to why he did that. Now, I expect nothing. I might be very annoyed. It is hard to plan when you aren't sure what you are doing. I have begun to make two sets of plans for things like this. It may seem like extra work for me but if it saves me heartache and the lessens the kids anxiety of not knowing what or where they are going to be it's worth it.

I am pretty certain Sean is upset and stalling on purpose because he had to pay back child support. There was $2000 in my account this week. I can only imagine he kept his license, again. I wonder how many times we are going to play this game. I need to call DHHS and tell them I am not getting my notifications. He is still behind but this helped. I paid the rent for this month and one back payment. Only 5 more to go. Ack. Now the regular bills are coming in and I am on the hot seat again wondering if I am going to make it this month. Not to mention work has been few and far between. I am owed some babysitting money so that will help. Now that there isn't a three foot snow hill up to the library I might be able to do a few hours there before it gets to cold to work. Tomorrow though I am sleeping in, putting the rest of the groceries away and then visiting a friend to go over school stuff and other things.

I got a call this week from the man I have helped the past two summers with Parkinson's. He asked if I could help again this summer. I told him I could. These EMT classes will be a real benefit. He said he is about the same. I hope so. He had a real decline from the year before. He is a real amazing guy. I have learned a lot talking with him. People really miss out from not spending time with older people. We really are just losing out on all that knowledge and experience. Well, I had better toddle off to bed now.

What's Cookin' Friday 3

2 comments Posted by perphila at 9:55 AM

Must go to store.

We are out of milk. Sofie has been drinking the dry milk with cocoa powder. She loves it. I will be giving her half and half in the future to make milk last I think. I already use the dry milk to cook with. It really helps to conserve. We are almost out of everything but canned veggies. Pickin's are slim. We had oatmeal this morning (the last of it) and dry cereal as snack. I have had two cups of tea. I am out of fruit now. Juice as well. We even used up our powdered mixes. Since we are taking the noon boat today we will be eating lunch out. I am thinking of grabbing salads or sandwiches at the grocery store and using our food stamps. It is much cheaper. As for dinner I may get that there as well. We will be unloading all our groceries when we get home at seven and that will take at least an hour to do. I am thinking we will have at LEAST 10 banana boxes of food to put away. I also have to stop at wal-mart and get some basic supplies. Toliet paper, pull-ups, wipes, shampoo....stuff like that. If I have time I will hit the dollar store. The only reason I go to wal-mart in the first place it so buy in bulk which is have to do with so many of us. Also, there are some things I just can get at the dollar store. I will have to get a friend to help drive us home bc my car is still toast. At least food wise we can make some healthy and cheap choices by buying at the grocery store. The one thing we can't get are the warm foods. Like soup. Food stamps doesn't cover anything hot. Not even a cup of coffee. Good thing I don't like coffee. I will post what we ate tomorrow.

We are having company this weekend so we really need the food. Cade is upset because he has to see Sean this weekend. He wanted to ask to stay since he hasn't seen our company in months but he is afraid to ask. The last time he did even though his dad agreed over the phone when Cade saw him next his dad yelled at him and told him he was never agreeing again and Cade had better not ever ask again. Sean likes to use his size and volume to intimidate. That isn't going to work when all his sons outgrow him. He should think about that.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Caught My Eye Thursday 3

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:53 AM

I saw this and had to laugh. I really am having a hard time imagining how to use this gag. Well, at least in a way that's not too rude. Looks like it's a set for two. Grandma and grandpa?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Library Wednesday - Pick 4

0 comments Posted by perphila at 7:54 AM

Ellery Queen. I have a hard time understanding why whenever I mention these series of mystery books I get blank stares. I adore these books. Not to mention there has been a radio show, tv shows, and movies. I added the wiki link for everyone to read that is more detailed. What I like are the earlier books set in the teens and twenties. Modeled after Philo Vance , another great mystery read by the way, I find Ellery's attitude amusing. Also, near the end is the challenge to the reader. All the clues are there, no last minute, huh?, moments when the protagonist mentions some clue that the reader never saw, read, or knew about. I am trying to collect all the books and have been doing so for years. I am not trying to get first editions or anything, I just want to read them all. I refuse to buy new so every time I cruise a yard sale or used book store I look. I found I really prefer the books with Ellery. I like the short story collections but don't bother with the ones that have the author name Ellery Queen but it was written by someone else or has different characters. I don't mind the Drury Lane character written under the name Barnaby Ross. Anyway, I have spouted enough....read the link!

What Wiki says about Ellery Queen...MUST READ!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Poll Results and stuff

0 comments Posted by perphila at 10:30 AM

Well no one thinks sucks is a swear word or that adults shouldn't say it. I agree that kids under twelve should come up with better word usage which I encourage the kids to do anyway. At least I feel a little better. TMW is nuts.

Will and I have colds. Mine is subtle. Just a sore throat and occasional headaches. Will has a cough and fever. I had to push back my grocery shopping trip until Friday. I am really stretching it.

Sean's great beard experiment is over. I knew it wouldn't last. He only does that when he gets depressed. Then he shaves and feels reborn. This time it lasted three weeks.

Cade was up late Sunday night venting about this and that. He was telling me a story about how he and his cousin who isn't that much older than him left his dad's house to walk to the store. Remember, this is in the city and about a 10 minute walk. They bought candy and when they got back TMW took it from them and put it on top of the fridge and told them they had to wait until after dinner. I am cool with the candy after dinner thing. I have a hard time wrapping my brain about how she prioritizes no candy over young children walking alone in the city. Also, I might have taken candy from my own kid but not my niece when she is my guest. I would ask her father first or left it for him to do. Not that Cade is her kid in the first place or his cousin her niece. Then again, what does she know about bounderies?

Anime Tuesdays 3

0 comments Posted by perphila at 9:26 AM

This one is for older teens and adults. I did let Cade watch the first episode with me but I got the feeling it wasn't going to just be a funny detective anime. Demon not withstanding. After all, he watched Inuyasha. I watched this all the way to the end and enjoyed it. I loved the character Sai. Even though he was a bloody (and I mean chop people up and put them in little tiny boxes bloody) he was amazing. This was funny and I loved the food-centric theme. Neuro is a demon who eats mysteries and Yako just loves to eat. A nice duo. I felt that we could have learned a little more about Sai in the end but since most anime endings either make me angry or cry I was pleased I did neither with this one. I will have to track down the manga and read it now. *sigh*

Monday, February 1, 2010

Alice Mondays 3

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:49 AM

A more twisted image of Alice. It took me a few minutes to figure out she was the cake and when I did I laughed at myself for being so blind. I am going in order of when I collected and not on any theme. Some people might find this a little disturbing. I though it fit nicely with the kinds of scary feeling I got when I read Alice the first time. The unknown and what these odd creatures might do to you. I don't know the artists name if I find out I will give credit. I don't know the artist of most of the stuff I got..:( Anyhow, I like to comic book quality to the work.

Also, who noticed last Monday I made my icon Alice as well? I did it again today. :)

Photo Essay

0 comments Posted by perphila at 8:35 AM

One of the things the kids do at our island school is make a school news paper. This has been going on since Will went and boy have times changed. They used to print them out and it was all articles. They have since gone digital and send them out via email. There are polls and pictures and the kids have learned how to scan images. Now they have added links. I have included two links today. This past fall we had a person from the Salt Institute spend some time with us and as her project she did a photo essay. A few years ago we had a different person come out and she did a radio show for her project and chose Connor as her subject. It was broadcast on NPR. Anyway, this link was in the latest issue of the school paper. Cade is quite proud to be the editor this year. If anyone is interested in being added to the school paper email list leave me a comment (HINT) or send me an email.