Our Island Family Life

I woke up this morning hurting so bad I wanted to cry. I suppose I will have to schedule something with my doctor about it but I want my moneys worth. I know that sounds confusing. This may be a little rehash for some but I will only try and do bullet points for this.

Just before Sean left I was due for my first physical since I had given birth to Sofie. I had the post baby check ups of course and at the time I had to think about what I wanted to do for birth control. I told you...not pretty. Anyway, I used the pill yet again even though it raised havoc with my body. I would get headaches that turned into migraines and whenever I went off them I would lose 20 lbs and when I went on them I gained 20. Sean and I discussed about the idea of not having more kids as opposed to maybe having them in the future. When we had decided enough was enough he agreed he would have a vasectomy. I had a friend who switched to an IUD for migraine relief and I talked with the doctor about it in June of the year Sean left. He left in August. I had been tossing the idea around for months and talked with Sean about it and in the end he said I needed to do what I felt was best for my body. After talking with the doctor I decided to give it a go, told Sean and went back the last week of June and got it. It is supposed to last 5 years and can be removed if plans change to have a baby. Well, true to form my body didn't react the way "most" women do. After a year I wasn't having shorter less painful periods. Mine were never really painful to begin with. More so after each baby but still not the nightmare I heard some women had. Mine were longer than most but other than being annoying no big deal. Now, they are bloodier and painful like being squished with a vise. My moods are nuts and I boo hoo a lot which I didn't before. Plus side is much fewer headaches which was my main reason for switching to begin with. Oh and I lost weight when I first got it too. A nice plus.

Then Sean left. Then I got the bill. Insurance didn't cover it. Nice to know ahead of time right? Who got stuck with the bill? Me. I asked Sean to help and he told me no. I know it is a my body thing but I spent literally hours discussing this with him. Researched and pros and cons. Was this right for our family? You know, making the big decisions together thing. Not to mention, I am good with pain but getting it hurt like...well, it hurt like hell. Guess I am just extra sensitive *shrug* Anyway, went though that pain for nothing. I could have had it removed by now. It's back to weighing pros and cons. It's main function is now pointless for me. Maybe too much info but there you have it. Is this pain worth it? I paid for the darn thing and I want to use it to the bitter end. Will I get a new one. Why bother? I got two years left on it. I kept it with the optimistic idea that it might come in handy someday if I remarried. I mean. Five years is a long time right? Apparently not. I still can't imagine getting into another relationship and even if I did I have little options.

So, anyway, I was doubled over and knew I had to go into town for school conferences. After scarfing Tylenol. (Don't worry it was as directed) I scraped myself and Sofie together to the boat. She fell on the way and we missed it. Slogging back to the house I called Will then the school and left messages. I got Sofie cleaned up and we both curled up in bed moaning and crying. I have about two to three more days of this.

I was really beside myself because I was going to get my valentine presents for the kids today. Now I will have to think of something else because I am not going into town tomorrow. There is a valentines party at Cade's school. "Cupid" always comes and leaves them a basket. Cade and Sofie are still fooled but the older kids know better. They are sweet and say nothing. Will even adds to the basket. I started this tradition because Valentines day is my anniversary. Sean and I used to go out for the night and usually weren't around that day to be with the kids. So I made the cupid basket and left it with whoever was with the kids to bring out for them to see in the morning and Sean and I would call home. Well, I would call and then hand him the phone. It was kind of funny that I would always get my period on or near Valentines. Every single year. So it seems my body it doing it again. It was a very special day for us and it why we gave Sofie the middle name Valentine. To show how much we loved each other and her. I have a real difficult time calling her that now. I usually call her Sofie May. All the boys do. It was a name we had considered as a middle one and the boys were part of the whole naming process. After Sean left the boys just started calling her Sofie May. I think they thought the same thing I did even though I hadn't said anything. Sean gets mad at them sometimes when they call her that. He really went off on Will once when Will was still going on visits. Will just told him he could call her little buddy bumpkin if he wanted to and what could Sean say about it? At least he wasn't lying to her. I think that confused Sean and he stopped saying anything. I am not feeling upset so far about the day coming up. More hopeful on how the kids will like the day instead. Still, my hormones are out of whack so I might be crying about it tomorrow. I am going to get the heating pad and read now.