Wednesday, February 10, 2010
It's a day when you feel like you're not doing enough. Then you try and feel like you are just rowing upstream so why bother. Then guilt decides to make itself at home in your heart for a while. It isn't like that organ didn't already have perfectly carved seats already waiting anyway. Holes left behind that started this whole irritating ball rolling again. Just when you think you have gotten stronger and have been ok for a while, you see something, hear something, come face to face with a thing you didn't want to and it all floods back. I suppose it's nice that it isn't something I have to deal with every single hour and day or week any more. Only from time to time. It isn't easy just accepting things that are unfair in life but you have to. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It doesn't mean you don't grieve. I am still feeling the loss of my old life. Parts of it anyway. I cried today and Sofie hugged me. She told me everything would be ok.That's when guilt stuck it's hand down it's pants, grabbed a beer and the remote. It's staying for a while.
2 comments:
Boy, did I need that post today. I know exactly what you're feeling (althought the circumstances are a little different)....and I wish I was eloquent enough to have written your post myself. Hang in there....I keep telling myself..."Life was good once, it'll get back to that eventually...." I hope!
I tell myself the same thing. I knew it would take a long time but now I wonder if I have to wait another 4 years. It's ironic how badly things went from Sofie's birth and yet how happy she makes me and the boys. Maybe, I tell myself she was gift to get us through these hard times.
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