Our Island Family Life

The EMT classes start next week. I am pretty nervous. I'm glad it's in the evenings.

When I dropped off Cade and Sofie Monday Sean said he asked Connor to come and spend the day with him over vacation, any day was fine it was up to Connor to pick. Connor was there since he was taking the boat back with me after visiting a friend. I said that was fine since I had spoken to Sean about it. Well, yesterday Connor tells me he is spending the night with his dad and would be leaving in a few hours. I told him no. He went ranting about how I was a liar. I had said it was ok and that I have always said he could see him and now I was saying no, blah, blah, blah. I was very rude I must admit and read a book while he went on and on. I knew his little speech and ignored it. When he was done I asked him if I could finally speak and he said I could. I pointed out what I had agreed with and the plans I had knowledge of was of Connor spending some day this week with his dad. I did not know what day but I had also agreed he could go and spend Thursday with a friend on another island. I was not to be told about changes of plans but asked. Also, I had heard nothing of him spending the night from his dad. He said his dad was on the phone. I told him that if he wanted to spend the night I was ok with it as long as he was respectful in asking me, that he made sure he friend was informed of any changes in plans and that his dad had to either email me confirming that he was picking Connor up and that Connor was spending the night or he could even speak with me right now. Connor told me to forget it. He wouldn't go because I was upset.

Well, now I was mad. I told him that yes, now I was upset. I refused to let him blame me for his choices. I told him, both Connor and his dad knew that I had to have contact with Sean via email or phone about plans. We have discussed this time and time again. If neither of them wish to follow the rules than the reason Connor doesn't go will be because of them not me. If Connor doesn't see his dad because he thinks I am upset than that is Connor's problem. I have repeated over and over he can go as long as I am informed. I have no control of what Connor perceives my feelings to be but I have certainly been vocal on what my wishes were and they were not in any way keeping him away from his dad. I also put on the table that there have been plenty of times I have encouraged him to go and Connor couldn't be bothered for various reasons. The only time he starts mouthing off about me keeping him from his dad is after he speaks with Sean. I told him I have been letting Connor make decisions for himself and letting him forge his own relationship with his father. Just the two of them. If they can't get it together enough to even call each other, email or visit then the responsibility of having a lacking bond is their own fault. I would not, refused to and would no longer feel guilty for how they treated each other. They both had to handle it. All I was asking was to be informed as to where my son, my child, would be. If I didn't know, then he wasn't going and it would be no different if he was going to a friends house or his grandparents. I treated visiting his father equally with everyone else. I was not stricter with him and if Connor thought I was or he was being told I was he was very much mistaken. I also told him despite how upset I was at the moment for his rude behavior and false accusations I was still not telling him no. He had to follow the rules that had been set down and if he chose to go or not depended on that. Simple. The end. Until I head from his dad the answer was no. About 2 hours later Sean emailed me and told me what time he would be at the bay lines to pick up Connor. I called Connor from his room and told him I had just heard from his dad and that he could go. The boat was leaving in an hour. Sean could have talked to me on the phone but didn't. Connor was left in limbo for two hours. Connor didn't know why his dad waited so long to contact me. I really wanted to tell him it was because his dad like jerking people around. He simply hates the fact he has to confirm stuff with me even though he had agreed to and even said it was a great idea in an email simply because it was my idea. So to jerk me around Connor suffers and Sean could care less.

Speaking of jerking around how about the last time he saw Connor to take him shopping he said he had Connor's belated birthday present. (Connor called him and asked Sean to take him) Did he have it? No. He finally gave it to him on Monday. (Connor's birthday was in January) Sean was going to give it to me to give him along with a birthday card from his uncle. I need to tell them not to mail stuff for the kids to Sean. Connor noticed it had been opened and there was no money inside. Granted his uncle might not have sent him birthday money but it would have been odd since he has done it every year since he was 5. Connor only shook his head. I said nothing. I asked him nothing. I don't want to reinforce the idea his dad would steal from him. If Connor chooses to ask his uncle about it then it will be between them.

The only plus I can give Sean in all this was the fact he actually called Connor (the first time in MONTHS) to ask him to spend the night. Of course, you have to take some points back because he was well aware to what I had agreed to and knew by changing plans he had to talk to me. He could have asked for me first and told me he wanted to ask and if Connor said yes to let me know. Did he? No. He wanted drama. Anyway, Connor comes home today. He will see his friend on Saturday instead of today.

So venting done. I am just sick of repeating myself, that's all. Of course I will admit that I have underlying layers of stuff that has shortened my patience a bit. Like the whole tax mess that is still unresolved. I need to call the IRS again and see if Sean paid them or if they took the money out of his return. I am filing on the 15th to be safe. Also, Sean is still behind in child support. Getting sick of his games and having to just swallow it. Gotta put my charge down for a nap...I might to a book post later.