Our Island Family Life

The stress yesterday really got to me. I had a headache at bed time and risked taking a sleeping pill. I hate those things because I am sluggish the next day and even though they help me fall asleep I am still up at night anyway. No small sounds escape me. I just didn't want to be in bed thinking about stuff and not going to sleep on time. Bad for the routine. Last night was fine but I woke up with a nasty tummy ache. I wonder if it was from the pill or the fact I had leftovers for dinner. Combo of the two? Who knows.

I had my talk with Connor yesterday. It was actually a good conversation. He came home happy and told me he was getting a 4 in French. That is the highest score you can get. Sean telling me he was missing stuff in every class was obviously another untruth because it's impossible to get a 4 with missing work. I told Connor I had called the school about his absences and he told me he had already been working on it. He had cleared it up with one teacher already and found out that the teacher had forgotten to input the change in the computer so Connor had to follow up with him and remind him. Another teacher was working with him because she knew he was in class the whole time and not tardy but her records were showing he was in other class altogether! So, I told him I was glad to see he was taking responsibility to clear things up. I told him that time was getting short though and he needed to talk to all his teachers and look for discrepancies. He can't just assume that because he knows he was there and on time that it was marked correctly. I told him it may take as long as a week to do all this but that the end of next Friday it should be corrected. Also while he is meeting with these teachers ask again about any missing work and arrange times to meet up after school if his in school study block time isn't enough. Again he told me he had done that and his math teacher was out and he didn't know when he would be back for an after school session. I told him he should find another student to help in his study block and that was what he was doing. As for the science, the teacher who runs the block wasn't letting him go to see the science teacher which was making him mad because he wanted to do everything he could during school hours so he wouldn't have to stay after and come home at 7pm. So he is going to talk with the science teacher and see if he can get an afternoon slot. He is rather bugged with the science teacher because he has asked for what he needs to make up when he was out but she only gives him half the stuff. So he thinks he has it all done then there is more. So I told him he should just be a pest and ask every single day. He may annoy her but he is doing what is required and she has to do her job. He liked that idea...probably the bugging her part but whatever gets the job done right? I then had to tell him I had gotten an email from his dad about his school work. Connor looked confused. I told him his dad was concerned about his unexcused absences, missing work and felt Connor was in danger of failing the trimester. I also told him that dad was expecting Connor to be spending the weekend with him which his dad said Connor wanted to do in order to get math help from his dad. Connor just shook his head. He said he doesn't have a problem in math to begin with. He sighed and said his dad had asked him last Sunday how school was and Connor was honest and told him he had been out sick and had some stuff to make up. Mostly math. He had said to his dad maybe they could meet up on Friday afternoon if Sean still wanted to help out on paying for half of the hard drive for the xbox. Never once did Connor say he wanted to spend the weekend with his dad or that he needed help with his math. Connor admitted that there were times he wasn't sure what he was doing from time time but for the most part math is pretty easy and it's only at the beginning of a new section he has any trouble which is normal since the whole class does too. I told him his dad had said he was missing stuff in every class. Connor was getting annoyed and said that wasn't true. I told him I knew that wasn't true. Then I thought about what I had to say that wouldn't be bashing his dad but in a way to make Connor not be so pissed. So I told Connor I wasn't upset with him. I understood when he came home with his progress report and there was a 2 on it because he had already told me before hand, had a plan in place to fix it, talked with his teacher to see it wasn't really reflecting his score which by the time I had gotten the written report was already a 3 which is the passing grade and I understood the reason it had reflected a 2 was because it wasn't from not understanding the material but missing work. I understood all of this because I understand the system of his school and how quick and flexible the grades are there. Dad on the other hand has no contact with his school at all. Not even when Will started going there. He has only been in the building once and that was to drop of a workers permit Will needed the summer Dad left. His dad has a perspective of a college student and thinks he knows all there is about being a teacher and how schools are run and his only actual experience is at the school he is ed teching for and stories told to him by his wife from the school she works for. This school is a brand new thing. It is a model school with low teacher student ratios and a comprehensive approach with deep community and parent involvement. Dad has never gone to a family crew night, PTA meeting or met any of the teachers and principal. The principal even saw his dad and dad knew who he was but never bothered to introduce himself. Based on the knowledge his dad has at hand he simply can't understand how things work there. That a pass grade can go to a fail grade based on one missed paper, one days worth of work and vise versa. That is why it's so tough there. You have to be consistent in your work and effort at all times. I didn't want to make Connor feel bad but I had to say that when dad asked how school was going and Connor was honest and said math was annoying that was all it took for his dad to become manic about it. He is all into everything now with no true understanding and as a result is now sending emails laced with demands and questions that could be answered clearly by the teachers themselves if he cared to ask. That would be too simple and would need to be done by someone who is able to think clearly. I wanted Connor to be prepared for maybe some pressure from his dad to make him stay after school more and his dad saying he would pick him up and then keep him with him for the night or a whole weekend so he can "help" him. Dad doesn't understand Connor's reasoning to try and get as much accomplished during his school day and keep school time, school time and home time, home time because that is what Connor needs to do emotionally. Will does the same thing. In order to succeed in his classes, especially when there is stress at home due to Sean or money or illness, whatever. Both their therapist were clear on that and the fact Will was doing it on his own was amazing. Connor does the same thing now at the same suggestion and by Will example and has been working quite well. Connor was clearly annoyed with his dad for the whole weekend thing. I told him to just forget about it. He can't control how his dad thinks or how he makes assumptions based on a few minutes of conversation. Maybe the next time his dad asks how school is going just tell him things are fine and he likes school. It wouldn't be a lie and even if he had a low grade at the exact moment his dad asked if Connor knew full well it wasn't because he was truly having a hard time in the class but for some small reason like missing work then let it go. He should never have any plans with his dad that could be left up for assumption. Never say, we should do that "sometime" or let's make plans or that would be cool to do. You either make a firm set date or nothing at all. It's the only thing Sean understands right now. Even then there is no guarantee that Sean isn't going to make something up in his head. Still, this would be the best to minimize those occurrences. Connor totally agreed. It wasn't about bashing his dad but trying to be realistic. Sean winds up hurting himself and his own feelings as well when he builds himself up and plans that don't exist. Plus when you try and set up a visit though veiled threats and "concerns" that is a pretty big turn off. If Connor wants his help he will ask for it. Kids asking for help is something that doesn't happen often but that has never been Connor's problem as long as it isn't emotional stuff. Then he is your typical teen. I guess things are ok for now. I am going to play it out for now. I told Connor to talk to his crew leader about conferences for next week and if I didn't have an answer by Thursday I was calling myself. I already have Will's date. Connor said he didn't want his dad there. I told him I was sure his teachers would respect his wishes like they did in middle school. Too little, too high handed and too late for Sean.

p.s. Sofie napped for 4 hours yesterday. Still recovering from her weekend.