Our Island Family Life

I got mail yesterday from DHHS stating they sent in a wage withholding notice to Sean's work. Finally. I am guessing that the school had finally gotten back to them confirming his employment. I still need to call them though about them getting on the ball withholding income from his disability as well. I have been thinking about how some people may read this and think I might not be saying too much about the topic if mental illness. There is only so much you can say at a time. Maybe I should have titled this blog as "fallout" or "How mental illness can change your life even if you don't have it". Almost all the stuff I talk about like the divorce, money, certain parenting issues, looking for work all stem from the same source. All have the same background in their DNA so to speak and that's is Sean's mental illness. Our sons depression, stress from lack of money, dealing with being a single mom all have fingers in the same mental illness pie. Even though Sean no longer lives here and we don't have to "see" his behaviours anymore on a daily basis doesn't mean we don't have to deal with it's impact on our lives. How have the boys processed how to be a man and father and husband from that male role model in their life? How will that form who they will become? When you are away from the problem for a while how do you handle it when you see him again and how do you react? It can be easy to forget. Then you have an issue and it's back in your face again and the not normal actions. The compassion you used to have is not as strong or gone all together. You question how other family members can't see it when it is so obvious. Then you question yourself. These are things the kids see and begin to want to believe their dad is "normal" like he claims and they try and forget all the things he used to to do and still does but they are not there to see it everyday anymore. Learning to deal with a family member with bipolar who you no longer see daily but is still a part of your life I think as it's own set or rules. A good 98% of the sadness and anger in our lives still comes from Sean and the things he has done or is still doing. When you actually step back and realize that it is astounding. The illness was obvious when he was here. Now you just want to think he is just an ass or a jerk and a deadbeat dad. There are also well intended people who say how much better you all are without him and how he was probably never really sick at all but just a man whore and selfish bastard. Being apart you want to believe that. I know he certainly had a big part of him that was jerky. A lot of people do. I guess all I can say is you had to live it to understand. During those "down times" he was not not himself...besides the jerk stuff. That jerk stuff was there at all times not just the down. It was worse when he was down. It was the memory gaps and hearing things that got scary. Each new down time things got a little worse. Now we have to watch what we say or he gets manic like a dog with a bone. Dealing with his little fantasies of visits with the kids that no one here knew were happening and me being the "bad guy" in his eyes for popping his bubble. It really is sad and I know for myself I am coming to terms with the new situation but it does still really get under my skin sometimes when his family doesn't see it. They are getting better but they don't see him much either and have never lived it so I understand why it's taking so long. They haven't been burned as much or as often yet. I wonder sometimes at how much ego and pride his new wife must have to not see it. Then I think...whatever. It's her problem to deal with now. Thank God.