Our Island Family Life

Today. This is a dad weekend and as usual it didn't go well. Cade still was refusing to go without an apology from his dad. So, I did my usual thing and emailed Sean what ferry we were going back home on so he could meet us and informed him of Cade's reluctance and that he should give Cade a call before we left the house to go to town. Cade had wanted to stay home and rest but Thursday night when I got home from my class he was crying and holding his right ear. I gave him some medicine and a warm pad and he was able to finally get some sleep. I called the doctor in the morning and told them about the ear, it was still hurting him Friday morning just not as bad, I wanted to rule out an ear infection. He is still slightly congested from the whole eye/fever thing he had last week, you can hear it in his nose when he talks. Cade had to come to town with us because he was taken right in for an appointment. Will wanted to come to look for a composter and a larger pot for one of his plants.

Sean called back which was a feat in itself and I was glad he made the effort. Cade talked to him in my room away from his brothers but I was there because I was combing out Sofie's hair on my bed which we always do after her bath time. I said nothing but could hear everything and Cade was really upset. I have to say that he was amazing when he was expressing himself. You could tell he had been thinking about this a long time and most likely had rehearsed some of what he said which says a lot about knowing how his dad would answer. In the end Sean refused to apologize. He keeps asking Cade the same kinds of questions that Cade answered in his email to his dad earlier. I don't know about Cade but to me it seems that Sean doesn't believe his answers and wants to grill Cade to answer that way Sean wants. Cade was in tears and said, "Dad, why do you have to be like this? All you have to do is say your sorry and mean it and I'll come." Sean insisted that they couldn't talk over the phone and Cade should come there to have this discussion. Cade said if his dad wanted to talk in person then they could meet early at the bay lines. Sean refused. Cade said if they talked at his dad's house that Kathryn would get involved and butt in giving Cade a lecture and telling dad how to punish him. Sean told him it was ok for her to be there for their talk because it was a household issue. Cade got angry and said it wasn't a household issue and it was none of Kathryn's business. This was between Cade and his dad and no one else. He didn't feel comfortable being there and he knew there was no way his dad would protect him from her and keep things between the two of them. Then Sean tried the tactic of asking Cade if the real reason he didn't want to come was her. Cade made it clear the reason he didn't want to come was because Sean hurt him deeply and that he felt betrayed. He felt his father didn't trust him and he wanted an apology. He didn't want this brushed under the rug like it never happened which dad tends to do when they argue. Cade just didn't want to talk in front of Kathryn about the issue but this could all be resolved right now if his dad would just say he was sorry. Cade must have asked him at least ten times but Sean never did it. Then Cade got a very scared look on his face and said, "This isn't working. I need to hang up now. We can talk again later." He hung up and then he wailed. Not cried but wailed then hugged me and cried. I asked him what was wrong and he said his dad told him if he didn't come that his dad said he would fight for custody of him for him to live there. I couldn't believe Sean could sink so low as to threaten his child like that. I rubbed Cade's back and told him to not worry about it and not think about it. I told him his dad was just frustrated and upset and to remember that sometimes when dad gets upset he says and does things that are over the top. That is just how his dad is and to not take it to heart. Something like custody is between parents. Then I told him how proud I was he was able to be so open and honest with his dad. I told him I knew that he had a hard time opening up to his dad and the fact he did that was really a good thing. Cade told me his dad said that his brothers and I were egging him on not to come see him. I said, "Connor too?" Cade nodded. I just reminded Cade that Connor visited last weekend. Dad was just saying that to make himself feel better about Cade not coming. Why would someone who just visited tell you not to come? Cade knows the truth and to just focus on that and to try and not let his dad's words get to him. Cade hasn't been to therapy in a while since he was doing so well but I asked Cade if because if this issue if he would like to go back and he said he would. So Monday morning I will have to see if I can make an appointment.

We went to town. Cade's ear is red and irritated but not infected so he was taught a massage trick to force fluid build up to flow away and we need to keep and eye on it that it doesn't get worse. It's just a lingering thing from his virus. Cade went with Will to the boat while I waited inside the bay lines for Sean to pick up Sofie. She hadn't wanted to go either and was crying and having a fit. What to do? I probably shouldn't have but I told that maybe her dad would have some birthday presents for her. That did the trick and she was willing to go. Sean of course missed the, "I don't wanna go!" and I'm sure thinks she was happy to see him. Speaking of Sofie I forgot to mention Sean also told Cade it was his fault that dad didn't see Sofie a few weekends ago. The weekend Sean threw her coat at me and walked out telling me to take them home. He said she saw Cade not want to go and got upset too. Cade said to him, "I never told you not to take Sofie. I was the one who didn't want to go." The real deal was Sofie was the one who was upset first. She didn't want to go and was crying so I handed Sean her coat since she refused to wear it (if you don't put your coat on you don't have to go right?) and took her to the side to calm her down. It was while I was doing that Cade told Sean he didn't want to go. So Cade had NOTHING to do with Sofie being upset. Sean blaming Cade? Really? Ridiculous. Anyway, Sean asked if Cade was coming and I said nope. Then I told him Sofie hadn't had dinner yet and focused on her needs. Connor had gone into town to see a friend and came up to us. Sofie said bye to him and he gave her a kiss then without a word showed his dad a cd he just got. Sean said, "Nice." and Connor turned around and walked off. Oh yeah, great relationship. Sean and Sofie left and I went to catch the boat. Cade was wiggling because he was itchy from the haircut we managed to squeeze in that day as well. He asked if his dad wondered where he was and I told him his dad had asked and when I said Cade wasn't coming he said ok. Cade asked me if that was all his dad had said, I think he was still worried his dad would threaten me. I just smiled and nodded at him and he relaxed. I checked my emails and so far nothing from him. I guess I will have to wait and see if he follows through on the threat. I am not worrying about it though like I would have in the past. My only concern is paying for a lawyer if I need one. I have no doubts on how it would turn out in court.