Our Island Family Life

Got a call today from Cade's counselor. She is keeping me in the loop of her conversations with Sean. She told him about Cade considering calling or emailing him last weekend. Obviously Cade didn't do that but he did think about which is step in the right direction. She said she also didn't think Cade was ready to do it. She also told Sean she would talk to Cade in his next session (which is tomorrow) about having his dad come in next week. I told her about Cade's resistance in wanting to go to counseling lately. Since Saturday he has been saying he doesn't want to go back. I also told her about the fact he has had some recent nightmares about his dad. In one his dad got really angry and was yelling and smashing things and Cade didn't know what had made him so mad. The next one was ok about Sean but the baby didn't exist, Kathryn had left and the girl had died in a volcano because Cade sent her there. He got to be alone with his dad. So you can see how Cade wants to have time with his dad and how much he doesn't want the others around but also he has some fears of his dad as well. She told me she had told Cade she wouldn't push him to do something he didn't want to like having his dad in sessions right away but at the same time she also doesn't want him to avoid stuff either and I agreed. It is such a fine line. She did say that when she spoke with Sean she told him he needs to be the one picking up the phone and calling Cade. As an adult he should be the one trying to make connections and start the healing not Cade. Cade is too little. It is what they try and coach and recommend there. I totally agreed with that. Since the last phone call Cade had with his dad (a call Cade made) Sean hasn't spoken to Cade or tried to contact him in any way. The last time Cade SAW his dad, Sean got angry, demanding and intimidating and then walked out on him. So, things are pretty bad. I have been trying to reassure Cade that his counselor isn't going to force Cade to see his dad or make him do something he isn't ready for. I also told him her job is to help Cade not his dad or me just Cade. Sometimes that means she might push him a little but never too hard or too far, only just enough. She is also there to teach him things to help him get through those uncomfortable moments and to keep him safe. While she is there there is nothing dad will do to hurt him. He is still grumbling about going but hasn't flat out refused or thrown a tantrum. Grumbles are ok. I think when he does finally see his dad it will be in therapy and there will be a lot of grumbling and maybe even a few tears but one step at a time. She talked with Sean yesterday, as of yet he still hasn't tried to make contact with Cade. We'll see if he does. She told me she wasn't going to get in the middle of anything concerning visitations pro or con she was just there for Cade and I told her I wasn't even worrying about that. My only concern was Cade and I didn't want anything like custody or visitations clouding the issues. The plan should be the same as it would be just as if there wasn't anything going on. I am not going to let what Sean is doing now change anything. I got Cade back into therapy before Sean dropped this court stuff on my head and I am not going to push Cade to see his dad more because of his threats. When Cade is ready and when Sean makes an effort it will happen. Only the two of them can determine that.