Our Island Family Life

Last week I went to do a clean up job after a wedding reception with a friend and we wound up being the caterers. It was unexpected but quick. We cooked up 40 lobsters among other things. It was a wild night running around. Then another day I had a cleaning job in the afternoon after my daycare gig and the place was twice as bad as normal. I had Will and Connor help me so I wouldn't run out of time. I couldn't do it the next day because I was taking the kids in town for the weekend to a anime/manga convention. They had been saving up since last year for it and I was their ride and food provider (food stamps and filled coolers). Sadly Sofie was only with us for one day. I had to drop her off with Sean Friday afternoon. Some friends of the kids came too and they also helped split the cost. I only paid for my ticket to get in. Nice. I was walking around all weekend though. Since coming back it's been work, work, work. I am doing the daycare now, I did library this morning and I am cleaning a house this afternoon. Thursday it's daycare again and another house to clean. I am doing about 15-16 hours work days. At least watching the kids helps when I have to put my feet up like now. I am also able to clean my house a little. I have no real ambition to clean my own house after cleaning other peoples. I spent 3 hours cleaning windows last night at another job. Just. Windows. I hope all this dog like working will help out some. I got the second half of my library check on Monday. My email to the president worked. I dropped by the lawyers office yesterday and paid him another $500. When the second check clears I can pay the rest. What a relief. Another good thing, I got a check today from the dentist office. I was FINALLY reimbursed for the kids visit last September. There was still a small difference so I emailed Sean today about that and what he owes. I am not holding my breath.

Cade's therapy went well. I talked with his counselor first. She told me she had gotten a weird call from Sean last Friday and he left a message saying he wanted to know how things were going and when he could come into Cade's sessions. She called him back on Monday and told him she had thought she had made it clear he needed to be the one calling Cade and the two of them needed to work out Sean's attendance at therapy. She said she felt he thought she was the one who was going to be pushing him and Cade together. She told him she wasn't going to get involved in that way. She wanted Cade to feel therapy was a safe place and if she pushed him too hard he would stop being open. He told her he had been calling Cade and leaving messages but we never answered the phone or called him back. I was stunned. You would think I wouldn't get stunned anymore. Still, a flat out lie is hard to swallow. I told her Sean has called the house to speak with Connor but has never asked for Cade. Also, he hadn't left a single message for Cade since their last bad phone call. She told me she had spoken to our co-parenting counselor to get a firmer grasp on Sean's behavior. The whole lack of follow through thing. She is getting it first hand now. I also told her I was grateful she was telling Sean that he needs to be the parent but unless he thinks calling Cade is his idea he most likely wouldn't. Also, he asked if she could schedule Cade's appointments to the afternoons because he couldn't come in the mornings. He said he is babysitting since Kathryn is teaching summer school. While I tried not to laugh at the idea he thinks he is "babysitting" his own kid and step kid instead of just being a parent the counselor said he felt Kathryn was probably strong willed. I just shrugged. I explained to her why afternoons were bad for us since Cade is not thrilled being in therapy during the summer (and he really needs to go) the one thing I promised was that he wouldn't miss Tuesday night softball. That means we HAVE to catch the 2:15 ferry to get here on time. Also, I don't have my library job on Tuesdays although I am still missing a full day of daycare work to bring Cade to therapy and do our shopping. She told me Sean is the one who needs to talk with Cade about changing the schedule and explaining why. She said I shouldn't even mention it to Cade and not to get involved. If Sean tries to go though me then I should tell him HE has to be the one to talk to Cade about it. Fine with me. She told Sean she wasn't going to change anything until Cade was informed since her client is Cade not Sean or me. Bam. I told her I felt Sean was the one who made the choice to have another child and be responsible for a stepchild and needs to work around that just like I do with our four children. I bring Sofie if I have to. I get sitters if I need to. If I can't pay them I work for them. Whatever it takes just like everyone else has to. He isn't any different from anyone else. Was it easy for me carting around a 16 month old and 8 year old to DHHS, therapy, etc. those first few days and months he left us? So, she told Cade the same thing about Sean saying he has been calling and calling. Cade just laughed and told her how his dad was a liar. Here is the funny thing. I checked the messages when we got home. I hadn't done that since we left for the weekend on Friday. I had checked the caller id to see if Sean had called but he hadn't. Lo and behold Sean did leave a message (the ONLY one since this whole thing has started) about Cade and wondering if he could go with Cade to therapy. This message wasn't fully addressed to Cade however. He just doesn't get it. It's like he will do ANYTHING to avoid a real conversation with Cade or whoever he is having conflict with. I told Cade his dad called and let him listen to the message. Cade however was so angry with his dad lying to his counselor about how we never pick up and how frequently he had been trying to get a hold of Cade I have serious doubts if he will call his dad back. Cade had said if his dad called him he would talk to him but I am doing my utmost best to stay out of it. It is so hard. Although I think not talking to each other is unhealthy, in the long run they are the ones who need to bridge this gap, not me. I would only be hurting the both of them if I got in the middle again. I want to rip my hair out sometimes. What gets my goat about Sean's message is that I spoke with him over one of the boys cell phones on Friday. I saw him to drop Sofie off. I called him on Sunday and offered to bring her home since I was in town anyway. I saw him again. He never once told me he had called, never said anything about it. He knew we were in town the whole weekend. What is it with guys and the whole non-verbal thing? So the counselor suggested I email Sean and let him know she had mentioned to me about all these calls he had supposedly made and make him aware that we hadn't received any of them. Not accusing, just letting him know what we had or had not gotten from him. Bases covered. I did that today. I told him we got his message and Cade heard it but that we had not received anything else from him. That we have always answered the phone when he has called when we are home. Proof of that is how easily he has been able to get a hold of Connor. I have also called him back even if he hadn't left a message if I saw his name on the caller id as a missed call. I was blunt that since his last call with Cade in March we had not heard from him concerning Cade in ANY form. Done. Then I sent him another email about the dental bill and forwarded a previous email about the dental stuff as well. I sent another one (he is probably mad) about Sofie and letting him know when we would be in town on Friday and that she had come home from the last visit saying dammit. I told him what I have done about it and since even our teenage boys don't swear in the house it seems to be a successful plan. I asked if he would follow it and make extra effort to not use bad language in front of her. I KNOW he does because he did it all the time with the boys. I have no allusions that he will curb his foul mouth since he never did with the boys but I have it in writing that I kept him informed.

I need a nap. I am falling asleep. How am I going to clean a house tonight?