Our Island Family Life

Well, you how when a teenager starts acting nice and doing things you start to think either, what do they want or what did they break? It is a kind of uh oh spark in the back of your mind that makes you a bit wary...like seeing a predator watching you from the corner of it's eyes while you slowly back away. Well, I am getting those warning signs and I am slipping a little into that fight or flight zone. Not from a teenager though...from Sean. Last post I mentioned how since August he has pretty much in incommunicado. He also lied to me about the last visit asking if the kids could stay longer and saying Cade was fine with it when he never even asked Cade. I got the email I mentioned from him Friday and thought that would be last I heard from him in who knows how long. I did send my, I want the info too response, I figured he would ignore it as his current pattern. Today I get another email. Shock. It was another placating one about the insurance. He said he would dig out that info for me and get that out to me. That alone reveals he had been lying before when he said he didn't even have the info and was waiting for the insurance company to mail it to him and "could I wait a bit?" when we talked on the phone. Whatever. Then he asks after "reassuring" me he would give me the info if Sofie could stay until the later boat again like last week. He asks me for something and in order to smooth his way to a yes answer prefaces the question with platitudes. Last time Cade had said his dad just didn't want to take the regular boat because then he would have had to take all four of them because "the wife" goes off and tutors in the afternoon. Oh well. Too bad. Am I being mean? Maybe. I don't think Sofie needs to be there any longer than she already has been. I told him to be on the regular boat and didn't comment at all about the insurance. I am no longer going to talk with him about it. He had his deadline now I am doing my thing. The end. I wonder what should I expect next because nice from Sean is beginning to scare me.

Speaking of teens and testing there was a little blip yesterday that had me feeling bad and doubting myself. At 3pm Connor asked me if he could take the 4pm boat and spend the night with his dad. We already have a rule in place that if he wants to see his dad he needs to ask Sean if he is free and then I need to know a day in advance or at the very least in the morning if he is going to take an afternoon boat. If it's one hour to the boat leaves then it is too last minute and the answer is no, he can however go the next morning. Also, I am no fool. I suspected something was on the wind. The boys have facebook accounts. I would have to be a fool to not check up on them from time to time. They know this. I do nothing behind their backs. The only thing I look for is random people asking them perverted stuff..basics. I knew already Connor had asked his dad if he could come over "sometime". It was simply a question of when Sean would bother to get back to him. On another note about these visits I think I had mentioned before, the rules had been upgraded a little bit because of an incident the first weekend of the month. Sean called me looking for Connor thinking they had plans and was not very happy. I emailed Sean about it (he never replied to it) about how if he did indeed have plans with Connor I was never told anything by either of them and if Connor had just gone to see Sean I would not have known where he was and I would have called the police looking for him. It really wouldn't occur to me that Connor would be with him because I felt Connor would have said something to me. As it turned out Connor was as confused as I was about it. He said they didn't have any plans. I also told Sean that Connor shouldn't be on the hook for telling us what was going on. The two of us as parents should be the ones knowing what was going on. I told Sean if plans were made then I needed to know. If I did not have confirmation from Sean then Connor wasn't going, period. I told him he should email me or call and if Connor told me and I hadn't heard from Sean I would also call Sean if Sean hadn't already contacted me. After all, not that I think Connor would but he could say he was going with his dad and instead go to a friends house or some party or something. He is a teenager after all. I just think it's a good rule for ALL the kids not just Connor and puts the responsibility on the parents shoulders where it should be to KNOW where your kids are. Sean never answered me but that is what I am going to do. If Sean doesn't like it he can tell me so and we can go from there. It is a safety issue and that is all there is to it. So, I told Connor he would have to ask his dad first and Connor said he had facebooked his dad on Friday and Saturday Sean answered he could come over. I asked Connor if his dad had said what boat to meet and if he meant this weekend. Connor said it was for this weekend but they hadn't talked about times. I told him he couldn't go on the 4pm boat since he asked me too late. Connor said he had just heard from his dad and couldn't ask me sooner. I said that was fine. I understood that. Still because of the rules (which Connor knows about and why and agreed with, he even joked with me about it because I told him about the whole running off to go drinking thing) he had to call his dad and let him know he had asked me and that it was fine and that he could go on the 7pm boat then I would talk briefly with his dad myself. I then told Connor that if his dad didn't answer the phone (which was a DISTINCT possibility) that he could leave a message (here he cut me off and said "tell him you said no I can't go" I was so frustrated..was he NOT listening to me? Does he not understand what I have been saying?) saying again he could go but that if his dad didn't call back in time for the boat tonight to confirm then Connor could take the morning boat for a day visit as soon as his dad returned the call. Connor just shook his head and said, "You know what? Forget it. It's too much of a bother." He got up and walked away. He didn't seem angry but there was a big guilt vibe he was giving me. I told him I wasn't saying no. he could go he just had to give his dad a call that was it. Connor just said nope and walked off. I wanted to rip my hair out. Later on Connor asked if he could have a friend over he hadn't seen in two weeks. I was fine with that ...AFTER TALKING TO HIS MOTHER. She called me first to make sure it was ok. DUH! I gave Connor a look and he looked back and I said, "Now she knows it's ok with me and where her son is...I guess I am not the only parent who does that huh?" He smiled and said, "yeah..yeah" I think things are cool. I just hope he knows it's not about his dad I want to do things the way I do. *sigh*

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)