Our Island Family Life

It's been a busy few days. I was in town all day Thursday and Friday. Thursday was a whirlwind with ALL the kids with me. I took a wrong turn to the dentist and we were five minutes late. I was stressed and it was only 8am. I checked the email before we left the house and Sean sent me an answer to the therapy question (when he was available) but nothing about the dental insurance. After a long chat with the ladies at the dental office. I paid the bill and when they get the dental info it will be submitted and then I will be reimbursed. Here's the catch, one of many, I still don't have the info. I gave Sean until this Friday to tell me. I didn't tell him what I would do. I no longer tell him about consequences. It doesn't work. Why keep stinging my hand on the electrified doorknob that is Sean? I will just do it. My plan is to call the school and flat out tell them who I am, about the court order and ask for the info myself. If they don't tell me anything, call DHHS and see what they say. In the meantime, I am calling the lawyer on Monday to schedule an appointment for next week. I was supposed to see him on Thursday at 2pm but Sofie got car sick 10 minutes before I was to see him. I called and told him what was going on. He has small kids and had no problem understanding. I cleaned her up and made the next boat home so we got home at 4pm instead of 7pm like planned. I can ask him about what to do about the dental stuff too. The boys stayed in town and saw their aunt and came home on the 7pm ferry. SO, the dentist was $463. Then Cade needed new lenses and that was another $132. I am just lucky I had the money but it was for the car repair so now I am screwed on that for another month. THEN if the insurance reimburses the dental (it doesn't do the glasses) since it is in Sean's name guess who they will send the money to? Do YOU think I will get the money then without some kind of intervention? I am sure it will be MONTHS before I get that money back. As for the glasses, Sean has to pay me in 30 days or I send the bill to DHHS and it will still take months I am sure to get the money for that. I feel like I am so mired in all this "crap" I can't move on. I can't let stuff go that has to go. I can see things changing of course. I am not explaining as much and I am not being so nice. Not mean though. Just, point A, B, C, the end when I inform Sean of stuff. I KNOW he hasn't given me the dental stuff because he is mad at the whole DHHS thing. He is being abusive financially just like they explained in the women's only divorce group I went to. How much is divorce issues and how much is his bipolar? I dunno. What I do know is that even though he wasn't the best with money before the bipolar now he is just unreal. SO much debt and so many lies. Before he always paid the bills and made sure we were ok. He didn't do great with saving, I did that but we never wanted for anything that was needed. It's just so tiring.

Friday Cade had therapy and we talked about difficult conversations again. We cut back to every other week and talked about respect issues. Things are getting to a breaking point with Cade though. We talked about what the criteria for ending sessions should be and we thought being able to handle transitions (of any kind not just with seeing Sean) without being overwhelmed was a good goal. Since Cade doesn't want to see his dad as much and is really beginning to complain big time about having to go I don't think Cade is nearing the closing goal yet. I let Cade complain but he knows I will take him to see his dad period. If he wants to not go he HAS to talk to his dad and discuss it with him and I will comply with their decision. At the moment it has been working out to every other weekend although I don't think either of them has realized it yet. It has been like that for about a month and a half. We'll see what happens next week. Also on Friday was swim lessons. Sofie had her first session. She was so cute. She is a little skittish about her teacher. Her teacher is great though she taught Connor and Cade too. Sofie didn't get into the water much. She had her feet in and got on her tummy and slid in some but as soon as the teacher got near she scampered away like a spider. Sofie also kept putting her goggles on and dunking her head in. I thought she was going to go head first into the watet but she didn't. I was right beside and and the teacher was close by the whole time so I wasn't too worried. Still, she said she had fun and that she was going into the pool next week. I think she just has to get used to her teacher. Cade was moved into the next class for more advanced swimmers and he is very excited. Sean of course never came. The friend of mine who died recently (his name is Robert) was really missed. He was always such a huge presence there mostly because he was one of the few dads who would come. Sean used to come to every class so when he just stopped coming the other moms were really mad at him for the kids sake. Anyway, his daughter Ella wasn't there this week. Her mom wasn't able to bring her. She is trying too hard to do everything herself right now. I did the same thing when Sean first left. I didn't want any one's help. I know the other moms would bring Ella. Hopefully she will be there next week. She is in Sofie's class.

On the walk to the baylines to meet up with Sean (he picked up Cade and Sofie this week) I told Cade that I saw Jessica (an island friend who is Connor's age) the other day and she said hi. Cade started laughing. I had no idea what was so funny and asked him. He said, "Did you know she goes to Deering high school?" (That is the school Kathryn "teaches" at) I said no. Then Cade said, "She has Kathryn as a teacher." Me: "oh really." Cade: " Yeah, she was just telling us ( us meaning a bunch of other island kids who all hang out together in the square)all her teachers names and mentioned her and I asked Jess what she though of her." Me: "oh?" Cade, "Yeah. (pause) Can I have permission to swear?" Me: "What? Why?" Cade: " Well, I want to tell you what Jess said." Me: "uh oh, is Jess swearing again?" Cade: "Well, you know how it is." Cade shrugged. You see Jess and her little brother are great kids. However every kid has a vice it seems and for them it is their language. Their parents swear a lot and so that is what Cade means by, "you know how it is". My kids know I disapprove of the bad language but they are helpful, kind and loyal kids and I figure that makes up for it. I just remind mine that I don't want THEM swearing. So, I though about it....and said, "Well, you know I don't approve but this ONE time I guess you can. BUT you have to whisper it." So Cade leaned in and said, "Jess said she was a fucking bitch and Jess and was real mad too." Me: "No. She said that! Why is she so adamant?" Cade: "Jess said she assigns them stuff and the WHOLE class does the work and when they hand it in she doesn't even remember she assigned it and and gets mad at them telling them they are playing a prank on her. I mean like what kids would do homework on purpose they didn't have to right? She has done it twice now. Then she acts like all the kids lover her and tells them how great a teacher she is. They just laugh at her and she thinks they are laughing with her not AT her. The other teachers don't like her and are always fixing her mistakes with hall passes and stuff or helping the other kids try and understand her worksheets because she explains them five different ways. Jess called her other names too just not as bad like dirt bag and other stuff I can't remember. Jess said she has some tough teachers and nice ones but ALL the kids call her the, well...the you know." I didn't say anything for a minute then said, " Does Jess know who she is to you?" Cade, " She didn't. I told her and Jess said well, there's another reason why she is such a witch with a b. Now the kids will like her even less." Me: "How did that make you feel?" Cade: "Well, I always knew she was stupid. I mean do you even KNOW how many times she has lost things...in the freezer? Like her cell? She puts her knife in the plugged in toaster so many times and hasn't gotten zapped I wonder if getting zapped is just a myth. I am glad someone else hates her like I do. I guess I am glad someone sees her for who she really IS without even knowing what she has done to me or Sofie or Will. She acts like she is perfect but let me tell you, when she thinks we are asleep she has a mouth. You think what Jess said was bad? I have heard words I don't even know what they mean mom. She just swears and says means stuff about people. She's a flat out hypocrite! And dad, dad doesn't say anything. He just lets her rant. She is a swearing vampire. By the light of day her nice mask come on and at night the evil swearing vampire comes out to make every one's ears bleed!" I lost it. I truly did. I know mom handbook 101, DON'T laugh at your kids when they make fun of others ESPECIALLY the other parent or step parent but his speech was so darn......oh my goodness, swearing vampire? I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee. Once I was calm. I told him I was sorry and that I shouldn't have done that. He asked me not to tell his dad or Kathryn he had said those things. I said I wouldn't but he should tell Jay (his counselor) about the swearing and how he feels Kathryn is two faced and maybe Jay had some ideas on how to deal with it. Cade said he would think about it.

As for therapy for Sean and me...it's over. I told Sean when I could meet him. Fridays any time between 9am and 1pm and he said he could meet at 4pm. I would have Sofie then so that wouldn't work and the counselor couldn't meet then either. I called her back and told her what Sean said in his email and she said she understood my reasoning for why I picked the day I did and knew I had to work for the kids especially without getting the child support. Sean could have offered once a month if he was working or tried to come up with another plan but his effort is lacking and so she was going to close the case. I told her I would email him and let him know and that was that. Another thing I have to talk to the lawyer about next week. Do I need to amend the divorce? *sigh*

I guess I will go have some dinner now.

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880)