Our Island Family Life

As stab and a smile. That's how I felt last Friday when Cade and I were walking to the baylines to wait for Sean to pick him up for the weekend. Cade was saying how confusing it was around his dad and Kathryn because he had a hard time telling if they loved each other or wanted to kill each other. He said how he had told them he didn't like their "public displays of affection" and would feel more comfortable if they did that in private. He said they kiss each other five times before one of them leaves the house. I am sure it means something. His dad laughed at him and said he loved her more than anything and he that it was ok for them to do that. It is natural and he wasn't going to stop. Nice. Then of course when they were first together and have a "disagreement" they would go to another room and whisper fight. Then they would whisper fight where ever they were and Cade said he wished he had popcorn because it was funny to watch. Now they scream and yell and Cade hates yelling, Will is like that too. Mostly I think because Sean would do that and loom over them and be intimidating and scary to get what he wanted from the kids and if that didn't work he would destroy their stuff by smashing whatever it was against walls or the floor. So although Cade loves that they are fighting he hates having to listen to it. Cade hates the fact also that his dad has all these pet names for her that drive Cade crazy. Of course Sean uses sweetie and honey which Cade said means nothing and told Kathryn his dad called me those names too. She wasn't happy. Sean also calls her "beautiful". That gave me a stab. Sean would tell me I was beautiful but never used it as a pet name. When he left he wasn't very nice and made me feel pretty ugly. So Cade was talking about it and said he felt bad to hear his dad tell her that and didn't remember his dad ever saying that about me. I was holding Cade's hand at the time and gave him a squeeze and told him, "Dad used to call me his angel. Remember?" Cade thought about it for a bit and smiled and said he did. I said, "Dad used to tell me I was his angel, that I saved him and how lucky he was to have me in his life. I like to remember dad that way and it makes me happy." Cade was smiling and said he liked to remember dad the way he used to be too. It didn't make him as sad anymore. He said his dad now looks like he is trying very hard to be happy and keeps telling everyone how happy he is but Cade can see the difference. It's like when people act nice to you when you can tell they don't really like you and how your real friends are and that they are really happy to be with you and play with you. Kids are way smarter than we are. Much more observant. I wonder if I said something I shouldn't have by saying what I did but I was honest and I really was feeling happy when I said it. I think he could tell. Speaking of observant kids I love watching the show Supernatural. I record it and the season premiere was last week. Cade likes it too. I don't like that they use language I would rather Cade not hear but he knows better than to use it. So we were watching it last night because Cade hadn't seen it yet and in the plot the two brothers in the show were trying to stop the devil from destroying the world. The brothers though had a big talk at the end of the episode that was very sad. The younger brother had been the one who had released the devil unwittingly but if he had listened to his older brother that wouldn't have happened. There was broken trust between them. Cade said it was very sad and reminded him of dad. He said he could see how much they loved each other, they are family but the younger brother had chosen someone else over his brother who trusted him more than anyone else and because of that everyone might suffer. Cade said he understood why the older brother said he couldn't trust his younger brother anymore. I didn't tell Cade that I had thought the same thing the first time I saw it and it reminded me of Sean too. I cried like a baby when I saw it the first time. There was also a scene where the devil was trying to convince a guy to help him and the guy asked the devil why would he do that and how could he know the devil was telling him the truth. The devil said he never lied. He didn't have to. Cade snorted and said, " People can tell the truth and still be lying." I said, "Oh, how so?" Cade said, " When they don't tell you everything. They only tell you part of the story. If you knew the whole truth then you might think different." I told him that was a good point and he was very smart to notice that. He should talk to his counselor about that. Cade said he might. He said it was something his dad does all the time so taking to jay about it might be ok. Wham. So. That's where he got that from. Kids are thinking all the time aren't they? Who said tv kills all thought provoking conversation?

There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses.
Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive Comic, 12-06-05