Our Island Family Life

I have been sick in the chest since last night. I know it is anxiety and stress. I think I have lost a year or two with all this nonsense. I know some is because I am not looking forward to some of my cleaning jobs. Normally I find them actually relaxing but not in the heat. I think I was also subconsciously waiting for another email from Sean. I miss the days when he would ignore us for weeks at a time. Of course there it was in my inbox this morning. He wanted to know why Cade didn't go to his session yesterday and why I was not being flexible with the visitation. He said he would have to either cut his visit short or take the kids back and forth on the ferry twice.

Yep. Not my problem.

I asked around, not only my counselor but other parents and all have said the same thing to me, the visitation schedule is there for a reason. Stability for the kids, stick to it. This was also something we agreed to in our previous co-parenting session. I do not blame Sean for all of this. I enabled his behavior and allowed this to happen. Even though I was strict on my end and made any plans around the schedule or got a sitter if I needed one Sean has not done the same. He expects me to accommodate him and I have allowed it. Staying tough is hard. Saying no when the other person makes you feel guilty and ashamed is stressful and nerve wracking. I told him when Cade's next scheduled appointment is and that I had already made plans based on the visitation schedule which I try to stick for for the kids sake. I told him we would be there Friday and if he can't make it to let me know by 11:30am on Friday. I want to cry.

I got two bills in the mail today. I haven't paid the rent and the car insurance is due next week. No child support yet. I am owed two checks. Picked up another job today. I am about to snap.