Our Island Family Life

Last night Cade begged out wanting to take a week off his therapy. He had been on the outs with a friend who had treated him quite badly on Sunday and this friend had apologized for his behavior and asked Cade over today to play and to make up for it. Cade really wanted the chance to do this and I had a choice before me. I thought about how bad Cade had felt Sunday night and how black and white his thinking was that day. His tears and how he had felt all his friends treated him worse than anybody else. Doing this today would be a great lesson in how to forgive and how when you treat someone else poorly what you can do to make up for it. Not to mention Cade seemed very happy. So I told him I would call and reschedule but he wasn't getting out of it completely. He was very happy.

Then I checked my email and saw one from Sean, in it he said he got the check I had sent back that he had given me which was written out wrong and that he would send me a new one and that he would pick up Cade at the ferry today and take Cade to his session since Kathryn was going to be there. I was a it shocked. Cade had not said anything to me about her coming into his session. Then I got another email from one of the people I work for who was having trouble with a renter and could I go there today and help? Crud. So there went my own session and I figured I had better call today a wash and reschedule everything.

I talked to Cade and he said he had told his counselor that he knew Kathryn would be coming in but he wasn't ready yet. I am not sure he was clear on that because when I talked to the counselor about it she said he told her it was ok for Kathryn to come today. I told her he told me almost the same thing, that she could come but that he wanted to have a few sessions first to know what he wanted to say to her and that wasn't today. So, I know Sean spoke with Cade earlier last week about his last session and I was in the room so I know Cade told him he spoke with Rose about Kathryn coming in and that he was aware his dad wanted that to happen and that he was ok with it "sometime". I know for a fact he did not tell his dad it was ok for it to happen today. The counselor was saying stuff to me about him feeling caught in the middle and stuff and I asked her, how is he caught in the middle with Kathryn coming in when it has nothing to do with me? I told Cade his sessions are his to do with as he sees fit with his counselor. He has to do what is best for him and if he wants Kathryn to be there that's his choice. I just want him to make sure it is what he wants to do when he wants to do it and not be bullied by anyone to do something he isn't ready for. I told him it would be a good idea for him to be able to tell Kathryn exactly how he feels about her, her treatment of him, how he feels about her etc. in a safe place and in front of his dad. The whole idea of talking things out is the only way to try and make things better. I will never again tell the kids that it will make things better but at least he can feel better about getting all of those feelings off his chest. He agreed it would be a good idea eventually but not right now. He is kind of ok with how things are for the moment with her not speaking to him. He said his dad thinks her not talking to him is upsetting him. Cade said he certainly doesn't want to be in a place where he isn't liked or wanted but her not talking to him isn't changing anything. He already knew she didn't like him or want him there. She is just more obvious about it than before and he is rather mad at his dad that it took for her to stop talking to Cade to make him notice the fact Cade has known all along. Therapy isn't going to make Cade like her and he doubts it will make her like him either. SO, I have to keep telling myself, not my problem, not my problem, not my problem, I can't fix this, I can't fix this, I can't fix this. I have to just sit there and let it all play out for better or for worse and I had hoped that kind of feeling was something I would have time to grow to adjust to as the kids began leaving home and living their lives AS ADULTS and not now at 15 and 10 years old when I feel like I SHOULD be able to do something. *sigh*