Our Island Family Life

Anyway, I had many dreams last night. Dreams I am sure were manifesting from all my knotted nerves. I was at Sean's parents house and there was this guy there, I didn't recognize him but maybe he was meant to represent Sean. He seemed normal but he wasn't. He turned out to be like a Dr. Jekell/Mr. Hyde guy. More Hyde the Jekell since he was Hyde most of the dream except the beginning. I had two brothers in the dream. I was a male in this dream and I wonder if if this was in some way meant to be symbolize Sean and his two brothers with me filling the Sean slot. I was the youngest however not the oldest like Sean and the weakest. Maybe that was my brain's way of making me female? Anyway, Hyde was fast, strong and brutal. I was always just able to keep out of his clutches but barely. The brothers tried to fight him off but he was too strong but they slowed him down enough for me to run. He was almost normal once and told us to find some seed that could be made to calm the beast and I said I would get it since I was the weakest in fighting and would be better to search but he didn't want to let me go. He turned then and threw the brothers off. I ran to the woods and climbed a tree and jumped from tree to tree to keep him at bay. He got to the top with me on one and I distracted him by pointing to another tree that had something caught in it's branches. These trees were by the house and it looked like someone had thrown handmade knitted baby blankets on it. Weird but whatever. I told him to reach for it and I swayed the tree back and forth and we rocked like a swing slowly. It was very relaxing but with each rock we got closer and closer and I remember thinking I could see the end coming when he will have gotten all three blankets and then he would be back to trying to kill me. Still, even with this dangerous, powerful, insane killer next to me, the here and now rocking was very nice and I would have liked it to have lasted. Then the blankets were gone, he turned to look at me and I hopped away just as he lunged for me and he fell. It didn't stop him though and I saw the ocean from the tree top and took off for it. I knew if I could get to sea he couldn't find me because he wouldn't be able to smell me. He climbed back up no worse for wear (like a zombie that never dies) and chased me. I dove in from the last tree but he could still get me if he could see me. He didn't for some reason and I got on a boat and sped off. I hated the fact in order to live I would have to change my whole life and lose my freedom by staying at sea or only go on land for short periods on far away shores. The risk to my life was too great. I knew I would have a good life this way though even though I had to give up so much of what I was used to and loved. I would be alive which is a big plus and I would be doing something new and exciting but it wasn't my choice. I kept wanting to go back to be with my family but couldn't. He would always be there, waiting for me, wanting to kill me. If I found someone new to be by my side he would smell me on them and try to kill them too. I could never go back and have the life I wanted no matter how good the new one was going to be.

So here I am now, I have barely slept, I have a headache, I nearly threw up this morning from stress, I have to go to work soon so I am trying to eat slowly so I don't puke. I have to take Cade and Sofie into town and see Sean today. I emailed him this morning and asked him to bring the replacement check for dental bills he should have given me two weeks ago. He never responded to the email I sent yesterday about Connor. I almost hope he cancels the appointment so I can try and have him removed from making medical decisions for Connor. I really doubt they will like Connor living with Sean full time if the court agrees to that. I am so tired. So very very tired.