It was still a long day yesterday. As I was dropping Sofie off my friend said to me, "Have some fun in town." I am sure I looked blank because she laughed and I said, "I didn't schedule "fun" in for today." I took her advice though and dropped into my favorite used paperback store and picked up 3 books. I had some credit left from my last exchange. No stress about spending money was nice and I got the next book in one of the series I just finished, always a good thing. When I got back to the island at 7pm I saw it was ladies night on the store porch and stopped in and sat in one of the rockers to chat and have a glass of wine. I nearly fell asleep at one point but revived at the end and got a ride home. I was still in bed by 9:30. So, I did something for me. Therapist would be proud.
Speaking of therapy. Cade did some CBT yesterday. I was very pleased. His session went well and he and I had a good talk afterwords. There is a HUGE difference between Sean and me as people and parents that can be confusing for Cade. I am very expressive so even if I tell the kids I am doing ok my face may not always look like I am doing fine. Still, I am always true to my word and do as I say. Sean on the other hand has two facial emotions, stony or angry. He says all the right things then turns around and does the opposite. They trust my word but worry for me. I am still trying to make sure the kids don't worry for me. The kids don't trust Sean's words at all but want to and get hurt over and over. So we are working on Cade being able to take care of himself and be able to express himself when he needs to.
My session was fine. I cried a lot. Again. It's because I am so close to that emotional edge right now. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel but it's still pretty far off. My homework until next time is to ask myself every time I do something, "Is this my responsibility?" I take on too much and it is making me sick. So, I am putting it in practice right away. I realized yesterday on the boat that since this is Sean's weekend with the kids and since he is supposed to be bringing them back on Sunday, how is he going to be able to do that if he is in Boston with Connor? It is not my problem to figure this teleportation problem for him. Instead of asking him about it I just emailed him last night as normal about me dropping them off and I asked him to tell me if he was going to be coming back on the 4pm or the 7pm so I would know which boat to meet. So far no response but it's still early. I still feel a worried ache in my chest about it but I am trying to step back...cross your fingers.
It was still a long day yesterday. As I was dropping Sofie off my friend said to me, "Have some fun in town." I am sure I looked blank because she laughed and I said, "I didn't schedule "fun" in for today." I took her advice though and dropped into my favorite used paperback store and picked up 3 books. I had some credit left from my last exchange. No stress about spending money was nice and I got the next book in one of the series I just finished, always a good thing. When I got back to the island at 7pm I saw it was ladies night on the store porch and stopped in and sat in one of the rockers to chat and have a glass of wine. I nearly fell asleep at one point but revived at the end and got a ride home. I was still in bed by 9:30. So, I did something for me. Therapist would be proud.
1 comments:
Wow, that must've been really hard--not bringing up the impossibility of Sean being in 2 places at once--I got worried just reading about it! But it's possible that he could learn from the experience....
As far as fun....well now that DD is living somewhere else and I don't have that drama, and my mom is in a more structured setting, I find myself not having a clue what I should be doing with my time. Not that there's nothing to do, but I've apparently forgotten how to structure "free time", as I've had so little of it in the last couple of years....it apparently takes some getting used to!
I'm glad you were able to get those books--books are very comforting to me, even if I don't read them--just having them around makes me feel like I'm surrounded by friends...
Post a Comment